The McBain Brief

by Ed McBain

  Well, what I did then, I went into Clerical and checked out the records for all the uniformed cops in the precinct, where it lists their home addresses, you know, and the names of spouses and kids and so on. And I found out there are three guys whose wives’ names are Elizabeth. Patrolmen, these guys. None of the detectives on the squad got a wife named Elizabeth. And then I checked the patrolmen’s duty chart, this was last week, I checked the chart and found out which shifts these three patrolmen were working, and I began staking out their houses while they were working, and following around their wives wherever they went. I made excuses to O’Neill, I told him I was clearing up some deadwood in the files, following up on some burglaries, talking to witnesses again, stuff like that. He bought it because we’re so backlogged now, he figured anything I could do to put a case in the open file, anything like that would give us a chance to catch up. So what I did was follow these women around and, well, I guess you know I’m an experienced cop, I told her, and by the end of the week if any of those women were fooling around with a cheap hood, why then they were doing it at the laundromat or the supermarket because that’s the kind of places they went to while their husbands were on the job. Or a movie with a girlfriend, if the guy was working nights. Or one of them went to a Bingo game at the church. They were clean, I told her. So it wasn’t a patrolman’s wife, Liz, it just wasn’t. So it had to be somebody else.

  Then tonight, O’Neill and I were heading out to the liquor store, we’re riding in his old Chevy, and I said to him straight out, I said Johnny, you got to tell me what they’re saying. Is it Liz they’re talking about? Is it my wife who’s playing around with this Laguna? And first O’Neill said it was all a bunch of bullshit, Harris was probably making the whole thing up to keep the squadroom clowns amused. I told him I didn’t think Harris was making it up, and he said Well, even it it’s true, there must be ten thousand women named Liz in this city, and I said Yeah, Johnny, but not all of them are married to a cop in our precinct. So he told me it was probably some poor fucking patrolman, and I said Johnny, it’s not a patrolman, I checked. And he looked at me, he was driving the car, he just turned his head slightly to the side and looked at me, and I said Johnny, I think it’s me. He turned his head back to the road then, and he said Well, Duke, I guess that’s what they’re saying.

  She was still sitting there on the bed, propped up against the pillows, but there was a smile on her face now, as if I’d said something very comical, something she was going to deny in the next minute, set the whole thing straight by simply saying Well, this is ridiculous, Duke, you know I love you and would never in a million years get involved with another man. That’s what I wanted to hear from her, and I guess I began feeling a little better the minute I saw that smile. So I said Liz, all I’m asking for now is the truth. If it’s as terrible as maybe it looks to be, we’ll work it out. And if it’s true, I don’t know what, maybe I’ll ask for a transfer, I just don’t know what. But if it’s a lie, then I’ve got to be able to go in there and face those guys down. That’s all I’m asking, Liz. I’m asking you to help me with this thing, one way or another. I love you, Liz, and whatever the truth is, it’s better we get it out in the open and deal with it. Now that’s it Liz, and I’d appreciate it if you’d tell me now.

  “You want a confession, right?” she said. She was still smiling.

  “No,” I said, “I don’t want a confession, I want to be able to talk about this, I want to be able to set things stright.”

  “Okay,” she said, “you’ll get a confession, if that’s what you want. Okay?”

  “I’m listening,” I said.

  “It’s true,” she said. “All of it is true.”

  She was still smiling, I thought for a minute she was putting me on, I thought she couldn’t be saying this was true, while smiling at the same time—it had to be a put-on. “I met him downtown six months ago,” she said. “It was raining. He offered me a lift in his car, and I got in. It was as simple as that.”

  “Liz,” I said.

  “I’ve been seeing him ever since.”

  “Liz,” I said, “the man is a bum.”

  “I love him,” she said.

