by J , Louise
The silence that follows feels way too apparent in the darkness, but there isn’t much more I can say right now. Whether she realizes it or not, Brooklyn doesn’t have a lot of faith in me.
It’s still early days for us, but, even with the uncertainty of where we’re headed and the longevity of this thing, if she was really paying attention she’d know she matters to me.
“I’m sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion … I was having second thoughts earlier today,” she says, carefully.
“I know.”
“I’m still here.”
“I know.”
She slides out from between me and the door, takes off her jacket and hangs it up, steps out of her tennis shoes, and walks back into the bedroom.
When I enter the room, Brooklyn’s taking off her shirt and jeans. I watch her in the dark until she moves to the bed and gets under the comforter. I get in alongside her. She’s on her back, in the middle of the bed.
Lying on my side, I turn her head my way so I can see her face, even in shade. “I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I get how my distance could’ve been perceived as unusual, but try not to jump to the worst conclusion with things. It wasn’t easy for me staying away from you like that.”
I see the movement of her lashes as she blinks a couple times. “Good, it shouldn’t be easy for you. I’m sorry for doubting you. It seems I have a tendency to read things wrong with you. You did frown at me, though, Dane.”
I smile to myself, at her response and her sweet, but determined manner. It’s crazy that something so simple to me – a frown – could mean so much to her. “It wasn’t on purpose, you just happened to make something that was already difficult a whole lot harder. That’s all it was.”
“Really?”
“You shouldn’t need to ask me that, you said it yourself – nothing other than adoration exists for me when I see your naked body. The same thing applies when you’re clothed. I feel like I could spend a week in your head and I still wouldn’t completely understand some of the ways your mind works. You seem so unnecessarily insecure sometimes.”
“Doesn’t everybody have their moments?”
“I’m not all that interested in everybody else, sweetheart. Only you.”
A genuine smile graces her face. All her relaxed, happy moments, like this one right now, are when Brooklyn Scott is truly at her best. Those moments make this all worthwhile.
Brooklyn needs to be more aware of what’s going on around her. She’s paying attention to the wrong things. An idea comes to mind. “Hey, come with me.”
After leading Brooklyn through to the living room, I position her standing at the side of the coffee table and loosen out her hair. With the blinds open I can make out the furniture and see what I need to. I power up the stereo, the neon blue glow it emits providing a faint illumination, and select a song.
As the spoken words sound in an unhurried, deep voice and the slow beat strikes, I pad back to Brooklyn. Grasping her hips, I draw her to me. “Dance with me.”
Sliding her hands up over my chest and around my neck, she embraces me with a tightness I suspect is almost equal to my hold on her. As we move, in sync with each other and the music, what I’m hoping is that she’ll realize there’s a reason I picked this particular song. If not, then the least I hope for is that she’ll escape with me, rather than from me.
I’ve never considered myself to have an addictive personality, not beyond Tetris, but I damn well feel addicted to the woman in my arms.
Thirty Seven: Brooklyn
We’re in the 1990s with this R&B group. Feenin’ – I’ve always loved this song. I’ll love it even more from here on.
As we dance, my body melting into Dane’s, those hands I already know so well stroke slowly up and down my bare back in a way that feels urgent, yet tender. The way he’s holding me, caressing me, moving with me, I could so easily believe he’s feeling the words beyond simply liking them. More like connecting with them, relating to them. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but one thing’s for sure, I definitely feel this way about Dane; like I have to have him, like I’m addicted to him.
Transferring my arms to around his midsection, I press my cheek to the left side of his chest. I tingle, close to bursting, when his fingers slip into my hair at the base of my skull and he fists my hair passionately, holding me tighter to him as the music hits a crescendo with lyrics expressing need and joy. It’s like we’ve all become one; me, Dane, the rhythm and the words, the way we’re moving, closed off from the outside world. I want to keep these few moments forever.
When the music fades, I’m not even close to ready for this to be over. I request another dance, curious about what the song choice will be. I watch Dane’s perfect, naked physique move through the faint blue glow as he goes to select another track. I smile with recognition of the ultra smooth, male voice and the slower, sexier beat.
