The Highlander's Bride

by Donna Fletcher

  “There’s really no difference between the two. Madness and love are synonymous and not temporary.”

  Sara caught a quick breath. “Don’t tell me that. I thought to suffer this madness, assuming it would end.”

  Cullen shifted his stance while actually moving closer to her. “It never ends. Love haunts with a never-ending madness.”

  “I won’t have it,” Sara said sternly. “I refuse to—”

  “Love?” he whispered near her ear.

  She turned her face and their cheeks brushed before she murmured, “Yes.”

  “You can’t refuse love. It claims you without consent or invite.”

  “I’ll cast it away,” she said bravely.

  “It will return with a vengeance and plunge you into the depths of its madness.” Their lips were so close that he felt hers quiver, and he was tempted to kiss the tremble away. He didn’t, though; he wanted her to submit to him. He wanted it to be her choice.

  “I can’t love you. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Her pleading litany faded as her lips reached out for his.

  He let her kiss him lightly, timidly, cautiously, but before she might regret her actions, he took command. His arm went around her waist, his hand grasped the back of her head, and his tongue plunged into her mouth to mate feverishly with her.

  It was a kiss born of desperate need, of desire too long ignored and passion not quite understood but impossible to refute.

  She returned the kiss with the same desperation, her fingers digging into his muscled arms.

  They fought yet surrendered to the kiss, both unsure and certain at the same time. It was a strange feeling for Cullen to surrender to his need since he suspected it was more than an elemental need he’d satisfy. He didn’t want to accept the feelings that stirred deep inside him for Sara. He couldn’t betray Alaina, and yet Sara filled his soul.

  He didn’t know how, and presently didn’t particularly care. He only knew for the moment that he wanted to be right where he was, holding Sara, kissing her, and damned if he didn’t ache like hell to make love to her.

  Cullen halted their kiss with a start, his hands rushing to cup her face before pressing his forehead to hers. Between heavy breaths he said, “I want you.”

  When she didn’t answer, he eased his face away from hers, while keeping her face cupped in his hands. Her glaring eyes told him that her desire warred with her pragmatic nature. At this very moment she fought herself, and he feared she would follow her head instead of her heart.

  “Don’t deny yourself this pleasure, Sara.”

  She eased away from him, his hands falling away from her face. “Is it pleasure I deny myself or heart-ache?”

  “Only you can decide that, but only if you take the chance and taste lovemaking from a man who truly wants you.”

  “But doesn’t love me. Will never love me. Will love only Alaina.”

  “I have been nothing but truthful with you where that is concerned.”

  She nodded. “That’s the saddest part of it all. You’ve been nothing but honest in that respect, so I cannot fault you. It is only my own foolishness I have to blame.”

  He tried to approach her but she retreated from him. “This began as a challenging game. If it would make it any easier for you, know that I surrender more than willingly. I surrender without reserve and with great anticipation.”

  “It’s no longer a game,” she said, turning away from him, only to turn back again. “And you truly wouldn’t surrender. I want a man to surrender to me as much as I surrender to him. I want nothing to stand between us. I want to merge with him and become one. I want to know love, taste love, live love. I refuse to settle for anything less.”

  Cullen remained silent. He had wanted all of that himself, but with Alaina, and if he couldn’t have it with her, he didn’t want it with anyone else. How then did he explain this overpowering need for Sara, and not just desire, but a need to protect her, share with her, laugh with her, comfort her?

  His anger at himself caused him to be blunt. “But you settled, you married me.”

  “You served a purpose,” she corrected.

  “Not entirely,” he said, and approached her with a forceful stride. He wasn’t surprised that she stood her ground. There was no other place for her to go except toward the bed, and that was an invitation she didn’t intend to extend to him.

  “Entirely enough,” she said, and attempted to step around him.

  He reached for her and pulled her into his arms with a smile. “What do I do with you, Sara Longton? You are a stubborn woman.”

