“Procedure? You’re hearing yourself, right?” My hand goes protectively to my stomach, cupping the small bump there with my fingers and palm. “It’s not happening.”
“I deserve to know!” He slams the side of his fist onto the table, jolting me so hard I almost jump out of my seat. The old couple beside us do too. The woman looks less annoyed this time and more concerned.
I don’t meet her eyes even though I feel them burning into my profile. I’m staring into Chris’. “You’re not the father.”
“You’re only ninety-nine percent sure.”
Fushking hell. I am so sick of this conversation. “I’m going.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am!” I stand, my chair scrapes against the wooden floor and his topples over when he follows suit. Causing an even bigger scene. This is humiliating.
I grab my bag and hitch it up my shoulder. As I push through chairs and tables to reach the exit, Chris’ heavy footfall follows right behind me. He doesn’t speak until we’re outside on the busy footpath.
“Summer,” he barks, grabbing my arm as I move to the street and wait for cars to pass to give me an opportunity to cross.
“Stop touching me,” I yell, yanking free and glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. “I can’t keep doing this. From now on we’re meeting through our lawyers.”
This time when he grabs me he successfully turns me to face him. “I need to know if it’s mine.”
“Then you can wait for when it’s born like normal people.”
“That’s not fair, Summer. It’s not fair.” He sounds distraught. “I’ll lose you by then and Mason will love you too much to let you go back to me. He’s not a stupid man. He won’t let you go easily. Women like you, they come around once in a never!”
“Then you should have been better to me.”
“That’s unfair! All married couples go through shit,” he shouts and then lowers his voice when people look our way again. He really needs to stop causing a scene. “All married couples go through dry patches. They don’t cheat the first chance they get though. We could have worked it out.”
“Exactly,” I sigh because we both know he’s right. “So, I’m not the good woman you think I am.”
He shakes his head frantically, his blond hair falls across his forehead and he pushes it back with a tense hand. “We’re young. We’re bound to make mistakes. I can forgive you for it, for all this…”
“If the baby is yours,” I finish for him, raising a brow. “But not if it’s not.”
“Why can’t you just, I don’t know? Get an abortion and then we can try again?” His blue eyes are blazing and his words terrify me. “If it’s a baby you want, we can take that step together!”
I stammer for a moment before collecting myself. I can’t believe he just suggested that, let alone thought of it to begin with. “What the hell, Chris? Are you hearing yourself?”
“Think about it. You’re still early enough to end the pregnancy, then we can try again and be sure that it’s mine.”
“You sound crazy. This isn’t normal behavior.” My heart is breaking. This isn’t the man I loved. Chris could never have been so cruel. “You’re talking about a baby I want. A baby I love. How can you say such a thing?”
“It should be my choice too. You’re still my wife. I should get to make some sort of decision. If you won’t take the paternity test…”
“I’m done, Chris,” I shout, letting my hands slap against my thighs. My wide eyes roam over his face, I just can’t believe any of this just happened. I’m trembling I’m so on edge right now. “You need to move on and I’m tired of telling you. I made my choice and now I’m thinking it was definitely the right one.”
His breath comes out in sharp pants and his eyes look around wildly, as though scanning the area for an answer, some kind of divine intervention. “You don’t get it. Summer… I…” He releases me and runs his hands through his hair. “The only reason I’m not falling apart right now is because I know you’re not returning to his arms every night.”
“That’s deep, Chris,” I murmur as guilt tears up my insides despite how much of a dick he’s being. “I really should go.”
“Let me give you a ride?”
His emotional plea catches me off guard, his mood a contrast to how it was a mere second ago.
Of course, I decline because I don’t want to be anywhere near him right now. “I think we need more of a break from each other. I’ll text you in a few days.”
“Are you so fucking heartless, Summer?” he shouts after me as I finally cross the road, dodging cars that make no attempt at slowing down.
I don’t look back, I duck my head and power on, hoping he doesn’t come after me again.
