Vampire's Crucible

by Yvette Bostic

  Chapter 21

  The next evening, Logan and I showed up at Kellen’s estate with most of my new fancy wardrobe. I’d left a couple things at Logan’s in the hopes that one day I’d go back. We’d also set up my alternate bank account and the automatic transfer of funds. I left enough money in my ‘Magister’ account to buy whatever I needed. I couldn’t believe how much money they thought I required to survive. It was absurd.

  When we arrived, Kellen was waiting for me, along with David and Kate.

  “Wow! You look great!” Kate exclaimed, wrapping me in a hug.

  I wore sky blue capri pants with a pale yellow tank top covered by a sheer white blouse. My new favorite strappy sandals pretended to protect my feet. It wasn’t practical, but it was fashionable.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  I didn’t feel great. Logan and I had already said goodbye before we left his house. I didn’t look at him as David and Kate picked up my luggage. They disappeared through the portal a few moments later.

  “Don’t let her out by herself,” Logan warned. “Braden has taken an unhealthy interest in our princess.”

  Kellen’s dark brows furrowed as he glanced between me and Logan. “Thanks for the warning. Be careful, Logan. I assume his interest extends to you as well.”

  “It does, but I know how to avoid him,” Logan assured my partner, but I heard the deception in his voice. “I’ll be back in a few days.”

  I forced myself to meet his hazel eyes. Tears blurred my vision, distorting my favorite grin.

  “Turn off the lights in the fire room to practice your vampire skills.” He closed the space between us and took my hand in his. “The next time I see you, I expect to get stabbed.”

  I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you,” I whispered so only he could hear.

  “My heart will always belong to you,” he whispered back. He loosened my grasp and stepped away. “See you in a couple days.”

  He didn’t linger, just turned and left the portal room. My heart ached watching him leave.

  Kellen’s arm slipped around my waist and gently pulled me towards the portal.

  “He’ll be okay, AJ,” Kellen said. “He’s kept himself alive for almost forty years as a vampire.” He tipped my chin with his finger, forcing me to look up at him. “He now has your life to consider, and he won’t do anything to risk it.”

  I wanted to believe him, but there were too many other people pulling the strings. I sighed, then shook my head. My life seemed like a never-ending sigh.

  “I’m ready.” I rested my cheek on his chest as his arms wrapped around me and lifted me off the ground long enough to step through the portal. Tingles raced across my skin, and my heart ached. I missed my vampire already.

  I didn’t move when we arrived and neither did Kellen. Maybe he felt my overwhelming sadness or the despair that threatened my collapse.

  “Do you want me to take you upstairs?” he asked, quietly. “It’s late enough. No one will care if you go to bed early.”

  I nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. What the hell was wrong with me? Logan would be back in a couple days. I was supposed to be safe here in the palace. Kellen could show me the training rooms where I could hide as long as I wanted.

  My partner scooped me up and I buried my tear-stained face in his neck. Brown sugar and cinnamon assaulted my nostrils, and I choked back a laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” Kellen asked, striding easily across the courtyard with me in his arms.

  “I forgot how good you smell,” I whispered.

  His face flushed as he smiled. “So, what does my partner smell like?”

  “Jasmine, according to Logan,” I replied. “But I wouldn’t know. I can’t smell myself.”

  “And everyone else?” He bypassed the large doors leading to the main entrance and put me down next to the private stairs to the Magister’s quarters.

  “I can only smell you and other vampires,” I replied. “Everyone else is just soap, perfumes, or unpleasant body odor.”

  He stood next to me with his hand on the doorknob, his brown eyes searching my face. “Your luggage is already in the room,” he finally said. “Will you be okay alone, or do you want me to join you?”

  I looked down at my sandals. I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want Kellen’s company either.

  “I can’t kick you out of your own space,” I replied. “I’ll leave it up to you.”

  He laughed. I looked up, frowning at him.

  “How is that funny?” I asked.

