A Place to Call Home

by Carole Matthews

  ‘Your special black tea or my very own builder’s tea?’

  I smile at that. I’ve bought some black tea and am trying to encourage my housemates to drink a good blend. With little success, it must be said.

  ‘Tonight I think calls for builder’s tea.’

  Hayden grins at that. ‘I reckon I can organise that.’

  So I climb the stairs, my legs feeling tired and heavy after our emotional evening. Slipping quietly inside our room, I’m relieved to see that Sabina is sleeping soundly in our big bed. Lying down next to her, I stroke her hair. I hope that when she’s older, I can spare her all the pain that I’ve been through, that women like Crystal go through.

  All I want to do is get into a hot bath and scrub away the terrible feelings, the stink of that seedy club, and then crawl into bed next to my child. But I’ve said to Hayden that I’ll go downstairs for a cup of tea and I don’t like to disappear without explanation. I wash my hands and face, which helps a little.

  Taking off my jacket, I slip on my comfortable cardigan instead. The night is warm and still, but I feel chilled inside.

  Downstairs in the kitchen, Crystal and Hayden are already sitting at the table, nursing cups of tea. There’s a mug on the table that I assume is for me, so I sit in the place next to my landlord. Crystal is wearing a tracksuit and her face has been scrubbed clean of make-up. Her hair is pulled back in a scrunchie. She does look so much younger and prettier like this, and I long to tell her.

  ‘I would never have had the courage to walk out if Ayesha hadn’t been there,’ Crystal is saying. She looks at me fondly.

  ‘You have so much more to offer,’ I assure her.

  ‘Who to?’ she asks. ‘I’m going to have to find something else to do and I’m clueless.’

  ‘Tomorrow we’ll put our thinking caps on.’

  ‘I like the sound of that,’ she says.

  ‘For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’ve got out of there too,’ Hayden says.

  ‘Yeah. Me too. Now all I’ve got to do is find a real job.’

  ‘I’ve told you before, I’d love it if you became my assistant.’

  ‘You don’t need an assistant,’ Crystal puffs. ‘You don’t do anything.’

  Hayden purses his lips. ‘You could run the house, take over any administration. You know I hate doing it.’

  ‘What if you get bored of me?’ she says. ‘Or find someone else and move on?’ Crystal glances surreptitiously at me.

  ‘That would never happen.’

  ‘I don’t want you to pity me.’ Crystal glares at him.

  Hayden laughs. ‘I’m trying to be nice.’

  ‘I want to make my own way,’ she insists. ‘I must be good at something other than waggling my booty in businessmen’s faces.’

  We all laugh at that.

  ‘We’ll all put our heads together,’ Hayden says. Then he pushes back from the table. ‘This is a momentous occasion, I can’t toast it with tea. We have very little to celebrate and I think this is a time when we need to break out the fizz.’

  ‘Like I’m going to stop you,’ Crystal says.

  He disappears to the garage and returns with a bottle of champagne, which he pops open. Crystal jumps up and gets tumblers for us all.

  ‘I don’t drink,’ I repeat.

  ‘A tiny drop. Just a few bubbles to say what great gals we are.’

  I shrug and Hayden splashes out half a glass for me too. As he hands it to me our fingers touch, and we both jump at the contact. My cheeks flush and Hayden moves away hastily.

  ‘To us,’ Crystal says, and we clink glasses together. ‘To a sparkling bright future.’

  ‘To us,’ we echo.

  I can feel Hayden’s gaze on me and I lower my eyes.

  Crystal crushes me to her. ‘I love it since you’ve been in the house, Ayesha.’ She knocks back her drink. ‘To Ayesha!’

  ‘To Ayesha,’ Hayden agrees.

  I smile shyly and raise my glass again, sipping the champagne. The bubbles fizz against my nose and lips and I like it.

  ‘Promise you won’t ever leave us,’ she says.

  I shake my head. ‘Never.’

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Crystal and I walk Sabina to school. When we reach the playground, I like the fact that my dear daughter hurries towards her new friends as we leave her.

  ‘She’s settling in well.’ Crystal links her arm through mine.

