free, always have been and always will be. Also, I cannot be trapped, for my very 207
identityistotallydetachedawareness.IcanseemypersonallifeasadramathatIdo nothavetobeinvolvedin.Itislikeamoviethathasabeginningandanend,butitis notme.Ifeeldistantfromeverything,butacutelyawareofeverything.
I am a silent space, totally empty but containing everything. The recognition, which is a direct perception, is that everything is in me. The body, the universe, essence,personality,everythingthatcanbecomeanobjectofperception,isnotme,
but is in me. I am pure awareness, mere witnessing, where everything arises and passesaway.
Fourdayslater…
Iwakeupwiththeblackspaceofintimacy,feelingpervadedbyandenfoldedina
sweetdeliciousness.Atthecenterofthisdeepintimacy,Isensethesolidanddense
presence of a diamond-like inner support. This brings a sense of grounded solid reality. At the same time there is spaciousness and depth. The body-mind is
functioningmostlyasalocationfortheconsciousness.Thespaciousdepthcontinues
during the day, expanding gradually into the vastness of the silent witness. The experienceoftheuniversalwitnessunfoldsmorethanitdidfewdaysago,revealing
further implications of recognizing my identity as this unchanging background of awareness. The insights, which arise as perceptions, roll effortlessly, the more I am thiswitnessing:
“Iamnotthebody,notthepersonality,nottheessence,notthemind,notGod.I
am nothing that is a content of experience. Yet, all experience happens within me.
Everything,atalllevels,fromthespiritualtothephysical,happenswithinme.
Iamnottouchedbyanyofit.Iamuntouchedanduntouchable.Iamunchanging.I
amdeathless.Iamunborn.Iamuncaused,unoriginated.Iwasneverborn,willnever
die.Theconceptsoflifeanddeathdonotapplytome.Lifeanddeatharenothingbut
aprocessofconstanttransformationwithinme.Allexistence,fromthelowesttothe
highest,isalwaysinastateofflux,butIamthebackgroundagainstwhichthisfluxis seen.Iamstatic,unchanging,nonreactive,andnonresponsive.Iambeyondspaceand
time; both space and time are within me. All of time is a movement within me.
Personality,ormoreaccurately,thepersonalconsciousnessorsoul,istime.Timeis
the flux of this personal consciousness. Essence is timelessness. I see time as the movement of the timeless in me. All of time, the time of the body and of all of physicalexistence,isasmallprocesswithinme.Iambeyondtimeandtimelessness.I
am the beyond, beyond all and everything. Mind is within me, small and always tryingtograspme.”
The silence is vast and eerie. There is a sense of ultimacy, of end. It seems that there is nothing beyond it. It is not that the universal witness is the highest. It is beyondhighandlow.Fromthissilence,therevelationofallessentialmanifestations
of Being arises in a hierarchy within the background of this the vast witnessing awareness. It contains all the levels of Being, so it exists at all the levels.
Experiencingtheuniversalwitnessisnotamatterofascendinggrades;itisratheran
exit, getting out of the whole thing. It is truly the beyond, the unchanging silent background.
Its main characteristic is that it is aware. In this way it is similar to the personal witness,wherethepersonalwitnessseemsnowtohavebeenalimitedandpersonal
208
manifestation of it. The personal witness is aware of the immediate environment of thelocationofconsciousness,whiletheuniversalwitnessisaware,inaddition,ofthe totality of the universe, as if from above or from afar. This perception does not include all of the details of manifestation, but rather a general perception, as if awareness has receded backward until all that exists is in front of it.
Phenomenologically,theperceptionisofbeinganendlessemptiness,sovastthatthe
wholeofexistenceisasmallmanifestationwithinit,seeningeneraloutlineasariver of images in constant flux. The awareness is aware of itself as a witnessing of everything without being involved in anything. A dark awareness, but not exactly black. It is more dark gray, the color of the aspect of existence, but it is sheer voidness.Itisnotno-mindspace,foralthoughitisbeyondthoughtandmind,mind
canexistwithinit.