  “It’s definitely not my decision,” he said. “And you’re the Magister. You can kick me out anytime you wish.” His smile didn’t fade with his words, adding to my confusion.

  “I still don’t get it,” I mumbled, looking away from him and reaching for the doorknob.

  “I thought I made all the decisions, lining out each plan with intricate details.” He pushed open the door and motioned for me to go in. “You have proven that I control nothing,” he continued as I made my way up the winding staircase. “I laugh because I’ve already exhausted all the other emotions.”

  I stopped mid-stride and spun around. Two steps above Kellen put me at eye level with him. “Well, I haven’t made it past pissed off yet,” I said.

  “But you’re getting through the sadness and pain,” he said, his smile fading. “My anger came first, then jealousy, then despair.”

  “And where are you now?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.

  “Resignation, mostly,” he responded. “Possibly leading into determination to finish this.”

  “I have no control over any of this, either,” I muttered, continuing my trek up the steps. I wanted to say I wouldn’t be here if I had any say in it, but it wouldn’t change anything, nor would it help. “I’d like you to show me the training rooms in the morning.”

  “I’d like to give you a full tour in the morning,” he said, still following me. “You need to know where everything is without getting lost.”

  “That’s probably a good idea,” I said. “Thank you.”

  I finally reached the top of the steps a little out of breath. The large wooden doors greeted me with their symbols for the elements. Spirit’s wings drew me in, and I placed my hand over them. A small amount of peace washed over me.

  “Your mother said her parents refused to tell her what that symbol was.” Kellen’s voice made me jump, and I turned around to face him.

  “I didn’t realize it represented anything,” I said, trying desperately to hide the lie. “It looks a little like bells with wings.”

  He raised an eyebrow at me then glanced at Spirit’s symbol. “I don’t see bells.”

  I followed his gaze, grateful for the redirect. “Really? Those don’t look like bells to you?” I traced what I now believed was a bad representation of Spirit’s face.

  “No, not at all.” He laid his fingers over mine and traced the wispy wings. “These are definitely wings, but this looks more like an abstract face to me.”

  “Hmm.” I pulled my hand away and stuffed it in my pocket. “Still looks like bells.”

  He chuckled and opened the doors. The new muted tones calmed some of my anxiety over being back in this room. I should’ve gotten over it after our little meeting the other day, but I hadn’t. Memories of being choked by my own mother assaulted me, along with the mage-vampires who attacked us. I pressed my palms against my eyes, trying to make them go away. The image just heightened, and I sank to my knees.

  Logan’s face appeared before me, his hands cradling my head as he gave me the memory of our bonding. My shock and anguish from discovering the truth forced sobs from my throat, yet again. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t real, that all of it was in the past, but it didn’t lessen the pain. I wanted to be the tough girl, the one who could take a beating and keep fighting, but I wasn’t. I was on the floor falling apart like a child.

  Kellen’s arms wrapped around me again, picking me
up off the floor. “I’ll stay with you tonight,” he whispered. “I promise to be a gentleman.”

  Just what I wanted. Not.

  But, true to his word, my partner helped me shuck my capris and took off my sandals, then pulled my favorite quilt up to my chin. When had he brought it here? Why would he do that? He didn’t even like me.

  I lay in bed with Kellen by my side. He was close, but not touching me. Reassuring but not demanding. What the hell? Why the mixed signals? He admitted to telling his goons to kidnap me and lock me away. He had to know that bastard Carlton or Carson or whatever his name was would do more. People like that didn’t become disgusting pigs overnight.

  Was he being nice to make our situation easier to deal with? It couldn’t be easy being nice to someone you hated. I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. He said he didn’t hate me, but his actions told a different story, didn’t they?

  “Since we aren’t sleeping, you want to tell me what’s on your mind?” Kellen’s low voice interrupted my thoughts.

