Love Me Like I Love You

by Willow Winters

  “What are you doing here so early, Mom? It’s your day to sleep in.”

  “Megan messaged me this morning and let me know that she wouldn’t be in. She’s so sweet to make sure I knew, because if she hadn’t, you’d be prepping all alone.”

  I shrugged. “I wouldn’t have minded, and I also don’t mind some Mom time.”

  She bumped her hip against mine before moving to the sink to wash her hands. She looked at me over her shoulder and gave me a cat-ate-the-canary grin. “So…Gunner sure is a looker, isn’t he?”

  I shook my head and laughed. Instead of answering her question about my love life, I turned up the volume on the stereo.

  It wasn’t a minute after breakfast hours had started when Colt marched through the doors clad in his police uniform and with a scowl on his face. I was standing in front of the glass window of the swinging door, watching Tuck and Gunner sitting at a table. Tuck’s teenage babysitter was also sitting at the table, with stars in her eyes, as she gazed at Gunner.

  Colt spotted me through the little window, and it was too late to make a break for it. He didn’t pause to look at Gunner or say hello to Tucker. He ate up the space between us, and I knew he meant business.

  He’d always been commanding and a rule follower. He’d grilled me harder about every date than my parents ever had. In fact, my father was probably so impressed by his interrogation skills he left the job completely up to him. They even had him interrogate me when he was twelve and I was ten and I’d broken my mom’s favorite vase. I’d cracked within two minutes. There was no other job for Colt than being a cop. He was born for it.

  “Hey, big brother,” I said when he barged in through the door. “Still haven’t gone grocery shopping? Want an egg sandwich to go?” I smiled brightly and twirled a piece of my hair that had fallen from my ponytail, playing up the innocent act.

  “Cut the bullshit. I didn’t sleep, and the only reason I wasn’t posted in front of your house all night was because I knew your new boyfriend would be watching out for you.”

  I stilled and a flurry of emotions and questions warred inside me. When Gunner had held my hips in front of my family yesterday, I’d known the adults in the room would know what it meant. I thought I would care and be more cautious, not wanting to label or identify anything when we had only shared one kiss.

  One kiss that was equal parts Earth-shattering, panty-melting, and life-changing. But still, one kiss.

  I also hadn’t expected my brother to trust this new man in my life so quickly. He was very protective of Tuck and me. And I knew as much as Colt liked Gunner the baseball player, he wasn’t sold on Gunner the man quite yet, even though he hadn’t given him a chance.

  “What changed?”

  Colt didn’t need clarification of what I was asking. He knew, and I also felt Mom staring at us, waiting for his answer.

  Colt looked at his polished steel-toed police boots and squeezed the back of his neck. He released a long, slow breath before looking me straight in the eye. “I talked to Tuck. I know what he did to keep him calm, and I saw for myself, when I arrived at the hospital, just how much he must care for you and Tuck. He didn’t leave that kid’s side, he didn’t forget about him. He was there and he didn’t leave. If he simply wanted in your pants, he wouldn’t have hung around.”

  I swallowed back the unexpected emotion and the tears that had started to prick behind my eyes. I knew that Gunner had taken care of Tuck yesterday, but to hear that from my brother—it meant even more.

  Colt made a face. “I still don’t want to see you kissing him, because that’s just gross, but I suspect I’ll still be able to watch him play ball. As long as he doesn’t hurt you, that is.”

  Dad strolled into the kitchen and took in the scene. “Y’all didn’t wait for me? What happened yesterday?”

  “She was just about to tell us.” Colt looked me straight in the eye, daring me to back down. It was a look I was used to, and I knew it was the same one he used in interrogation rooms and why all the cops in town brought him into their cases to question their suspects.

  I pursed my lips and shook my head. The tears were back to stinging my eyes, except this time, they weren’t for overwhelming happy emotions. They were for dread. “It was Shayla. She followed us through the tree line, popped out when I was alone, and we argued. She was high.”

  “On what?”

  “I have no clue,” I said. “I’m not you.”

