Love Me Like I Love You

by Willow Winters

  “You don’t have to say anything, bud, but I just want to explain a few things before I let you go to bed.”

  I waited and hoped, but nothing happened. I swiped a tear rolling down my cheek and clutched the robe I’d put on as I waited for him to come home.

  “If I had one wish or one superpower, I would choose to be your biological mother. And not because I would love you more than I do. It would be impossible to love you more than I already do. You are my heart. My living, breathing, out-of-my-body heart. I love you so much, bud.”

  I covered my mouth, choking back the sob that threatened to break free. He didn’t need to hear me break down outside his bedroom door. Rattler lay down with his head on my thigh.

  “Shayla, your birth mom, is my cousin. I know at some point you’ll have a lot of questions, and I want to answer all of those for you. She wasn’t able to take care of you, so I did. I was there the minute you were born. I was the first person in the world to hold you. I am your mom. You are my son. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing.”

  Where did I even begin? What was appropriate for him to know? Where was that goddamn road map?

  “I love you, Tucker. We can talk more tomorrow.”

  I sat in silence outside his door for another hour. I could hear him moving around and settling into bed. I didn’t know if it was my imagination or if I could actually hear him through the walls, but I swear I heard his breaths even out as he fell asleep.

  My butt was numb by the time I got up and dragged myself all the way down the hallway to my room. I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.

  Rattler tugged on the sleeve of my robe. “Stop it,” I said and tried to pull it away. He barked and tugged again.

  “Stop. Go to sleep.”

  He pulled the sleeve of my robe and I heard it tear. I popped one eye open. “Seriously? You need to go outside. Right now?”

  I sat up in bed rubbing my eyes, taking a deep breath that burned, and squinted. What the hell? It was smoky in my room. The air I was taking in was getting harder to breathe. I got out of bed, sliding on my slippers, and walked to the door. I froze and screamed. “Tucker!”

  The house was on fire.

  Bright orange filled the crack under the doorway. I raced to the door, reached for the handle, and yelped when it burned me. I gathered my robe and opened the door. Flames were licking up the walls and ceiling. The hallway was filled with dark plumes. I raised my arm, blocking my eyes from the brightness and stinging smoke. Embers rained down from the ceiling, burning my exposed skin.

  Rattler barked and backed away from the flames, but I had to get to Tucker. The smoke overwhelmed me and the heat felt suffocating. I needed more time. I needed more time. I fell to my knees crumbling under the pressure of the smoke and fire. The flames had gotten to me faster than I’d thought they would. I’d never imagined what a fire would be like, but I don’t think I could’ve concocted this sickening heat even in my wildest imagination.

  I crawled along the carpet, coughing. My eyes were watering and everything felt constricting. Rattler was crouched next to me, not leaving my side. His warm body was nuzzled into mine as we crouched low and moved toward Tucker’s room. The hallway floor was singed.

  “Tucker!” I tried to yell, but it felt like a hot poker was stuck down my throat. I could barely hear my own voice over the roar of the flames.

  I kept crawling, but I was barely making any progress and blackness started to cloud my vision. And each breath was harder than the last. My lungs were going to burst. I was going to go up in flames with the house.

  Rattler cried and pulled on my robe again.

  “Delilah! Tucker!”

  Gunner? I moved forward another inch, lost in the smoke. I didn’t know how far I had gone or how far I had to go. Everything was lost in the thick black plumes.

  Suddenly I was swept into the air, and the flames were whipping by us. I couldn’t stop coughing as we made it outside into the cool night. The fresh oxygen felt like a gift and a curse.

  Rattler was barking as loudly as he could and spinning around and around in a circle. “Tucker!” I cried and tried to wiggle out of Gunner’s arms.

  He put me on the ground far away from the house and cupped my cheeks. “I swear to you. I will get him.”

  Before I could reply, he took off and ran back into the flames. I lost sight of him as soon as he crossed the threshold, and I couldn’t stop myself from screaming their names.

