Always on My Mind

by Dubois, Artemis

  "Sky, you okay?" Cillian's deep voice stirred me from my trance.

  "Yeah I'm fine. I was—"

  "Thinking?" Chris interrupted.

  "Chris tells me that he lives in New York too. Y'all ever meet up?"

  "I don't think meet up is the best—"

  "Oh Cillian, can you get the ice cream from the car? It's probably melted all over the back seat."

  "Ah—Sure, no problem."

  I checked to make sure he was out of earshot. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I said, pushing Chris against the wall.

  "You should really tell him."

  "There's nothing to tell. We're not together anymore."

  "Sky, you'll always be mine. Don't you forget that."

  "Look, what we had it's done. Over with. Can't you understand that? And by you being here—it's not fucking cool."

  Chris cupped my hand. I recoiled but his fingers latched on.

  "What? You're going to make a home with ole' boy? You're going to move back to the crappy South? Leave me? You know you can't get enough of what I got." He moved in and took a whiff of my perfume. "Mmm, didn't I buy you that?"

  I pushed him away. "Just leave. Smells like you've been drinking," I said.

  "I'll leave when it's time to leave. You better be nice or I'll tell our little friend everything," Chris said, moving his fingertips down my neck.

  "It'd be a bitch move, Chris, but I don't think Cillian would give a flying flip anyway."

  "Maybe. Maybe not. You want to take that chance?"

  The front screen door opened. "I didn't see a damn thing in the car."

  "You know what, I forgot. I put it up already," I said, opening the freezer door.

  "You had me out there tearing up the car looking for ice cream, girl," Cillian pulled me into his embrace. His lips touched mine as his hands moved down my backside. My eyes cut to Chris. I could see the rage boiling within him. "Maybe I should get started with dinner." I slid Cillian's hand down from my backside.

  "Okay," he said looking perplexed. "Chris, how about we head up to the man cave and blast some fools?"

  "Cillian, you go ahead," I said, grabbing a knife from the block. "I need Chris to help me with something." Chris moved slowly back into the kitchen, folding his arms and leaning against the doorway.

  "What?" His voice was filled with anger.

  "Let me be one hundred percent crystal clear. Speak one word about this to Cillianand you can kiss your comfy New York life away. Don't forget it's because of me you have that cushy job and apartment in Turtle Bay."

  "Is that a threat?"

  "It's whatever you make it. Fool with me and see."

  -nine-

  Dinner was eaten in silence minus the occasional question from Cillian to Chris about New York. Anytime Chris opened his mouth, I'd give him a slight side-eye. "This place still looks the same," Chris said. "It's kinda cool for us all to be together again, like this. All grown up." I nodded as Cillian let out a loud belch. "Like old times," he said, taking a swig of his beer. Chris eyed me from the opposite side of the table as Cillian sat to my right. I knew what he was thinking. His green eyes were low and devilishly seductive. I pulled my gaze to Cillian. He could scoff down a meal in seconds.

  After dinner Cillian headed out to do a final check on the stables and the livestock. He'd mentioned that there had been a rash of thefts in the past few months and it gave him comfort to check on them through the night. I cleared the table and headed into the kitchen. Chris offered to help load the dishwasher.

  "You know, we had a good thing—"

  "Had," I said. "And I wouldn't say it was all that great."

  "Well that's what your mouth says. It sung a different tune when I had you crawling up the walls."

  "There's a difference between sex and making love."

  "Not in my book. Sex is what keeps a relationship hot. Love is an afterthought, but it wasn't with us... not all the time.

  "You're so twisted. Just leave?"

  "Don't blame me for your big mistake."

  "Big mistake?"

  "Don't do that. I know Cillian was your big mistake. You had regrets about leaving him here in Sweet Water. And now you think just because you've made it you can come back and live happily ever after... well what about my happily ever after?"

  I slammed the dishwasher door and turned to face Chris to find his puppy dog eyes had fallen to the floor. It wasn't my intent to throw anyone away or hurt their feelings. I wasn't even sure that I'd moved back to Sweet Water, though I couldn't deny, my heart was leading me to that decision.

  "Chris, I... we had fun. In some way my heart has always belonged to Cillian. You know that." He pulled his gaze up and away from me. "I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you." My hands rubbed along his shoulder.

  "It may not have been your intent, but it happened... it's happening now."

  His arms reached out for me. I hesitated but felt he needed a hug. His lips moved to mine just as Cillian walked into the kitchen.

  "What the hell is going on?" Cillian stood motionless. His hands clutched behind his head. He paced into the kitchen as we stood on the opposite side. "What am I walking into?" Cillian asked in the calmest voice he could muster. Chris winked his eye in my direction. This is exactly what he wanted. I lowered my head to gather my thoughts as my heart slammed against my chest. I'd lied to Cillian all these years. It's all been a lie. If I could, I would have punched Chris in his head.

  "Cillian, there's something I need to tell you," I said. "Something I haven't been one hundred percent honest with you about." I reached for Cillian's hand and walked him up to his bedroom. Cillian wasn't one for overreacting. He was probably the calmest person I'd ever known... though I felt he was tense and he wanted to know what was happening. I sat him on the bed as I knelt down, looking into his eyes.

