“What did you do?”
“Instead, I sold my soul to them.”
“How?”
“They’d leave my family alone if I blamed their crimes on my partner, William, and left New York.” His gaze lowers.
“You let them go.”
“I failed your mother once. I couldn’t fail her twice by losing our kids.” Dad moves his head, slowly. When his eyes find mine, I feel the punch of his pain. His dark brown eyes are blotchy and his lips quiver.
“My only goal is to keep you safe,” he says.
“They are dangerous, and they are connected with the man you’re investigating. Luna this…” He lowers his gaze. “I still work for them.”
A pang hits me hard. How is this happening? My father who has always pride himself for being the best soldier, the best cop…
I feel sad for the man that lost so much, but angry at the man who hid so much from me.
I try to swallow my words, but they come out. “Keeping the truth from me wasn’t keeping me safe. You could’ve told me the basics years ago. I kept blaming Sammie’s dad, and you wouldn’t correct me. I’m not a kid. I had the right to hear this from you.” The last sentence sounds cruel, or at least hurtful. And I regret it for only a few seconds.
“I was protecting you.” He shakes his head. “No one will care or protect you the way I do, Luna.”
“Harrison does, and he didn’t hide this from me, even when he knew this would break my heart.”
“Everhart only cares about himself.” He slams his fist on the table.
I jolt, taking a step back. My eyes widen, as my father’s angry side appears with a vengeance.
“He only helped you to sleep with you.” Darkness crosses his eyes. “In a couple of weeks, he’ll turn to the next woman.”
“Why are you trying to hurt me?” Anger burns my chest. “You just told me that the only reason he would help me is in exchange for sex, Father. That he doesn’t care for me. Why wouldn’t he care?”
“No, no,” he huffs. “That came out wrong. You don’t understand. What he did might alert them about you, about us and I can’t lose you. You’re almost thirty-one, Luna. It’s time to change careers and do something different before—”
“Before I die?”
“Yes . . . No, I’m not saying that . . .”
“You’ve been saying that for years,” I bark. “You keep telling me stuff like, ‘the females in our family don’t live long, Luna.’ Or ‘be careful, Luna, things happen to women.’ I hate when you say, ‘it happened to your mom, Sammie, and your grandmother.’” I close my eyes for a second. “And ‘you’re next if you’re not careful.’”
I know he’s right. That there’s not much time left for me but does he have to remind me about it all the time. I’ve made peace with myself, but when that happened Harrison wasn’t part of my life. Now . . . I’m afraid to die.
“Hey,” Harrison enters. “This room is private, but not soundproof.”
He extends his hand, curling his fingers as he angles his head calling me to him. Taking me in his arms, he whispers, “I got you.”
“With all due respect, sir, you’re wrong. I helped Luna because she asked me.” He swallows. “I’m not a saint, but with her I’m different. I like her. I care about Luna. This isn’t just a fling.”
“She’s not safe with you,” Dad barks.
“But she is, sir. My company is taking charge of the case you couldn’t solve thirty years ago.” Harrison kisses my forehead. “Our people will contact you soon.”
“What did you do?” my father growls.
“That’s for me to know, sir. You only have to know that Luna and your family are safe.”
Harrison looks at the table, then at me. “Do you want breakfast?”
I shake my head. Then, I look at my father. “I love you Dad, but at the moment, I don’t like you.”
“Luna . . . I . . . am sorry.” He wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. “Can we talk about this?”
“Not today, I’ll come back another day. Your actions. Your words. She died years ago, and you did along with her. Or maybe you’ve always been dry, but instead of saying the right words, you like to scare us into doing what you want.” I shrug. “Or insult us. Harrison and I haven’t slept together, and you just assumed things and judged the two of us. That’s wrong in many ways. I want you to think about it. Consider the way you’ve behaved toward your sons too.”
“Luna,” he exhales, his gaze dropping.
“Dad, we are the only thing you have left. You sold yourself to keep us alive, but you keep yourself away from us.”
“When are you coming back, mijita?”
“I don’t know. Soon?”
“We have to talk, I’d hate to leave things this way.”
“I want to enjoy whatever time I have left.” I squeeze Harrison’s hand. “With him. Maybe you’ll have to come and visit me.”
Walking to him, I give him a kiss and a hug. I pray that this isn’t the last time I see him. But also that he changes his attitude, with Lucas, Tiago . . . and with me too.
“I not only care about you, Luna. I’m falling for you,” Harrison says when we are out of the restaurant, pulling my heartstrings.
I gasp the moment I see some clarity. His words are like thunder echoing in the distance. My heart pounds, matching the strength of the meaning of what he just said, and my thoughts. Every muscle, every bone, and every cell in my body want it.
We are both falling. This man has stripped me of my armor, exposing my heart to his. Making me vulnerable to him. He doesn’t understand that he’s setting us up and risking facing the biggest heartache. I couldn’t leave this world in peace knowing I’m leaving him behind.
What will happen when I leave?
Am I going to die like my father predicts?