  I’ve never said that I’m nervous to walk Sabina to school on my own but Crystal has hauled herself out of bed, put on dark glasses in lieu of make-up and has accompanied me. For that, I’m very grateful.

  ‘I’m pleased. Her teacher says that she’s doing very well.’

  ‘As if there were ever any doubt,’ Crystal says. ‘She’s brainier than the rest of us put together. That kid will end up being an astrophysicist, or prime minister.’

  ‘I just want her to be happy.’

  ‘I want her to be happy and make a mahoosive amount of money so that she can keep her old mum and her favourite Auntie Crystal in the style they’d like to become accustomed to!’

  ‘In the meantime, we must find ourselves jobs.’

  ‘Ah, yes,’ Crystal agrees. ‘That’s exactly what we’re going to do the minute we get home.’

  That puts a spring in our step and we head back to the house, drinking in the day as we do.

  As soon as we’re back home, Crystal throws down her bag and declares, ‘Right! Now to get cracking on some blue-sky thinking. We need a notepad, pens and lots of tea.’

  ‘I’ll start with the tea.’ I offer to do this menial task as I’m not exactly sure what ‘blue-sky thinking’ involves. So I head to the kitchen while Crystal goes into Hayden’s office.

  A moment later she reappears, armed with a pad and pen. ‘It’s such a glorious day, we could do this outside.’

  ‘Joy is already in the garden.’ I can see her pottering in the vegetable patch. ‘I’ll make her some tea too.’

  Crystal goes on to the patio and yells, ‘Joy! Tea’s up!’

  The old lady raises her head and then I see her putting down her spade.

  I take the tray loaded with tea and biscuits outside. Briefly, I wonder where Hayden is. He didn’t come down for breakfast this morning and I hoped that when we returned he’d be here to help us.

  I’m becoming used to his company and I’m not sure that’s a good thing. I’ve relied on a man before and it was the wrong thing to do. All I should concentrate on now is making a future for myself and for Sabina. It would be wrong to even think of having another man in my life. Not that I am.

  Joy comes to join us at the table. ‘This is very kind,’ she says.

  Crystal gives her one of the cups and pushes the plate of biscuits towards her.

  ‘Thank you for looking after Sabina last night.’ I pour tea for Joy. ‘She was very pleased with her first attempt at crochet. She showed it to me before she went to school.’

  ‘It was my pleasure. She’s a very clever little girl.’

  Crystal takes a biscuit from the plate. ‘One more benefit. Don’t have to watch my figure now,’ she says as she bites into it.

  ‘Better still, no one else will be watching it either,’ I tease, and she laughs at that.

  ‘I packed in my job last night, Joy. With Ayesha’s help.’

  Joy’s eyes widen. ‘Really?’

  ‘Told them where to stick it,’ she adds proudly.

  ‘I’m very pleased for you, Crystal.’

  ‘Yeah. Me too. Downside is that now I need to find something else to do.’

  ‘You could take the opportunity to retrain,’ Joy suggests.

  ‘I’ll have to,’ Crystal agrees. ‘I can’t do anything else. Ayesha is looking for something to do too. I thought we’d have a little brainstorming session and see what we can come up with. Preferably, we’re looking for a job that we can both do. Right, sis?’

  ‘Yes, indeed.’

  She looks up at me, pen poise
d in one hand, biscuit in the other. ‘OK. You kick off. Hit me with your talents.’

  Of course I instantly dry up. What can I do that would be useful in a workplace?

  ‘Er… er…’ I rack my brain but nothing will come. I’ve never actually had a job other than looking after the home. I’ve no formal qualifications and my reading and writing skills are woefully inadequate for the world of commerce. ‘I… er…’

  Think hard as I might, nothing useful comes to mind.

  When I singularly fail to offer any insight into my skills, Crystal says, ‘You’re kind. You’re caring.’ She scribbles these qualities down on her pad in a determined manner.

  ‘You’re an excellent cook,’ Joy chips in.

  Almost as soon as we’ve started, we run out of steam. I gaze round the garden searching for inspiration, but none comes.

  ‘There must be something,’ Joy says, exasperated. ‘Can you sew? Can you drive?’

  ‘Joy,’ I lower my head as I admit, ‘I’m barely literate.’

