by Zoe Chant
Stella raised her eyebrows.
“That was my mother speaking through my mouth,” he muttered. “I don’t know where that came from. I haven’t thought of it in years.”
Stella smiled softly. “It’s a beautiful thought. Your mother must be a wise woman.”
“She was,” he said quietly. “She passed away when I was in high school.”
“What was she like?”
“Kind,” Nate said. “Very religious—church twice a week, she taught Sunday School, the whole nine yards. One of those people who just wanted to serve others.”
Stella nodded. “She sounds like a lot to live up to.”
“She’s the reason I joined the Marines,” Nate confided. “I thought—well, I thought that that was the best way for a man to serve. My horizons have expanded a little bit since then, but I’m still glad I did it.”
Stella bit her lip. “I’ve never been an advocate of violence,” she said quietly, “but I can see where the idea of sacrifice could make it...worthy.”
Nate nodded. “These days, I’m not such a fan of violence either. I work security in part to keep violence from happening, if possible. Any day I can prevent someone from getting hurt is a good day.”
“That is a worthy goal,” Stella said, heartfelt. She stood up, brushing herself off. “All this talk about my daughter is making want to get back to her. Are you ready?”
“Of course.” Nate thought he should point out that that was his question to ask, since he was here to follow her around and make sure she was safe, but he refrained. It felt like he’d be throwing a courtesy back in her face if he objected.
And he didn’t want to do anything that might hurt her feelings.
She shivered and shifted, and he followed suit, thinking that he was getting in deeper and deeper with this woman. The way she cared about her daughter...the way she tried so hard to meld her own flighty, adventurous nature with the need to be a responsible and caring mother. It tugged at something in his chest.
They ran in the general direction of their starting point. Nate kept his pace measured, so Stella could keep up, but was amused to see Stella’s character coming through even now—every few minutes, she’d veer off, and he’d see her checking out an interesting smell, an obstacle course of rocky outcroppings, a field of flowers.
He could absolutely believe that she’d gotten hopelessly lost in search of a beautiful view. He wondered what that was like, the ability to just throw oneself headlong into the moment. Chase after the thing that was the most beautiful, and enjoy the journey even if you didn’t get there.
Nate had always been too conscious of his duty to live his life like that. Although, he supposed, he’d indulged that side of himself in his dating life. Live in the moment and enjoy what’s beautiful really did apply to how he approached women.
Maybe it was time to expand that mindset to other things. Because it never would’ve occurred to him to go check out those rocks for anything other than security purposes, but he sure as hell enjoyed following Stella as she leapt from one to the other, her stubby tail upright with excitement and her ears twitching with glee.
Eventually, they caught the others’ scents, and Stella sped up, leading the way back. They found Ken and Lynn still lion and lynx, sunning themselves on a rock while Eva worked herself steadily up a series of rocky ledges.
Stella bounded after her daughter while Nate went to join Ken and his mate on the rocks. They lounged in companionable silence for a while, watching as Stella caught up with Eva, tagged her with her nose, and instigated another game of chase.
Nate reflected that if he hadn’t been working security for Stella, this would’ve been a disconcertingly domestic scene. Mom and daughter play while Aunt Lynn and Uncle Ken and...whoever Nate would be in this scenario...watch by the sidelines, everyone spending a summer day out in the wilderness together.
It was a strange idea. He tried to remember the last time he’d felt like he was part of any kind of family scene, and drew a blank. At work, he was always professional. He didn’t date seriously enough to ever meet a woman’s kids, if she had any. Some of his employees had children, and they’d bring them to any company barbecue and let them run around, but they were his employees, and he wasn’t Uncle Nate to any of their kids or anything like that.
Frankly, most of his employees seemed to be intimidated by him, at least a bit. Except Connie, which was pretty funny when he thought about it, because Connie was the only one who didn’t have a background in the military or law enforcement or some other kind of tough-stereotype field. But Connie took no shit from anyone.
