Beautiful in the Lord's Eyes

by Susan Kohler

  She read that verse to him, and then asked him, “What kind of God wants people who will kill without mercy to get into paradise? Or heaven? Do you really want to spend eternity in paradise with people who are wanton killers?”

  After a pause she added, bitterly, “Of course, you would fit right in, since you are a wanton killer and a rapist.”

  “I thought you said you had forgiven me,” Adam taunted. “You sound bitter and angry, Christian woman.”

  “I have forgiven you, but that doesn’t change what you are or what you did. I will never forget what you did, to my friends and to me. Sometimes the anger comes back. I’m not perfect, but I will pray and ask for God’s help, and I will forgive you once again. I even pray for you,” she shot back.

  Adam couldn’t have been more shocked at her rebuttal, his eyes bulged out, and he opened and closed his mouth so many times he reminded Nicole of a codfish. “What did you say, woman?”

  “I said I pray for you, man!” She stood, even as she held the phone receiver up wanting to smash him in the face with it. “God knows you need my prayers, since you’re such a monster!”

  “How dare you address me like that! Man! I have a name and you will address me with respect!” Adam shouted to her.

  And the fight was on!

  “Respect? I have no respect for you!” Nicole was blazing. “You are a murderer, a rapist, and an arsonist! What is there for me to respect?”

  “I am a man and you are only a woman!” Adam shouted back. “You have no value!”

  “Women have as much value as a man, maybe more.” She ignored his gasp of outrage. “No man alive could go through childbirth. And you! You are evil! You are the lowest, most vile form of evil on this planet.” She released an anger she had endeavored to restrain ever since the attack. Her efforts at calm and control while facing Adam were shattered, and it felt glorious. “I have no respect for you, and none for any person who murders innocent people. Talk about worthless, you are a waste of food and oxygen.”

  “I did what I had to do because you have no honor!” Adam shouted back.

  “And Allah decided you were the one to judge me? What honor do you have?” she shot back. “I was a virgin, and you know it.”

  “You go around with your head uncovered, and pose for lewd pictures!” he argued.

  “I never posed nude, or lewd.” She calmed slightly as she realized this argument could bring on a more open dialogue between the two. “I think the reason Muslim men insist on covering their women up, forcing them into arranged marriages, and even cause them to undergo female genital mutilation is that they are cowards, who fear that they cannot control a woman who has a choice. I think you are a coward.”

  “A coward?” Adam shouted back at her. “Would a coward do what I have done?”

  “Yes! Exactly!” She stood and looked him in the eye, this time her voice was cold and steady. “I think a coward would do exactly what you did to me. I pity you. You took away my choice of who I would give myself to. Women deserve to have that choice. You are a handsome man on the outside, but so ugly on the inside. Men like you know no woman wants a man with your attitude, so they try to control their women by fear and murder. Even a rumor about a woman can lead to a so-called honor killing. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. I pity men like you because they’ll never know the true love or joy from a woman. You will never know true love or joy unless-”

  “Unless what?” Adam sneered. “How can I know true love and joy?”

  Nicole felt her heart thump as she realized the opening Adam had dropped into her lap. She silently and quickly prayed for help with her words. Dear Lord, don’t let me lose this chance.

  “There is a perfect love waiting for you to accept it,” Nicole began. “The love Jesus has for you, whether you accept Him or not, His love is real and freely offered.”

  “But I have Allah and the prophet, why would I need Jesus?” Adam asked, amazed. “What good could your Jesus do for me? I’m in prison for the rest of my life.”

  “You have a choice, even now,” she told him, sitting down again. “You can waste whatever life you have left, sitting in your cell and feeling hatred towards the rest of the world, blaming the world for your own actions, or you can accept Jesus and study the Bible. You can learn ways to help others, even in here. There is always some good you can do in this world, if you want to. Jesus will show you ways to help others. Like the Bible verse I read to you, Jesus commands us to love one another as He loved us.”

  Suddenly, Adam’s mood turned. Nicole saw it come into his eyes even before he spoke.

  “Allah is merciful,” Adam said defiantly.

  “You say that. I’ve heard it many times from many who follow Islam, but where is the mercy?” Nicole shot back. “Is there mercy in beheading a mere child? Or a man with his hands tied behind him? Is there mercy in selling a woman into slavery? Is there mercy in crucifying a man whose only crime is being a Christian? Does Allah really want people with him in paradise who only believe in him out of blood lust or those who fear for their lives? That’s weak.”

  “You see, in my religion, there is free will. People have a choice to follow God and his son Jesus, or to reject him. God wants us to follow him out of love, and not out of fear. We don’t kill you if you leave the church, we pray for you. Jesus died to save us, not to condemn us. We are taught that although the wages for sin is death, that Jesus paid those wages for us, if we accept him and repent.”

  “Doesn’t that mean that you can sin and then just say you’re sorry and all is forgiven?” Adam asked.