Thestrangestthingaboutthisawarenessisitsrelationtotime.Itisbeyondtime.
This is different from the sense of timelessness that arises when the essential manifestation of Being outshines everything else, where it seems that time has stopped.Itisbeyondtime.Itseemstobewhatistherebeforetimebegins,andafter
timeends,andatalltimes.
It clearly is a space with more than five dimensions, for it includes the three dimensionsofspace,thedimensionoftime,andthedimensionofessencethatisthe
presenceofBeing.Italsofeelsundefinable,inthesensethatnoconceptcancontain
it. The more one perceives that it is undefinable, the more there is insight about it.
The knowing of it arises by being it, as if it is known only by itself. Looking at it fromoutsideit,ormoreaccurately,whenitlooksatitself,itsimplylookslikespace.
Its relation to time, change and awareness is not seen except through its self-knowledge.
The state of the universal witness continues for a few days. I see everything, the house,friends,family,students,andsituationsallexistingandhappeningwithinmy
vastness.Thereisasenseofutterimpersonality,totallytranscendentimpersonalness.
Understandingandrealizingtheuniversalwitnessallowsmetoseeandunderstand
the totality of the personal life. At this point the activity at the forehead intensifies, and insights start pouring out about the connection between the personal and
impersonal. This begins as curiosity about the relation between the intimacy space, whichfeelsverypersonal,andthewitnessspace,whichfeelsutterlyimpersonal.
Herethediamond-likepresenceofsupportreappearsasabigleaddiamondinthe
belly.Theunderstandingradiatesoutfromaleaddiamondbetweentheeyes.Aflow
of insights pours out of this awareness, completing itself as the objective
understandingoflead,ofinertia,oftheconditioningofthepersonal,andoftheego-
line.
Lead is the will that supports the conditioning of consciousness. But further, the leadpearlistheunconsciouswill,thesupportanddeterminationthathasalwaysbeen
supporting the ego-line, the ego sense of being a person. Nevertheless, the ego-line contraction,eventhoughitisthepersonality,isalsoarole.Theroleisthepersonal function or work, developed throughout one's personal history, as the individual capacitytofunctioninaparticularway.Inotherwords,oneisbornwithaworkto
develop and do on earth. It is the personal consciousness—which, for most
209
individuals,istheego-structuredpersonality—thatdevelopsit.Thewitnessingspace cannot do it, because it does not do. This means that one has a particular personal role, which develops mostly through the personality developing along certain lines.
The personality is conditioned to be a certain way, which in ti
me will manifest the role and its work. An unchanging and inflexible will supports this conditioned personality.Thewillisinertia,leaditself.
Usuallyonegetstrappedinthepersonality,intherole,andtakesittobeoneself.
Infact,onetakesthelineofcontractiontobeoneself.However,theconditioningof
thepersonalconsciousnessisaprogramthatcandevelopinsuchamannerthatitwill
self-destruct when the role, its attendant capacities and its work, have developed. It seems this will inevitably happen if the program leads to the impersonal, the silent witness.
Developingone'spersonalroleandworkisthesamethingasthematurationand
individuation of the personal consciousness. This development coincides with the realizationofthepersonalessence,thepearlthatBeingdevelopsthroughthefriction
ofthelifeprocess.
Fewdayslater…
Aninsightrevealsafurtherrelationshipbetweenthepersonaldevelopmentandthe
unchanging and undeveloping universal witness. The personal needs to realize the universalimpersonalinordertobefree.Otherwiselifebecomesenmeshmentinthe
particularsofdailylife.Therealizationoftheimpersonalisnotonlyforitsownsake, it is also for the personal to complete its development in freedom. Life is then the personalconsciousnessexperiencingitselfastheflowoftherealizationofBeing.
From LuminousNight'sJourney:AnAutobiographicalFragmentbyA.H.
Almaas.