  I think that was what did it, her saying she loved him. I think I really would have been willing to talk it over, the way I’d promised her, if only she’d hadn’t said she loved him. Because, you see, the man was a bum, the man was everything I’d learned to despise, the man was a bum. So I went to the chair where I’d hung the shoulder holster, and I took the .38 from it without even thinking what I was doing, I just took the gun out of the clamshell, and I turned to where she was sitting there on the bed, still smiling, and I fired four shots into her chest and then I went to the bed and fired another shot into her head.

  I make this confession freely and voluntarily in the presence of Detective-Lieutenant Alfred Laber and Detective 2nd/Grade John O’Neill and Detective 1st/Grade Charles Harris, having been duly warned of my rights, and having waived my privilege to remain silent.

  The Last Spin

  The boy sitting opposite him was his enemy.

  The boy sitting opposite him was called Tigo, and he wore a green silk jacket with an orange stripe on each sleeve. The jacket told Dave that Tigo was his enemy. The jacket shrieked “Enemy, enemy!”

  “This is a good piece,” Tigo said, indicating the gun on the table. “This runs you close to forty-five bucks, you try to buy it in a store.”

  The gun on the table was a Smith & Wesson .38 Police Special.

  It rested exactly in the center of the table, its sawed-off two-inch barrel abruptly terminating the otherwise lethal grace of the weapon. There was a checked walnut stock on the gun, and the gun was finished in a flat blue. Alongside the gun were three .38 Special cartridges.

  Dave looked at the gun disinterestedly. He was nervous and apprehensive, but he kept tight control of his face. He could not show Tigo what he was feeling. Tigo was the enemy, and so he presented a mask to the enemy, cocking one eyebrow and saying, “I seen pieces before. There’s nothing special about this one.”

  “Except what we got to do with it,” Tigo said. Tigo was studying him with large brown eyes. The eyes were moist-looking. He was not a bad-looking kid, Tigo, with thick black hair and maybe a nose that was too long, but his mouth and chin were good. You could usually tell a cat by his mouth and his chin. Tigo would not turkey out of this particular rumble. Of that, Dave was sure.

  “Why don’t we start?” Dave asked. He wet his lips and looked across at Tigo.

  “You understand,” Tigo said. “I got no bad blood for you.”

  “I understand.”

  “This is what the club said. This is how the club said we should settle it. Without a big street diddlebop, you dig? But I want you to know I don’t know you from a hole in the wall—except you wear a blue and gold jacket.”

  “And you wear a green and orange one,” Dave said, “and that’s enough for me.”

  “Sure, but what I was trying to say . . .”

  “We going to sit and talk all night, or we going to get this rolling?” Dave asked.

  “What I’m trying to say,” Tigo went on, “is that I just happened to be picked for this, you know? Like to settle this thing that’s between the two clubs. I mean, you got to admit your boys shouldn’t have come in our territory last night.”

  “I got to admit nothing,” Dave said flatly.

  “Well, anyway, they shot at the candy store. That wasn’t right. There’s supposed to be a truce on.”

  “Okay, okay,” Dave said.

  “So like . . . like this is the way we agreed to settle it. I mean, one of us and . . . and one of you. Fair and square. Without any street boppin’, and without any Law trouble.”

  “Let’s get on with it,” Dave said.

  “I’m trying to say, I never even seen you on the street before this. So this ain’t nothin’ personal with me. Whichever way it turns out, like . . .”

  “I never seen you neith
er,” Dave said.

  Tigo stared at him for a long time. “That’s ’cause you’re new around here. Where you from originally?”

  “My people come down from the Bronx.”

  “You got a big family?”

  “A sister and two brothers, that’s all.”

  “Yeah, I only got a sister,” Tigo shrugged. “Well.” He sighed. “So.” He sighed again. “Let’s make it, huh?”

  “I’m waitin’,” Dave said.

  Tigo picked up the gun, and then he took one of the cartridges from the table top. He broke open the gun, slid the cartridge into the cylinder, and then snapped the gun shut and twirled the cylinder. “Round and round she goes,” he said, “and where she stops, nobody knows. There’s six chambers in the cylinder, and only one cartridge. That makes the odds five-to-one that the cartridge’ll be in firing position when the cylinder stops twirling. You dig?”