  I opened my eyes and stared up at the high ceilings. My new vampire sight let me see the intricately carved wood work crossing the beams over my head. Repeated patterns traced the beams: water, fire, earth, air, and spirit. I squinted, trying to get a better look at the spirit symbol. The round emblem circled the elemental’s magical wings and the same blurred bells graced the center. Had there been a time when Spirit interacted as much as the others? The symbols implied there was.

  Kellen shifting on the mattress drew my attention. He rolled to his side and looked my way. I could see him straining to make out my features in the dark. The blankets rested at his waist, showing off his wide, chiseled chest, much wider than I remembered. The scars from our challenge at Victor’s contrasted wildly against his dark skin. Did he lay there half naked knowing I could see him?

  “Tell me what you’re thinking, AJ,” he said, propping up on his elbow and resting his head in his palm.

  “Why are you suddenly being nice to me?” I asked. “You can’t honestly want me around.”

  He frowned and started drawing a circle on the sheet with his finger. Would he do that if he knew I could see him? “When I sent Carson and Marshall after you, I was pissed. I thought you ruined everything I worked so hard for. We defeated your mother, but I needed you on the council, and I felt like you betrayed me with someone I considered my best friend.”

  I snorted and looked up at the ceiling. He and I remembered that entire series of events differently.

  “I didn’t say it was rational, AJ,” he continued. “It’s how I felt. When Carson said you escaped, I was so relieved, but that was quickly replaced by guilt.”

  He paused, and I rolled to my side to face him. Kellen never poured his heart out, and here he was trying to explain it all a second time.

  “Self-loathing consumed me for days after I found Logan’s threat,” he whispered, still drawing a circle on the sheets. “I’d pushed away the one person who made all of this possible. You.”

  I wanted to argue with him about my importance, but I couldn’t. I knew my heritage alone made a difference. The fact that my elementals liked me sealed the deal. But I didn’t know what he expected me to say. Did he really think his confession would make it all better? That I’d just forgive and forget?

  “What can I do to show you how sorry I am?” he asked. “I don’t expect forgiveness. I want it and my heart needs it, but…” His hand reached for mine, stopping short of touching me. “If I were in your place, I never would’ve come back. The fact that you’re here gives me hope.”

  I wasn’t sure how to reply. What did I expect from him? Honesty, trust, friendship? All of the above.

  “Remove your emotional barrier,” I said. “I can’t trust anything you tell me, when I can’t feel the truth through our connection. And where’s Sparky?” I hadn’t realized how much I missed the mischievous little connection between our elements.

  The pain in his eyes when he turned his head towards me melted some of my reserve. I could almost see his shield dropping like a curtain falling to the floor. His emotions slammed into me, the rawness of his regret and self-loathing bringing tears to my eyes.

  “I haven’t seen Sparky since you left,” he replied, his voice harsh and wavering. “I assumed you took him with you.” He sat up, not bothering to pull the quilt over the boxers covering his important parts. The muscles in his thighs bulged when he folded his legs in front of him. “I thought I’d lost your connection. Carson said you escaped, but I couldn’t feel you. For days, I truly thought you were dead.” He ran his fingers through his dark hair, then scrubbed his face with his palm. “The horror of telling the council of your death haunted me. What could I say? It was all my fault, but how could I tell them that?”

  I sat up and faced him, folding my legs in front of me with our knees almost touching. He had to see the significance of my gesture. We’d sat like this so many times in his training room, it became natural for us to do so anytime we entered the large stone space.

  “When did you find out I survived?” I asked, almost ready to offer a tiny piece of forgiveness.

  “When Yun contacted me and said Logan wanted to meet,” he replied, placing his hands on his knees, palms up. I recognized what he did. “She told me you were with him, and I put the pieces together. He was the only one capable of taking you from my estate and hiding you so thoroughly.”

  “You didn’t act like you were glad to see me at that fancy restaurant,” I said, placing my hands on my own knees.

  He looked away from me, and I felt his jealousy. It confused me. Was he seriously jealous of Logan? Kellen never wanted a romantic relationship with me, so why would he care if Logan did?

