My Fearful Symmetry

by Denise Verrico

  Fetching my guitar, I placed it in Li Cheng’s rooms and carried a bench to the corner to sit on when I played. Chairs had already been set around an oval table for the guests. The opiate in my veins conveyed a sense of languor. Now, I’d look docile and submissive to their eyes. I took my seat to practice some new songs until they arrived.

  Hours later, one of the girls entered with a tray and bowed to me. “They are coming, Shardul; the questioning of the rebel is ended.”

  “Thanks. You can put that down on that round table. I’ll pour the wine. Just deal with the food. Keep the live offerings back until I call for them.”

  She put her hands together and bowed low, as if in awe of my position. Other girls brought in trays and set them down. They took places around the chamber, colorful accents to the decor. Moments later, Li Cheng and his guests filed in. The five elders ranged in age from over two thousand years to many hundreds. All had fought long, bloody battles for supremacy. I made my reverences and poured blood cocktail into goblets.

  Li Cheng conversed quietly with another elder dressed in formal western clothing. This one leaned his close-cropped head close to catch the words. A beaky-nosed elder joined them. Two more came to the table. The first, tall and bearded, smoked a cigar. Radu claimed descent from Vlad Dracul, which may very well have been true. He enjoyed painfully impaling his victims, so to speak. Trust me, I knew. Radu’s vocal criticism of the rebels had brought down a lot of pressure on Kalidasa in recent weeks. The Rumanian had gone and formed an alliance with the others gathered in the chamber.

  “Ah, the auburn beauty,” he remarked to his companion, as he took a seat. “Adds an air of the exotic, don’t you agree, Sergei?”

  The Russian tugged his beard and fixed a steel-blue gaze on me. “Good as it looks?”

  “Consummate artist.” The Rumanian laughed, puffing on his cigar. “Worth three times his weight in gold certainly.”

  I hated this smarmy talk, but I swallowed my disgust and went about my business. Sergei took out a cigar from a handful in his breast pocket and extended it my way. Taking it, I removed the tip with the little knife I wore.

  The Russian placed the cigar between his teeth. I offered him a light. “Exquisite form,” he noted.

  “Very stylish,” Radu agreed. I turned away to supervise the serving girls. The Rumanian cajoled me. “Don’t be so cold, pretty one. Favor us with a smile.”

  I forced my face into a pleasant expression and offered them drinks from a tray one of the girl’s held. Radu leaned over and said something else to Sergei under his breath. They laughed again. The others at the table accepted the goblets from me. I ended with Li Cheng, kneeling to offer the cup.

  He accepted it with a smile. “Cedric, will you favor us with a song? Perhaps one of your Scottish ballads?”

  “With great pleasure, my Lord Liu.” I took my seat and picked up my guitar, raising my voice.

  “Finally, something with a melody,” Sergei boomed across the room. “I’ve had enough of that damned Indian noise—like cats being strangled.”

  Li Cheng turned to the Russian. “Cedric’s talents are versatile.”

  Radu leaned over to his companion. “This one’s flexibility is indeed remarkable.”

  Li Cheng ignored their smutty talk. “His master found him in London, singing in the underground for coins, gravely ill, near dying. Happily, he preserved this great artist for eternity. Gentleman, if you please…”

  I sang a half-dozen songs more, then switched to a soft strumming to allow for conversation. The elders drank and nibbled at confections offered by the girls. Conversation stayed clear of the trial, perhaps they’d all had their fill of it and just wanted to relax. I realized this was probably part of Li Cheng’s strategy to get them calmed down before he put the screws to them.

  When they were all nice and cozy, his ancient eyes scanned around the table. “Perhaps you are curious as to why I have asked you gentleman here this morning?” Li Cheng leaned back in his seat, taking up as much space in it as he could. The trick worked, he looked like an emperor on his throne. “We have serious matters to discuss.”

  Radu slammed his hand onto the table. “What’s to discuss? The little prick raised a rebellion and killed two elders. According to the code, he’s a dead man.”

  “You realize he commands a force outnumbering us three to one?”

  The Rumanian snorted. “Cast off whores and catamites? Next you’ll say that vacuous redhead over there is staging a coup.”