210
SHANTIMAYI
211
THIRTY-ONE
SHANTIMAYI
1950-PRESENT,UNITEDSTATES
BENEATHamassivebanyantreeonaplateauabovethesacredGanges,Shantimayi
sits,withshavedhead(formerlylong,flowingblondehair),impartingherteachings
toahundredorso,mostlyEuropean,devotees.HerteachingisablendofHinduism
andBuddhism.AnEnglish-speakingwoman,wife,motherofthree,andgrandmother
of four, she is a spiritual teacher to whom many find it easy to relate. A woman of humble beginnings, Shantimayi's manner is sincere, direct, and available. One-pointed (holding only one thought, concentrated) yet lighthearted, fully present yet remarkablyflexible,ahouseholderyetayogi,Shantimayiholdssteadfasttohergoal
ofguidingherdevoteestoultimatepeaceandsurrender.Welcomingofquestions,she
is quick to admit when she has no answer. Embracing of all aspects of human and Divine,herstyleallowsstudentstobethem-selvesastheyseektobetterthemselves.
Shantimayinarratesherstoryquitedescriptively:
IamtoldthatIwasborninAkron,Ohio,in1950andwasgiventhenameMary.
IlivedwithmygrandparentswhenIwaslittle,backinthemountainsofWest
Virginia.There,inthetownofJody,populationtwohundred,theairwasfresh
andfilledwiththescentofhoneysuckle.Therhythmofaporchswingandthe
musicofcricketsprovidedmyeveninglullaby.Thenightswereblack,tranquil,
and sprinkled with zillions of stars. We lived in a tiny house on a dirt road nestled between two mountains. On Sundays, I faithfully attended the town
churchservicewithGrandma,wheretheSouthernBaptiststestifiedabouttheir
relationshipwithJesus.Threeyearsoldandinnocentandopen-eyed,Ilovedit.
In that poor coal mining town, men came home each evening pitch black,
covered with coal dust from head to toe. And every evening my grandfather
camehomefromworkandcalledforme.Healwayscarriedasurpriseformein
hismetallunchbox.Icouldcountonit.Perhapsitwashiswayofteachingme
aboutthejoyofgivingandreceiving.
One of my starkest memories from childhood was the town well. Our town
onlyhadone.Alldaylongfolkstrekkedtoorfromthatwell.Abucketortwoof
wateratatimetowash,cook,andquenchtheirthirst.Initssilentway,thatwell
taughtmeagreatdeal.Thewellwasdeepandsowastheunderstandingthatit
conveyed.Now,bytheGraceofmyMaster,mylifeisanexactreplicaofthat
well.
Shantimayi'sautiobiographicalstorywaswrittenspeciallyforourreaders.
212
THECANNERYENLIGHTENMENT
November1988
WhenIarrivedatmyGuru'sdoorIwasripeforhimandreceptivetowhathehadto
give. Hungry and willing, I had no idea what was going to happen but I did know from the first moment that I would never leave him. I did know, however, that whatever spiritual maturity would occur in my life would now be intensified and deeplynurturedbyhim.WithinaveryshorttimeofknowingMaharajji,hetoldme,
“Onedayyouwillwearmyshoes.”Ituckedthatawayintomyheartanddidnothing
withitatall.EverymomentIspentwithMaharajjiwasprofoundandsurrenderedto
whateverweweretogetherfor.
October1992
One day I found myself standing outside of his door in such an empty clarity.
SpontaneouslyIwentandspoketohim,tellinghimhowIsawandunderstoodwhat
hehadshownme.IguessthatImusthavebeenaskinghimifIwasfinished.Hesaid,
“Wait.”Notyes,notno,butwait.IsaidO.K.,bowedtohimandlefthisroom.Icould
notrecallexactlywhatwehadspokenaboutfiveminuteslater.Ihadpouredmyheart
into his and asked for his approval and he said, “Wait.” I felt the energy of our conversation for a long time. He said, “Wait,” therefore … I would wait. The next year a very similar situation arose and I found myself there in his presence, telling himhowIunderstoodwhathehadshownme.Hesaid,“Wait.”Notyes,notno,but
wait.ThereforeIknewIwouldwait,Ibowedlowtohim,andlefthisroom,satisfied
thatImustwait.
