The Way It Hurts

by Patty Blount

  It was in his eyes.

  I took a deep breath and tried again to explain. “Elijah. Sam and Nick are your best friends, right?”

  He glanced questioningly at me and then nodded.

  “So if they warned you to stay away from me, how can you be pissed at me for being a little scared to trust you? I mean, they know you better than I do.”

  He considered that for a long moment, dark eyes swimming with doubt. Finally, he smiled, revealing that dimple I adored so much. “Yeah. You’re right.” He stepped toward me, and my stomach flipped over. “So what do we do now?”

  “Etta told me that not one of her four husbands ever worked hard enough to understand her.”

  He nodded slowly. “You want me to understand you? Is that like…even possible?”

  I laughed once. “Maybe. I don’t know how to do this either. I guess we start with…you know, being real.” I held out my hand and waited for him to take it.

  He did and suddenly, the tension was gone. His grin was real and so was mine.

  “Okay. Real. I think I can do that.” He tugged me to door that led to the kitchen. “I promised Mom I’d take Anna to the park. She likes to watch the birds. Come with us.”

  “Yeah,” I said slowly. “That sounds perfect.”

  23

  Elijah

  Ride_On747: @elijahhamilton. Bro, heard what happened and it sucks. You rock. #fan4life

  BryceG: Way to go, @BroadwayBaby17. You busted up Ride Out? Go the fuck back to the stage and leave metal to us.

  SHARES: 288 LIKES: 497

  I pulled into a spot at the park and helped Anna off with her seat belt. She’d been singing “Ding dong, ding dong,” in a soft high voice the entire drive here.

  Kristen shook her head. “I should be offended that your sister looks at me and says ‘ding dong,’ but I’m not because it’s pretty awesome,” she finished with a little flair of her fingers that made me feel kind of goofy. Hell, I’d been feeling goofy ever since we kissed.

  Holy hell, we’d kissed. Sam was going to kick my ass for this, and I honestly didn’t give a shit. Kristen was mine now.

  I grabbed the soft-sided cooler of snacks and drinks and took Anna’s hand because I suddenly wanted to sit down and write a song. And not just any song either.

  A freakin’ sappy love song.

  Puke.

  Anna had other ideas. She wrestled free so she could walk ahead with her head down, still singing the ding-dongs.

  “Anna, look at me. Look at Eli.”

  Her eyes found mine, held for a split second, and then looked away.

  “If you’re lost, what do you do?”

  Her hand crept toward the pocket of her jeans where I’d already put the note with my name and number.

  “Good. Let’s go.”

  Obediently, Anna turned to walk along the path into the park. Kristen followed, but I stopped her. “Hold up a second.”

  She looked at me, confused, until I held out my hand. “Don’t laugh, but I’ve never actually held hands with a girl who wasn’t my sister before.”

  A huge smile bloomed, and she took my hand. Together, we followed my sister down the path to the playground. Anna’s favorite thing in the playground was the swings. She sat on one as soon as some kid got off. The playground wasn’t all that crowded, which was good. Anna had issues with crowds. A few toddlers played in the sand, their parents hovering close by. A knot of older kids climbed over monkey bars, racing each other from bottom to top. At the cluster of picnic tables arranged under the shade of some trees, some older kids sat holding bottles of water, their heads bent over a cell phone. It was hot in the sun, and I scoped out a spot where I could open the cooler later.

  “This is nice,” Kristen said, leaning against the swing set’s frame while I pushed Anna.

  I lifted an eyebrow. “Nice? That all you got?”

  “What’s wrong with nice?”

  Laughing, I held up both hands. “I’ve met Etta, and you are a lot like her. Nice is just such a boring word. I’m kind of surprised you’d settle for it. She wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, slapping a hand to her forehead. “How about, this is stupendous! Or, wait… I can do accents. This is loco. Oh, wait, wait, wait! Ermahgerd, thers ers da berst dert erver.”

  I stared at her. “I have no idea what you just said.”