  She placed her hand to his cheek. “You remember me fondly.”

  He felt a solid jab to his heart. “What if I want to remember more?”

  “There is no more to remember,” she said sadly.

  “I disagree,” he whispered, and kissed her gently, lovingly, longingly.

  “Don’t,” she murmured, easing away.

  “I want you,” he said, refusing to heed her puny attempts to struggle free of him.

  “No, you—”

  “Don’t tell me what I think,” he said harshly, yet then kissed her softly. “You have no idea how I feel at this moment.”

  “Tell me,” she urged. “I want to hear.”

  “I burn with desire for you. It’s like a scorching ache I can’t douse and it grows more potent when you’re near me.” He ran his lips over hers. “Kisses quench for the moment, then heat me even more until I want to drink endlessly of you. Only you can satisfy my endless thirst, for I thirst for only you.”

  “Oh, Cullen, if only I could,” she sighed.

  “You can.” He kissed her again and they melted against each other, lingering in the tenderness they shared.

  He eased her steadily toward the bed until together, arms wrapped around each other, they fell on the bed side by side, locked in a kiss. His hand stroked her back, moving down to cup her backside and urge her closer against him.

  She submitted willingly, and he pressed into her, wanting her to feel the strength of his desire for her. Her sensuous moans intoxicated and he couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to feel her naked beneath him, to get lost in the depths of her, to capture her cries of release with his lips and to taste love with her.

  “I want you naked,” he whispered roughly, his breath labored from their ardent kisses. “I want to touch you, all of you.”

  He heard and felt her breath catch, and he expected her to reach out and help him rid her of her clothes. Instead, she placed her hand to his chest and eased him away from her.

  “Don’t do this, Sara,” he urged, reluctant to let her go. “You’ll regret it.”

  “I already do,” she said.

  Chapter 25

  Sara left her bed and the keep as soon as her husband went off to hunt with her father the next morning. She had feigned sleep so she didn’t have to speak with Cullen when he woke. She didn’t want to face him, refused to face him, as she had last night when she crawled beneath the coverlet, hugged the edge of the bed, and pretended to fall fast asleep. In truth, she had lain awake for hours, her body throbbing for his touch, for release.

  She didn’t know where she got the stamina to deny him or herself. She only knew that it was better this way. She was growing ever more accustomed to his presence each day. She could only imagine how she would feel in a month or two, after spending endless time together. How did she say good-bye to him after sleeping beside him every night, waking beside him every morning, sharing meals with him, laughing with him, kissing him, walking hand in hand and living like a wife with him? If those memories would sting, how would she ever deal with more intimate memories?

  She kicked angrily at a small stone along the bumpy path to her sister’s front door. She had thought it pure genius to wed Cullen and be released from exile at the abbey. Cullen had been the answer to her endless prayers, arriving in the eleventh hour and rescuing her.

  Now she felt more trapped than ever, and in a trap of her ow
n making at that.

  “Fool,” she mumbled.

  “You or Cullen?” Teresa asked.

  Sara looked over to where her sister sat on a blanket under the shade of a pine tree and walked over to join her. Teresa warned her to be quiet, pressing a finger to her lips and pointing to a sleeping Alexander beside her.

  “He just fell asleep, morning nap,” she explained softly.

  Sara sat beside her sister and kept her voice low. “How long did it take you to realize you loved Shamus?”

  “From when I first laid eyes on him.”

  “Love can happen that fast?”

  “Only a strong, sustainable love,” Teresa said.

  “How do you know if it is sustainable?”

  “That’s the catch, since only time will tell.”

  “So you take a chance no matter what when you fall in love?” Sara asked.

  “You have to take a chance when you fall in love or you may never find love.”

  Sara shook her head. “Love confuses me completely.”

  Her sister laughed gently. “Then love is surely nipping at your heels.”