  A person in a cabin across the way came out. “I’ve called 9-1-1. They’re on the way.”

  I didn’t respond, only yelled for Tucker and Gunner. My voice was hoarse and my throat felt torn apart, but I could do nothing but cling to the hope they would come out. A booming noise echoed over the field and shook the ground. The roof in the middle of the house collapsed. “No!” I screamed and got up to run back inside, but the man who had called 9-1-1 held me back.

  Gunner came running out of the house, and I tossed the man’s hands off of me and ran to him. Gunner was covered in soot, and the fire had singed holes in his shirt.

  “Where’s Tucker?” I felt as if I were being torn in half.

  Gunner stopped me from running past him, and he ran around the house, yelling over his shoulder. “The roof caved and I couldn’t get past.” Gunner was far ahead of me and I was trying to keep up, rounding the house to get to Tucker’s window.

  “I’ve got him.”

  I collapsed on the ground as Shayla came around the corner with Tucker in her arms. She was covered in soot from head to toe, just like Gunner. She passed Tucker to Gunner’s arms and collapsed to the ground.

  “Shayla!”

  Chapter 34

  Gunner

  I laid Tucker on the ground. He was unconscious. I could’ve collapsed in relief when I heard his breaths and the beat of his heart. I rubbed his head. I had tried my hardest to battle through the flames and smoke to get to him.

  I would’ve found a way, even if it meant my life.

  I’d been rounding the house to break his window when Shayla came around the corner carrying Tucker in her arms. He didn’t have any soot on him, but she was covered.

  Delilah checked Tucker’s breathing and heartbeat before doing the same with Shayla. “Her breaths sound shallow,” she said.

  “I don’t give a fuck,” I gritted out through my teeth. I was staring down at the person that had tried to kill my family. Or just Delilah? Had her plan been to kill Delilah and take Tucker?

  She had only acted the hero.

  “Gunner,” Delilah said, tilting her head. She hadn’t connected the dots, but I had—as soon as I’d seen Shayla coming toward us. I’d seen her a split second before that, facing the other way, walking toward the woods.

  “She did this,” I said with vehemence.

  “She wouldn’t.”

  “She was walking toward the woods with Tucker in her arms before we came back here. I think she was trying to kill you and take him.”

  Tears clouded Delilah’s eyes just as the sirens’ wails broke through the sound of her house burning to the ground. But she and Tucker were out and safe. I lifted my arm for her to come closer to me.

  She did, snuck right into my side, and we both laid a hand on Tucker. His eyes slowly opened.

  “Tucker?” Delilah said, leaning over him.

  “Mom?” He sat up. “What happened?”

  “There was a fire,” I said, taking them both into my arms and holding them against my chest. I wished I could block the house from his view, but it was impossible to hide the orange flames against the black night sky. Rattler nuzzled Tucker. Tucker circled his arms around his neck and cried into his fur.

  Delilah’s parents ran to us and knelt on the ground just before the firetrucks pulled up, followed by the ambulance and Colt’s police cruiser, seconds behind.

  The EMTs loaded Shayla first then Tucker and Delilah. I waved them off with a promise I would get checked at the hospital. Until then, I was riding with Tucke
r and Delilah as their family member.

  Her parents and Colt promised to meet us at the hospital.

  “It was her,” I said to Colt before I stepped into the back of the ambulance. “I would swear it was her that did this.”

  “Fire department hasn’t put out the fire yet. When they do, they’ll determine cause.”

  “Fuck that,” I said.

  “We have to go by protocol, Gunner. Keep an eye on things until we can get there.”

  I nodded and stepped into the back of the rig, reaching out a hand to grab one of Delilah’s and one of Tuck’s.

  Chapter 35

  Delilah

  Gunner switched back and forth between my emergency bay and Tucker’s, which was right next to mine. I was waiting on the final results of my bloodwork before being cleared. I was being treated for smoke inhalation damage to my throat, but all signs were pointing toward my being okay. I was tired and a little achy, with a major headache, but okay. I needed to get up and see Tucker with my own eyes.