  “In a way it does, but there’s much more to it. We are expected to try to live a godly life, to do our best. We should try to avoid sin. But it’s not because of the rules, not because of fear or cruel punishments. It’s because we love God and we’ve accepted Jesus.” Nicole chose her words carefully. “Also, once we accept Jesus into our hearts, we become changed and filled with the Holy Spirit. We have a desire not to sin anymore. We want to please God, every day, in every way. Still, we are human and we sometimes fail to do what is right. Heck, we often fail to do what is right, but we try because we want to please the Lord and we want to deserve the sacrifice he made for us. It’s not easy, but we do what we can out of love and faith, not fear.”

  “So you do not pay for your sins?” Adam asked.

  “Yes, we do,” Nicole answered. “We pay according to man’s law, and public opinion. We also face God’s judgment. Jesus helped us defeat death, but we are still judged, in heaven. We still stand before the Lord.”

  “How did you defeat death?” Adam asked. “You still die.”

  “Yes, but we go to heaven.” Nicole smiled.

  “We go to paradise,” he replied.

  “Some paradise, filled with bloodthirsty killers and reluctant virgins who probably hate you.” Nicole’s smile spread even wider. “I’ll take heaven.”

  She stood and started to leave, then turned back. “Adam, I’m sorry I lost my temper.” Then she questioned, “Will you at least think about the things I said?”

  “Yes.” Adam grudgingly gave his word, “I will.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  “And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples.”

  (Luke 11:1)

  Nicole spent the evening with her husband Troy, enjoying a meal sitting out on the porch. She told him how, for a brief moment, she had thought Adam was opening up to Jesus.

  “I must have said something wrong,” she moaned as she gathered up the dishes to take inside.

  “No love.” Troy followed with the last of the dishes. “If God wills it, you will find the words to open his heart. All you can do is your best.”

  “Still, there was a spark of interest.” She sat the dishes on the counter, and began to rinse them while Troy loaded the rinsed ones into the dishwasher.

  “Have you consid
ered that for him to accept Jesus he’ll also have to fully accept what he’s done? He won’t be able to hide from himself anymore.” Troy added the detergent.

  “Let’s put it aside for now,” Nicole suggested, pulling Troy closer for a kiss. “We can go over to David’s for a ride and a swim.”

  They walked over to the barn at David’s house and got out the horses. Nicole smiled to herself as she remembered giving David the large, gray gelding, Ted. He was perfect for David, who rode but wasn’t fond of gymkhana. Ted was great on trails and rail work, and he was easy going and affectionate.

  “We really gave each other great wedding gifts.” She hugged Troy. “You gave me a house, and I gave you Ted.”

  “And twin babies,” Troy added, “who are trying to start walking. Imagine them getting all over the house. Hey, did you hear? Emily’s pregnant again.”

  “At least she knows it this time.” Emily had been one of those women who went through a whole pregnancy without knowing it, until she went into labor.

  They rode for a while, but Nicole wasn’t in the mood to run any events, even though barrels were set up. She hadn’t said anything to Troy but she was secretly hoping she was pregnant again, and though she was genuinely happy for Emily, she felt a little let down. And since her injuries and pregnancy, Cassie had taken over riding gymkhana on Burgie, so Nicole just rode for pleasure, exercising him.

  After their ride, they put the horses up, pulled on their suits and jumped into the pool for a quick swim. David and Emily were there swimming too. They sat by the poolside and had soft drinks, and chatted about Emily’s pregnancy. Emily glowed with excitement. Their first baby, Pete, was just over two, and a real handful. She couldn’t wait for the second to come along.

  “How are the prison visits coming?” David asked.

  “Up and down.” Nicole took a large sip of her soda. “One day he shows signs of listening, of opening up and then bam! The door slams shut.”

  “Are the listening times increasing?” was his follow-up.

  “Yes, they are,” Nicole admitted with a smile.

  “Then you’re wearing him down, Nicole, you’re winning.” David grinned.

  “You’re right!” She smiled. “Thanks, David. I feel so much better that now I’m going to take my sexy husband and go home.”

  Nicole felt refreshed after a few days away from the prison, but she kept visiting Adam. Even she didn’t fully understand why, but she felt compelled to go. She and Adam were slowly growing closer, they weren’t friends, but they were less combative. They prayed together, read the Bible and just talked. The only thing she held back from him was pictures and news about her twins. Sometimes she felt guilty about it, as if she had not really forgiven him but something inside told her, not yet. So she waited.

  For her next visit, they discussed how wives should act towards their husbands. She quoted the verse: Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

  As she expected, Adam really perked up when he heard the verse. It fit right in with his beliefs.

  “See!” he shouted. “Wives should be submissive, circumspect, and do what they’re told!”

  “Or you can beat them?” Nicole said, her smile deceptive. “Is that what you think? Just boss the little woman around, keep them submissive, and beat them if they don’t act exactly like you want them to act?”

  “Is that not what the Bible says?” he sneered. “You stupid woman, you just proved how right I am.”

  “Oh, did I?” Her voice was soft and silky, her smile modest, but cunning. “Then how about the verse a few lines down?”

