We watch the film until it finishes and then Sabina yawns.
‘We could all do with an early night,’ I say.
‘I’m dead on my feet,’ Crystal agrees, and cuddles in to Edgar.
He’s proving to be a strong man for her and I’m pleased to see it. She’s now found the courage to tell him of her past and yet he’s still here. I didn’t think otherwise, but I’m glad to see that my faith in him wasn’t misplaced. I see nothing but tenderness in his eyes for her, and it warms my heart. He’ll love her and protect her, I’m certain.
But what of me? I’ve no doubt that I am loved, but who will protect me? Can Hayden or anyone really keep Suresh from finding me and his child? There’s a cold ball of dread settled in my stomach and not even the warmth of the hot chocolate can soothe it.
Hayden turns off the television and we all head up to bed. Edgar doesn’t have his daughter this weekend, so he’s staying with us. We kiss them both goodnight and they go up to their room, as do we.
Sabina looks so weary that I allow her to go to bed without her bath. She’ll have to shower before school tomorrow instead.
We climb into the big bed together, Hayden on one side, me in the middle, Sabina on the other. ‘Goodnight, my beautiful child,’ I say to her.
‘Goodnight, Mama,’ she says, and once again I feel I could weep for joy. There were times when I feared I’d never again hear those sweet words from her lips, and now she’s simply speaking as if she never stopped.
Hayden leans over to kiss her as well. ‘Goodnight, Little Bean. Love you.’
‘Goodnight, Hayden. I love you too.’
His eyes fill with tears and he brushes them away.
My daughter lies down, slips her thumb into her mouth – which I don’t chastise her for – and within moments her breath has deepened and she’s happily in the land of dreams.
Hayden lies on his back, arm thrown over his head. I curl towards him and rest my head on his chest. His skin’s warm, soft, and I can hear the steady beat of his heart. It does little to quell the unease inside me.
‘Her voice is so beautiful,’ he says, and I can hear that he’s choked.
‘It sounds like music to me.’
‘Is she all right?’ Hayden asks, voice low. ‘Really all right?’
‘I think so. As far as I can tell she seems unscathed by her ordeal,’ I whisper back.
‘And she’s speaking again. I can’t believe it.’
‘I’m more relieved than I can ever say.’ It’s a miracle, indeed. ‘It’s no small thanks to you. She has surely benefited from all the time that you’ve spent with her, encouraging her to sing, to unlock her voice.’
‘I love her,’ Hayden says. ‘It’s as simple as that. As much as I love you. In the short time you’ve both been here, you’ve saved my life. I was totally lost and I feel like you’ve guided me back. I’m writing again. I’m even thinking about going back into the big, bad world.’
The world is big and bad, and I don’t like to think what the implications are for our privacy.
‘I know what you’re thinking.’ He holds up a hand. ‘The very first thing tomorrow morning, I’m going to call in the security company I use and get them to see what they can do to beef up the protection here. Promise me you won’t worry. Let me do that for you.’
‘I promise.’ Then a shiver of terror grips me. ‘Hold me tightly, please.’
His arms enfold me and I wish I could stay here, unmoving, for the rest of my life.
‘I don’t ever want you to feel unsafe here,’ Hayden says.
But I do. And I cannot deny it.
Chapter Seventy-seven
In the morning, Joy is in the kitchen before all of us. She now has a big, burgeoning blue bruise on her forehead which is quite shocking to look at. I can see that she’s changed the plaster which covers her cut for a clean one, but there’s still blood oozing through it. She’s picking at a piece of toast and the honey pot is on the table in front of her.
‘I was just going to bring you breakfast,’ I tell her. ‘What are you doing up and about already?’
‘I’m feeling much better,’ she insists. ‘No need to fuss.’
‘You should take it easy today, Joy. That was quite a blow to your head. I don’t want you rushing about as you usually do. You could make yourself dizzy and have a more serious fall.’
‘I don’t want to miss going to my day centre. I can simply sit there and chat with my friends. If I stayed at home, I’d only go into the garden and tidy up.’
