April 8th
Curiosity is heavy in Roxy’s glare as she watches me fidget with the information pamphlets on the counter of the front desk, undoubtedly looking like a total spaz. I’m too nervous and excited to sit still, though.
“So,” I drawl, smirking at her as I lean to rest my elbows on the desk across from where she’s standing. “Do you have any plans tonight? Are you going out with Levi?”
After polishing off a pitcher of Sangria at dinner last week, Roxy confided in me about her feelings for Eric’s little brother. I don’t think it was something she planned on telling me, and I’ve tried not to ask questions, but I could use the distraction right now.
Her shoulders droop as her face falls and she shakes her head. “Nope. I need some space from him right now. I’m trying to accept the fact that he’ll never feel the same way about me, but it’s not always easy to be around him.”
I nod. If anyone understands how that feels, it’s me. It’s exactly how I used to feel being around Eric. Back then, dating him was nothing more than a dream I never expected to come true.
“You know, I used to think the same thing about Eric. Things can change,” I reassure her.
“While I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, it’s not the same thing. I knew the first time I saw the two of you together Eric had feelings for you. It was the way he looked at you, like everything else around him faded away because you were the only thing that mattered. Levi has never looked at me that way. Trust me. This is completely one-sided. Lately, all he’s been talking about is your sister.”
Crinkling my nose in disgust, I cringe. “Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, my sister has no interest in him. She calls him Baby Winston and treats him pretty awful.”
“It doesn’t, but thanks for trying,” she sighs. “I don’t get it. It’s like he purposely only goes after the unattainable women. When we’re out at a bar and some woman hits on him, he ignores her, honing in on the one who won’t even give him a second glance.”
“Well, maybe you should take a lot of space. It might take missing you for him to realize how he really feels.”
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “So, what about you? Do you and Eric have plans tonight?”
Nodding, my eyes skirt over to the hallway, ensuring Eric’s office door is still closed. I have something special in mind for us tonight, and it’s been giving me butterflies all day. When I look back at Roxy, she lifts her eyebrows and purses her lips as her hand lands on her hip.
“What is this…” she waves her other hand in front of my face, “all about? You two have something big planned?”
“No…” Standing up straight, I fiddle with my clothes. “We’re staying in and watching some movies.”
“So, a little Netflix and chill. I know what that means.” She bites her bottom lip as she wiggles her eyebrows. “The divorce is final then?”
“Yep.”
Roxy wasn’t the only one oversharing at dinner last week. I’d confessed that Eric and I still hadn’t slept together. Of course, I’d only given her part of the reasoning behind that fact. Even though Christopher had cheated on me, it was important to me that my marriage was officially over before I had sex with someone else. Our ninety-day cooling off period ended last week, and I’d already signed the final papers.
“Good. I know you said your ex was pretty upset with you. Has he left you alone?”
Christopher was furious after I was a no-show for dinner while he was in town last month. He tried to spin the story about what happened when he ran into Eric. As if I’d believe Eric would attack Christopher without provocation. I wouldn’t take his word over Eric’s about anything.
When he didn’t get my sympathy, he tried to press charges against Eric. Luckily, one of his best friends works for the SPD, and he intercepted, then quickly dismissed the claim. Not only had there been no eye-witnesses to back up his story, but Christopher was the unwelcome party in this case. They even ended up asking me if I wanted to file a restraining order, but I felt that was a little extreme.
Eric has not complained even once, but I hate he’s been dealing with all my excess baggage.
“For the most part, he’s leaving me alone. I think he’s still holding on to some misguided notion the two of us will end up back together, though. He’s left me a couple messages trying to convince me he’s worried about my safety—how he thinks Eric is violent.”
“That’s absurd. I still can’t believe Eric punched him. I’m glad, but shocked. He really loves you.”
“I really love him,” I gush.
“So, tonight? Wow, that’s huge.”