  "In high school, Chris and I—"

  "You had sex," he said, releasing my hold. "I know. I've always known."

  "How—?"

  "It didn't matter to me," he said, pulling me to the bed. "He may have been your first sex, but I was your first love. That doesn't change anything." His head met mine as if he were trying to read my mind. "Is that why you left? Because of that?"

  "It was a big part of it," I said. His beard pricked the sides of my cheeks. His hand reached into mine, grasping my fingers. "I've always wanted to be yours, and I've wanted you to be mine. But I was ashamed."

  "Sky, you put too much on yourself. We're not perfect. You weren't my first sex, but you were my first love; my only love." He lifted my head with his gentle hand and gazed into my eyes. "I've always loved you. When you left, I felt like someone had ripped my heart out through my ass... that shit hurt. I was angry for a while, but I always knew you'd come back to me, and you did. Here you are."

  "That's not all." I paused hoping to find my words. "Chris and I were in an on again off again relationship in New York. It just happened. I broke it off a while ago, but he's still sort of pursuing me."

  "I kinda of figured that too. I'm not some stupid redneck, Sky. I'm aware of things. But it's over and done with, right?" he asked, stroking my hair.

  I nodded.

  "Good, cause I love you, baby girl." He leaned in, kissing me gently on my forehead.

  "I love you too, baby."

  Chris sat on the edge of the sofa, arms crossed looking up at the sky window. I cleared my throat and he looked sharply up the stairs. He jumped from his seat and padded over to the base of the staircase.

  "It's time for you to go," I said sternly.

  "Did you tell him?"

  "Everything." I folded my arms. "So whatever you came here to fuck up didn't work, Chris. So leave, please."

  "Why? Why can't you return my love? I've loved you since the first day I saw you."

  Cillian looked on from upstairs, staring daggers at Chris. His hands gripped the banister. His knuckles turning white. Cillian's gazed was fixed on Chris as if he was a tiger waiting to pou
nce on its prey. My heart broke for Chris. I didn't have the connection with him that I had with Cillian. Chris paced with his hands clutched behind his head. "You're so cold." His eyes became watery his muscles tensed.

  "It doesn't have to be like this Chris."

  "No it is like this. Who do you think you are? You run around like you're little Ms. Prefect. You make me fall for you, and then you kick me to the curb like I'm some toy."

  "I never—"

  "High school. You couldn't get into Cillian's pants so you jumped into mine. When you finally got Cillian, you dropped him like a sack of flour and high tailed it to New York. Just admit it Sky. You're a whore." Tears flowed from Chris's eyes. His words were sharp and dug deep into my flesh. It hurt.

  "Hold on just a minute," Cillian said, running downstairs and pushing Chris against the wall. Chris was no match for the brute strength of Cillian. His six-foot-four frame towered over Chris.

  "Whatcha gonna do, bro?" Chris wiped the tears from his eyes.

  "Do yourself a favor and leave before I have to show you." Cillian loosened his grip from Chris' shoulders. Chris ran over to the corner and grabbed his bag and reached in and pulled out a letter. "Here," he said, handing me an envelope.

  "'preciate it," Cillian said, snatching it from Chris's hand.

  "That's for Sky," Chris said coldly.

  "I'll make sure she gets it, bro."

  The screen door creaked as Chris pushed through. It was pitch black out with the summer creatures calling into the night. Chris looked back with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen. There weren't any words spoken. Just a look and he was gone. His words lingered in my mind as I watched him drive away. Rain began to fall, sending a cool breeze through the screen door. A summer rain. How romantic, yet depressing.

  "Where are you going?" Cillian called out as I walked out the door.

  "Sky... it's raining."

  I didn't care. I felt like I needed some alone time. Some time to think. The fall of the rain quickened. I looked up at the stars as the rain poured over me. In a matter of seconds, I was soaked. My shirt clung to my torso, my jeans felt heavy and mud covered my naked feet.

  "Maybe Chris was right."

  Cillian ran up and grabbed me from behind hugging me tightly. "He's just jealous. You were always meant for me." His chin nuzzled my neck as we swayed in the rain. He nibbled on my earlobe gently, still holding me tight in his embrace. I turned and pressed my lips tightly against his. His rough hands caressed my neck as we explored each other's mouths.

  "I want you right now," I said, pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his broad chest. My hands roamed into his pants, feeling the heat between his legs. Cillian tripped on a yard rake, falling into a mud puddle. His fist punched into the muddy water splashing me in the process. I bent over, offering my hand. "You should put your toys away." He reached out and pulled me into his muddy lap.

  "How do you like that?" he asked, wiping the splashes of mud from my lips. "Come on," he said, sprinting for the barn.

  It was dark. Rain trickled through the cracks above, but it wasn't a downpour. "Wait here, I'll be right back." Cillian ran back into the house and returned with blankets and two lanterns that he hung from the beams, and then covered the hay with the thick blankets.