  He’d been unconscious. The doctor hadn’t been able to tell us why quite yet. They were running a blood panel, but his airway was clear and he didn’t have smoke damage.

  Shayla was a different story. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her yet, but she’d been inside while the house was on fire. I didn’t want to believe Gunner’s claims. I didn’t want to believe she would do that, but the evidence was pointing to her. And she had plenty of motive.

  A doctor rolled back the curtain, looking at the clipboard in his hand before meeting my eyes. Gunner sat on the bed next to me, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand.

  “Hello, Delilah, I’m Dr. Billings. You are free and clear to go. Please remember, if you experience any chest pains to come to the emergency room immediately. You’re young and fit and the smoke damage wasn’t too severe, so I don’t see any heart issues being a complication.”

  “What about Tucker?” I asked, swinging my legs off the bed. Gunner and I stood facing the doctor.

  “He is free and clear of smoke damage. However, there was a sleeping agent found in the blood panel. Is he on any medication?”

  “Sleeping agent? No, no medication.”

  “The dosage should’ve knocked him out for hours. To be frank, I am surprised he’s awake right now. With the amount still in his system, I would expect he’d be asleep.”

  “What?” I asked. “That’s impossible. How would that happen?”

  “That’s something that I can’t answer, and I will turn over my findings to the police. There is a police officer and a firefighter here to speak with you. I suggested we let you see Tucker before they start in on the questions.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand. Someone drugged Tucker? Why? Was it Shayla?

  “Thank you.” My voice was hoarse and clogged with emotion.

  “I would like to keep him overnight, as a precaution.”

  I nodded. “Okay, I’ll fill out whatever you need, but I need to see him right now.”

  I stepped around the doctor and flung the curtain back to reveal Tucker sitting up in his bed. He was propped against the pillows, looking tired.

  “Mom!” He tried to launch himself out of bed, but my mom held him back.

  I held up my hands. “No, no, stay in bed, honey.”

  I felt Gunner come in behind me, but right now, my focus was only on Tuck. I sat on the edge of Tucker’s bed. He flung himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck. “I’m sorry, Mom.”

  I rubbed his back and held him tightly against me, kissing the top of his head. “No, buddy. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I love you so much. How are you feeling?” I asked as I leaned back and scanned him.

  He shrugged. “Tired.”

  I crawled into the bed next to Tuck and snuggled in with him. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”

  “How did we get out?”

  I hesitated, but I couldn’t risk losing him by lying to him again. “Gunner got me and Rattler. He went back in for you, but the roof collapsed and blocked him from your room. He was running around the house to get to your window, but you were already out.”

  “How?”

  I hesitated, taking a shaky breath. “Shayla was carrying you. I don’t know how yet. She’s in the hospital, but I haven’t had a chance to go see her. You were priority number one, bud.”

  “You have to see her, Mom. She’s alone, isn’t she? If we were her family and she’s never been with us. She’s alone.”

  “Yeah, buddy, she’s alone.”

  “You have to go see her.”

  “I will, but I need a little more Tucker time.” I hugged him to my chest. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You have to spend the night at the hospital, just so they can double and triple and quadruple check that you’re fine.”

  Tucker rolled his eyes. “Mom! I want to go home.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to go home too, but that was now impossible. Tuck and I would have our pick of vacant cabins. I knew Gunner would want us at his place and my parents would welcome us with open arms, but none of those places were ours. They weren’t where Tuck had taken his first steps or where he’d swung a stick he was using as a bat and broken a window.

  Our house wasn’t standing anymore.

  “Me too,” I whispered and tried to perk up my voice. “It’s only one night, and I’ll bet we could convince the nurse that you need ice cream. Pronto!”