‘The policemen told us that we must leave it as it is until they’ve thoroughly checked it.’ Outside the French doors I can still see the shattered plant pot, the shower of soil and Joy’s blood on the paving. I turn my face away.
‘That’s exactly why I’m better out of the way. I’m going to ask Edgar if he’ll drive me in though.’
‘That’s a good idea. Come right home if you feel at all tired or weak. Hayden wants his doctor to give you a check-up.’
She waves a hand at me. ‘You youngsters worry too much.’
It’s nice to see Joy back to her robust self, and I hope that she really is feeling perkier and isn’t simply putting a brave front on it.
Sabina’s in the shower, so I make her breakfast. When Hayden comes down a few minutes later, he’s already dressed and looks as if he’s set to rush headlong into the day. ‘How are you, Joy?’
‘Doing OK,’ she says. ‘I won’t be needing your doctor.’
Hayden looks at me for support, but I shrug.
‘If you feel that anything’s not quite right, you must tell me straight away,’ he insists.
‘I will,’ Joy says.
Hayden looks smarter than normal. He’s still in jeans and a T-shirt, but they’re a little jazzy, I think. They’re both baggier, edgier. I think Crystal would call them more ‘hip’. He’s already wearing his wool hat, his sunglasses perched on top. He looks more like a pop star than I’ve ever seen him and suddenly, that makes me anxious. ‘You look as if you’re in a hurry.’
He purses his lips apologetically. ‘Forgot to tell you that I’d arranged a meeting for this morning. With my old management team. I thought about cancelling it —’
Before he can complete his sentence I say firmly, ‘You must go.’
‘I don’t want to leave you alone. Come with me.’
I shake my head. ‘This is your work. It’s not my place. You’ll have important things to talk about.’
‘I do,’ he admits. ‘I won’t be long, though, and I’ll tell you all about it as soon as I’m back. The security company are coming at two o’clock to have a look at the set-up here. I’ll be back in plenty of time.’
‘Will you have some breakfast before you go?’
‘A quick coffee. Nothing else.’ He smiles, and there’s an unfamiliar radiance in his eyes that I haven’t seen before. He’s excited, alight inside. ‘I feel a bit nervous, if I’m honest.’
It makes me worried too. Something inside me feels as if he’s slipping away from us.
Still, I push the thought aside and pour Hayden a coffee. He drinks it while standing up, gulping it down. Sabina comes in as he’s leaving and he sweeps her into his strong arms.
‘See you later, Little Bean,’ he says. ‘Look after Mummy for me.’
‘I will,’ she says.
‘See you later, alligator.’ Hayden high-fives her.
‘In a while, crocodile,’ she finishes.
He kisses me briefly and says, ‘Wish me luck.’
‘I’m sure you won’t need it.’
Then, while I’m still filled with disquiet, he heads out of the door.
Edgar and Crystal appear, arms wrapped around each other.
‘Morning!’ Crystal says, throwing herself into a chair at the same time as taking a piece of toast from Joy’s plate. Which earns her a slap on the hand for her cheek.
‘Hey,’ Edgar says. He looks bashful to be joining us for breakfast for the first ti
me.
‘Where was His Nibs off to in such a rush?’ Crystal asks as she tucks into Joy’s toast.
‘He has an important meeting with his management company,’ I tell her.
She tuts at that. ‘Nothing good can come of it,’ she concludes. ‘He’s only just getting his act back together. What’s he thinking of? He doesn’t need this.’
‘I think perhaps he does,’ I venture.
‘Then he shouldn’t. He should be concentrating on you and Bean.’
‘Coffee? More toast?’ I offer in lieu of anything else to say.
‘Both,’ she says. ‘Tons of it. All this brawling has made me starving.’ Crystal grabs my hand and pulls me to her for a hug. ‘OK today?’
‘Yes. I’m fine.’
‘Not fretting?’
‘No. No.’
‘Liar,’ she says, but she turns to Sabina and hugs her too. ‘How’s my best girl?’
‘I’m happy,’ Sabina says.