  ‘But you speak so beautifully,’ she says. ‘Answering the telephone. Receptionist.’

  Crystal scribbles again and then there’s a long pause when we drink our tea and eat biscuits, but no one can think of any more talents for me.

  ‘Let’s do me,’ Crystal says.

  ‘You’re very loud,’ Joy throws in.

  ‘Thanks for that, Joy. I don’t want to be working on a market stall. Think of something else.’

  ‘You’re confident. Very beautiful,’ I offer.

  Confident. Beautiful, she writes down with a flourish. ‘That’s better than loud, Joy. And I’ve got a great body.’

  ‘May I remind you that you’ve just got out of an industry where that was the only requirement,’ Joy says.

  Crystal sticks her tongue out at Joy, who counters the gesture with a disdainful face.

  ‘Nursery-school assistant,’ Joy suggests.

  Crystal looks appalled. ‘With my childcare skills? You’re joking.’

  ‘I was thinking more of Ayesha,’ Joy admits.

  ‘We want to do something together,’ Crystal reminds her. ‘Strength in numbers. I need a job where I won’t get my nails broken either.’ She holds out her splendid, manicured talons for us to admire. ‘I’d have some kid’s eye out with these.’

  ‘Manicurist,’ Joy tries.

  Crystal’s mouth drops open. ‘Omigod,’ she breathes. ‘Omigod. You genius, Mrs Ashton. You might have discovered my dream job! Squeee! Manicurist!’ My friend looks as if she might hyperventilate. ‘Do you fancy that, Ayesha?’

  I shrug. ‘I don’t know. I’ve never had a manicure.’

  My friend feigns a swoon. ‘I keep forgetting you’ve lived in the Dark Ages. We need to get you one. Today. Now.’ She picks up her phone and punches in a number. Seconds later, I’m booked in for my very first manicure.

  ‘I’ll get Hayden’s laptop and we can have a look for training courses. I bet there are masses.’ She dashes off.

  ‘I’ll put the kettle on again,’ I say to Joy.

  She examines the soil beneath her fingernails. Joy holds out her hands to me. ‘Perhaps I should be your first customer.’

  I take her fingers in mine and hold them gently. ‘They are the hands of a busy person.’

  ‘Well, the devil makes work for idle hands.’

  ‘He certainly does,’ I agree.

  Joy stands up. ‘Don’t let her bully you, Ayesha. You’ve made your escape, now you must do what you want to do.’

  I nod. ‘I’ve had enough bullying in my life. I’ll be my own woman from now on. But I like Crystal. It’d be nice for us to train to do something together. She has an energy that I wish I had, and she gives me courage. She’s teaching me how to have fun when I had quite forgotten how.’

  Joy pats my arm kindly. ‘That’s good to know.’

  ‘Thank you again for looking after Sabina. She was very close to her grandmother and, though she doesn’t say, I’m sure that she misses her. It’s nice that you’ve taken her under your wing.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ Joy picks up her trug. ‘What do you want me to pick for dinner tonight, dear?’

  ‘What would you like to eat?’

  ‘I enjoyed that korma you made,’ she says, not quite meeting my eye. ‘It was creamy. Not too spicy.’

  ‘Then that’s what I’ll do. Pick whatever there is, and I’ll make some side dishes to go with it.’

  ‘Right-oh. See you later.’ Joy waves as she heads back down to the working end of the garden.

  I smile to myself as I watch her walk away. I will have her eating the hottest vindaloo and devilled food yet.

  Chapter Forty

  ‘We can do a basic manicure course and then, when we’re completely brilliant, we could do acrylics, gels. Then we could go on to do make-up – weddings, proms, all that stuff. It’s big business.’ Crystal scans the online brochure. ‘What about offering spray-tanning too? Body wraps for fat bits? We could rule the world!’

  My friend is giddy with excitement. She claps her hands in glee and I find that I’m caught up in her enthusiasm.

  ‘The college isn’t far from here either,’ she adds. ‘We could walk up there. Win-win.’

  ‘It’s all very expensive.’ I try to interject an element of practicality. I’m not sure that I have the money to match Crystal’s ambition.

