by Paige Toon
I text Agnes back:
I miss you too. At a party. Nothing like Lottie’s…
I smirk as I press Send. Lottie is Charlotte Tremway, a famous teen actress and the star of Little Miss Mulholland, one of my favourite TV shows.
It’s going to be weird watching her on the small screen now that I know her. There are a lot of people here who would go nuts if they knew I’d been to a couple of her infamous parties.
Another text from Agnes comes in:
I’m so jealous. Crap, teach seen phone. Gotta go.
I giggle and stuff my phone back into my bag, shrugging off Natalie’s inquisitive glance. It’s a weird feeling: my two worlds colliding in one small moment.
About an hour later I’m squeezed onto a three-seat sofa with five other people as the music pounds out of the stereo and straight into my left eardrum. I’m pretty tipsy now – it doesn’t take much – and I’m having fun, despite the fact that Tom still hasn’t turned up.
Liam is on the decks and he’s just put on ‘I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You’ by Black Kids.
I love this song, even though it reminds me of Jack. I helped him DJ at Agnes’s sixteenth birthday party in LA. Was that only a few weeks ago?
Before I can think about it, I’m squeezing out of my Natalie/Lou sandwich and pushing through the crowded living room to get to the DJ decks. Liam gives me a confused sideways look, but nods when I indicate his record collection. I dance along to the music as I rifle through his vinyl, smiling as I come to The Wombats. He looks amused when I point to ‘Tokyo’, then shrugs and takes the record from me. Jack’s going to see The Wombats in LA this month, and for a moment I’m right back there with him…
He’s leaning against the wall with his guitar in his hands, his legs stretched out and crossed in front of him. He plays a jaunty little tune and then he begins to sing, and I laugh out loud when I realise that the song is ‘Live While We’re Young’ by One Direction. He doesn’t know all the words, but he makes some up and it’s so funny. I’d been teasing him by saying that he’d copied the POW! tattoo he has on his forearm from Zayn’s ZAP! one, and Jack had bet me that he’d got his done first. (He had.) He gives his guitar one last strum and grins up at me, his black hair all sexy and dishevelled, and his blue-grey eyes twinkling as my heart flips over and over.
I want to hate him – he messed around with me while he was still seeing Eve, the lead singer of his band – but I can’t.
I wonder if he’s still seeing her. There’s no way I’m going to ask Agnes. I try to put Jack out of my mind, but suddenly I’m standing in his games room, staring up into his eyes, the feeling of his warm, firm chest pressed against mine. And then his fingers are in my hair, his palm cupping my jaw, and his lips on mine.
I flush at the memory of our first kiss, and then I glance at the doorway and see Tom standing there, staring straight at me. Brazenly, I maintain eye contact and, almost instantly, butterflies take flight in my stomach. Talk about confusing.
‘Er, hello?’
I jolt at the sound of Natalie’s voice. I didn’t even notice her approaching.
‘Oh, hi!’ I exclaim with a grin until I see her expression. My face falls. ‘You OK?’
She leans in so only I can hear her. ‘I’m fine. How are you?’ Her question is laced with meaning and, up close, I can see her eyes dart pointedly towards Liam.
Oh, shit. Does she think I’m flirting with him? How stupid am I?
‘Let’s go get a drink,’ I say, hopping out from behind the decks and taking her by the arm. ‘Drink?’ I shout at Lou as I pass. She nods and gets to her feet. Tom is no longer in the doorway, but my focus is on Natalie, anyway.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, as soon as we’re in the kitchen. ‘I didn’t mean to tread on your toes. It’s just… that set reminded me of Jack. Black Kids… The Wombats… I wasn’t thinking.’
‘It’s fine.’ She brushes me off, but I can see that I’ve got to her.
I would never – ever! – hit on one of my friend’s crushes. Doesn’t she know me better than that? The answer, I find myself admitting, is no. She doesn’t know me very well at all. We’ve only been friends for a few months.
‘What’s up?’ Lou asks, catching up with us.
‘Nothing,’ Natalie and I reply at the same time, as we simultaneously crack open bottles of cider. Johnny and Stu never told me not to drink.
At that moment, Chris and Tom walk into the kitchen.