AyearlaterIwasinEugeneOregon.Whileworkinginacanningfactory,inthe
backofthefactoryinaroomalone,thereinearlyOctoberasatoriofindescribable
subtlety, a sensation ever so slight, ever so delicate, consumed what I thought was me. The entire satori was like a needle piercing a soap bubble in slow motion. The universe,asIknewit,disappeared,withaverysubtlepopofthatdelicatetinybubble.
It was as though all experience washed away and what was left could not be considered at all. I could only look into the emptiness. There was no I, no looking, andnoemptiness,nonothingnessaswell.Therewasnomomentintimeanddoubt
could not enter. Here nothing could enter, there was no language for doubt or validity.IcouldseesomehowallthatmyGuruhadevertransmittedtomeinsilence.
In that moment, enlightenment removed that which could be enlightened. There I stood (not knowing I was standing until later) breathless for an hour peering into emptinessasemptiness.Eversodelicateandeversosubtle.Itseemedasthough,if
there was the slightest movement the entire universe might break like silence is brokenbyaglassfallingoncement.ThisishowIperceivedthathour,afterthathour, notduringthathour.Whatemergedoutofthattimewasthebeginningofawayof
“seeing.” From that moment when I started to leave the factory at the end of that workshift,untilnow,theabilitytoseethingsforwhattheyarehasneverfailed.The totalitywassoover-whelmingandthewordlessmessagethatwasconveyedwasso
powerfulinitssubtletythattheappearanceofmultiplicityinexiste
ncehasnotever
taken predominance since that time. The satori was like an infinitesimal particle of mist falling into a shoreless ocean. Ocean, only ocean. And of course, it is much 213
deeperthanthat.Nothingcouldbesaidaboutitandnothingcouldbebroughtoutof it. There is no language for it at all. Yet, that moment changed my life forever and continuestomature.Asfarasthevoidreaches,sotoodoesthisenlightenmentstretch
farandnear,revealingeverythinginuttersimplicity.
Still, the beauty is that nothing had changed. What a relief. No one would guess thattheladywalkingoutofthefactorythatday,wearingtheyellowraingear,ahard
hat,andbootshadjustbeencrownedbyalineofPerfectedMasters.Noonewould
care.At2:45,Iclockedout.Iwenthomeonlytoreturnthenextday.Nowthat“I”-
dentityhadawakenedtotheimmutableperfectionunruffledbyperception.Sincethat
day,changehasnogrip.Inthesamewaythatadayneverpassesinadream.
Asformastery,myGuruentrustedhisworktome.AlongtimeagoIpromisedmy
lifetohim,andthisispartofit.Itisbyhisgracethatmylifehascometothis.Itisby hisgracethatIhaverealizedmyTruenature,itisbyhisgracethatIgraceothersto awaken.TheMasterbestowsgrace,transmittingtheTruthinsilenceandinspiringa
deep commitment to realize the Truth. It is by the grace of a cliff that the river becomesawaterfall.Itisbythegraceofthewaterthatthebasinfills.TheMasterisa waterfall,thediscipleisthebasin,graceistheflowingofahigherpowerwhichopens thewaybeyondconsciousnesshereandnow.
FromtheunpublishedwordsofShantimayi.
214
THIRTY-TWO
MATAAMRITANADAMAYI
1953-PRESENT,INDIA
MATAAMRITANANDAMAYI,orAmmachi,assheisknownbyherdevotees,arosefrom
extremelyhumblebeginningsinatinyvillagesandwichedbetweentheback-waters
ofKeralaandtheIndianOcean,nearthesoutherntipofIndia.Herresemblancetothe
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