“What’s huge?” Eric questions, walking up to the front desk with an adorable mischievous grin on his face. My stomach flutters as he wraps an arm around my waist before giving me a quick kiss, his beard tickling my cheek. “You weren’t bragging about me again were you, Jules? I don’t think that’s an appropriate conversation for the workplace.”
“Gross, Eric!” Roxy’s face sours in disgust as she throws a pen at his head.
Laughing, he dodges it and winks at me. “You ready to go?”
Butterflies take flight in my stomach as I nod, my eyes shifting to Roxy, who’s smirking. “You guys have a good night,” she singsongs.
I narrow my eyes at her before looking back to Eric. His forehead creases, his eyes shifting back and forth between Roxy and me. Shaking his head, he tugs at my waist and begins walking toward the stairs to his apartment.
“Eric,” I breathe, breaking our kiss. Per usual, watching a movie quickly turned into making out on his couch. Though I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed our PG-13 relationship status, it’s been nearly two months of foreplay, and I’m beyond ready for more.
At first, I was cool with and even grateful Eric was taking things so slow. As much as I wanted him, I was nervous. My first sexual experience hadn’t been typical, and the only other person I’ve ever been with is Christopher. Sleeping with the same man for eight years doesn’t exactly make me feel experienced. In fact, it left me feeling more like a twenty-eight-year-old virgin. And in a way, I am.
Though I’d had plenty of sex with Chris over the years, I’ve never made love to anyone. I want that, and I want it with Eric. In the spirit of moving forward with my life, I need it.
After Jim raped me, I went from never wanting to have sex again to having it simply to erase him from my body. I’m ready to experience real intimacy.
“Something wrong, Jules?” he asks, his breathing heavy. Lifting the top portion of his body up to create some space between us, his lust-filled pupils struggle to focus on my face.
Shaking my head, I move my right hand to cup his face and snake my left under his shirt to stroke his back. “Things have never been so right.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” he beams.
“I was…I thought we…” my words trail off as my face heats and stomach flutters. I feel silly trying to have this conversation. It would be much better if it could all happen naturally, but I know Eric isn’t going to make that move until I give him a green light. It’s just the kind of guy he is.
Moving back, he pulls me up to the sitting position with him, his forehead creasing in concern. “What is it, Jules? You know you can tell me anything.”
Biting my lip, I nod and tuck my feet under me so I’m resting on my haunches. As I take a deep breath, I study him in the dim glow of the television. The smirk on his face as he takes my hand in his reminds me of the boy who gave me my first case of butterflies and the friend I’d fallen so deeply in love with. It reminds me why I’m so sure this is right. Eric makes me feel happy and safe in a way I’ve never felt with anyone else.
With a renewed confidence, I clear my throat. “I was hoping we could move this to your bedroom.”
“Oh,” he exclaims, jumping off the couch before helping me to my feet. “Yeah…I’m sorry, I guess it has gotten late.” He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me into him, and tucks my hair behind my
ear with his free hand. “I tend to get lost in you.” With his hand resting at my jaw, he caresses my cheek and peers into my eyes. His stare is laced with so much passion, I feel it deep in my belly.
When he leans in, I lick my lips, ready for another breathtaking embrace, but he only gives me a quick kiss on the forehead before releasing me. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”
Sleep? Shocked by the unexpected shift of events, my brain scrambles, trying to figure out what to say as he floats around the room, straightening up and turning off the television. When he realizes I’ve remained planted where he left me, he comes over to take my hand in his and leads me to his bedroom.
Once we’re inside, he lets go of my hand and begins turning down the bed. Panic courses through me as I watch him, knowing my window of opportunity is closing. I’ve never initiated sex before, and I’m feeling a little like a fish out of water.
“Jules?” Eric calls, noticing I’m still standing by the bedroom door. As he saunters over to me, regarding me with a tilted head and drawn features, my nervous energy transforms into pure sexual desire, and I stop trying to find the right words.