  The elders laughed at my expense. I cringed, but went on playing my guitar so as not to disturb the illusion. If only I were as stupid as they thought, my life would be a hell of a lot easier. No, I was cursed with seeing the implications of my position.

  Li Cheng leveled his gaze on the other elder. “An army of well-armed dissidents, rats and dogs, who fanatically adore their charismatic leader. We can’t afford a martyr, my friends.”

  They chewed on this for a moment. I went on playing, the soothing melody counterpoint to the tension crackling off the walls. Radu didn’t flinch under Li Cheng’s stare. “In the old days this nonsense wouldn’t have been tolerated.”

  “There weren’t so many or any way for them to communicate amongst themselves. They’ve formed a worldwide network, well organized and dangerous. Kurt has given them money, guns and hope, when all we’ve offered is abuse. We are simply reaping what we’ve sown.”

  “So we just bend over and let the little rat have his way?” Radu leaned forward in his seat, a tight smile etching his face. “If Kalidasa would just open his treasury a little more and send a few score dogs, we could eliminate the vermin for good.”

  “There are not enough dogs or money in a world where mortals are constantly observing. And it is growing ever difficult to buy off authorities in all of our territories. However, Kalidasa has proposed a workable solution.”

  Radu arched an eyebrow. “Solution?”

  Li Cheng outlined Kalidasa’s plan to ship the dissidents off to America. Sounds of protest went up. Beaky Nose’s mouth dropped open. “America has always been neutral territory. What becomes of our interests there?”

  “We will retain free access for trade.”

  Radu spoke up, “And what do we get for our votes?”

  Li Cheng laid out the scheme to them.

  The Russian protested. “According to the code the territory should cede to whomever proves worthy in combat.”

  “So you can squabble amongst yourselves and fight petty wars that endanger our security? We can’t afford large scale bloodshed in these days of electronic surveillance and DNA testing.”

  Sergei rose to his feet to speak, but was waved down by Radu. The Rumanian stroked his moustache in thought. “Who decides who gets what?”

  “Kalidasa of course. There hasn’t been a re-distribution of territory in the old world since the Renaissance. He knows you all have wished for expansion. You’re being offered these lands free and clear to simply secure peace.”

  Sergei protested again, “But the code—”

  Li Cheng’s voice fell to a tone I’d never heard before. “I was the one who set it down.”

  Radu drummed his fingers on the table, looking around at the others as if to gauge their reactions. “And if we don’t agree?”

  “You’ll find it increasingly difficult, if not impossible, to do business in the Far East and on the subcontinent.”

  “You’re blackmailing us. Would this proposal have anything to do with the acquisition of a certain adept of the ancient arts?”

  “You sold your vote for a piece of ass?” Sergei chimed in.

  “I’ll thank you not to insult this artist in my chambers.” Li Cheng’s face and body didn’t twitch a muscle. You couldn’t even see him breathing. It took centuries to attain that kind of control. “I came upon this decision independently after long consideration and would have proposed it to Kalidasa myself.”

  Radu’s expression grew ever blacker. “I suppose we have no
choice, but what’s to keep our slaves from running off now to join Kurt’s little Utopia? I’ve already lost two well-trained ones to him.”

  “Perhaps if you’d treat them better they wouldn’t run off?” suggested the beaky-nosed one they called Amun.

  “How I treat my slaves is my business.”

  “A nasty business from what I hear.”

  Li Cheng intervened. “We will insist on full compensation for any runaway—at fair market value.”

  Radu jabbed his finger in my direction. “How long before the redhead over there bolts?”

  Li Cheng startled me by beckoning. “Cedric, would you come here please?”

  Uh-oh, bollocks. I set my guitar on the bench and glided toward them, bowing in respect. Four pairs of hostile eyes scrutinized me. No longer was I the pretty bauble to delight their senses but a political tool that was mucking with their plans.

  “Rise, my friend. Tell us…is anyone forcing you to enter into my service?”

  I kept my voice low and pleasing, eyes averted. “No my lord, you respect my vocation.”

  “Look at me.” I raised my face. He smiled in encouragement. “Do you harbor a secret desire to run off and join Kurt?”