  “How did you get hurt?” Dad asked and wrapped his arm around me. He kissed the tender part of my head and waited with patience for me to finish the story. I knew this was hard for Mom and Dad to hear. They loved Shayla as if she was their own. It felt as if siblings were turning on each other, one causing the other harm.

  If Colt allowed himself to feel and decompartmentalize, it would hurt him too. But when she’d walked out of our lives and left Tuck as a newborn at the hospital, he’d put her in a box in his mind and she’d stayed there. Right now, to him, she was simply a threat. Once his cousin-sister.

  “When we argued, she slapped me, and then I told her that she would never see Tuck unless she was sober. I said ‘over my dead body’ and she pushed me. She pushed me, but I don’t think she meant to hurt me. I landed on a rock, she couldn’t have known that would happen.”

  “She fucking slapped you and pushed you, and you’re going to say she didn’t try to hurt you?” Colt seethed.

  “Yes.” I stepped out of Dad’s embrace and up to Colt, looking up into his eyes. “She didn’t mean to hurt me. She was high and she is sick. I don’t want her near Tucker, believe me. But I also want her to get help.”

  “So she can come and take him from you? From us?”

  I flinched, and then my spine straightened and the momma bear came out to play. “Don’t you fucking dare act like that would even be a possibility. I’d chase Tuck to the ends of the Earth. I’d do anything to keep him. I’d do anything for him. And if that means helping his birth mom then so be it. You loved her too. She was our sister.”

  “She lost that right when she left a baby by itself and forced you to raise him.”

  “It’s been a fucking honor to raise him. Don’t act like that.”

  Colt shook his head and groaned. “Fuck. I know it has. I know. He’s the best thing in my life. I’m…I’m scared to lose him.”

  “Me too,” I said. “But if I keep him from her and he finds out, what will that do to him? He should have the choice to know her. If she is sober.”

  Colt nodded. “Did she say where she’s been staying?”

  “No,” I said. “She only wanted to see and talk to Tuck. It was very quick, and I know she didn’t mean to hurt me.”

  “We can’t trust her,” Colt said.

  “I don’t trust her, and if I have to choose between her and Tuck, I choose him. Every time. Every single fucking time.”

  Chapter 25

  Gunner

  “I can’t do that. I don’t even know where I’m playing next season,” I said and shrugged. Delilah fidgeted in her chair as she listened to me talk with Earl about the possibilities for my future. I was still determined to only play for the Rattlers, but until that deal was signed, I couldn’t tell anyone that.

  “Take some pity on an old man,” he said. “Give me a hint.”

  I shook my head, grinning.

  “At least promise that I’ll be the first person you tell when you land somewhere.”

  “Sorry, Earl, my mom, my girl, and her kid are going to be the first.” I winked at Delilah and her cheeks stained crimson.

  “Could I trouble you for some water?” Delilah asked Earl.

  “The glasses are over there,” he said, dismissing her. She rose from her chair, but I stopped her.

  “I’ll get it for you,” I said.

  “No, no, let me, son.” Earl slowly rose from his chair and walked over to the kitchen. I covered my mouth to hide my laughter at the deadpan expression on Delilah’s face. Moments later Earl returned with
two glasses of water and a plate of cookies. He carefully set down the plate in front of me with a glass of water and then plopped Delilah’s glass in front of her.

  “No, I didn’t want a cookie that I made,” she muttered under her breath. I shook my head and broke the cookie in half, passing her the larger piece.

  She grinned and nibbled on it while listening to Earl and I chat a little more about baseball.

  “Unfortunately, you aren’t my last stop today, Mr. Crane,” Delilah said as we stood at his front door a little while later.

  “Fine, fine,” he said. “Can you keep bringing Gunner with you though?”

  “That’s up to him.”

  “I’ll stop by again and I promise, you’ll be the fourth person to know where I land,” I said as I brought my hand to Delilah’s back and urged her forward. I snagged her hand and entwined our fingers as we made our way back to her SUV.