  “I dig.”

  “I’ll go first,” Tigo said.

  Dave looked at him suspiciously. “Why?”

  “You want to go first?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m giving you a break.” Tigo grinned. “I may blow my head off first time out.”

  “Why you giving me a break?” Dave asked.

  Tigo shrugged. “What the hell’s the difference?” He gave the cylinder a fast twirl.

  “The Russians invented this, huh?” Dave asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I always said they was crazy bastards.”

  “Yeah, I always . . .” Tigo stopped talking. The cylinder was still now. He took a deep breath, put the barrel of the .38 to his temple, and then squeezed the trigger.

  The firing pin clicked on an empty chamber.

  “Well, that was easy, wasn’t it?” he asked. He shoved the gun across the table. “Your turn, Dave.”

  Dave reached for the gun. It was cold in the basement room, but he was sweating now. He pulled the gun toward him, then left it on the table while he dried his palms on his trousers. He picked up the gun then and stared at it.

  “It’s a nifty piece,” Tigo said. “I like a good piece.”

  “Yeah, I do too,” Dave said. “You can tell a good piece just by the way it feels in your hand.”

  Tigo looked surprised. “I mentioned that to one of the guys yesterday, and he thought I was nuts.”

  “Lots of guys don’t know about pieces,” Dave said, shrugging.

  “I was thinking,” Tigo said, “when I get old enough, I’ll join the Army, you know? I’d like to work around pieces.”

  “I thought of that, too. I’d join now, only my old lady won’t give me permission. She’s got to sign if I join now.”

  “Yeah, they’re all the same,” Tigo said, smiling. “Your old lady born here or the island?”

  “The island,” Dave said.

  “Yeah, well, you know they got these old-fashioned ideas.”

  “I better spin,” Dave said.

  “Yeah,” Tigo agreed.

  Dave slapped the cylinder with his left hand. The cylinder whirled, whirled and then stopped. Slowly, Dave put the gun to his head. He wanted to close his eyes, but he didn’t dare. Tigo, the enemy, was watching him. He returned Tigo’s stare, and then he squeezed the trigger.

  His heart skipped a beat, and then over the roar of his blood he heard the empty click. Hastily, he put the gun down on the table.

  “Makes you sweat, don’t it?” Tigo said.

  Dave nodded, saying nothing. He watched Tigo. Tigo was looking at the gun.

  “Me now, huh?” he said. He took a deep breath, then picked up the .38.

  He shrugged. “Well.” He twirled the cylinder, waited for it to stop, and then put the gun to his head.

  “Bang!” he said, and then he squeezed the trigger. Again, the firing pin clicked on an empty chamber. Tigo let out his breath and put the gun down.

  “I thought I was dead that time,” he said.

  “I could hear the harps,” Dave said.

  “This is a good way to lose weight, you know that?” He laughed nervously, and then his laugh became honest when he saw that Dave was laughing with him. “Ain’t it the truth? You could lose ten pounds this way.”

  “My old lady’s like a house,” Dave said, laughing. “She ought to try this kind of a diet.” He laughed at his own humor, pleased when Tigo joined him.

  “That’s the trouble,” Tigo said. “You see a nice deb in the street, you think it’s crazy, you know? Then they get to be our people’s age, and they turn to fat.” He shook his head.

  “You got a chick?” Dave asked.

  “Yeah, I got one.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Aw, you don’t know her.”

  “Maybe I do,” Dave said.

  “Her name is Juana.” Tigo watched him. “She’s about five-two, got these brown eyes . . .”

  “I think I know her,” Dave said. He nodded. “Yeah, I think I know her.”

  “She’s nice, ain’t she?” Tigo asked. He leaned forward, as if Dave’s answer was of great importance to him.

