by Anna Kyss
Some of my classmates have complained about the monthly submission requirement, but I have two more articles outlined already. The second will focus on the long-term effects of clear-cutting, while the last will be a call to action. I’m hoping my writing moves my audience so other CU students get involved. The logging industry could ignore a few people, but it will be harder to ignore hundreds.
“Finished?” Soul lounges on the blanket, propped up on one elbow.
“I just need to type it up.” I lie down next to him. “I can’t believe how easily the words flowed. Whenever I worked on a psychology assignment, it would take all day.”
“You’ve found your true calling,” he says. “Have you thought of your pen name?”
“Maddie.” My cheeks warm. “It’s really grown on me these last few weeks.”
He plays with a lock of my hair. “Maddie’s perfect. Maddie the Brave? Maddie the Adventurous?”
“I’m still working on a surname. I have until four p.m. tomorrow.” I’m getting worried, though. No matter how much I play around with made-up names, nothing fits. “Do you have any ideas?”
“I totally owe you since I was so mopey today.” He runs his thumb up and down my arm as he thinks. “Maddie S. Dipping?”
“What kind of last name is Dipping?” I shake my head. “I thought you were seriously going to help me?”
He holds up both hands. “Sorry. You can’t blame me for thinking of one of my favorite memories first.”
“We’d end up with terrible names if we went off our favorite memories,” I say. “Solomon Kissing?”
“Did you just let your favorite memory slip?” He winks. “That’s one of mine, too. We really brought that old children’s song to life, didn’t we?”
“What song?”
“Soul and Maddie, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” He laughs then gestures to my notebook. “Did you write about that epic moment?”
“The most epic of moments are destined to stay private.” I lean over and brush my lips to his.
“Ah, my little Rebel.” He holds me close and kisses me again. “Two weeks ago, you would have been too concerned with your lack of a toothbrush to even kiss me.”
“We have mutually stinky breath,” I remind him but begin to move away. I may have relaxed a little, but what girl doesn’t worry about fresh breath?
“Oh no, you don’t.” He rolls on top of me. “I want to get familiar with every aspect of you. Even your stinky breath.”
He lowers his mouth to mine. For a moment, I stiffen, but when his lip ring drags across my upper lip, it drives me a little crazy. I completely give in to his kisses and let my worries float away.
Soul spends more time exploring my mouth than Andrew ever spent on my entire body. He’s noticed how his lip ring affects me, and he deliberately circles my lips with it, while simultaneously kissing the tender skin around them.
I start to squirm underneath him. Thankfully, he has me pinned so securely to the blanket, I can barely move. I only hope he doesn’t notice my embarrassing reaction.
“Dude, are you serious?” a deep voice says.
Definitely not Soul’s voice. I open my eyes and plead with Soul to move, so I can sit up. Raven stands at the edge of the platform, glaring down at us.
“Did you see the downed trees?” Raven snaps. “How can you make out when the fucking forest’s being cut down all around you?”
Soul rubs his head. “Lay off, man. I spent the entire day stewing about those trees. I barely said a word to Maddie all day, I was so pissed.”
“Do you know what happened?” Raven gestures to the forest floor.
“The loggers were trying to incite us. They cut down both trees in front of us, like they were looking for a fight.” Soul shakes his head. “They’re definitely escalating the situation.”
“Like I predicted,” Raven says. “It’s time to take further action, man.”
“You’re right.” Soul sighs. “I’ll call a meeting for tomorrow night.”
“A members-only meeting.” Raven stares pointedly at me. “No narcs.”
“Hey, I’m a journalist, not a narc.” I glare back. “And I’m on your side.”
“How about we hold an open forum for the first half of the meeting,” Soul suggests. “Then close to members during the last half?”
Raven glares at me for a moment but nods. “Tomorrow, man.”
“Be careful,” Soul warns. “They might try to provoke you tomorrow, but don’t let them.”
“You know me. Always calm and collected,” Raven says.
“I know you.” Soul nods. “That’s what I’m worried about. Don’t let the loggers get to you.”
Soul
AS WE head off the forest road, back toward Boulder, I can tell the moment we return to cell range. Maddie’s phone begins to beep repeatedly, signaling she has messages.
She scrolls through the messages before covering her face with her hands. “I am in so much trouble. My father has called around twenty times.”
Crap. All that effort to make a good impression has likely gone down the toilet. Who am I kidding? He saw through me in the first five minutes. Her little rebellion.
The perfect pen name comes to me. “Lu… reh… belle… ee.”
“What are you talking about?” She glances over at me.
At least I’ve distracted her. “Maddie LeRebeller. It’s French.”
“For ‘the rebel.’” She grins. “I love it.”
“Perfect for a budding journalist who’s going to make sweeping changes with her investigative work.” I savor her smile. She doesn’t show it nearly often enough.
“I hope I can make change.”
“My buddy would tell you that by stating a thought aloud, you’re more likely to make it happen.”
“Are you talking about Sage?”