There isn’t anything left to say. He loves me, and I love him. We’ve already had the awkward sex health discussion to verify we’re both in the clear, and I’ve informed him I’m still on the pill. We’ve been “talking” for months now—there are no secrets between us and no questions to ask or answer. The only thing lacking is action on my part.
When he’s only a few steps away, I leap forward, wrapping myself around him before bringing my lips to his. He readily returns my needy kiss, his hands latching onto my ass as he presses his body into mine. The warmth of his soft tongue massages mine, and I melt into the heat of his touch.
Following my lead, we rotate our bodies until his bed is behind me, and I begin to back-step toward it. When the back of my legs hit the mattress, my hands move down his back to find the hem of his t-shirt. As I start to lift it, he loosens his hold on me, allowing me better access, then breaks our kiss and raises his arms so I can pull it off.
Dropping his shirt to the floor, my eyes roam over his body in admiration. Instinctively, my hands follow my exploratory stare. Starting where his shorts are hanging low on his hips, then moving over his abdomen and chest, my fingers glide through the sandy colored hair decorating the ridges of his torso. By the time I meet his gaze again, it’s filled with an intensity that causes my body to tremble with desire as if he were touching me.
He sucks in a breath as I remove my own top, leaving only the pajama shorts I’d put on earlier. He’s practically panting as he allows his own eyes to wonder, his tongue darting out and sweeping across his lips. When he looks me in the eyes again without touching me, I realize he’s giving me complete control. He isn’t asking questions or making any moves to stop or progress things between us.
Control is something I’ve never had during my sexual encounters, and until now, it wasn’t something I knew I wanted or needed. Knowing I’m the one calling all the shots dissolves any lingering fears, giving me the chance to feel powerful and sexy.
Holding his stare, I take his hands with mine, facing his palms out. Placing them on my waist, I guide his touch to my stomach, then up to my breast. He cups them and circles his thumbs over my nipples, igniting my body into flames. Moaning in ecstasy, I throw my head back, and his lips land on my neck. Trailing his way up to my ear, he kisses, licks, and sucks on my sensitive skin until I’m on the verge of exploding.
“God, you are perfection, Jules.” His breathy words tickle my ear, sending chills over my body.
I never knew things could feel this good—that it was possible to get this close to climaxing before even being touched. I’m not sure whether Eric is just that talented or if it’s my love for him—maybe a little of both—but I’m positive I want more.
Sitting down on the bed, I scoot back until my feet are off the floor and lean on my hands to look up at him. His chest heaves as his eyes travel up the length of my body, making me thankful there’s only the faint light of his bedside lamp. When his stare reaches my eyes, it flickers to my shorts and back, asking permission to remove them.
My lips curl into a shy smile as I nod, and my pulse races as my body throbs with need. His own lips twitch into a smile as he leans down and hooks his fingers around the elastic band of my shorts, placing a chaste kiss on my hip bone before sliding them down my legs and off my body.
“Breathtaking,” he pants as he regards my naked form.
“Your turn.” My heart is beating so hard, it feels as if it might crack my ribcage.
His eyebrows lift and he smirks at me, his eyes locked on mine as he lowers his shorts and steps out of them. When I tear my gaze from his to focus on his lower half, a flush crawls across my skin and he chuckles.
“Enjoying the view?”
Nodding as I bite my lip, I lift my hand and motion with my finger for him to join me on the bed. Our eyes meet again as he lowers himself and I lay down, spreading my knees so he can position himself between my legs. Once he’s hovering over me, my arms circle him, my hands rubbing his back, and his lips find mine. Returning his eager kiss, my thighs tighten around him and he presses his hardness into my core.
As I shift to give him access, he rips his lips from mine. My eyes blink in surprise as they meet his, my brow creasing with concern. He searches my face, his own features conveying his need for reassurance, and I smile.