‘Good to hear. What are your mates going to say when they hear you talk for the first time? You’ll blow their socks off!’
Sabina grins. I think she likes the idea of doing that.
‘I’ll walk to school with you two today,’ Crystal says. ‘If that’s all right. You’re not doing anything this morning?’
‘No.’
‘I’ve got something I want to show you, then I’ll walk up to work.’
‘I was wondering, Edgar, if you might give me a lift into the day centre?’ Joy asks.
‘You should be in bed, woman,’ Crystal says. ‘Tell her, Ayesha.’
‘I have told her.’
‘There’s absolutely no reason to cosset me. I’m fine,’ Joy insists. ‘You’re all making a fuss about nothing.’
‘Don’t let her out of your sight today, Ed,’ Crystal says, wagging her toast at Edgar. ‘I’m holding you responsible for her.’
‘I will care for her to the best of my ability,’ Edgar assures us.
‘You’re all talking about me as if I’m not here,’ Joy complains. ‘I’m perfectly all right and I haven’t gone deaf.’
‘It’s because we love you, you silly old bat,’ Crystal says, stealing another piece of her toast. She wrinkles her nose. ‘I hate honey. Why can’t you have jam like normal people?’
‘Honey’s good for you,’ Joy says.
‘So is staying in bed when you’ve been donked on the head by a baddie,’ Crystal says, ‘but you don’t do that.’
I deliver coffee and their own toast to Crystal and Edgar. ‘Five minutes and then we must leave for school,’ I remind her.
‘I’m on the case,’ Crystal says. ‘Can’t have Beanie being late for school.’
She bolts her breakfast, kisses Joy on the cheek and Edgar more fulsomely.
‘Sabina,’ I say. ‘Put on your shoes now.’
Obediently she drinks her milk and jumps down from the table.
If I’m completely honest, I don’t want my child to go to school. I want her to stay at home, here, behind these four walls. I’d only imagined danger coming directly from my husband, but now I know that it can come from any quarter. I don’t ever want to have to walk past a stranger in our street and wonder if they’ve been sent by Suresh. I want the CCTV trained on us the entire time and burly bodyguards at the gate. Then and only then will I feel that it’s safe here once more. But what way is that to live? I want her to return to normality as soon as possible
‘I’m ready, Mama.’ Sabina has on her shoes. Her Hello Kitty backpack is slung over her shoulder. Her smile is shining, innocent. Already, it seems, she has forgotten the trouble from yesterday.
But I, unfortunately, have not.
Chapter Seventy-eight
At school, I accompany Sabina into the classroom and speak to her teacher. I tell Mrs Baranek the bare details about what happened yesterday and explain that I’m anxious for Sabina’s safety. I insist that no one must collect Sabina from school other than myself, Crystal or Hayden. She’s very understanding and also thrilled when I tell her that the trauma has, by some miracle, unlocked my child’s voice.
Finally I can delay no longer and must leave Sabina in their care. She appears untroubled, babbling away like a little brook to her friends who seem unfazed by this new chatterbox in their midst.
I rejoin Crystal in the playground and she links her arm in mine.
‘Chin up,’ she says as we emerge on to the street. ‘She’ll be fine.’
‘I’m worried,’ I admit. ‘I can hardly bear to leave her. Perhaps I should have kept her at home this week, until they’ve apprehended the men who did this.’
It’s the last week of term and I didn’t want Sabina to miss any school, but I feel that I may have rushed her return. Would it have mattered for her to miss a few lessons? I wanted her to get back to normality as quickly as possible, but now worry that I’ve been too hasty.
‘Chances are they won’t ever catch those scumbags,’ Crystal says. ‘Besides, we know who was behind it. He’s the one you’re going to have to take down.’
‘I know.’
‘Shall we send Joy round to flowerpot him?’
I manage a laugh at that. Yet I know that the only chance I have of stopping Suresh from coming after us is to do it legally, through the courts. But I’m sure even that won’t halt him. He’s not a man who takes heed of the law. If he wants to have me and Sabina back, then he will.