I nod then pull over to the side of the highway. Ever since we reached cell range, I’ve wanted to call him. It’s late in Michigan, but I’m not going to put it off any longer. “Do you want to drive for a bit? I need to call Sage.”
In her hurry to take me up on my offer, she climbs over to my side of the seat, brushing against me before I can move.
“Are you teasing?” I ask.
“Distracting.” She revs the engine a little. “I haven’t changed my mind, you know. I can’t wait to rebel with you.”
She leaves me speechless. Again. I don’t have time to dwell on her tempting words because as soon as I scoot to the passenger’s side, she slams on the gas. The momentum throws me forward then backward as she merges with traffic. I can’t think of how to respond, so I call Sage.
The phone rings a few too many times, then a girl answers.
“Abby? Is that you?”
“Abby? Let me have the phone.” Maddie glances at me and grabs for the phone. The car weaves across lanes. “Shoot. Put her on speaker at least.”
I sigh. I really need to find out how Sage is, but a few minutes of girl talk shouldn’t hurt. I turn on the speakerphone.
“Madison? Is that you?”
“Abby!” Maddie squeals in response.
“Why are you with Soul?” Abby pauses. “Are you… together?”
For a moment, Maddie and I glance at each other. We haven’t defined our budding relationship, but we need to have that conversation soon.
“Hello?” Abby’s voice crackles through the phone.
I decide to take my own advice and put my thought out into the world. “I’m not sure how Madison feels, but I would very much like it if Maddie and I started a relationship.”
Maddie beams, her smile spreading from ear to ear. “A monogamous one?”
“Of course. I only want to rebel with you,” I whisper.
“I’m still on speaker,” Abby reminds us. “But congratulations!”
I turn off the speaker and hold the phone to my ear. “How’s Sage?”
The slightly static line doesn’t hide her worried sigh. “The procedure was rough. He
’s not in a place where he can talk much. I’m staying a few days longer to help him.”
I close my eyes for a moment and remember the trees crashing. Maybe it was a sign from the universe: prepare for your friend’s fall to come next.
“I’ll tell him you called, though,” Abby promises.
“Wait!” I call out before she hangs up. “I was trying to tell Maddie about a philosophy thing. Something about stating a thought aloud, to make it happen. Ask Sage.”
“We can wait,” Maddie whispers. “If he isn’t well.”
I cover the speaker on the phone. “No, he loves this stuff. If anything, asking about it will help him feel better.”
Abby returns to the phone a few minutes later. “Good call. This is the most I’ve heard him say today.”
I sort of lied. This information isn’t entirely for Maddie. With how shitty today’s gone, I need some Sage-isms myself. “Well…?”
“Ralph Waldo Emerson,” Abby says. “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”
“Abby, will you call me if…?”
“Sage will call you soon,” she says. “Since I put the thought out there, the universe has to make it happen. Right?”
“I hope that’s how it works. Bye, Abby.” I snap my phone shut and tuck it into my pocket.
Maddie grasps the steering firmly but makes frequent worried glances in my direction.
I’m back to that place of wanting to be completely alone. I can’t focus on a conversation while I feel so damn helpless.
“I’m sorry, Soul.” Maddie reaches across the car to grasp my hand. “I know you’re worried about him. If you ever want to talk…”
“Thanks,” I whisper. But there’s no way in hell I’m ever putting those worries out into the universe. The world is conspiring against me enough as it is. For Sage’s sake, I’m only saying positive thoughts, even if the negative shit is tearing me up inside.
Maddie
I WAKE up the next morning to someone pounding on my door. “Madison, wake up. You have a visitor.”
He only dropped me off eight hours ago, and he’s already back to visit? Soul can be so sweet. “Send him in,” I say between yawns.
I sink back into my pillow after stretching. When we got back to the house last night, I stayed up to type and proofread my article. I was too excited about my first deadline to go to sleep. I look at the clock—7:00 a.m. I only got four or five hours of shut-eye.
Maybe I can convince Soul to nap with me a little while. I wouldn’t mind cuddling up next to him. I wouldn’t mind it at all.
The door opens up, but it’s not Soul who walks through the door. Oh no. I sit up immediately. “Daddy, what are you doing here?”
My father sets his briefcase on the floor and glares down at me. “What choice did I have after you ignored nearly two dozen attempts to reach you?”
“I wasn’t ignoring you.” I pause, considering how much to tell him. “I was out of cell phone range yesterday.”
“That’s ridiculous,” he snaps. “The entire university has cell coverage.”
“I… I was in the forest.” Less information can sometimes be more. “On a class assignment.”
“Tell me what psychology class takes place in the woods.” He grabs the only chair in the room, sits, and leans forward.
He has his prosecutor face on. Great, he’s not buying my story. I go through my options. Telling him the truth is completely out. If he knew I spent the night illegally guarding a tree, he could cut off my financial support. My career may not be important to him, but if I’m ever going to break away from my father’s binds, I need to finish school.
“Admit it. You spent the night with that boy, didn’t you?” My father raises one hand and begins to tap each finger as he shares his evidence. “The country club reported that your friend’s keys were never picked up.”