  “The next place is a little hidden, so I can drive,” Delilah said. I opened the driver’s door for her before getting into the passenger’s seat. She buckled in before turning toward me. “You didn’t have to come, you know.”

  “I know. I like being with you and I like helping you.” Since I’d made it into the majors, almost everything in my life had been done for me. There wasn’t much I needed to worry about besides arriving at the field on time. I liked easing some of Delilah’s burdens.

  She was one of the hardest workers I’d met, and if I could do something as little as helping her carry things, I was fucking doing it.

  Delilah put her car in reverse and made a wide circle until we were pointed at Earl’s exit. I lay my hand on her headrest, and my fingers skimmed through her silky tresses. I was mesmerized by the copper and russet tones that played in the light and mixed with her dark brown hair. From just a glance, I hadn’t been able to tell there were so many colors in it, but now I was obsessed with touching it. My fingers always found their way to it, and I’d dreamed of wrapping my fist around her hair and…

  My thoughts were broken as her ringtone blared through the speakers of her car. Colt’s name flashed on the navigation touch screen. She hit accept.

  “Hey, big brother,” she said.

  “Hey, D. Mind if I take Tuck for the night?”

  “Sure,” Delilah said. “He’s at Mom’s right now, but I’m sure he’d love to spend some time with you. He’s delusional and thinks you’re cooler than his mom.”

  Colt snorted. “Smart kid. I’ll swing by Mom’s. We’ll be by in the morning for breakfast.”

  “I have tomorrow morning off.” Delilah flicked on the turn signal and rolled the car to a stop at the stop sign. The setting sun beat through the driver’s side window, and every reddish strand in her hair caught the light. I wasn’t paying a lick of attention to where we were going; I was mesmerized by the smiles Delilah sent me every few seconds.

  “I’ll keep him until the afternoon, and you can enjoy your morning or get something done. Sound good?”

  “Sure. Tell him I love him and give him a big kiss for me.”

  Colt snorted again before hanging up the phone. Delilah’s eyes flicked to mine. “He’s been really worried about Tuck lately. I think he thinks Tuck will just up and disappear. He’s been stopping by more and more.”

  “Are you worried?” I asked and squeezed her shoulder, trying to help relieve some of the tension.

  “Yes,” she breathed. She shook her head and leaned forward slightly. “This part always confuses me. I turn down a dirt road, but they all look alike, and it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been out here, I still question if I’m going down the right one. I think it’s this one though.”

  I took in my surroundings for the first time and sucked in a breath. My chest tightened and my throat constricted. Flashes of memory plagued my mind, and the scent of burning flesh assaulted my nose.

  Delilah kept driving down the bumpy dirt road, oblivious to the panic that was setting in. My hand curled into a fist and the burns on my arm felt alive with pain and melting flesh.

  “Pull over,” I gritted out through my teeth. I swallowed, but it felt as if my throat was on fire.

  “What?” Delilah said. She glanced at me and pulled to the side of the road. I got out of the car and stared into the field. I didn’t know what I’d expected to see ten years later. Burned bodies? The pile of logs that had collapsed on all of us, taking so many lives? And even those who’d survived weren’t all there anymore.

  I know I wasn’t.

  Part of me was still lying here in this fucking field.

  There wasn’t even torched grass. Looking at this place it was like it’d never even happened. I didn’t know which would have been worse. That the Earth had grown and renewed itself, fixing its tarnished areas, erasing the memory, or if I had seen it as if it had happened yesterday.

  In my mind, both were there. I could see it as if it were in front of me, and the images and memories from that night would never completely leave my mind. Declan’s dead fucking eyes haunted me. The sound of our melted skin stuck together and being torn apart after he saved me rang in my ears.

  “Fuck.” My voice was gravel and sounded as rough as I felt. I ran a hand through my hair, and Delilah was slowly getting close enough that I could feel the heat of her body, but she didn’t touch me.

  I didn’t know if I could handle her soft hands on me right now. That could make me break. I’d held it together for ten years, but in this moment I felt the pressure of everything.