  “Yeah, she’s nice,” Dave said.

  “The guys rib me about her. You know, all they’re after—well, you know—they don’t understand something like Juana.”

  “I got a chick, too,” Dave said.

  “Yeah? Hey, maybe sometime we could . . .” Tigo cut himself short. He looked down at the gun, and his sudden enthusiasm seemed to ebb completely. “It’s your turn,” he said.

  “Here goes nothing,” Dave said. He twirled the cylinder, sucked in his breath, and then fired.

  The empty click was loud in the stillness of the room.

  “Man!” Dave said.

  “We’re pretty lucky, you know?” Tigo said.

  “So far.”

  “We better lower the odds. The boys won’t like it if we . . .” He stopped himself again, and then reached for one of the cartridges on the table. He broke open the gun again, and slipped the second cartridge into the cylinder. “Now we got two cartridges in here,” he said. “Two cartridges, six chambers. That’s four-to-two. Divide it, and you get two-to-one.” He paused. “You game?”

  “That’s . . . that’s what we’re here for, ain’t it?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay then.”

  “Gone,” Tigo said, nodding his head. “You got courage, Dave.”

  “You’re the one needs the courage,” Dave said gently. “It’s your spin.”

  Tigo lifted the gun. Idly, he began spinning the cylinder.

  “You live on the next block, don’t you?” Dave asked.

  “Yeah.” Tigo kept slapping the cylinder. It spun with a gently whirring sound.

  “That’s how come we never crossed paths, I guess. Also I’m new on the scene.”

  “Yeah, well you know, you get hooked up with one club, that’s the way it is.”

  “You like the guys on your club?” Dave asked, wondering why he was asking such a stupid question, listening to the whirring of the cylinder at the same time.

  “They’re okay.” Tigo shrugged. “None of them really send me, but that’s the club on my block, so what’re you gonna do, huh?” His hand left the cylinder. It stopped spinning. He put the gun to his head.

  “Wait!” Dave said.

  Tigo looked puzzled. “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing. I just wanted to say . . . I mean . . .” Dave frowned. “I don’t dig too many of the guys on my club, either.”

  Tigo nodded. For a moment, their eyes locked. Then Tigo shrugged, and fired.

  The empty click filled the basement room.

  “Phew,” Tigo said.

  “Man, you can say that again.”

  Tigo slid the gun across the table.

  Dave hesitated an instant. He did not want to pick up the gun. He felt sure that this time the firing pin would strike the percussion cap of one of the cartridges. He was sure that this time he would shoot himself.

  “Sometimes I
think I’m turkey,” he said to Tigo, surprised that his thoughts had found voice.

  “I feel that way sometimes, too,” Tigo said.

  “I never told that to nobody,” Dave said. “The guys on my club would laugh at me, I ever told them that.”

  “Some things you got to keep to yourself. There ain’t nobody you can trust in this world.”

  “There should be somebody you can trust,” Dave said. “Hell, you can’t tell nothing to your people. They don’t understand.”

  Tigo laughed. “That’s an old story. But that’s the way things are. What’re you gonna do?”

  “Yeah. Still, sometimes I think I’m turkey.”

  “Sure, sure,” Tigo said. “It ain’t only that, though. Like sometimes . . . well, don’t you wonder what you’re doing stomping some guy in the street? Like . . . you know what I mean? Like . . . who’s the guy to you? What you got to beat him up for? ’Cause he messed with somebody else’s girl?” Tigo shook his head. “It gets complicated sometimes.”

  “Yeah, but . . .” Dave frowned again. “You got to stick with the club. Don’t you?”

  “Sure, sure . . . no question.” Again, their eyes locked.

  “Well, here goes,” Dave said. He lifted the gun. “It’s just . . .” He shook his head, and then twirled the cylinder. The cylinder spun, and then stopped. He studied the gun, wondering if one of the cartridges would roar from the barrel when he squeezed the trigger.