Dane rejoins me, picking up from where we left off. Do you mind if I kiss your lips a thousand times… We’re more intimate and suggestive in the way we stroke each other this time. Come with me to a place where no love has gone before… Half way through, the tip of his forefinger raises my chin and he presses a kiss to my lips. I welcome the wet stroke of his tongue around mine.
With his lips moving to my neck, he travels down the center of my body and drops to his knees, hooking my right leg over his shoulder. He secures my position with one arm around my hips and a hand at the thigh I have draped over him. I let my head fall back as circular sweeps of eager tongue caress my clit, the most intimate of French kisses. So, so quickly he has me close to the edge, the pleasure rapidly intensifying, and my thighs start to shake. I erupt, unable to hold in the scream that accompanies it or the pressing of my nails into his shoulders. I hear myself as the music silences for a moment. Another sensual R&B beat starts, layering over my panting breaths. Throwing my upper body forward, I curl over Dane and pull my hips back to break his contact with my sensitive flesh. I’m standing only because he’s holding my quivering body in place.
He brings me down to join him, kneeling on the floor, and his arms encircle me, his chest to mine. Slowly, he starts moving us again, a slight sway from side-to-side. Dancing on our knees to a song that offers blatant sexual intentions, there’s no denying where this is going. I know we won’t be sleeping anytime soon…
****
I’m at a pool hall with Leona, Dane and his friends. I’m seated against the back wall, watching the remainder of the game Saffron and Adam are playing.
On his chair, next to me, Dane sits relaxed back with his knees turned out to the sides and his arms folded loosely across his chest. Beside him sits Joe and Gerard, the three of them in conversation. On the other side of me are Leona and Su, who I’ve met twice before. She’s a gorgeous girl, close in height to me, and she has a horizontal fringe and her entire hair is dyed blonde with thin black highlights. I like her style, and she’s lovely to talk to.
I’m still no more than polite to Gerard. It isn’t easy sometimes, because he makes me want to laugh. I do my best to fight it. Somehow talking to him or laughing with him feels like a betrayal to Kayla. She doesn’t expect me to keep my distance, but I feel I should.
The other side of that is the connection the four guys and Saffron share. They’re family, like close siblings, and, as I’ve observed so far tonight, Su seems to form a solid part of their group too. For that reason, I’ll never disrespect Gerard, because I’d feel like I’m disrespecting Dane, as well as Saffron, Adam and Joe, who’ve been nothing but nice to me every time I’ve seen them. It’s a shame, because I’d like Gerard if I didn’t dislike the fucked up shit he does.
As Saffron and Adam finish, it’s decided that Leona and I will play against Dane and Joe. I’d have been happy with the arrangement if they weren’t the stronger players. Why we’ve been paired against them makes no sense to me, but our protests were ignored. They said they’d go easy on us. Help us out. Fuck that. They’ve only encouraged us
, so we’ll be giving it our best, even if we are destined to lose. I’ve spent many nights playing with my brother and his mates in our local pub back home. I haven’t played in a while, though, so I hope I’m not too rusty.
On deciding to make the game a little more fun, I’ve just put Dane’s mobile on silent/vibrate and instructed him to keep it in the pocket of his jeans. Mine is on the same setting, in my back pocket.
Thirty Eight: Dane
I watch Brooklyn prepare to break. As she bends over, setting up her position, I can see right down the V-cut of her tight, red shirt. Even being an ass man, I can more than appreciate nice tits and Brooklyn’s are exceptional. This’ll be an entertaining game.
As she draws back the cue, she looks confident and quite skilled. With her break shot two balls pot, a solid yellow and a red stripe.
“Fuckin’ hustlers,” Joe says, impressed.
I’m not sure about Leona, but Brooklyn looks as though she can play. The friends grin at Joe’s response and they decide on playing stripes.
“Looks like these boys might finally get their asses kicked,” Su says, sounding certain about that.
“That’s a little optimistic, Su,” I tell her.