  I felt Dec’s loss like it had just happened and the guilt that had been eating at me and consuming my mind. And now, with Mom being sick, something I couldn’t control, it felt like a punishment for my failure to save Declan. We should’ve both gotten out.

  The backs of my eyes burned. My jaw turned to granite, and the faint clicking of my molars gnashing together echoed in my ears.

  Delilah had been brought into my life just as she’d been thrown into harm’s way. Hawk Valley had destroyed me, and now it was out to do it again.

  “Gunner,” Delilah whispered. Her sweet voice pierced my heart. She took the last step toward me and wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her face against my spine. I put my fists on my hips and looked away, trying to regain control and push all the fucking emotions back into their damn box.

  “Fuck.”

  Out in the distance, small white crosses were set up in the field. I knew every name that was on them. I’d grown up with all of them. I’d walked across the graduation stage with them. And I’d gotten to keep living my life while one of them, my brother, had sacrificed his life so I could keep mine.

  I’d never know what had gone through Declan’s head that night and why he’d decided to do what he did.

  “Do you want to go over there?” Delilah asked so quietly I almost couldn’t hear her voice over the wind rustling the tall grass.

  I nodded, grabbing her hand as we made the slow trek across the field. “Declan was my best friend, he was more like a brother than anything though. He played baseball too.”

  I cleared my throat and felt the warmth of Delilah’s palm as she wrapped it around my forearm and squeezed my hand. My hand swallowed hers, but it was still the perfect fit.

  “The night that I got my scars was the night we were supposed to leave for the draft. We were both rumored to be going high. He was a catcher with an incredible swing. He’d have been an All-Star, for sure.”

  “How old were y’all?”

  “Eighteen,” I said. “Right out of high school.”

  Delilah whistled and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Impressive.”

  “We had this saying,” I said and coughed. Each word felt as if sandpaper were coating my throat. “From cradle to grave. From sandbox to the pine box. From home plate to center field. I write those words on every piece of baseball equipment I own. All my bats, gloves, shoes. All of it.”

  Delilah stayed silent, letting me take the walk and story at my own pace. “I couldn’t come ba
ck here after I lost him. He…he saved me.”

  “He did?” Delilah whispered, and I felt a drop of wetness land against my shirt and stick to my skin.

  “Yeah. He pushed me out of the way after I was hit on the head by a burning log and covered me with his own body. I’d been knocked out. I don’t know what happened, only that I woke up to his blank stare. I owe everything I have to him. He sacrificed himself for me, and it’s my fault he’s dead. I’ve never forgotten that, but…”

  I choked on my words and swallowed past the lump in my throat. “But I couldn’t face coming home until my mom got sick. I’d never even visited his grave. I swear though. He’s with me every fucking day. Every day. I swear, Delilah. I don’t forget the people I love. He’s with me.”

  “I know, Gunner. I know he is, baby. It’s not your fault. It’s not. Gunner, it’s not your fault and I didn’t know Declan, but I know he would never think that of you. I wish he were here with us, but I’ll forever be thankful for him saving you.”

  I turned my head and kissed the top of Delilah’s, breathing in her sweet scent. Through the subtle hints of brown sugar, one of her favorite surprise ingredients, was a lighter floral scent that was all her. It was the most unique thing I’d ever smelled and was quickly becoming everything I’d ever wanted. I tried to let her words sink in and erase the guilt that consumed me, but I’d never be able to forgive myself for him dying instead of me. He should’ve run.

  “He was always saving me though. Even before that, I just didn’t realize it. He was there when my dad died. He was there when Paige Masterson broke my heart. He was there when I almost quit baseball.”

  “You almost quit baseball?”

  I nodded. “I’ve never told anyone that. Except for Declan. I was having a bad month and knew scouts would be coming soon. I thought I would have to hang up my bat and part of me wanted to, wanted to get rid of the pressure. Declan knocked some sense into me and asked how badly I wanted this and how much I’d hate seeing him in the World Series while I sat on my ass at home. He got me fired up until I knew that desire to make it, make it happen, make every dream a reality, and do it all with my best friend was everything. The fire that burned in my soul and fueled my life.”