  "Now, where were we?" Cillian asked. I pulled his shirt over his head. His skin was smooth but firm. I dragged my tongue down his neck, spending time licking and sucking on his erect man nips. His head fell back as I tasted his chest with my mouth. I followed his happy trial down to his playground. I looked up at Cillian as I slowly unbuckled his belt. He looked down, licking his lips as I peeled off his mud stained jeans.

  The roar of the thunder startled me. "It's okay baby." Cillian ran his fingers through my hair. I took his thumb and moved it across my lips before taking it into my mouth. He let out a subtle moan as I sucked each of his fingers. A smirk graced his face once I made it to his pinky. "I got something much bigger for you." He smiled.

  Cillian stepped out of his jeans. I was surprised he was wearing briefs, but they were sexy as hell.

  "When did you get these?"

  "I picked 'em up just for you," he said, reaching for his monster.

  "Ah, there he is. Looks like he's awake," I said, licking the sides of his thickness. Cillian's cock was beautiful and smooth as silk. It hung perfectly between his creamy thighs. I positioned my head just below his cock licking the tip, teasing him before devouring his shaft.

  The roar of the thunder grew louder as I continued to wet Cillian's cock. My tongue lapped over his dick head and then my warm lips wrapped around his thick mushroom head. I treated his cock like a lollipop, sucking hard to get to the juicy center. I slowly moved down his shaft tightening my lips in the right places and varying my speed as I bobbed up and down on his cock.

  "You like that?" I asked, looking up from below. He nodded slowly and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me down to the base of his shaft. As soon as I reached the base, he let out a loud grunt that matched the roar of the thunder. I pulled back to catch my breath as saliva dripped freely from the sides of my mouth.

  "You belong to me," he whispered, tugging at my earlobe. "You hear me?" His hand landed a firm on my ass.

  "Yes." I turned and pressed my lips softly to his. "I love you," he said, tightening his embrace.

  "I love you too, boy."

  The rain passed and we held each other. Never wanting to let go.

  -ten-

  After two months of flying back and forth to Sweet Water it was taking a toll. I didn't want to give up the city life I'd become accustomed to enjoying and I didn't want to give up the man of my dreams, again. Part of me felt selfish for not moving back. Maybe selfish was too harsh of a word to use. I sat back with the morning paper Janet brought up. She was over in her corner doing her normal thing like always.

  "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, her eyes glued to her laptop screen as she plugged away at the keyboard.

  "Like what?"

  "Like you want to ask me something," she said, turning her gaze towards me.

  I hunched my shoulders and returned to my paper. I couldn't concentrate with all the random thoughts clouding my mind. Janet hadn't been herself lately. Usually she'd come over to the table and work instead of staying in her corner. She had been acting strange for the past month.

  During the week I lived in New York, and on weekends I ended up in Sweet Water with my baby. Just the thought of Cillian sent warm fuzzies running through my body. Janet looked over and laughed. "Getting horny are we?"

  She strode over with a fresh pot of coffee.

  "Mmmm. I am," I giggled, blowing the top of my coffee.

  "Well, you'll be back in 'bama with Cillian in three days."

  She paused and turned, "You know I walked in on my oldest brother one time," she started, placing her hands on her hips. "He was sitting on the couch watching some porno and I'd just come home from school. Do you know he saw me and kept on whacking. He didn't even stop. I froze... in total disbelief."

  "Ewww, you watched?" I was stunned. "Goodness. You are so random sometimes. Anyway, 'bama isn't happening this weekend. Cillian has some big meeting or something in Atlanta so it looks like it's just us this weekend." I sighed. Janet returned to her laptop and there was silence, again.

  I checked my calendar and saw I had a two thirty with a new client. Usually Janet took care of the first meeting to weed out folks. A text from Cillian appeared on my screen and Janet waved herself out.

  "Love you, can't wait to see you." He messaged.

  "I wish you didn't have to go to Atlanta this weekend." I replied.

  "We'll see each other soon." He texted.

  The thought crossed my mind of hopping on a flight and heading down to Sweet Water and blowing off my meeting so I could be with Cillian; if only for a day. I heard the front door open. "Janet, that you?" I asked.

  "No," a low raspy voice replied. My eyes widened as the footsteps drew closer. I
couldn't believe it.

  "Cillian!" I said, jumping from chair running over and falling into his arms.

  "Told you we'd see each other soon." Cillian picked me up off the floor and pulled me into his strong embrace.

  "I can't believe it. You flew?"

  He nodded. "Yep, first time. Shit was crazy."

  My feet dangled as Cillian held me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he sat on the back of the couch.

  "You happy to see me, baby girl?"

  "No, not really. Of course I am. I was just about to book a flight down. I couldn't go another day without seeing you."

  "Good thing I came when I did. I was your two thirty." He smiled.

  "Janet?"

  "Yep, she helped me plan all this. It's been a few months in the making," he said, running his fingers through my hair.

  "That bitch. She didn't even tell me."

  "Of course she didn't, it wouldn't have been a surprise. I hope there's enough closet space for me." Cillian said, with a sly smile.

  "Closet space?"

  "And this television is the perfect size for gaming. What is it 60 inches?"