  Sara glanced over at Alexander sleeping on his stomach, his rump up in the air, his full cheeks rosy. “I could love him and his father so very easily.”

  “Shouldn’t you be saying you already love him and his father?”

  Sara cringed. “Is it obvious?”

  “I thought you both in love when I first saw you together, and was surprised when you told me the truth of the situation.”

  Sara shook her head. “The love you see in Cullen isn’t for me. It’s for his departed wife. He’ll never love another. Would you if you lost Shamus?”

  Teresa shivered and rubbed her arms. “The thought chills me to the bone. I don’t know what I’d do without Shamus. I love him dearly. I think the real question is, would Shamus want me to wed again, or I him if I departed first?”

  “Would you?” Sara asked. “Want him to wed again?”

  “I can’t say the thought doesn’t sting my heart, but then the thought of Shamus being alone for the rest of his life hurts my heart, and it’s a hurt I wouldn’t want him to suffer. I would want him happy, and that, I believe, is true love.”

  “I wish I had more time with Cullen before he leaves so I could see if love had a chance between us.”

  “You haven’t given an ounce of thought to what I told you about going to America with Cullen and Alexander?” Teresa asked.

  “Not really,” Sara admitted. She hadn’t wanted to, since Cullen had never once suggested the idea to her, and she certainly wasn’t going to ask him. She wouldn’t go where she wasn’t wanted.

  Her sister seemed to have guessed her thoughts. “You’re being stubborn,” Teresa said. “He hasn’t mentioned it to you, so you won’t mention it to him.”

  “He tells me often enough of how he will see me safe before he leaves,” Sara replied. “His plans are for him to go off to America with his son and for me to remain behind. He couldn’t have made it any clearer. Our marriage was simply a means to an end for us both.”

  “That was before you both started falling in love,” Teresa clarified.

  “We barely know each other.”

  “We’ve already made it clear that time has no meaning when it comes to love,” Teresa reminded her. “Besides, he’s not leaving just yet. Use what time remains to you wisely. See what develops between you both, and don’t be stubborn about it.”

  “Cullen wants to be intimate,” Sara blurted out with a sense of relief.

  “He is your husband, and you should see if you are compatible.” Teresa giggled softly. “Shamus and I are very compatible.”

  “Sex is a good thing then?” Sara asked apprehensively.

  “With the right man, it’s superb,” Teresa said dreamily.

  “I don’t know,” Sara said, shaking her head. “I fear being stuck with memories that will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

  “Good ones or bad ones?”

  Sara grinned at her sister’s teasing.

  “Seriously,” Teresa said, “you need to find out. You need to find out many things these next few weeks and seriously consider going to America with Cullen, whether he wants you to or not. I fear for your safety once the truth is learned.”

  “Cullen plans to eliminate any threat to me.”

  Teresa took her sister’s hand. “There’s always someone left who seeks revenge. You will not be safe here once it is known what you’ve done. And while the prospect of never seeing you again tears at my heart, the prospect of your death pains me even more. At least in America you have a chance, and who knows…” She shrugged. “…Shamus and I may come to visit you one day.”

  Alexander stirred.

  “He’ll wake soon, hungry. You feed him while I get us something to eat, and promise me,” Teresa said, squeezing Sara’s hand, “you will not dismiss, but at least consider what I’ve suggested.”

  Sara nodded. “Do you know how glad I am to have you for my sister?”

  Teresa grinned. “You’re lucky to have me as a sister. I got you out of enough trouble through the years.”

  “Wait just a minute,” Sara said, smiling and was interrupted by a loud—

  “Da!”

  The next few hours were a carefree, thought-free time for Sara. She and Teresa talked and talked some more while enjoying playful moments with Alexander. The little boy took an instant like to Sara and managed to win her heart even more than he already had. They had taken him to the creek to throw stones and dunk his feet in the water. He delighted himself with splashes and tumbled around on the grass in sheer joy. He was a happy and content little boy.