“You cheating slut! He’ll do the same to you, Summer! You’ll see! He won’t treat you like I did!”
Oh my God.
This is not happening.
I hasten my steps, trying to see clearly through tears that are blurring my vision. My heart is hammering adrenaline around my body, my breath is getting stuck in my chest. I’m thirsty, tired, but I daren’t stop. I just need to get out of the immediate area.
I put my phone to my ear, it rings three times before Marie answers, “S’up?”
“Oh my God, Marie, Chris just went fucking crazy on me.”
Her answering voice is a lot darker this time. “What?”
“Yeah, I literally just ditched him outside that coffee shop near Mason’s. He was all, why don’t you have an abortion and then we can just make a new baby?”
“WHAT?”
“Right?” I blink rapidly and look around me. “I knew I shouldn’t have met up with him, I just wanted us to be friends or something.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m walking down Clinton Street in Brooklyn.” I sniffle.
“Okay, well I’m about forty minutes away. Can you catch a cab to the studio and I’ll meet you there?”
“I’ll just walk it.”
She snaps, “No, you won’t. You’ve lost too much weight as it is. You heard what Dr. Bala said.”
“Of course I did but—”
“No buts. You’ve got to gain weight and pace yourself.”
I huff. “Did Maya tell you everything from that appointment?”
“No, Mason did.”
My heart gives a happy little flicker. “Mason told you?”
And Mason only knows because I spoke to him on the phone about it for thirty minutes. He must have really listened.
“He told me to look after you, like I wouldn’t anyway.” She clears her throat and whispers to somebody. I hear a kissing sound, Jacob saying goodbye, and then the sound of a door closing. “I’m on my way. Get a cab to the studio. I’m calling Loryn now.”
“Okay,” I mutter and look up and down the road. I decide on an Uber instead because there aren’t many cabs around right now.
I’m so angry I’m on the edge of being enraged. I concentrate on not blowing a fuse because stress is the last thing the babies need right now.
I grip my phone in the car, needing to text Mason, needing to vent, but I’m scared of how he’ll react. I don’t want him thinking there’s going to be beef between us all when he gets back. I can handle this. I know I can.
“Marie called and said you were coming,” Loryn says the second I enter the salon. She has her hands in a lady’s blonde hair who is now looking at my reflection in the mirror as I come to stand behind them both for a moment, waiting to hug Loryn. She obliges and motions for me to sit. “What happened? She said you’re dealing with something. You’re shaking.”
“Chris,” I reply on a sigh and sit on the spinning salon seat beside the lady. The very one that I fell off what feels like so long ago.
She cringes, her large brown eyes become round with concern. “I thought things were going well?”
“So did I,” I murmur and look at my pale reflection. I’ve always been whiter than white thanks to
my ginger roots, but now I look so white I look ill. It’s a tragic sight. Not one makeup can fix either. I’ve always found my few freckles to be quite charming, but now they just look like dark, mismatched circles on my sallow-looking skin. Tiny little circles of doom that only add to my sickly features.
I need to work on my health more, though at this point what else can I do? I’m getting my five a day, taking my prenatal vitamins, taking the other supplements the doctor prescribed.
“What happened?” she asks, lifting a strand of the lady’s hair and cutting. I’ve never been good with hair so watching her work with grace and skill has always mesmerized me. “Summer? What happened?”
I almost don’t say it. I don’t want to paint Chris as a villain because he’s never been a bad guy, not to me or anyone else. But I can’t keep this in. What he said has me shook up and I need to talk about it with somebody. “He suggested I get an abortion and then try for a baby with him.”
She stops cutting and looks at me, her lips parted, her eyes horrified. So does the woman in the seat. They’re both as silent and as gobsmacked as I felt when he said it.
“And then he called me a cheating slut in front of the entire city,” I add and shrug, and then I bury my face in my hands and burst into tears.