  ‘We can start small,’ she assures me. ‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. It’s perfect.’ She pushes the laptop across the table to me. ‘Have a look at this. See what you think. I’ve got to run out for an hour, but I’ll be back to take you for your manicure. OK?’

  ‘Yes. Thank you.’

  Crystal kisses my cheek and dashes off.

  Angling the laptop so that I can see the screen better in the sunshine, I scroll slowly through the programme and the different courses on offer. I’m still doing my reading lessons with Hayden, though we haven’t done so for a few nights now as we’re ready to start a new book. We’ve finished Bridget Jones’s very excellent diary now. Who, thank goodness, has finally seen that Mark Darcy is a better bet than the very naughty Daniel Cleaver. Poor woman. I was very worried for her.

  On the screen, I stumble over words like ‘extensions’, ‘technician’ and ‘aromatherapy’. It takes me an age to peruse the brochure. I have to read and re-read many of the sentences to make sense of them. If I’m struggling to understand this, then how will I manage with my studies? Surely there will be manuals to read, written work to complete? How will I cope?

  For the first time, my stomach chills and I feel myself tremble with fear. I’ve never really had to fend for myself before. I went straight from living at home to my marriage. Suresh may not have been a good husband, but he dealt with all the money, all the bills. I know nothing of that. What if I can’t find a job? What if I’m unable to provide for Sabina? Running away seemed to be the best idea I ever had. What if it wasn’t?

  I wish to be strong, but I feel tears stream down my face. I’m receiving benefits from the government now, which are topping up my small amount of hidden money, but these courses are expensive. Each module costs more money. Will Crystal and I have to offer many services before we become a viable business, or can we start small as she hopes? I don’t know, and I’m finding it too difficult to think about.

  ‘Hey.’ I look up to see Hayden stepping out into the garden. ‘Great day.’

  Quickly I wipe away my tears. ‘Yes. Very lovely.’

  He drops into the chair next to me. ‘Everything all right?’

  I want to say, ‘Yes. Perfectly.’ But I can’t find my voice.

  Then he sees that I’m crying and he tenderly lays a hand on my arm. ‘What’s all this?’

  I sniff back my misery. ‘Crystal has found us some lovely courses. We had hoped to train to do manicures together, but I’m having great difficulty even reading the brochure. How will I be able to learn?’

  ‘You’re doing really well with your readin
g,’ Hayden says encouragingly. ‘You whipped through Bridget Jones’s Diary. We can start something else as soon as you’re ready. Maybe even tonight. It’s only a matter of practice. I can help you. Crystal will help you.’

  That makes me cry more.

  ‘Remember that you’re not alone any more, Ayesha,’ he says softly. ‘We all care for you here. You and Sabina. I’ll do everything I can to help you build a future. I’ll pay for the courses. If you want to, we can get a private tutor in so that you can go at your own pace. Whatever it takes.’

  ‘I couldn’t accept that.’

  ‘I have more money than I know what to do with,’ he insists. ‘It would give me great pleasure to help you and Crystal find something you’d like to do.’

  ‘I’ve never even had a manicure,’ I confess. Perhaps it’s a silly dream to think that I can do this.

  ‘I’m sure if you speak to Crystal, then she’ll sort it out.’

  ‘I’m booked in at the Highly Polished nail salon at two o’clock,’ I tell him with a watery laugh.

  ‘There you go,’ he says. ‘Already on your way.’

  ‘Thank you, Hayden. I appreciate your help.’

  ‘We should get back to reading together tonight,’ he offers. ‘Make it our priority. If you want to.’

  ‘I’d like that very much.’

  ‘You’re doing well. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a new life.’

  ‘I’ll make some builder’s tea,’ I say. ‘I think we need it.’

  ‘Sounds like a great idea,’ Hayden agrees.

  I’m heading back towards the kitchen when a thought strikes me, and I turn back to Hayden. ‘Would you like to walk to the school with me to collect Sabina? Crystal and I need to leave here at three-fifteen. We’ll come straight back after my manicure. She’d like it if you did.’

  I see anxiety cross his face.

  ‘It’s five minutes down the road.’

  He wrings his hands.

  ‘If I can do these things, then so can you,’ I tell him.

  ‘You’re right.’ He sighs. ‘I’ll come.’

  Chapter Forty-one