  “I said, this is the best date ever.”

  Date? Oh. Um. Sure.

  I kept pushing Anna’s swing.

  “Elijah?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Is it…is this…” Kristen blew hair out of her eyes. “Are you gonna tell the guys?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Sam’s gonna be pissed, isn’t he?”

  It wasn’t a question. I peeked over at her, arms wrapped around the metal pole that held up the swings, her eyes pinned to mine.

  I shrugged. “As long as you don’t quit the band, he’ll get over it.”

  “Quit? Bet he’d love that.”

  “Nah,” I said with a laugh. “He knows you’re good, Kris. And he knows that all these new gigs we’ve been booking are all because of you.”

  Her cheeks went red, and I laughed.

  “What?” she demanded, suddenly pissed.

  I gave Anna’s swing another push and just laughed again. “Nothing. It’s just…you looked so shy for a second, and it was funny. Shy is so not a word I’d ever use to describe you.”

  She straightened up, folded her arms over her chest, and narrowed her eyes. “Just what words would you use to describe me?”

  Oh, challenge accepted, baby. “Oh, let’s see,” I began, eyeballing her critically. “How about smart, unbelievably talented, confident, and loyal?”

  Her mouth fell open.

  “What?” I asked, giving Anna’s swing yet another push.

  “Um, nothing. It’s just…well, I didn’t expect words like that. I figured you’d go for sexy, hot, or something along those lines.”

  “You’re all of that too.” I let my eyes travel up and down her body. No red boots today and I was weirdly upset by that. “Just not only that, you know?”

  She launched herself into my arms, almost killing us when Anna’s swing returned.

  “Jesus, Kristen!”

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  Laughing, I pecked her on the nose, and she giggled, returning to her post by the support bar. A few more pushes, and when I glanced at her again, her forehead wrinkled, and I sighed theatrically.

  “Stop worrying. Sam and Nick may be upset at first, but they’ll get over it if they want to keep up this momentum—which I’m sure they do.”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s not that. It’s…I think I owe you an apology.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “For?”

  “For being surprised by what you just said. For a long time, I thought the only thing you saw when you looked at me was a pair of boobs.”

  “They are pretty damn awesome.”

  “And then I thought the only thing you wanted me for was my voice.”

  “Also pretty damn awesome.”

  “But what you just said,” she went on like I hadn’t spoken. “About being loyal and confident and all that?” Suddenly, tears blurred her eyes, and she pressed both hands to her face. “It’s just…sometimes, I think you don’t see stuff like that or even care about it…and other times, you’re… Well, you’re more than what you seem, Elijah. You’re a lot more, and I really like it. I like that side of you.”

  I swallowed. Hell. I liked the sound of that—of Kristen liking me instead of getting on my case about raunchy lyrics or whatever. I left Anna’s swing to momentum so I could throw an arm around Kristen and pull her close. “Kris, for years, I’ve been putting on this act like I put on my shoes in the mornin
g. You’re the first person I ever wanted to see behind that act, you know? Sam and Nick don’t even see me. Not really. But you do.”

  Blue eyes met mine, and she slowly nodded. “Yes. I do.”

  I lowered my head and kissed her again and again and again until Anna interrupted us.

  “Eli. Swing.”

  “Whoops. Sorry, Anna.” I gave the motionless swing a few pushes to get it restarted. Kristen grabbed the cooler and headed for a shady picnic table, scrolling through messages on her phone as she walked. She made a sound of disgust when she tossed the phone down.

  “What?” I led Anna to a bench at the picnic table Kristen had snagged.

  “Nothing.” She whipped her hand around so I knew it was a hell of a lot more than nothing. “It’s just these people never know when to give it a rest.”

  “What are they saying now?” I stuck a straw in a juice box for Anna.

  She shrugged. “The usual. That I’m only singing with your band because I’m desperate to be with you,” she said, pressing a fist to her heart theatrically. “Or you’re only letting me sing in your band because you’re still hoping to make me scream.”