We have to talk, set boundaries and limits. I can’t let this continue any further. Harrison is a good guy, and he deserves everything. He doesn’t deserve the fate of being lonely and losing someone he loves. I will never forgive myself if I inflict any pain on him. He’s pushing the inevitable. I wanted to do it after I had memorized the rhythm of his heart, learned every mark on his skin and every secret inside his adventurous mind. I wanted to trap it all into my heart so I could take it with me and live forever with him. Share that invisible link with him.
I shake my head. “No, you can’t. You shouldn’t, Harry. I don’t want you to end up like him. You . . . no. This is casual, remember? We said only casual,” I repeat for his sake, for my safety. Because I care too much, I love him too much. “You said it. You said there wouldn’t be emotions. You can’t fall for me.”
“What are you talking about?” He pulls the valet parking ticket. “Let’s go home, we . . . you. We need to cool down.”
Twenty-Nine
Harrison
I hate messy shit. Chaos, noise. I like everything to be straightforward and nothing complicated. But the woman in my apartment is the opposite of what I want in my life. She’s the antithesis of my ideal woman. Yet, my heart is bonded to hers. How the fuck she managed to do it is beyond me. I did everything I could to keep it casual. I am the master of casual. Instead, I gave into the chaotic pandemonium inside my head.
But how could I ignore what I’m feeling for her when she’s everything I thought I didn’t want, yet everything my heart needs to continue beating? She’s my next breath. She’s all I can think of since she waltzed into my life. I don’t know how long I can survive without her touch, her light, and that sweet voice that soothes me.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Everhart,” Mark, the concierge, greets me as I step back into the building.
Her disdain hurt me, enraged me. It cracked my heart. How can she propose something casual? You can’t go to Europe, eat at the best French restaurant, and then request McDonald’s for the remainder of the trip. You hope that the journey never ends and that you’re treated to the finest, most exclusive dates, orgasms, and lifetime adv
entures for the rest of your fucking life. And she can bet her sweet little ass that I’ll be working hard to make her happy for as long as I live.
Thank fuck the doors are open, and I don’t have to wait while making small talk. My nerves are holding on by a thin thread. Anything might push me over the edge, and I might explode. This is the first time in twenty some years that I want to grab Hannibal and start shooting. I should go to the range. But the fucking shooting range won’t be as fun if she’s not with me. She has to be with me.
We need to be together.
Pushing the button, I step back as the doors of the elevator slide closed. I don’t have the time, nor the patience, to deal with people. The only focus on my mind is Luna. I stare at the bag of food. I’m hoping her blood sugar is so low she’s talking nonsense. Instead of flying back home, I chose driving six long hours. I took the scenic route, and we hit traffic. The atmosphere inside the car was cold, sad and quiet. Too fucking quiet.
She didn’t say a word.
I couldn’t speak. The fear that she’d tell me to get the fuck out of her life was eating all the words.
“Don’t have sex,” Hazel advised. “You’re doing great. She’s falling. I’ve never seen two people falling so hard. You two are so sweet.”
Fucking Hazel, I swear she’s going to pay for this and her stupid ideas. If it hadn’t been for her, I’d be a happy man. And that woman in my apartment would be happy and so high on pleasure she wouldn’t care if I’m in love with her. Instead, she’s sending me to the fuck buddy zone—without having sex. That’s worse than the fucking friend zone.
There’s no logical explanation for what and how I feel for her. In fact, I should be going to my shrink to check my head. I can’t make any sense about what’s been happening to me for the past few weeks. I smile when the elevator chimes, and it reminds me of her. I’ve never been so attracted to someone. We are synced to each other. At least we were until today.
My heart drops to my stomach when I find Luna in the foyer. Her hair is damp. She wears a pair of dark leggings and the shirt I gave her earlier when she asked if she could take a shower.
“You’re leaving.” I take a step back as her nod feels like a blow and my legs tremble with the force of what she’s doing.
“How much do I owe you for the trip?” She reaches for her purse.
“Nothing, Luna. What the fuck is going on?” I toss my hands up in the air. “I said that I’m falling for you and handed you my heart.” I sigh, linking my hands together behind my neck. “You took my heart and started kicking it like a soccer ball.”
How did this happen? I let a harmless woman cross every protection I’ve set to keep anyone at bay. This just shows that she’s great at infiltrating and conquering.
Also, at destroying.
She touches her crystal, rubbing it. “No. Actually, I didn’t touch it. I handed it back to protect it, Harry. This is what’s best for us—for you.”
Dropping her gaze, she almost hits her chest with her chin. “I can’t fall for you. We can never happen.”
My heart shatters.
Her words can’t be clearer than that. We’re done, but it never began.
Stepping aside, I mask the pain with rage. “I’ve no idea what your game was, but you won. Congratulations.”
“There’s a pattern in my family,” she blurts, her voice wavers. “Have you ever heard that history always repeats itself?”
I lift my chin and look at her. She’s staring at her palm. The pain in her face is unbearable. My lungs stop functioning as I witness the fear and agony dimming her light.
She walks closer to me. “This is called the line of life.” She traces the squiggle mark that goes from her index finger to the middle of her palm. “Do you see how short it is?
She takes my hand and does the same, though mine goes all the way to my wrist. “Mine is too short in comparison to yours or anyone I know. It tells you how long you’re going to live.”
