Love Me Like I Love You

by Willow Winters

  “Yeah?”

  “When I woke up after surgery…I told you I thought I loved you. That was a lie.”

  She sits up, eyes widening. “A lie? So you…you don’t?”

  “No. I don’t think it. I know it. I do love you.”

  “Morning,” the nurse says, opening the door the moment after she knocks. Sierra opens her eyes, blinking a few times, and sits up. She’s not a light sleeper, and it takes her a full minute to wake up. I find it amusing yet adorable. Seeing her get up with ease lets me know she never fell deep asleep last night.

  “Morning,” I respond.

  “How are you feeling today?” she asks and shuts the door behind her. She pulls the curtain around the bed, preparing for a full assessment. I grumble and start to sit up. Sierra gets out of the bed and smoothes the blankets over me. She stretches her arms and rolls her neck. I know she was uncomfortable all night, worrying about squishing me or pulling out the IV. Selfishly, I liked having her next to me all night.

  “Good. Can I go home now?”

  The nurse laughs. “Not quite. You’re going to be here with us for at least another day.”

  Sierra goes to use the bathroom while the nurse checks me over. I’m in the middle of getting more blood drawn when Sierra comes back.

  “Want me to get you anything from the cafeteria? I’m gonna head down for breakfast.”

  “Sure. Whatever you get is fine. And a black coffee.”

  The phlebotomist shakes her head. “They probably won’t let you have that.”

  “I won’t get the coffee,” Sierra says and shifts toward the door. She hesitates, looking back at me, eyes full of unspoken worry.

  “I’ll still be here when you get back,” I assure her, offering a small smile.

  “You better be,” she replies quietly and walks out the door, not returning for nearly half an hour.

  “Sorry,” she says as soon as she’s back in the room. Empty handed, I might add. “Turns out I’m not allowed to bring food in here and whatever you eat has to be approved by the doctor. You’re on a ‘special diet,’” she tells me, making quotes with her fingers.

  “Are you fucking with me?”

  “I don’t fuck with food. They had good biscuits and gravy downstairs too.”

  “I’ve never liked that. Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t bring me any.”

  Sierra laughs and sits at the foot of my bed. “I ate yours anyway. Do you want me to get the nurse and find out about breakfast for you? Are you hungry?” She gets up and inspects the monitors. “I have no idea what any of this means.”

  “Neither do I.” I sigh. “But I do know I want this shit off so I can go home.”

  Sierra half smiles, giving me a weird look.

  “What?”

  “You’ve never called it home before.”

  She’s right, I haven’t. I never intended to, and saying it right then was a slip. But it’s true. “It never felt like it before.” I take her hand. “I’m realizing I was wrong.”

  “About what?”

  “I was looking for a place to call home, but now I know home is a feeling. When we’re together, I am home.”

  “I love you,” she whispers, eyes glossing over.

  “I love you, too.”

  She leans over the bed and kisses me, and I want nothing more than to pull the curtain and fuck her hard. Never mind that my body is weak, I’m fighting off a nasty infection, and I was cut open a few hours ago.

  Sierra’s phone rings and the Game of Thrones theme song fills the room. She frowns when she picks it up, silencing the call.

  “It’s Lisa,” she explains.

  “Are you going to answer?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You should,” I encourage. “I know it upsets you to fight with her.”

  Sierra nods and answers the phone. “Hey,” she says and pauses, listening to whatever Lisa has to say. “Yeah, last night. And I think so. I hope so.” She pauses again. “It’s okay. Well, it’s not, but I can’t worry about that now.” Another pause, this one longer than the others. “Uh, well I don’t think they’ll let you in the room or anything since you’re not family. They’re strict in the ICU. I was worried they wouldn’t let me in since I’m just his girlfriend. But if you do come up, I could use clothes, my phone charger, and a toothbrush.”

  Just his girlfriend. I play her words over in my head. She didn’t mean it as an insult, no, not at all. So why does it feel like one? I watch Sierra talk on the phone, pushing her messy hair out of her face. She has on the same clothes she did yesterday, barely slept at all, and hasn’t once complained.