“Oh, honey!” Loryn says, leaving the woman to tend to me. She puts her arm around my shoulders as the lady whose hair is half done hands me a tissue.
“I’m sorry.” I sniffle. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just so emotional.”
“And traumatized by the sounds of it,” the woman murmurs. I don’t know who she is but I appreciate it all the same.
“Oh, dear.” Toby clucks his tongue when he exits the staff area. “I’ll make coffee.”
“He didn’t mean it,” Loryn says, crouching before me and holding my hand on my lap. “I bet he regretted it the moment he said it.”
I nod, hoping she’s right. I hate to think that my actions have turned Chris into something he’s not. “I really made a mess of life.”
“No, you didn’t, it’s all going to work out. You’ll see.”
“You’re so optimistic,” the woman in the chair states with a smile. She looks at me. “That guy sounds like a dick.”
I immediately jump to his defense. “He’s not. Honest. I cheated on him and he’s hurting.”
“Doesn’t mean he gets to be a dick.”
“She’s right,” Loryn agrees, returning to the lady’s hair. “He had his chance to chew you out. It’s been months, Summer, and now he’s back and giving you grief when you’re three and a half months pregnant? No. That’s not okay. The time for that isn’t now. You’ve got enough to deal with.”
The bell above the door jingles and when Marie steps inside I throw myself at her and, for once, she hugs me back. Toby returns with a tray of drinks, sighs when he sees Marie, places the tray on the desk by the till, and returns to the back, grumbling about becoming the barista. I laugh under my breath and move to the tray for my cup of joe.
“Right, let’s rant this out and then take a baseball bat to his car,” Marie declares and rubs her hands together. “Or a crowbar. Whichever.”
I laugh into my cup and look at my friends. “I still can’t believe he called me a cheating slut.”
“Seriously?” Marie gasps and I just remembered she wasn’t here for that part of the conversation.
“Oh yeah, he was all…” I cup my hands to my mouth. “You’re a cheating slut. Mason will do the same to you, blah blah blah.” I press my hand to my chest and rub. “I’d like to say it didn’t affect me but it did. Whether I deserved it or not.”
“Stop it with that bull,” Marie says, again displaying a rare bout of physical consolation by squeezing my shoulder. “You’ve got to cut him off. Leave the divorce shit to the lawyers and wait for Mason to get back. You need to take care of yourself.”
“You’re right.”
“And I’ll stay with you tonight, we’ll eat a ton of snacks, and you’ll listen while I bitch at you for taking Maya to your sonogram appointment and not say, the biological aunt of your spawn.” She narrows her eyes on me, making me gulp. Marie can be scary when she’s mad, though I know she’s mostly joking. “I mean… I’m the auntie. I should be there. Is this because I didn’t make you maid of honor? It’s a good fucking thing I didn’t seeing as you’re gonna be too fat to function soon anyway.”
“No, that’s not it,” I reply, chewing on my lip as I try to think of a good reason why. “It’s complicated and Maya has been so supportive lately as you know. You can come to the next one.”
“Whatever,” Marie grumbles petulantly and looks at Loryn. “It’s hard to find good bitches these days.”
Loryn snorts and her brown eyes drift heavenward as I smile at my knees.
“I’m just kidding anyway. You take whoever you want, but know that despite how much I say I dislike kids, I want to be there for my niece or nephew.”
“You’re great with Amelia,” Loryn points out and Marie shrugs.
“And Evelyn, you’re amazing with them both. Don’t sell yourself short,” I say as Toby exits the staffroom with another mug of coffee for Marie this time.
Marie smiles sweetly at us both, thanks him for the coffee, takes a large gulp, and smacks her lips. “Right, so, plan of action. We’re changing your number, you’re to have no more communication with Chris the cunt, and then we’re gonna go shopping, buy junk, go home, pig out, and talk babies and shit. Sound good?”
“I really don’t want to change my number.”