Eventually, Eva seemed to get tired of running around. She shifted back, laughing and shaking her head, and went to go flop on the sunny rocks with the rest of them.
Stella, on the other hand, came darting in to tag Lynn. Lynn eyed her, and then leapt up in a burst of motion to race after her. Ken opened one eye, and then went back to snoozing, his big lion form spread out over twice his fair share of space.
Nate shifted back to keep Eva company. “Have fun chasing your mom?”
Eva rolled her eyes. “It’s like she never runs out of energy. I don’t get it. She’ll sit down for, like, four seconds, and then something shiny passes by the window, and she’s hopping up to check it out.”
Nate thought of the tired, drawn woman he’d met, and the determined way she’d squared her shoulders to face her ex-boyfriend, and his heart ached. He wanted Stella to have that back. “Sounds like life with her is never dull.”
Eva shook her head emphatically. “Nope, not for a second. You know I’ve lived in literally twenty different places in my life? That’s more than my age.”
“Was it hard?” Nate asked cautiously, thinking of Stella’s worries about not giving Eva a good childhood.
Eva considered. “I mean, sometimes. Hard to make friends. But most of the towns we lived in were so small that there weren’t any other nerds to be friends with, anyway.”
Nate had to smile at the way she unselfconsciously called herself a nerd. “Sounds rough.”
Eva nodded. “I think if we’d stayed in one place too long, it would’ve been hard in a different way. There were some schools that were so full of airhead jerks...I have no idea how I would’ve survived years and years with them. And I have plenty of Internet friends, and it doesn’t matter where I live for that.”
“Internet...friends.” Nate wondered if he should be concerned about that.
Of course, Eva wasn’t his daughter, so it wasn’t his place to be concerned. But...still.
Eva nodded vigorously. “Oh, yeah. Like, Doctor Who fandom? It’s huge. I have online watch parties with a couple of people every week, and there’s all these great people on Tumblr who do fanart and fanfiction and have all these cool creative ideas...”
“I don’t know what half of those words mean,” Nate said, half-laughing. “Fanart? Fanfiction?”
“Where you write stories about characters in books or movies or TV shows that you like,” Eva said earnestly. “Or draw pictures or comics about them. Like, what if these sci-fi characters all worked at a coffee shop? Or what if characters from one show met the characters from a different show?”
Well, that wasn’t the sort of thing he’d been concerned about at all. “These are people your age who do all this?” he tried.
Eva rolled her eyes. “What, you think the Internet is full of creepy old guys? I mean—it is, I guess, but this isn’t the nineties. There’s plenty of Internet for everyone.”
She said the nineties as though it was basically the Bronze Age. Nate had to admit that the Internet wasn’t really his area of expertise. He had a couple of computer security guys working for him, and they handled anything virtual.
And Eva seemed like a smart kid, with plenty of self-assurance. He’d trust her to know what she was talking about.
Not that it was any of his business. Because Eva was Stella’s daughter, not his.
Right.
&
nbsp; ***
Stella
The run did a lot to make Stella feel better. The run, and the nap...and that conversation with Nate. He was so—so unlike any guy she’d ever known. Strong and kind, in a way that she hadn’t known could go together.
She’d always had the impression that either a guy was manly and strong, which meant that he was kind of a jerk sometimes, or he was sweet and kind, which meant that he was also sort of a wuss.
So even though Nate was only here for a little while, and he was going to go on back to run his security company and travel the world protecting people, she could still be grateful he’d been here at all, to teach her that.
Because a new resolve was rising in her: Stella wasn’t going to date any more jerks. Or any more wusses, because often they turned out to be jerks in their own way. Their own, whiny way.
Nope. The next boyfriend she had was going to have real strength of character. And if she didn’t meet any guys like that, well, she wasn’t going to have any more boyfriends.