  The words are insulting because she’s everything to me, and the stupid label implies a lesser bond. According to the hospital, anyway.

  “Lisa is going to come up here,” Sierra tells me and sets her phone on the bedside table. “I think she feels bad for being a dick yesterday. Two days ago? What day is it? I don’t even know.”

  “Lay down next to me,” I tell her. “You need to sleep.”

  “You need to more and I know you’re not comfortable with me in bed next to you.”

  I smile and shake my head. “You’re impossible, Sierra Belmont.”

  Chapter 25

  Sierra

  “Ms. Belmont?”

  A hand lands on my shoulder and my name is repeated. I slowly sit up, back aching. I fell asleep sitting in the chair next to the Chase, bent forward with my head and arms resting on the edge of the bed.

  After breakfast, Chase got sick from one of his meds. Throwing up caused him pain, so he was given more medicine to combat the nausea along with the pain. He’s been passed out for the last few hours.

  “Yeah?” I ask, rubbing my eyes. Dried mascara crumbles off my lashes. A shower sounds nice right now.

  “There’s someone in the waiting room for you,” the nurse tells me. My eyes slowly start to focus and I get a flash of the nurse’s face. She was the same nurse who put her arm around my shoulder and consoled me after Jake’s heart stopped beating. I wonder if she remembers me. It was almost two years ago, and I’m sure she sees a lot of people and a lot of tragedy.

  “Thanks,” I say and stand. My legs are cramping and my right foot is asleep. I shake feeling back into it and limp my way out to the waiting room. My mom and Lisa are standing there, and Mom throws her arms around me right away.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” she says, voice heavy with emotion. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m tired, but I’m fine. Chase is going to be okay.”

  She gives me one more squeeze. “I packed your bag. If you need anything else, let me know.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Do you want coffee or anything to eat? I tried calling before we got here but your phone must be dead.”

  “It is, and coffee would be great. The coffee here isn’t that good.”

  “There’s a Starbucks around the corner. I can get you something. Do you still like their caramel frappuccinos?”

  “I do.”

  “I’ll go get it. It shouldn’t take me long.” Mom blinks away her tears and pulls me in for one more hug. “Love you, baby,” she whispers and goes, leaving me alone with Lisa.

  “How are you holding up?” she asks.

  “Okay. I think. Chase was awake this morning and acting normal. It’s easy to think he’ll be better soon, then I remember they wouldn’t have put him in the ICU if it weren’t serious. He had a bad reaction to his medication this morning, which was scary. He’s sleeping now.”

  Lisa grinds her jaw and looks at the floor. “I’m so sorry, Sierra. I mean, I still feel like you should be careful, but for right now, I’m sorry. I made Chase out to be the bad guy and didn’t think anything like this would happen to him. I know he needs you, and you need him. I won’t press the issue anymore.”

  “Thanks, Lisa.” I pull my arms in around myself. “I’m glad you came.”

  “I would have come with you last night too,” she tells me. �
�If you called.”

  “I know.”

  Lisa shuffles her feet and takes a Harry Potter backpack off her shoulder. “Your mom was pretty much horrified to see this was your luggage.”

  I take the bag and chuckle. “She’d be even more horrified to see my real suitcase.”

  “It’s the Star Wars one, right?”

  “Yeah. It’s in the creepy basement.”

  “Right. I didn’t think about that. Though I suppose you don’t need a full suitcase now.”

  “Yeah.” I unzip the bag and pull out my phone charger. “I’m gonna go charge my phone and let the nurse know I’ll be out here. Just in case.” Twisting the charger around in my hands, I go back into the ICU. Chase is still sleeping under the watchful eye of the nurses. I plug in my phone, let his nurse know I’m going to be right outside, and go back into the waiting room.

  “Are you mad at me?” Lisa asks timidly.

  “I’m too exhausted to be mad,” I tell her and sit down next to her. “I don’t want to fight.”