“Well, now, that was a pretty good break,” she gloats.
“Did you know she could play?” Joe asks me, discretely.
“No. I was hoping for some competition, though. Let’s do this.” I would’ve gone easy on them, but not now.
Pulling my cell out from my pocket, I start a text. I suspect I’ve just beaten Brooklyn to her own idea. Leona takes the next go, looking as confident as her friend did, and pockets the yellow stripe. Right, so it seems they can both play.
“Fuckin’ hustlers,” I say this time. All that fuss they made about playing us.
Brooklyn’s crimson lips shift into a smirk as she takes the next shot, narrowly missing. It was a tricky one, which she almost made.
I finish my message, as Joe lines up the cue, and hit ‘send.’
[You make me wanna own a pool table purely for the purpose of fucking you on it!]
I don’t look Brooklyn’s way, but I’m aware of her gaze on me. She’s standing, leaning against the wall. Joe pots a green and an orange.
Brooklyn is up again. She positions herself, this time arching her spine just a little more, perking up her butt just a little higher. Those tight, black flared jeans are very effective for that pose she’s putting on. She pockets an orange stripe and misses her second.
I’m up. I aim for the blue and pot it. I succeed with my next, so intentionally, but not obviously, I take the risk of missing my third shot, in the hope of prolonging things and giving the girls a better chance.
Leona gets up, debating her aim. My cell vibrates.
[Watching you and all that delicious masculinity take those shots is one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. I’m wet. I’m empty and achy. I want you.]
I tap out my response as Leona misses and Joe prepares for his turn.
[If you win, I’ll make you come before we even leave this place.] I reply.
Joe pots and aims for his next.
[And if I don’t?] She gets up to take her go.
[I’ll be fucking that crimson lipped mouth of yours before we leave.]
Thirty Nine: Brooklyn
I’m sitting with Leona, Saffron and Su. Adam and Joe are playing against two guys who were on another table. Dane and Gerard are watching them from the side. I’ve been indulging in typical girlie conversation.
“Your brother has been tamed,” Su says to Saffron, seeming impressed.
“I know,” Saffron says, sounding pleased.
I glance at Leona, who smiles a small smile that looks rather smug and even victorious, an “I told you so.” She’s said something similar to me herself. Personally, I think it’s definitely too soon to make or believe such a statement. Dane and I have only been together a month, that’s nothing.
Oh yeah, I do believe I have a forfeit to fulfil, and with great pleasure. Lee and I played a good game, but we lost. I glance at Dane and find him watching me. We hold eye contact for a moment. I reach into my handbag. Aware that he’s still looking at me, I casually lean back on my chair and slowly reapply my red lipstick.
My mobile, on the table, lights up and vibrates. I grab it.
[Get that mouth out to the hallway. Now!]
Discretely, I look to where he was standing. A quick scan around the pool table, he’s gone. “I’m sorry, I just need to make a call,” I tell the girls, and leave the seating area.
****
I’ve just arrived in Hillsborough with Dane, Saffron and Nathaniel. I’m meeting Elizabeth, who returned from Italy yesterday. Saffron’s excited about the whole arrangement; it’s obvious she’s wanted her brother to have a girlfriend for some time.
Their relationship fascinates me and I always find myself observing them and their interaction whenever I’m with them both. Dane is evidently the older brother and the more serious of the two of them. For someone so laid-back and patient, Dane is an incredibly focused person. Saffron’s bossy and mother-like with him and often takes control. Dane is in fact the more dominant one, but he allows Saffron to take charge, and he’ll do everything to avoid her being upset. They love each other immensely and nurture each other to the fullest. It’s obvious they grew up protecting one another.
Hillsborough is lovely. It’s an affluent area, something I’ve learnt through Kayla, and passing these amazing houses makes that more evident. This feels like a world away from the city. When he was alive, Elizabeth’s husband, Ray, was an inventor who had success with a small but beneficial part for motorcycles and he sold the patent to a major manufacturer. I didn’t realize until now just how wealthy Dane’s upbringing was.