As we’re walking away from the school, a sleek car with blacked-out windows comes down the street. It slows as it nears us and my heart leaps to my mouth. Fruitlessly, I try to peer in the windows. I stop and grip Crystal’s arm.
‘What?’
‘That car. Were they looking at us?’
‘I don’t know,’ she admits. ‘I don’t think so.’
What if it’s someone who’s come after Sabina again? What if they try to snatch her from the school playground at her break time?
‘I’m sure I’ve seen it outside the school before,’ Crystal adds. ‘Isn’t it Whatsit’s mum?’
Then the car slows further and I’m on the verge of sprinting back to my daughter when the door swings open and a little girl in uniform jumps out and runs to the gate.
‘She’s very late,’ I say and my heart pounds with relief.
‘Five minutes, picky,’ Crystal says. ‘You can’t wrap Sabina in cotton wool every minute of the day, Ayesha. She needs to have a normal life. If you jump every time you see a shadow, you’re going to make the kid a nervous wreck. Plus if you carry on like this you’re going to give yourself a coronary. You need to be strong for her.’
I can feel perspiration on my upper lip and under my arms. A bead of cold sweat trickles down my spine and I’m almost paralysed with fear.
‘What can I do?’ I ask my friend. My palms are damp with terror.
‘We’ll sit down later with Hayden and formulate a plan,’ she says. ‘Don’t you worry. We won’t let anything happen to either of you.’
But I’m still concerned as we walk away from the school. I have to resist the urge to turn around every few moments.
‘It’s quite a walk, this thing I have to show you.’ Crystal says. ‘Are you up for that?’
It’s a beautiful, sunny day and the sky is untroubled by clouds. I feel it would do my heart good to stride out and clear my mind. ‘Yes. A walk will be nice. Where are we going?’
‘You’ll see,’ she says enigmatically.
So we stroll along on this fine summer’s day and must look to strangers as if we haven’t a care in the world. We cross over Rosslyn Hill and make our way through the back streets. As we do, we talk about Edgar and the chance that Joy has to go to her sons.
Then, after about half an hour, Crystal stops at a set of tall, ornate gates. ‘We’re here.’
I look up and see the sign. HAMPSTEAD CEMETERY.
She sighs and says, ‘I thought I’d introduce you to Max Junior.’
Our eyes meet as we turn into the pathway and I give her an encou
raging squeeze. Arm-in-arm we walk through the well-kept grounds of the cemetery. It’s lush and green and I’m sure Joy would be able to tell us what some of the splendid trees are.
‘This is a restful place,’ I say.
‘Yeah,’ Crystal agrees. ‘Might seem weird, but I like coming here. Sometimes I just sit and talk to Max. Tell him all that we could have been doing together.’
Eventually we turn down a leafy walk, and after a few metres Crystal slows. ‘Here he is. My baby.’
There’s a small white headstone with a teddy bear carved into it. The name reads MAX COOPER, and beneath it are the dates of his too-short life. There’s a bunch of white carnations on the grave and Crystal fusses with them as she coos quietly to the little boy who’s resting there. My eyes smart with unshed tears.
‘I bought the flowers a few days ago. Thought they might have wilted in the heat, but they don’t look too bad, eh?’
‘They’re lovely. I would have brought some too, if I’d known.’
She takes my hand and we sit on the bench opposite Max’s grave, under the dappled shade of a mature tree.
‘I didn’t want to make a fuss,’ she says. ‘Just thought you’d like to come. I’ve been telling Edgar all about him, so he’s on my mind. Not that he isn’t always.’
‘You’ll have other babies, Crystal.’
‘Hope so,’ she says. ‘No one will ever replace Max, of course. But it would be nice to have a brother or sister for him.’ She gives me a little hug. ‘Perhaps you’ll knock out another few as well. We’d be as happy as pigs in shit, wouldn’t we, knee-deep in dirty nappies?’
‘I’d have liked another child, but it didn’t happen for me.’
‘Probably just as well,’ Crystal says. ‘You might never have got away with two kids in tow. You could have been stuck there.’
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