  “I don’t either. And remember when we were eight and promised we’d never fight over a boy? I guess this is a little different, but it’s still a boy causing us to not get along.” She loops her arm through mine. “So Chase is doing okay?”

  “Yeah. The doctor said if he got here any later it would have been a different story.” Tears fill my eyes and all the emotion that’s been stirring inside of me bubbles up. Lisa wraps her arms around me. “It’s like I’m cursed,” I say through my tears. “People I love get hurt. They end up here.”

  “Shhh,” she soothes. “You are not cursed. You are not causing this. Chase is going to be okay. If anything about his track record is true, it’s that he’s resilient. Nothing seems to stop the guy,” she tries to joke.

  “It keeps playing out in my mind,” I confess. “I’ve been through it once. I know how it is and I can’t keep it away.”

  “Keep what away?”

  “Seeing Chase die. Remembering how it feels to watch the casket get lowered into the ground. Waking up alone and feeling like all the happiness inside of me turned to ash. I don’t think I can survive it again. I don’t want to survive it again.”

  The depth of my words hits Lisa and a tear rolls down her face. “Don’t ever say that, Si. You can survive anything and I won’t let you not get through it.” She takes my hands. “And Chase is going to be okay. He’s a fighter, and he’s got you to fight for.”

  “I hope it’s enough.”

  “Are you kidding me? It’s more than enough. You are enough.” She lets go of my hands and brushes away her tears. “You said you love him.”

  “I do.” I grab a tissue from the box on the side table and mop up my eyes. “And yes, before you ask, he told me he loves me too.”

  “I can’t deny that it’s obvious he cares a lot about you. Maybe he has redeemed himself from his past. The first time you guys ever met, he saved you from that drunk. And the next time, you were the drunk you needed saving from. I’m going to try to be more like you and let his actions speak for themselves.”

  “You’re totally judging him on his past.”

  “Oh, completely,” she says and we both laugh. “But I’m going to try. For you.”

  “Thanks, Lisa.”

  With a smile, she nods. “He’s going to be okay.”

  I nod and wipe my eyes again, and then lean back in the chair.

  “Do either of you need anything? We packed what I would bring for myself. Except for the sex toys.”

  I smile and unzip the bag, pulling out face wash and a change of clothes. I go down the hall to change, and Mom is in the waiting room with coffee in hand when I get back. She and Lisa stay a while to keep me company for a while, then offer to get pick up lunch for me while I sit in the room with Chase.

  He’s getting his blood drawn again, and is sitting up looking much better this time. The color is back in his face, and he’s joking around with the guy taking his blood.

  “He doesn’t believe that I don’t like needles,” Chase tells me.

  I smile. “I don’t believe you either.”

  “There’s a difference between getting tattoos and this,” Chase continues.

  “Yeah, this is over already,” the guy says, pulling the needle out of Chase’s arm. “That’s hours and hours of work, right?”

  Chase nods. “That one,” he points to a detailed star on the inside of his arm, over the vein the blood was drawn from, “took three hours.”

  “I couldn’t sit still for that long,” I say.

  “It gets broken up,” Chase explains. “The writing on my chest was done over several weeks.” I sit on the edge of the bed and kiss Chase once we’re alone. “Are your mom and Lisa still here?”

  “Yeah. They’re going to get lunch and bring something back for me.”

  “Go with them.”

  “I don’t want to leave you.”

  “I’m fine, Sierra. I promise. I feel a hell of a lot better now that I’m on a medication that doesn’t make me throw up. And if this blood work comes back showing improvement, the nurse told me I’ll go to the regular floor. Even I don’t think I need to be here,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Then I’ll be home in a day or two after.”

  “You sound so sure.”

  He brings his hand to my face, cupping my cheek. “I am sure. Go get something to eat. It’ll be nice to get out of here.”

  “I’m pretty sure they already left.”

  “Things between you and Lisa seemed pretty tense last time you saw each other.”

  “They were.”

  “How are they now?”