‘Hey,’ Tom says to me.
‘Hi,’ I reply with a smile.
‘Didn’t know you could DJ.’
‘I can’t really. I was just checking out Liam’s record collection.’ I change the subject. ‘We were just about to go outside for a bit. Coming?’
‘Sure.’ He grabs a couple of beer bottles, passing one to Chris, and together we walk out to the garden, my pulse racing a tiny bit faster.
Dougie and Em, Nat’s college friends, are smoking on the lawn, so we all sit with them, Tom next to me. I decline a cigarette while most of my friends light up.
‘You quit?’ Tom asks me with interest.
‘Kind of. Don’t feel like one at the moment.’
Johnny put me off when I went to stay with him in LA. One pep talk from my rock-star dad worked better than dozens from my geeky stepdad. I say that with affection. I love Stu to bits – he’s the only father figure I’ve had for most of my life – but he doesn’t know shit when it comes to misbehaving.
‘Cool,’ Tom says. Unlike Jack, he doesn’t smoke. One–nil to To m .
I listen as everyone chats around us. The grass is damp and the night air is cool, but it’s a welcome relief after the stifling heat of the living room. I look up to see a clear night sky, the starlight muted by orange streetlights lining the road beyond the house.
‘How was America?’ Tom asks.
‘Great,’ I reply, tensing slightly.
‘You went to stay with a friend of your mum’s?’
That’s the story I’d told him before I left. It was sort of true, but I wish I could be honest. Maybe I still can, in a way.
‘Actually,’ I keep my voice low, ‘I went to stay with my dad. My real dad.’
He looks taken aback. ‘Wow. How did that happen?’
I sidestep his question, unable to fully explain. ‘I wanted to tell you before I went, but I didn’t know what would happen.’
‘But how did you find out who he was?’ he asks.
I obviously didn’t sidestep far enough.
‘Turns out Stu had known about him all along,’ I reveal.
‘Not a criminal, then?’ He gives me a poignant look. We had a bit of a heart-to-heart last term about how I’d feel if I found out my real dad was a lowlife. It was actually Tom who gave me the idea to ask Stu about him.
‘No.’ I smile. ‘He’s just an ordinary guy,’ I add, before I can stop myself.
My first lie.
‘How was Ibiza?’ I turn the tables. I know he went with his mates.
He grins. The kitchen lights are reflected in his eyes, making them glint in the darkness. ‘It was a laugh. Messy,’ he adds.
We sit and chat, and after a while I feel myself loosening up. I’d almost forgotten how easy Tom is to talk to.
‘Where did you go in America?’ he asks me.
‘LA,’ I reply.
‘Nice. Hot?’
‘Very. My dad has a swimming pool so I spent most of my summer in it.’
‘I can tell by your tan,’ he says, and we instinctively press our forearms together to compare. My skin tingles at the contact and I laugh, pulling away. ‘So what’s the story? Who is he?’ he asks, and for a split second I think he’s talking about Jack, but then I realise he’s continuing the conversation about my dad. God. I really have to sort my head out.
‘It’s complicated. But oh, did I tell you he has two sons? I have half-brothers!’
‘No way!’
‘All my life, I thought I was a
n only child. They’re so cute.’
‘What are their names?’
I stumble, not wanting to give the game away. ‘I call them Bee and Little Bird.’ This makes me cringe – half with embarrassment, half because I’ve just lied again. But I do call Barney ‘B’ sometimes, and I’ve often thought Phoenix looks like a little bird when he’s eating. And a phoenix is a type of bird…
‘Hey, what about your dad?’ I switch the focus and instantly regret it when the smile slips from his face.
He shrugs. ‘I never hear from him.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say quietly.
Poor Tom. His dad left his mum last year. Ran off to America with a woman he’d been having a three-year affair with. So bad.
‘Where in America is he?’ I ask.
‘San Francisco.’
‘You won’t call him? Try to see him?’ My tone is tentative.
‘Not any time soon,’ he replies, his lips downturned.
‘How’s your mum?’
‘She’s OK. Lonely, you know?’
I nod, and my thoughts flit towards Stu. At some point, he’ll get a new girlfriend, but the thought of him replacing my mum makes me feel like someone is squeezing my chest hard.