  “I should get back to the keep,” Sara said a few hours later. “Father wanted to speak with me, and Cullen will want to see Alexander again.”

  “Then why leave? Wait until he arrives and return later with him. Father must realize you have a husband now and he comes first.”

  “You would think, but Father treats me like a constant thorn in his side that he refuses to remove. He seems to enjoy the pain he insists I bring him.”

  “That’s only because you are so much like him and he truly admires you, though refuses to acknowledge the fact.”

  “He acknowledged that he liked my husband, though I wonder how he will feel when my husband deserts me, never to return.”

  “Perhaps that won’t be the case,” Teresa said, scooping up a yawning Alexander. “Nap time.”

  “Do you mind if I remain here awhile? I could use a solitary moment or two,” Sara said.

  “Not at all. I’ll be at the cottage.”

  Sara sat near the edge of the creek. The last few hours had been so enjoyable, free of worry and thoughts that haunted her much too often. Now, however, they returned to plague her, and though she much preferred to ignore them, she had no choice but to address them.

  She still didn’t understand how a simple plan could have gotten so complicated, but then she hadn’t expected love to be thrown into the mix. Sharing her concerns with her sister had helped a great deal, but it now meant making choices she wasn’t certain she was ready to make.

  She also couldn’t comprehend her indecisiveness. Practical problems demanded practical solutions, or so she always believed and practiced with direct bluntness. And while the whole situation seemed a practical one, she couldn’t bring herself to make a reasonable decision. Clearly, her heart was interfering.

  A sudden familiar stench filled her nostrils, and she got quickly to her feet and turned around. “What do you want, Harken?”

  He smiled, a sad mistake since Sara found it hard not to cringe at the sight of his rotten, yellowed teeth, what ones he had left.

  “I’ve come to welcome you home,” he said, walking toward her.

  Sara backed away, his sweat-stained shirt and grubby plaid adding to the stomach-rolling odor. “I’m married, Harken.”

  He nodded. “I heard.”

  Sara didn’t trust him.
He had a glint in his dark eyes that didn’t bode well. However, he did not appear to be angry with her, and Harken had a temper, especially when things didn’t go his way. Not that she felt threatened by him. She had handled him once before and could do it again if necessary, but she much preferred not to touch him.

  “Happily wed?” he asked.

  His question disturbed her and warned her that something wasn’t right. “Why would you ask me that?”

  He shrugged, his soiled fingers toying with a stick he discarded carelessly. “Something I heard made me wonder.”

  What could he have heard? She and Cullen only spoke of their situation when they were alone.

  “Your father wanted you wed good and proper, he did, and to wed a man who would remain by your side, though difficult that may be, you being so bold and unattractive.”

  Sara had to laugh. “At least I don’t smell like a horse’s ass.”

  “Think you’re better than me, don’t you?” he snapped. “If you’re so much better, why couldn’t your father find a single man who would wed you? Even with a generous dowry, no man wanted you. I was the only one with the courage to take on a harping wife like you.”

  She couldn’t say that his words or the memory of that time didn’t hurt. They dug deep into her, reminding her of the mockery she had suffered. But that was all behind her and she need not suffer it any longer. She had a good husband and needn’t worry about being forced to wed the likes of Harken McWilliams.

  “Perhaps, but I wasn’t willing to wed a filthy, smelly, ignorant man like you.”

  “Scorn me all you like, but when that husband of yours leaves you and your father learns the truth, you’ll be suffering for sure.” He grinned, and Sara cringed. “Unless of course you take a new husband.”

  It finally dawned on Sara. “You weasel, you’ve been lurking in the bushes listening to me and Teresa talk here by the creek.”

  “What does it matter?” Harken shrugged. “I’m sure your father would like to hear what I know, unless of course—”

  “He won’t believe you,” Sara said.

  “He will when it comes to pass,” Harken boasted. “And I’m a patient man, I can wait.”