  Her mouth twisted into a sneer, and I wished I’d never tweeted that stupid comment. The phone in my pocket wouldn’t stop vibrating. “Did you respond?” I tugged it out and scrolled through the alerts.

  “Yeah. I tweeted that I’m done with the whole ‘Kris versus Eli’ thing and just want to enjoy a nice day in the park with you and your sister.”

  The phone vibrated again. For the first time, I felt a shiver of fear down my back. I’d tried to tell Kristen she was making too much out of this…taking it too seriously. But, Jesus, over two hundred and eighty likes on a single comment—and that was just on one site. Twitter was going nuclear now. What the fuck was wrong with people? How did they not get that this was just a little PR and marketing? With a sick feeling in my gut, I kept reading. Some asshat had tweeted that I deserved better than Kristen Cartwright. Someone like her. Yeah. Definitely not happening, despite the interesting picture that went with it. Another said I was a dick for challenging Kristen, for pushing her to deliver the kind of fury and aggression that rock was known for. Still others brought my parents into it, wanting to know who was raising me to be so sexist and misogynistic and entitled.

  I put the phone away with a sigh. “Anna, are you hungry? Want a snack?”

  Anna’s head came up, so I took that as a yes. I took out a plastic container of grapes and sliced strawberries and put it on the table. Anna loved berries.

  Our phones continued to vibrate. Kristen groaned, but before she could pick up her phone, I covered her hand. “Ignore them, Kris. I told you, this is all part of the package. It’s not real. People talk because they can. Because these sites make them believe people actually give a shit about their opinions. All that matters is that they’re talking about us, not what they say.”

  She didn’t look convinced.

  “Come on, don’t you remember what happened with those red holiday cups at Starbucks? People were threatening boycotts and pickets and all kinds of retribution, and you know what happened? Sales went up.”

  She nodded and then flashed me a smile. “Okay. I guess I can—”

  “Oh my God! Are you Elijah Hamilton? Are you from Ride Out?”

  I whipped around and found a girl standing there, maybe fourteen. She wore shorts and a tank top with flip-flops, and she kept curling her long, dark ponytail around her finger. There were three more copies of her standing a little behind her. All four of them were fizzing with excitement, bouncing on their toes.

  “Yeah, I am. And this is Kristen.”

  The first girl shot Kristen a look of malice. “Can I get a picture with you? Just you?”

  Kristen rolled her eyes, but I obliged. “Sure.” The girl whipped out her cell phone, glued herself to my side, smiled huge for the selfie, and sent Kristen another one of those disdainful looks.

  “Thank you, Eli!” She pressed her lips to my cheek.

  That opened the gates. The other three girls approached in a clump, so I repeated the pose, complete with rock-on fingers. They began to chatter, and one of them burst into tears, sobbing about the song she loved the most and how she’d viewed our last video post on YouTube over a hundred times. Anna didn’t care for the intrusion and made her displeasure known, slamming her juice down with a loud thump.

  “Eli.” Her voice was tight.

  That was my cue. I tossed the empty container back in the cooler and stood up. The first girl turned her malice on Anna. “Can you, like, chill out?” she said, curling her lip at my sister like she was a stain.

  Before I could open my mouth, Kristen lost it. “Back off. She has special needs!”

  I jerked like I’d just been kicked in the head. I whipped around, ready to argue, to jump straight down Kristen’s throat for those words. Nobody labeled Anna. Anna was my sister—my responsibility. I got that Kristen thought she was helping, but Anna was nobody’s fucking business but mine. The girl waved off Kristen’s explanation before I could find the words through the red haze of my fury.

  “Whatever she is, she can wait until we’re done.” She put her hand on my arm like I was some kind of Happy Meal toy to fight over.

  I shook her off. “We’re done.” I took Anna’s hand to lead her away.

  “But I didn’t get your autograph!”

  “No. You didn’t.”

  “Hey, that’s not fair! I saw you at the mall back in April and then again in June at the beach and—”

  “There they are!” a new voice shouted. “I love you, Eli!”