It was funny. Once upon a time, that idea would’ve thrown her into a panic. But now...it made her sad, but she wasn’t freaking out at the thought of missing out on the finest men the state of Montana had to offer. Those fish could stay in the sea, because Stella had more important things to worry about right here at home.
And Nate was making her question the whole idea of what a boyfriend was for, anyway, so she might as well stay single until she figured it out.
Or just get with Nate.
Stella shook that thought off impatiently. Sure, he was strong, thoughtful, kind, smart, interesting, and so hot she felt like she should warn passing kids not to get too close in case they burned their fingers—but—
But he was working. This was all a job for him, nothing more. And when he was done, he’d go back home, and Stella didn’t need to embarrass them both by hurling herself at him, crying, Take me with you! when he left.
Besides, she needed to stay here, at her job, and keep working to get money for Eva to go to college.
You always do this, she told herself severely. You fall for any handsome man who crosses your path. Don’t do it again, not with this man. He’s too good for your serial monogamy.
She pushed down the inner voice that was shouting, But this is different! She knew herself better than that.
And you can shut up, too, she added to her lynx, who was growling objections deep in her chest.
***
That night, Stella managed to fall asleep fairly quickly. All that running around had been good for more than just fun.
She dreamed about Todd coming to the house. He was a bird shifter, somehow, and showed up at the window, pecking and pecking, and Stella somehow couldn't stop herself from standing up and going to let him in.
Once she did, though, he transformed into a man again, and she realized what she'd done and had to run away. She ran through the house, looking for Nate, but the house had turned into this crazy funhouse mansion, and she dashed from room to room but never seemed to get anywhere. She knew Nate was there, downstairs in the front room, sleeping on the couch, and all she had to do was go find him—but every time she went through a door, it just led to more rooms, and she couldn't find the stairs. And Todd was behind her the whole time, gaining and gaining—
She woke up with a gasp.
Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her breaths rasped in her ears. Fear pulsed through her, making her tremble.
It was just a dream.
Just a dream. But she couldn't make herself lie down again. The window seemed sinister, like an open door out into the night. The house seemed to stretch infinitely around her.
She'd just go get a glass of water. Remind herself that the stairs were exactly where she’d left them, and the house was a familiar haven, not a terrifying maze.
Stella got up, padding silently out into the hall in her tank top and pajama pants. Her feet remembered all the creaky boards, and she slipped down the stairs without making a noise. Every step reassured her: this was the house where she'd grown up, and nothing and no one was in here except for the people who were welcome.
She got to the kitchen and took out a glass, and was about to fill it up when she felt...something. A warmth somewhere behind her.
She turned around, and Nate was standing in the doorway.
Stella didn't jump, didn't feel startled. She'd known he'd be there. And seeing him washed the last of the nightmare away.
“Hi,” she said. “Did I wake you? I'm sorry.”
“Not a problem,” he said easily. “It's my job to know when people are moving around at night. And you were very quiet.”
“Well,” she said, and then stopped. She didn't want him to leave, but it wouldn't be very nice to keep him standing here at—she checked the microwave—two-thirty-three in the morning. “Nothing's wrong. No need for rescuing or anything. You can go back to sleep.”
He hesitated in the door, fingers tapping the frame, looking at her with those penetrating eyes. It was dim in the kitchen, so she shouldn't have been able to see their color at all, but somehow there was still a flash of blue visible.
“Are you all right?” he asked finally.
Stella looked away. Filled up the water glass. “Why do you ask?”
He was quiet for long enough that she looked back. He had a strange expression on his face, faraway and thoughtful. “I don't know,” he said. “You seem...unsettled. Did something happen?”
Well, this was embarrassing. Stella thought about lying, or just putting him off somehow, but that blue gaze didn’t want to let her.
So she admitted, a little shamefaced, “Nothing really happened. I had a nightmare, that’s all.”