Without being here and knowing them, you’d never imagine Dane and Saffron, and their friends, come from money. The only potential giveaway is their homes and love of bikes. The guys, except for Gerard whose passion is for cars, all have more than one motorcycle, but with Dane’s business it’s not entirely unattainable – not such a blatant giveaway. The house Saffron lives in is ridiculous in every good sense of the word and based in an expensive part of San Francisco. Dane’s choice of living location is a great one, but more about being close to work. His apartment is fantastic. All of them indulge selectively; none of them are pointlessly frivolous or throw their money in people’s faces. As a whole, they’re possibly the most down to earth, easy going people I’ve ever met. They all work hard in their own right too.
We pull up in Elizabeth’s drive. Her house is a beautiful two-story building, encased by a generous front and back garden. Trees and flowerbeds take up most of the outside space, making it feel enchanted.
The moment we climb out of the car the front door opens. A woman with fair skin, silver-gray hair neatly pulled into a bun and dressed in dark blue jeans and a lilac turtleneck steps out and walks along the path towards us. Nathaniel runs to her. She opens her arms for him with obvious joy about her face and lifts him up into a tight embrace. Saffron wraps her arms around the two of them, forming an affectionate group hug.
Dane is holding my hand and he draws me in front of him as we approach. Now I’m getting nervous. I’m not sure why, because Elizabeth’s already welcoming me with her soft gray gaze and a curve to her lips. She lowers Nathaniel to the ground and Saffron takes him into the house.
“Elizabeth, meet Brooklyn,” Dane says.
She hugs me. “Brooklyn, it’s so lovely to meet you.” Her hold is inviting, the feel of her slight, though she’s far from frail. Mmm, she smells of fresh bread. Someone’s been baking.
“It’s really nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Carroll.”
She pulls back, holding the tops of my arms. “Please call me Elizabeth or Beth, either suit me just fine.”
With a lingering smile, she looks lovingly up at Dane, behind me. I step to the side and watch their embrace. It’s endearing and I can’t help but admire Elizabeth, a
nd Ray, for giving Dane and Saffron a home and caring for them. There’s so much love amongst them all, I’ve witnessed less between blood families. This is quite amazing.
When Dane told me in the beginning that he spoke to Elizabeth on the days he doesn’t see her, though I didn’t think it was a lie, I didn’t take it literally. In the six weeks I’ve been with him, I’ve been aware of him calling her in Italy most days.
Dane gives me a full tour of the house. Polished, dark wood lines the floors throughout and the walls are either cream or pale blue. Hand painted pictures hang on display and almost all of the furniture is antique and stylish. Photos of Ray are displayed as well as pictures of Saffron, Nathaniel and Dane. It’s so cute seeing Dane as a boy. It’s a stunning home and well kept, though rather large for one person.
Being here, it occurs to me that Dane never talks about Ray. He speaks about Elizabeth all the time, and his parents have come up a number of times, but we haven’t had a single conversation about Ray. The bits of information I know have come from Saffron, who oozes pure affection towards him. I wonder if Dane and Ray didn’t get along, but if that was the case the man’s face wouldn’t be tattooed on Dane’s back.
We sit drinking tea and coffee in the living room. Nathaniel knows the house well and spends most of the time running around. Elizabeth tells me about her travels to the UK. She’s even been to the part of London I’m from.
“Saffron was telling me in the kitchen that you’ll be performing in L.A. soon,” Elizabeth says, raising her china tea cup to her slender lips.
“Yes, we start a week on Monday. I can’t wait. My mum and dad have booked a hotel in San Diego that same week and they’ll come to L.A. for the weekend to see the final show.”
I’m so excited about seeing my dad. Because Dane’s coming to the final show, they’ll meet each other. Thankfully, Tommy’s lessened the concerns my dad had, about me having a boyfriend in San Francisco, so I don’t need to be nervous about them meeting.
“I’ll get us tickets for when Release is in New York in November, Beth,” Saffron says. “It’s so amazing, you’ll love it.”