  The cry sounded from the path. I spun around and found another group bearing down on us, cell phones and “Kris Versus Eli” posters clutched in their hands. Guys, girls, some young, some old…holy shit. A dozen. Two. It was a mob. An actual mob. My mouth went dry.

  “Kristen, take Anna’s hand. Get her to the car now.”

  Kristen, her face sheet white, took Anna’s hand, but Anna fought her.

  “No.”

  “Anna, go with Kristen.”

  “No. Eli.”

  “Elijah! Elijah!”

  “Sign my poster!”

  “Oh my God, I love you so much!”

  “I can scream for you. Wanna hear me scream?”

  Somebody shoved Kristen, and the space around Anna shrank. Anna put her hands over her ears and started to scream. I had to stop this. I had to do something.

  “Back off!” I shouted in the deepest metal growl I could manage. The crowd froze. “I cannot sign anything or take pictures right now. I have to get my sister home because she’s terrified.”

  “What’s wrong with her?”

  “Oh, is she like retarded or something?”

  “It’s okay! My brother has Down’s syndrome. I can take care of her!”

  Some guy flung his arm around Anna and raised his phone. My vision blurred around the edges, and my brain disconnected. Anna flailed, and the guy’s phone went flying.

  “Hey, my phone!” He chased after it. “She broke my fucking phone. You’re paying for this.” He thrust the phone in my face.

  Suddenly, he was sprawled on the ground in front of me, blood spurting from his nose. I didn’t remember moving and didn’t remember hitting him. I was on autopilot. The only thought that registered was Anna. Everybody was shouting my name, shoving me, clawing at me, demanding I sign shit, but I couldn’t find Anna. I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t even hear her shrieks.

  “Anna! Anna!” I shouted.

  I whipped my eyes left and right and up and down, but Anna was gone. Hands kept grabbing at me, but I’d had enough. Fists doubled, I barreled my way through the mob, shoving people off me, hitting those who didn’t get the fuck out of my way, and ran back down the path…and straight into a pair of Suffolk County cops
.

  • • •

  “It says here you’re some kind of rock star.” A cop in plain clothes tapped the file folder in his hand.

  “Yeah, yeah, rock star. Can I get the hell out of here now? I have to find my sister.” I sat back in the chair in the small, hot room, the handcuffs around my wrists clanking on the metal table.

  The cop’s eyes bored into mine. “Calm down.”

  “I can’t! I have to find my sister. She’s nonverbal and can get violent when she’s scared.”

  “I understand that, but right now, you’re the one I’m worried about. You’re in some serious trouble. You understand this, right?”

  “Look, officer. I was just spending a day at the playground with my sister and my girlfriend. Those people attacked us.”

  “It’s detective. Detective Martin Katz.” Katz flipped through more pages on his pad. “I got one guy with a broken nose, another with a black eye, and a girl with a chipped tooth. All say you hit them.”

  Did I? I couldn’t remember. I shook my head violently because we were wasting time. Anna could be dead by now. “I was defending my sister. They wouldn’t leave her alone. She was scared, and they wouldn’t stop. Where is she? Did you find her?”

  Katz waved an impatient hand. “We’re working on it. Why did you hit those people?”

  I cursed. “I just told you! They mobbed us. Do you understand how fucking scared my sister was?”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t take a kid like her to the park.”

  Waves of rage washed over me. “A kid like her.” My body coiled. “What, you mean defective? You son of a bitch. She has every right to be in that park. Every fucking right. I have every fucking fight to be there too. Those people would not back off.” His words replayed on infinite loop in my brain. A kid like her. I rattled my cuffs. “Maybe I should just keep her chained up in a dungeon. I’m done with you. Call my parents. Better yet, get me a lawyer.” I waved him off and sat back.

  Dick. Fucking asshole.

  A muscle ticked in Katz’s jaw, and he nodded. “Okay. If that’s how you want it.”