Shoot. I didn’t think about contacting the club for the keys.
“I had the Boulder police do a welfare check on Solomon’s dorm, but coincidentally, he was also gone all night.”
“You had the police check on him?” This is way worse than I imagined. “Daddy, how could you?”
“A father can never be too careful when it comes to his little girl,” he says. “How much do you even know about this boy?”
“How did you even know where he lived?”
“I’m a prosecutor, darling.” He sighs. “We have our ways.”
I need to derail this conversation, so I throw out the one thing that will stop my father from scrutinizing Soul. “I was working on an assignment. Not a psychology assignment, though.”
He waits, folding his hands together and leaning back in the chair.
“I added a journalism class to my schedule.”
“Journalism?” Every feature on my father’s face seems to tighten. With pinched lips, he quietly says, “We discussed this before you began school. With the political path I’m on, you will not be able to pursue a career in journalism. Psychology is much better suited—”
“For you, but not for me,” I say. “I don’t even like my psychology coursework.”
“Madison, darling.” He places his perfectly manicured hand on my arm. “Your interests are a moot point.”
Did he really just say that? I always knew he felt that way, but I can’t believe he said it to my face in such a cavalier manner. “Daddy…” My voice breaks.
I blink back my tears and swallow, trying to regain control. My father hates open displays of emotion.
“Madison, you will be busy enough maintaining your estate after you marry.” He pats me on the head. He means to comfort me, but it comes off as condescending. “Between your trust and Andrew’s income, you will never have to worry about working.”
Of course, a woman should only worry her pretty little head about the latest fashions or what to have catered for her dinner party. Real-life topics should never intrude. I learned that from my mother.
“No,” I whisper.
My father looks confused for a moment. I’ve never seen that expression on him, but he’s probably never heard me tell him no before.
“No,” I say louder. “I want to work. I want a career.” I take a deep breath and forcefully add, “And I am not marrying Andrew.”
He sighs, not bothering to hide his exasperation. “I forget how important romance seems when you’re young. As you age, you’ll find a good match becomes far more valuable than girlish ideals about love.”
“Daddy, do you realize Andrew has been cheating on me?” Now that I’ve found my voice, I can’t quiet myself. “I found him with a girl in the club gardens, when he knew I would be at the benefit.”
“Ah, I wondered why you disappeared without making your goodbyes.” He shook his head. “I had to excuse your horrid manners by telling people you fell ill. It makes much more sense that you fell apart after seeing Andrew.”
Good. He knows nothing about the skinny-dipping or anything else that went on that night. Let him blame it all on Andrew.
My father takes my hand in both of his. “I understand how hard it must have been to find Andrew in the midst of one of his liaisons.”
He’s not even surprised. Wait, one of his liaisons? How many has he had?
“I’ve warned him before about the importance of discretion. Hopefully, he will learn something from this debacle and be more discreet in the future.”
“You’ve seen him before? He’s been with other women at the country club while we were together?” Surely, my father would have shared that with me. Some small part of him has to care about my happiness.
“My dear, you’re young and innocent. Men have needs, and their partners are not always interested in fulfilling these needs.” He pats my hand in a patronizing manner.
I want to scream, but I take a deep breath.
“As you age, you’ll appreciate not having to bear the full responsibility for his satisfaction.” He pauses. “I know your mother does.”
&
nbsp; He cheated on my mother, and he has the audacity to sit here and make excuses for why cheating benefits women. Even worse, he knew that Andrew was cheating on me throughout our relationship, and his only concern was Andrew’s lack of discretion. He can hide his mistakes behind smooth words and faulty logic, but I’m not willing to accept them. I feel completely betrayed.
Andrew betrayed me by messing around with other women even though I gave him my heart and three years of my life. But my father’s betrayal cuts even deeper. He’s siding with my lying boyfriend, and no matter how he rationalizes it, I know he needs the connections that Andrew’s family brings. He has prioritized his stupid governor’s campaign over his daughter’s future.
“I think you need to leave, Daddy.” I stand up and walk to the door. I only have a few moments before I lose it entirely.
“Madison—”
I hold open the door. “Go!”
My father peers into the hallway. When he sees a few of my sorority sisters passing by, he nods and kisses my cheek. “Lovely to visit with you, dear.”
He would never make a scene, but I’m about to. I press my lips together and blink back tears. As soon as he steps into the hallway, I latch the door than sink to the floor.
The tears come, slowly and silently at first, then they’re so loud and messy, I have to press my face into my pillow to hide my sobs.
After the two most important men in my life deceived me, how am I ever going to trust again?
Soul
I TRIED calling Maddie three times, but I still haven’t heard back from her. Finally, I decide to head over to her sorority house. Her father probably reamed her today, and I feel entirely to blame. I should have brought her back to the stupid benefit instead of firing up her wild side.
Sometimes, I forget how important family is. I’ve been independent for so long that I ignore how most people foster family connections. If I’m going to make this work with Maddie, I can’t force her to reject all the values she grew up with. I’m going to have to compromise.