  “What verse?” He was wary.

  “So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Ephesians 5:28. That’s the verse that tells men to love their wives as their own bodies, as they love themselves. Would you beat yourself? Keep yourself prisoner in the home? Would you kill yourself for being unfaithful?”

  “It’s not the same!” Adam protested.

  “Isn’t it?” she challenged. “Be honest, isn’t it?”

  “Maybe, in some ways,” Adam admitted. “I must think.”

  Together they read through the whole chapter, discussing it verse by verse, line by line, even word by word. Finally, worn out, Nicole had to leave.

  “Adam, please read it over when I’m gone. Think about it, pray about it. Then you’ll know how you really feel. In your heart.”

  “But who do I pray to? God? Allah? Jesus?” Adam gave a rare smile. “Do I just pray: to whom it may concern? What do I do?”

  “Try all three,” Nicole suggested, smiling. “And see who answers.”

  “Would your Christian God listen to my prayers?” Adam asked.

  “Yes.” She struggled to hide her excitement.

  “But how?” he asked. “How do I pray?”

  She held her hand up to the glass and said, “Jesus taught his disciples this prayer: After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen. Matthew 6:9-13. We call it the Lord’s Prayer.”

  She left him there, thinking, and went home to her husband. She had a stop to make on the way first. She had a doctor’s appointment.

  Nicole was busy again, working on the anti-violence campaign, studying for her credentials in physical therapy, and getting her new gym off the ground. Surprisingly, she even had a few modeling jobs. With the right make-up, draping her hair in a certain way and the good old fashioned airbrush, she could look almost as good as she did before. Her saving grace was her experience and professionalism. With all that, and the prison visit on her plate, she was tired and a little run down. So she was shocked, thrilled but shocked, when she left Doctor Sullivan’s office.

  She drove home, feeling stunned. She waited for Troy to get home, and filled her time by fixing him dinner.

  She had spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and salads waiting for him as she heard the car drive up. She waited for him to walk into the house before turning to him with a big smile.

  “I’m pregnant!” She leapt into his arms.

  Dinner had to be reheated after they celebrated.

  Later, she remembered to tell Troy that Adam had asked her to teach him a prayer.

  “What a day!” He kissed her. “It’s a miracle, you’re making real progress with him, I know. And starting a new business, doing public service announcements, and now this! Nick, my love, we’re having another baby!”

  “You know the difference between you and Adam?” She kissed him. “He would say we’re having a baby, and not even think about the two we already have. You know what? He keeps asking to see pictures of his son! His son! What about his daughter?”

  “The sad thing is, to me, they’re my kids.” He held her.

  “To me they are too, never doubt that. Thank God.” She kissed him gently, with love.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Moreover as for me, God forbid that I should sin against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you: but I will teach you the good and right way.”

  (1 Samuel 12:23)

  The visits continued, usually twice a week. Sometimes she felt as if she wasn’t making any progress, and while other times she sensed signs of a breakthrough, it was both frustrating and encouraging.

  “Nicole,” Adam greeted her on one visit, “do you always use the same words to pray?”

  Nicole was surprised and pleased with the question. Partly because he seldom called her by name, and partly because he was starting to ask real questions. She had planned to discuss Christian views about helping others, but she decided in an instant to change that to a lesson on prayer.

  “No, we pray from our hearts. We believe God is our Father, who listens and an
swers our prayers, but there are many ways to pray. This is my belief, so I’m not going to quote long verses to you. I brought you a Bible today, instead of just a few pamphlets, so you can read some verses.”

  “Here’s what I’ve found for myself,” she told him. “When you pray, pray without anger at anyone in your heart. Make sure you’ve forgiven anyone who has wronged you. That’s part of why I had to forgive you. Pray for others, not just yourself. After you pray for something, you need to have faith and believe God will give you what you need. So thank Him. Do not wait for the thing you want to magically appear. Thank Him, and praise Him, whether you get it or not.” She took a deep breath. “Sometimes God says no, but also sometimes there’s something better in His plan for you. Also, if you pray for something, prepare to receive it. For example, if you pray for good crops, have baskets ready to put the crops in and a place to store them.”

  “But do Christians pray five times a day?” he asked, insistently.

  “Most Christians pray many more times than that. I might say a prayer while I’m driving my car or before a meal, and of course, at church. I pray when I’m happy, sad, or troubled. I pray before I visit you. I talk to God to thank Him for my blessings. I can’t tell you how often I pray.”

  “You ask God for things?” He was surprised. “And he answers?”

  “Yes,” she explained, “there are some great verses on prayer for you to read, for example: And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are; for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, they shall have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. Matthew 6:5-6”

  She thumbed through her well-worn Bible. “We ask for what we need. God wants to give good things to his children. Just look what where tells us,” she flipped pages then continued, “Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask him a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:9-11. So if you pray, it’s just between you and God. Pray, in the name of Jesus. I truly believe our heavenly Father can give you good things, even in here.”