Luna chews her cheek. Her eyes don’t move from my hand. “I’m going to die soon.”
Luna’s shoulders slump. She turns my hand to the side and traces the three faint lines next to my pinky finger. She sighs, pressing her fingers tight. I think I hear a sob, but maybe it’s just my imagination. “You’re going to have three children. I bet they’re going to be beautiful. Blue-eyed, blond, and smart like you. If you have boys, they’re going to be dynamite. But with the biggest heart. The Everhart heart.”
A tear runs down her cheek.
“Luna.” I dry it.
“I’m okay.” She forces a smile, finally looking at me. She’s not fine. I want to hold her against me and convince her that everything is going to be all right. Instead, I listen patiently. “Death doesn’t scare me. I made my peace with it a long time ago. Like my grandmother, my mother, and my sister, I won’t live long. Though, I hope I can say that I live long enough to make a mark in this world.”
“You’re sick?” I take each hand, looking at them closely. Then her eyes and I can’t find anything wrong with her. But I’m not a doctor.
Once she tells me everything we’re leaving for Seattle, and I’m calling Anderson. His fiancée has to know every doctor in the area, if not, she can help us find a specialist.
“There’s a cure for everything.” I think . . . maybe not but . . . what now? I kiss the back of her hands, cup her chin and brush her lips. “If not we will find it, together. I can quit my job, and we can travel the world as we search for the best doctors. Or we can just travel, take you to your favorite places as you enjoy your last days.” I swallow hard. “Together.”
Don’t leave me! That’s what I want to say. Please don’t fucking leave me. Not when I just found you. This can’t be fucking happening. First, my parents and now . . . not her.
“Don’t leave me just yet, little moon,” I beg her, taking her into my arms. “I just found you. What is it?”
“I’m not sick.” She shakes her head, but now I’m lost. “I don’t know when or how it’ll happen. I just can’t be with you.” She’s quiet for a few minutes, and I start processing what she just said.
“For many, it sounds off, but that’s what my father and my abuela have told me ever since I can remember. That I’ll die young.”
It takes time to piece each word she has said together. This woman bases her life on horoscopes. She doesn’t cross the street without verifying that Zodiacs Dot Com, Your Daily Horoscope Dot Com, and Astro Signs Are Us have something good to say about the day she’s going to have. Or that she has a contingency plan for the rest of her day to counteract the bad luck. Like the stamp of the Virgin Mary in her wallet. The rosary blessed by the pope. That rabbit foot she carries around like a security blanket; the one her grandmother bought in some obscure town close to Mexico City thirty years ago. And as a contrast to that irrational behavior, Luna doesn’t think twice about fighting a dangerous, armed man twice her weight and a foot taller than her.
Her father’s words make sense. You’re thirty-one, you don’t have much time left. He believes that just as she does. That’s some messed up shit that he’s been telling his daughter, and how do I convince her that they are wrong? She can’t quit on us because of some stupid superstition. As I consider it. It’s not superstition, it’s something that the one person she trusts the most has been telling her since she was little.
I snap from the sadness that overtook me as she delivered some fucked-up news. I regain control of my heart, the situation and fuck if she’s going to mess up what’s happening to us because of her fears.
“I get it, things have been crappy for you. Your mother died, your sister died . . . sorry about your grandmother. What happened to them?” I know about her mother and her sister, but I want her to repeat it out loud and realize that she’s not making any sense. She can’t compare herself to them.
“My grandmother had lung cancer. She died at thirty-three,” she answers, frowning. She’s wondering if she had told me this before. She did, b
ut I want her to repeat the circumstances. “Mom was killed, well, you uncovered the story. Sammie overdosed.”
“Your lungs are healthy, you have a dangerous job but you know how to defend yourself, and you don’t use drugs.” I scratch my head.
“But something can happen,” she assures me.
Her conviction enrages me. But I keep myself calm because she doesn’t need me to be an asshole. She needs someone who understands her—and loves her.
I nod. “Anything can happen to you, or me, or both of us right now.”
“If I stay and soon after I die . . . you already lost your parents.”
“You lost your mother,” I counter. “Life happens, just like death. We aren’t meant to live forever. Life is full of unknowns. You can’t predict what’s going to happen, but you can predict how you live it. Only how much you love while you’re here, and how you’ll be remembered when you leave.”
“I know that, and I’m ready for this unknown, except . . . I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t hurt me. Let me love you, let yourself fall in love with me.” I push my fingers through my hair, walking around the foyer. “I have trouble understanding your quirks, but surprisingly, I’ve learned to live with them in such a short time. This one though, I can’t accept it, Luna.”
“No one believes me.” She huffs. “I don’t expect you to validate me.”
“It’s not about validation, Luna,” I explain to her.
“I’ve seen the jarring reality of war. I lived in rivers of blood. Innocent people have died for the past two decades. It hurts, and I accept it. I’m not affected by death. I’m in tune with my mortality after everything I have lived through.” I huff. “Nonetheless, your news fucked me up, and I won’t lie, I almost cried as I thought I’d lose you.”
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