  “Better. We had a bit of a heart-to-heart out in the waiting room.”

  Chase gives me a cheeky grin. “I guess getting sick was good for something, right?”

  Feeling like he knows more about the situation than he’s letting on, I smile back, not getting into it. “Yeah. I guess it was.”

  “I have good news,” the nurse tells us the next day. “I just got orders from the doctor to have you moved to the non-critical floor.”

  “Don’t look too sad to get rid of me,” Chase jokes. What a difference a good night’s sleep did for him. He’s been up and moving around today and looks almost back to normal. He’s been removed from all the tubes and wires except for one IV line, which is currently disconnected with the port on his arm covered with gauze.

  “This is the one time saying ‘I hope I never see you again’ is a good thing,” the nurse jokes back. “Your blood work is showing great improvement. We’ll run some again in the morning and as long as your counts are good, you can go home.”

  “Thank fucking God,” Chase mutters under his breath. Another hour later, and he’s moved into his new room. Jax had come for a visit that morning, bringing Chase his phone and wallet. I left for breakfast while he was there, returning not long later to find the men talking in hushed voices. They immediately stopped when I walked into the room.

  I can’t think about it. I don’t want to start suspecting Chase of anything. Not right now. Not ever. Lisa finally agreed to let the issue go. Now’s not the time to see merit in her argument.

  There’s a recliner chair in the new room, and Chase sits in it to watch TV, telling me to lay down in the bed and take a nap. I’ve never been much of a napper, but I fall asleep almost instantly. I haven’t gotten much sleep the last few days, and none of it has been quality sleep.

  When I wake up, a little kid is staring at me.

  “Hi,” she whispers and moves closer. Her hazel eyes are familiar, peering at me through slats in the bedrail.

  “Koty,” a man says. “Let her sleep.”

  “She’s been sleeping for hours, and I’m bored.”

  “Leave her alone.”

  “Daddy, she’s awake. Her eyes are open.”

  I blink, mind slowly waking up, and realize that the little girl is Chase’s niece.

  “Sierra?” Chase calls softly.

  “I’m awake,
” I say, though I wish I had pretended to be asleep. Now I feel awkward. I do my best to smooth out my hair and say hi to Josh and Dakota. They’ve been here a while already and are getting ready to go.

  “Thanks for looking after my brother,” Josh tells me. “I have a feeling he wouldn’t have taken himself to the hospital.”

  “He wouldn’t have. How are the twins?”

  “Exhausting,” he says with a laugh. “But great. They’re good sleepers, thankfully.”

  “That’s good to hear. I know Chase wants to go see them again. We’ll come by once he’s feeling better.”

  “I am feeling better,” Chase says. “I get to leave tomorrow. I’ll be back to normal and at work the next day.”

  Josh just shakes his head and looks at me. “Have fun with him.”

  “Wish me luck.”

  Josh laughs. “You’ll need it.”

  “You’re on strict orders to rest, mister,” I tell Chase, pulling down the comforter on my bed. “Starting now.”

  “You know,” he begins and gets into bed, “I’m more likely to listen to you if you’re wearing a sexy nurse costume. I’ll take you seriously when you’re dressed as a healthcare professional.”

  “Nice try. The doctor said no sex for two weeks.”

  “Like I’m going to listen to that. And are you going to be able to hold out that long?”

  “Yes,” I say, trying to hold onto my resolve. It’s a losing battle, but for Chase’s own good I have to resist. “You don’t want to pop a stitch out having sex. Then it’ll be even longer. It’s almost been a week already, which is kinda crazy to think about. Time went by in a blur.” I pull the blankets over his legs and hand him the TV remote. Tinkerbell jumps up on the bed, purring instantly. Even asshole Dolly was happy to see me when Chase and I got home from the hospital minutes ago.

  “I’m going to drop off your prescriptions and go grocery shopping. You need to sleep, and when I get back, we can talk about possibly a blow job.”

  “You can’t tease me like that, Sierra.”

  I lean in, lips brushing against his. “Who says I’m teasing?”