  “At first, I was too shocked by your change of appearance to respond properly,” he replied. “Then I couldn’t help but notice the closeness between you and Logan. When you blocked me from your emotions, I let my anger take over. Not anger at you, but at myself for being so stupid.”

  I sighed. The story of my life, it seemed. “Why would you be jealous of Logan?” I asked. “You made it clear you weren’t interested in a relationship with me, despite the feelings you knew I had for you.”

  He raised both hands to his head and pulled them through his hair. His frustration battered me. “You’re relentless, AJ.”

  “Maybe, but I need to be thorough,” I said. “You’re still my partner, and I should be able to trust you when everyone else in my life betrays me. You’re supposed to be that person who supports me and makes me stronger. I need to know if that’s you or not.”

  He blew out a long breath. “When we first met and I realized we would be partners, I hated it,” he replied. I was grateful he couldn’t see my hurt expression but suspected he could feel it. “You were so small and defenseless, naïve about the magical community, and the complete opposite of everything I wanted in a woman.”

  “Wow, and I’m relentless,” I scoffed.

  “Sorry, I’m trying to be honest, and that’s how I felt,” he said, rubbing his palms on his thighs. “You look so much like the woman who killed my parents, and I couldn’t see past that. I didn’t want to see past it.” He sighed, his shoulders drooping with his effort to speak. “As we got to know each other, you forced me to see parts of you I didn’t want to believe existed. I put you into a special little box that you kept jumping out of. When you walked into that restaurant looking nothing like your mother, my brain shut down.”

  He extended his hands to me once again, resting them on his knees a few inches from mine. “It’s unfair of me to do that to you. You’ve proven time and again that you are not your mother. I need to be the man you expect me to be.”

  Well shit. How did I not forgive him after all that? He’d left his emotions open to me the entire time, and I couldn’t feel any deception in his words. The brutal honesty hurt, but it also healed some of my own pain.

  I reached for the connection between our elements, that little thing I’d nicknamed S
parky not that long ago. A tiny light glowed in Kellen’s chest, racing away from his heart and down his arm, finally popping up in the palm of my partner’s hand.

  “Long time, no see, troublemaker,” I whispered. “Come here.”

  He bounced into my hand but stayed on the surface of my skin. I felt his apprehension. “I’m still the same person,” I said, watching the little spark slowly move up my arm. “Sort of. But you can’t tell anyone.” I looked up at Kellen, suddenly realizing he might find out about my connection to Spirit. Could I keep it from him?

  Göksu? Niyol? Do I keep Sparky out?

  No, child, my water elemental replied.

  Are you sure? Can I trust Kellen?

  You can trust the spark, Niyol said.

  Sparky probably couldn’t reveal anything to Kellen. It’s not like it talked to me, either, but would it tell my partner’s elementals? Did it matter? They should already know about Spirit. I hated being undecided.

  Sparky moved a little faster across my shoulders, and I put a finger in front of him, stopping his progress. “Wait.” He stopped, and I looked over at Kellen, his confusion plain on his face. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if I can share this. I was sworn to secrecy, and I think the consequence for revealing it is pretty fricking bad.”

  My partner’s eyebrows rose. “What did they do to you?”

  “Sparky, go back to Kellen until I find an answer,” I said. I swear the little spark moped all the way down my arm. “I told you. I can see better, hear better, and move faster than before.” I blushed and tried not to smile. “You’ve been working out.”

  He looked down at his bare chest and grinned. I expected him to snatch the quilt and cover up, but he didn’t. Men.

  “I also have a special hatred for Braden, regardless of the information he’s provided to us,” I continued. “He revealed the true nature of vampires to me, ‘cause let’s face it, Logan is totally an exception.”

  “Logan said Braden had taken a special interest in you,” Kellen said. “What happened?”

  I told him about our fight with the ogre, repeating some of the same stuff Logan had during our fancy dinner. Then I described Braden’s treachery when his men slit Logan’s throat. Anger boiled in my stomach for that fiend, and I didn’t hide it from Kellen.