“No pressure or anything, but I’ve been fantasizing about this moment with you since I was about fifteen.” He laughs, and I realize how tense he’d been as his body relaxes into mine. “I love you, Eric.”
His face lights up and he lets out a breath, holding my gaze as he lowers his forehead to mine. “Yesterday, today, and forever,” he whispers.
Lifting his head, he slides inside me, linking our bodies together. Gasping, my eyes roll back, then close, his mouth connecting with mine again as our bodies begin to move together rhythmically.
In this moment, it feels as if every ugly thing in my past is nothing more than a faded memory of a bad dream. I’ve never felt this whole and content before. For the first time in a long time, my future seems clear, and I feel hopeful.
THE OTHER SHOE
April 9th
The sound of birds chirping outside my bedroom window wakes me, and I mentally curse them as my eyes start to flutter. When Julianna’s raven hair comes into view, my mood quickly lightens and I revel in the warmth of her naked body.
One arm is draped over her, while the rest of my body spoons hers. The skin to skin contact and her smell overloads my senses, filling me with need. Memories of our night together flood my mind, causing my morning erection to become almost painful.
Jules and I made love last night, a first for both of us, and I must say, nothing has ever or could ever compare to it. The love I have for her and the strong connection we share took the experience to a level I didn’t even know was possible. With sex, the ending has always been the best part—the goal—but when I was making love to Jules, every touch, every kiss, mattered. It was like having tiny little orgasms repeatedly—only better, and I didn’t want it to ever end.
Being careful not to wake her, I rest my free elbow on the bed, then lift my head and perch it on my hand, giving me a better view of Julianna. This isn’t the first time we’ve slept in the same bed together, but everything feels different. As I look over her peaceful face, glowing from the sunlight peeking in, she no longer seems like a dream I’m terrified to wake from. All of this finally feels real. Jules is really mine. She loves me.
Admitting this out loud would cause me to lose my “man-card” for sure, but I’d been extremely nervous about having sex with her. Not only had it been a while for me, but it was Jules. I didn’t want to fuck it up. In true Julianna fashion though, she’d been able to relieve the tension with a simple joke.
But it was the way she looked me in the eyes as she told me she loves me that melted away m
y insecurities. It made me realize there was no way for me to screw up that moment. We love each other, and after everything life’s thrown our way to keep us apart, we still found our way back.
We were meant to be. She’s no longer merely a part of my past, she’s my present and my future.
Giving in to the temptation to touch her, I lift the arm draped over her to sweep the hair away from her face, then trail my fingertips over her bare shoulder and down her arm. When I reach her hand, I interlock our fingers, and she lets out a contented sigh as she begins to stir, her bottom nestling into me as she turns her head in my direction.
Her face scrunches as she pries one eye open, then groans as it closes again. “Please tell me you weren’t just watching me sleep.”
“Okay, I won’t,” I quip.
She presses her lips together, trying to hold back her smile then blinks, attempting to focus her eyes. Letting go of her hand, I raise my arm as she begins to shift toward me. When her naked body brushes against mine, it feels like a livewire of electricity. I want her again so badly, but I’m still feeling a little timid about being the one to initiate, and she may not be up to it since we went a few rounds last night. As she settles, I place my hand on her hip, hating the thin material of the sheet that’s keeping me from being able to see and touch her.
“Good morning,” she beams, running a hand through the messy hair on my head before moving it to the hair on my chest, bringing it to rest right over my heart.
Caressing her hip, I fight the urge to pull the sheet off her body. “Morning. Did you sleep okay?”
Nodding, she scoots closer and grins mischievously. “I’ve never slept in the nude before,” she admits, nudging me as she tangles our legs together, her thighs wrapping around one of mine. “I’m rather fond of it.”
Determined to stay in control of my thoughts and actions, I take a deep breath, but my resolve is threatened by the warmth of her center as she presses herself into me.
“Are you hungry?” I question, my voice reflecting my wavering willpower.
Crushed (In This Moment Book 2) Page 19