  Tucker smiled and snuggled more deeply into my chest. I lifted my gaze, meeting Gunner’s and really seeing him for the first time tonight. He looked like hell. He stepped forward, went down to his knees, and grabbed Tucker’s hand.

  “Hey, bud,” Gunner said. Tucker maneuvered out of my embrace and held his arms out for Gunner. Gunner hugged him tightly to his chest and rubbed his back over and over.

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Tucker said quietly and tears overflowed. “Can we still be best friends?”

  “Always, buddy,” Gunner said.

  “I thought I was your best friend.” I looked past Gunner’s massive shoulders and saw Colt standing in the doorway, outfitted in his cop uniform and wearing his cop face.

  He was here on business.

  “You’re both my best friends!”

  Colt snorted. “Not how it works.”

  Gunner chuckled and ruffled Tuck’s hair. “It works however you want it to, Tuck.” Tuck stuck out his tongue at Colt, who finally cracked a smile.

  Colt’s eyes shifted to mine. And I knew my time was up. It was time to talk and get to the bottom of this. “We’ll be back in a few minutes. Stay here with Grams and Pops.”

  My dad slid around Colt coming into the room. He leaned down to kiss my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Shayla’s not doing too well.”

  I nodded. I needed to see her. I had to. Even if the worst was true, I needed to see her with my own eyes.

  Colt stepped into the hallway and stood next to Ridge. Ridge was covered in soot, still in his turnout gear. He smelled of pungent smoke. It had been hell in the house. I hadn’t even been able to make it down the flame-filled hallway, and Ridge did that every day.

  He walked into the fire while everyone else was running out.

  I walked straight to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He hugged me back. “Thank fuck you’re okay. Gunner did good.”

  I nodded. I knew he did. My man—who had been tortured by fire once, who still had nightmares of fire—had run in for me. And then again for my son. I wasn’t sure how I would handle him leaving; everything felt too big at the moment. Emotion clogged my throat.

  I let go of Ridge and returned to Gunner’s side, and I held his waist. He looked down at me, and I finally said the words I should’ve said as soon as he pulled me out. “I love you.”

  He kissed me and leaned his forehead against mine. “I love you too. I can’t think about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten you out and if Tucker wasn’t okay.”

  “We can’t go there,” I whi
spered.

  “Hate to break this up,” Colt said sarcastically. “But we need to get to the bottom of this.”

  “It was definitely arson,” Ridge said. “There was kerosene all over the place and Foster found a can that had been ditched in the bushes. We found a couple of fire alarms in the wreckage. There weren’t any batteries.”

  “That can’t be. Those are replaced at least once a quarter in all the cabins, including mine,” I said. They had been replaced maybe a month and a half ago. I’d let the maintenance man in myself, and I’d been there the entire time. I tried to remember if any flashing lights had indicated a working alarm.

  “Took them and the tank into the station,” Colt said. “Hopefully, they’ll be able to pull fingerprints. It wasn’t Shayla.”

  “How do you know?” Gunner asked. He thought it was her, but something in my gut was telling me it wasn’t. She was trying to turn a corner in her life. It might’ve been bumpy—it wasn’t as easy as I wished it was—but I couldn’t believe this, even with all the threats she’d spouted when she first came back. They’d scared me at the time, making me want to lock Tuck away and keep him from her, but deep down, I knew she wouldn’t cross the line from making a threat to burning down my house and trying to kill us—or even just me.

  “She was at the main lodge, sitting on the front steps, writing on some paper when the fire started,” Colt said. “I guess she saw the smoke and ran toward the fire. It wasn’t her.”

  I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together, struggling to keep the tears at bay.

  “Who was it?” Gunner asked Colt. Then Gunner leaned down, kissing the top of my head, and spoke quietly only to me. “We’ll go see her in a minute. I swear. She saved our boy.” My hand shook as I brought it to my mouth, and my other fisted the back of Gunner’s dirty shirt. We both smelled and were still dirty, but that didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I nodded, gritted my teeth, and returned my focus to Colt and Ridge.