She wasn’t expecting him to make fun of her for it—unlike some of her exes, Nate was way too classy and kind to do something like that—but she’d thought that he would relax. Like, oh, good, there’s nothing actually wrong.
Instead, his brow furrowed with concern and he took a couple of steps forward. “A nightmare? Are you okay?”
“I—I’m fine.” Stella stumbled over her answer in surprise. “You know. It wasn’t real. Everything’s fine, everyone’s safe.”
His face softened, and he took another step. “Was it Todd?”
Stella hesitated, and then nodded. “He got in—I let him in—and then he was chasing me, and I was looking for you, but the house was enormous and I couldn’t get to the stairs.” She let out a little self-deprecating laugh. “You know. Standard nightmare fare. It’s not that big a deal.”
But he looked troubled. “It’s not right that you don’t feel safe in your own house,” he said. “You know, most of my clients are companies. I’m usually keeping someone’s place of work safe. Often from corporate espionage, or plain old theft. And there’s usually a lot of money involved, which makes it seem more important than it really is. But this—Stella, you being afraid of your home being invaded by a man who should have cared for you—this is a big deal.”
Stella bit her lip, swallowing back the sudden tears that were threatening. Why were his words touching her so deeply? Like they reached into her chest and caught some heavy sadness that had been in there for so long she’d forgotten it was there.
“I think,” she said on a quiet breath, “I think I’m—tired of not being safe.”
The words felt like they were ripping something away. This was a secret that had been building inside her for a long, long time.
“I always wanted adventure. I still do. I’ve never wanted a boring life. Lynn...Lynn would be content to live in this house for the rest of her days, tramping through the Park with tourists, seeing the same people in town. Eating out at Oliver’s. That’s never been my dream.”
She blinked hard. “But I think the price is too high! I don’t have much money. When I was twenty, I was happy to hop a Greyhound and see where it took me, to go off with a boy who had a nice smile and see what we could find together. But the other side of that is—you end up i
n a city you don’t know, with no job. The boy could hurt you, or lie to you. Or get you pregnant and abandon you the second he finds out.”
At that, Nate came forward the last long strides, so quickly she almost didn’t process what was happening until he’d pulled her into an embrace.
Stella melted. Any resolve she’d had to stay away from this man disappeared instantly, and she pressed herself against his long, lean body and let herself be wrapped up in his warm, strong arms.
His hands clenched tight at her back, and Stella relaxed into his grip, knowing deep in her soul that this was safety, right here. Her lynx purred.
A second later, it was all snatched away.
Nate let her go just as quickly as he’d grabbed hold of her, almost stumbling as he backed several steps away. His blue eyes were wide and wild. “I apologize.” His words were sharp, staccato. “That was the most unprofessional—I shouldn’t have touched you without your permission. I won’t do it again.”
Stella felt cold. Her thoughts were slow, crawling into her head after the internal cry of No, don’t go! faded into the background. She wanted to protest, to tell him that it was completely fine, that he shouldn’t be apologizing.
But he was right. It was unprofessional. And he’d been operating out of sympathy, it was clear. He felt sorry for her—he’d been giving her a comforting hug.
And she’d latched onto him like he was her last hope of heaven. He’d probably pulled back once he realized how she’d plastered her entire body to his, like they were lovers instead of a—a security professional and a client.
So she didn’t ask him to please just do that again. Instead, she mustered up every ounce of self-control she had, and said, “It’s all right,” in a steady, even voice. “Thank you. I was just a little...overwhelmed.”
“No, I think that was me,” he said wryly, and Stella thought, wait, what?
But he kept going before she could really process what that might mean. “Do you want to come sit with me in the front room? Until you’re ready to go back to sleep, anyway. It might make you feel safer.”
Stella leapt on the chance to keep talking, to stay near this warm, comforting presence, instead of going up to her cold, sweat-damp sheets. “That would be lovely. Oh, but you must want to go back to sleep yourself. Sorry, I can’t be that selfish.”