‘What?’ Tom snaps, whipping his head towards Chris. I’d forgotten he and the others were there. Chris must’ve nudged him. Tom looks up and I follow his gaze to see his ex-girlfriend, Isla, standing a few metres away from us. He broke up with her before the summer, and she does not look happy.
‘Can I talk to you?’ she mouths. Turns out I can lip-read.
I glance at Tom to see his face harden, then he nods, and my stomach plummets as he gets to his feet.
‘Back in a bit,’ he says.
I try not to look bothered about him stepping over my friends to reach his beautiful ex-girlfriend. I try not to pay attention as I watch Isla lead him somewhere private. I try not to think about what she’s saying to him. Because whatever my feelings are – or were – for Jack, I’m here, now, with Tom. And I don’t want that to end.
Once Tom told me that he and Isla were over for good; that he ‘never goes back’. I hope that’s true. Tall, slim and very pretty, with long dark hair piled up into a big, tousled bun on the top of her head, Isla doesn’t look like the sort of girl many guys would walk away from.
‘Let’s go inside,’ Natalie prompts, as I pull up handfuls of grass to keep my mind busy.
I nod quickly and get to my feet, dusting myself off. Somehow I manage not to look back as I follow her.
The living room is even busier than before, My Chemical Romance blaring out of the speakers now.
I notice that Chris is walking close behind Lou. She turns to say something to him and he smiles down at her.
Natalie pulls me into the crowd to dance, but I’m distracted. I wish I could numb the anxious burning feeling in my stomach. Maybe alcohol will help. I take a large gulp of my cider. Suddenly Liam appears, looking all sweaty and wasted. He wraps his arm round Natalie’s neck and grins at me.
‘Having fun?’ he shouts, looking straight at me.
‘Yeah, cool party!’ Natalie shouts back. I just nod.
‘I haven’t seen you at college?’ Liam says, again staring at me.
Natalie goes from looking like the cat that got the cream to thoroughly put out in one swift moment.
‘I still go to school,’ I reply uncomfortably.
‘Really?’ Liam asks, letting Natalie go and taking a step closer. ‘How old are you?’
‘Fifteen.’ I shrug, shifting on my feet.
‘Shit!’ he exclaims. ‘You look much older, man. Hey, you want to do some shots?’
He lifts up the bottle of vodka that Natalie gave him earlier. It’s half empty.
‘No thanks,’ I reply.
‘I will!’ Natalie exclaims, barely looking back at me as she drags Liam off the makeshift dance floor.
I nip to the toilet and, when I return to the living room, I see with a jolt that Tom is standing with Chris and Lou.
‘Hey!’ He smiles at me as I approach.
‘Hi.’ I don’t want to ask him about Isla, but sometimes my mouth has a mind of its own. ‘How’s Isla?’
‘She’s alright,’ he replies, looking a bit miserable.
‘Are you and she…’ I have to lean into his ear to shout this over the music.
‘What?’ He pulls away and glances at me with surprise. ‘No. No.’ He shakes his head to reiterate his point, then he leans towards me and his breath is warm against my ear as he speaks. ‘She wants to get back together.’
‘Oh.’ I straighten up and nod, but he pulls me back to him, his hand on my arm.
‘It won’t happen. It’s over,’ he says, sending a shiver rocketing down my spine.
His hand is searing my arm and, when he withdraws to look at me, my heart skips and skitters against my ribcage. There’s so much meaning in those last two words.
‘Why didn’t we ever go to see that movie?’ he asks with a frown.
‘This summer was a bit crazy,’ I reply with a small shrug of regret. ‘But I’d still like to.’
‘Me too,’ he says.
Another shiver. He hasn’t taken his eyes away from mine.
‘I don’t think Joseph Strike’s film is on any more,’ I say with a cheeky grin.
He rolls his eyes good-naturedly. ‘I forgot you fancied him. I’m not sure I want to sit next to you drooling over some actor’s pecs, anyway.’
I laugh and tuck my hair behind my ears.
‘Want to see something else?’ he asks, his gaze dropping to my mouth.
‘I’d love to,’ I reply, feeling an internal warmth that this time I’m certain is not alcohol-induced. ‘When?’