“It’s for the best,” Loryn adds kindly. “It’s a bit of a nightmare I know, but Chris needs to not be able to contact you right now if this is how he’s going to be.”
I disagree but I don’t say that aloud. I don’t think Chris will call me again but I suppose if he tries, it’s best that he can’t.
“Okay,” I respond with my lower lip pouting. “Let’s do this thing.”
“He called you a cheating slut,” Loryn reminds me softly, repeating my earlier words when she sees how conflicted I am. “He’s not a nice person right now and it has been months. You haven’t led him on, you haven’t asked for him back…”
“Right,” I agree on a murmur and she hugs me like before. “Thanks, Loryn.”
“Come on, let’s buy ice cream,” Marie suggests and grabs my arm and leads me to the door.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take you to the sonogram, Marie. I didn’t think to be honest. My head has been all over the place recently.”
“That’s okay, you take whoever you want there. I’m not about to cry like a little bitch because I wasn’t your first choice.” Her glare doesn’t match the soft tone of her voice.
I give her a playful shove. “Stop it.”
She laughs and I join in, though it’s not as genuine a laugh as I usually do as my mind is still too burdened with everything that just happened.
“Hey, baby,” Mason says, his voice gruff but soft.
“Hey,” I reply, smiling like a giddy schoolgirl getting to talk to her crush. “I’ve missed your voice.”
“Good, keep missing it until I get home.” We share a gentle laugh.
“How are you feeling?” I ask him, feeling anxious talking to him for the first time in weeks. It almost feels like I’m talking to a stranger. We don’t really know each other very well, so just a small gap in time can revert me back to being anxious in his presence. Or phone presence. Whichever.
“I’m tired,” he admits softly. “Just wanna be home.”
“I bet you do. Luckily it’s not long now.”
“It’s going too slow, yet so fast. I can’t believe how big you’re getting.”
I smile. “You’ve seen the pictures? I really am getting a bump. Marie thinks the baby is going to be an elephant.”
I haven’t told her that I’m having twins yet. I was going to tell her at the last sonogram but it fell on a day that she just couldn’t attend, having booked a wedd
ing that day to photograph.
“Yes, and you’re looking a lot better than you did, I’m glad the sickness has stopped for you.”
“Me too, it was a killer, and I’ve gained weight. I’m feeling so good. I’ve almost finished decorating the apartment, my divorce is being processed, my girls are with me as often as they can be…” I smile wistfully. “I feel like things are finally in a good place.”
“Good.” His tone is little more than a rumble as he asks, “And Chris? What’s happening there?”
“Things are fine in the Chris department.” I don’t tell him that I haven’t spoken to Chris in weeks, since what he said. Though it’s not for lack of Chris trying. Even Chris’ mother has been in touch with Maya and Marie to talk to me and as much as I want to speak to her, I just don’t think it’s appropriate right now. She’ll only shout at me or something and I can’t handle that right now.
I just wish he’d meet somebody new. It would make things easier for both of us.
“Good, I’m glad you’re not stressing over all of that.”
“Me too. So, what are you doing? Where are you?”
“We’re back on base, things are going great here for the time being. It has been a hard few weeks.” He sounds so drained. I wish he could talk about it but I know that it’s safer if he doesn’t. “But I don’t want to talk about that. How are my spawn? Are they growing well?”
“Did you see last week’s sonogram in your email? They’re so much bigger. Doctor Bala thinks we’ll be able to tell their genders at our next appointment.”
“When’s that?”
“October nineteenth. I’ll be twenty weeks along. Also…” I bite on my lip and smile, unable to conceal my excitement. “They’re pretty certain that the twins are identical, because they’re sharing a placenta or something.”
His breath catches in his throat. “No fucking way?”
“Right?”
“That’s awesome, they’re going to raise hell together.”
I grimace playfully. “I’m not sure that part’s so awesome. I can’t wait to find out the sex so I can start decorating the nursery.”
A Little Bit of Guilt: Little Bits #5 Page 19