‘What are you doing tomorrow night?’
I’m going to see Johnny at his UK home, but I can’t tell him that. ‘I can’t tomorrow. But what about Sunday?’ I ask quickly.
‘Yeah.’ He nods. A moment later he looks past me. ‘I think Chris likes your new friend.’
I glance over my shoulder to see Lou standing on her tiptoes as she says something into Chris’s ear.
‘I think the feeling’s mutual,’ I reply with a smile. ‘Shall we ask them if they want to come?’
‘Sure,’ he replies with a nod.
I don’t know what makes me look to my right, but, when I do, I see Isla surrounded by her friends, and they look like a pack of wolves out for blood. Specifically: my blood. Suddenly I’m being yanked away from Tom, away from the living room and out into the corridor. I stare in surprise at the thief trying to steal my hand from my arm and come face to face with Natalie.
‘What the—’ I start to say, then notice her expression. ‘What’s wrong?’ I ask with concern. She looks upset.
‘What a wanker,’ she spits.
For a split second, I think she’s talking about Tom, but then I realise she means Liam. ‘What did he do?’
‘He’s just a twat. I don’t want to be here any more. Are you coming or not?’
‘Where do you want to go?’ I ask.
‘Home. Come with me?’ She sounds like she’s pleading, which is rare for Natalie.
I nod tersely. ‘Of course.’
The relief on her face is palpable.
‘Are you OK?’ Lou asks, appearing by our side.
‘We’re leaving,’ Natalie snaps.
Lou’s expression freezes. ‘Oh.’
‘You can stay,’ I suggest, feeling sorry for her.
‘No.’ She shakes her head. ‘I’d better come with you.’
I wouldn’t want to stay at a party without my friends, either, even if I was interested in a boy.
‘I’m just going to say goodbye to Tom,’ I tell them.
‘I’ll meet you outside,’ Natalie replies, stomping towards the door and yanking it open. I hear it slam, even over the noise of the music. I flash Lou a wary glance and we walk together back to the living room. Tom and Chris are in a huddle by the back wall.
<
br /> ‘We’ve gotta go!’ I shout.
Tom frowns. ‘Really? Why?’
‘Nat’s not well,’ I reply. ‘But Sunday?’ I cast a meaningful look in Chris’s direction and Tom nods, turning to him and Lou.
‘Do you guys want to come with Jessie and me to the movies on Sunday night?’
Lou’s eyes light up and I feel better as they both say yes. Tom smiles down at me. ‘I’ll text you.’
‘OK.’ I nod and, as sparks fly between us, I sense he wants to kiss me. Surely it’s only a matter of time, I think with a thrill, as I turn away from him. Jack and LA suddenly feel like a hazy dream.
Once more, Isla and her friends watch me as I leave the room, and I try not to care. I’ve got a date with Tom Ryder!
Chapter 3
‘Hey, girl,’ Johnny says warmly, opening the door wide and wrapping one tanned, tattooed arm round my neck. He pulls me in for a squeeze, but my face barely touches his neck before he releases me again. His hugs never last long enough.
‘Hi,’ I reply, my face burning a little. I always feel shy when I see him after a break. It’s only been a week, but I still don’t know him that well really.
‘Stu,’ he says with a friendly nod, leaning past me to shake my stepdad’s hand. ‘Time for a cuppa?’
Stu’s going to visit his parents today, so I’m staying here alone tonight.
‘Sure,’ Stu replies. He still seems a little awkward. I don’t know if he’ll ever feel totally at ease in front of my rock-star father.
Before we’ve even stepped over the threshold, the little ball of energy that is my half-brother Barney appears in the hallway.
‘Jessie!’ he shouts. ‘Come and see my Lego station!’
I laugh as he drags me towards the playroom at the back of the house. It’s actually a bit of a relief to get away from Stu. He complained that I stank of booze and fags this morning and I hadn’t even been smoking. As for the drinking… Jeez, give a girl a break. I can’t be an angel all of the time.
Johnny and Meg’s UK base is a seven-bedroomed Georgian mansion in Henley. When they moved back to LA, they thought about selling or renting it out, but in the end it stayed empty for when they visit. I guess it’s not like they can’t afford a spare home or ten…