  Bother. I hated being called on like this in front of them all, but I owed Li Cheng a debt of gratitude for his respect. “I—well—I suppose, if I were badly treated and had no other option, I might. However, I’m blessed by your great regard, my Lord Liu, and know you would never harm me in any way.”

  Amun leaned forward. “In all frankness, boy, what is your opinion of these rebels?”

  “It’s always been my observation, my lords, that if you keep on kicking a dog, eventually it bites. A pack of abused dogs is far more dangerous than a single one.”

  Radu scowled. “A pretty speech, Kalidasa’s parrots could do the same. These adepts are trained to say just what you want to hear.”

  Ling Cheng threw him a sharp look. “He has a mind of his own and a good one. Cedric, do you think the rats will back down if Kurt is executed?”

  I recalled how Kurt had cast a spell over hard-liner Avijit. “I’m told that Kurt holds a strange power over his followers, and they’ll fight to the death in his name. I wouldn’t underestimate their commitment, my lords.”

  The Rumanian’s lip curled back. “What does this painted harlot know of warfare? He’s lived a soft life, tinkling on the sitar and singing songs of love.”

  Li Cheng rose to his feet and clasped my shoulder. “He’s survived the adept’s ordeal—three nights of intense torture and bleeding. I doubt many of our alphas could. With the right training and motivation this boy could be lethal. Cast them out into the gutter and they learn to fight, or they perish.” He nodded to dismiss me. I withdrew to my bench. “You heard the boy. They have made a cause of their discontent. This is an army we cannot defeat. Now, do I have your votes?”

  Radu shook his head in disgust and raised his index finger. One by one they put up hands and gave their grudging ascent. Li Cheng produced an ornate dagger from his clothing. “Brothers, I suggest we take the blood oath.”

  I’d never seen this ceremony, but I’d been trained in the ritual. Li Cheng called for a clean goblet, placing it in the center of the table. My eyes looked heavenward. Invoking Kali’s blessing, I stretched out my arms and chanted a Sanskrit prayer. They passed round the dagger and bled themselves into the cup I held. Finally the knife passed to Radu, who cast cold eyes on mine. He lifted the vessel to take the first sip and handed it on to the next, and the next, ending with Li Cheng who finished the contents.

  Li Cheng beckoned again, holding out the ceremonial dagger to me. “So you may have a remembrance of this historic night, Cedric, as a token of my trust and esteem.”

  The others gasped. My jaw dropped. I forgot that a wide-open gob was neither dignified nor attractive. For him to give a slave like me a weapon of any kind was unprecedented. Indeed, to wield one was forbidden by my vows, but it was also very bad form to refuse a gift from an elder. Awed by this gesture, I bowed low to him. “I’m deeply moved, my lord, thank you.”

  “This is the birth of a new epoch, Cedric. Let all know that you are my trusted friend. Would you honor us with another song?”

  I signaled the serving girls to bring in the live victims and then took my place with my guitar. The elders circulated around the room, drinking from the drugged kids. Only Liu Li Cheng remained sitting in his regal pose, a look of composure on his face.

  After the elders gorged themselves, the dogs carried the corpses off to the tiger pens. Heavens, we couldn’t offend the guests with their leavings. Radu and Sergei skulked together in a corner, whispering and casting surreptitious glances toward me. I supposed they blamed me for being forced into this vote. As if Li Cheng’s indomitable will could be swayed by lust.

  When the refreshments were depleted, they excused themselves. Li Cheng bid them a gracious farewell. I packed my guitar into its case. Radu moved close to me and dropped his voice. “You may fool the Chinaman with the submissive act, but you don’t fool me. Once things don’t go your way—he’ll end up with that dagger in his throat.”

  I could hardly protest. Lowering my eyes, I put my fingertips together and made my reverence. “My Lord Radu, the blessings of the Mother upon you.”

  He nodded to me and took his leave along with Sergei. Left alone with Li Cheng, I couldn’t help but play with the weapon he’d given, sheathing and unsheathing it to admire the glint of steel in the light. “This is really brilliant!” My fingertip ran over the blade.

  “It’s very sharp. Mind you, don’t cut yourself.”

  Too late. I’d sliced open my index finger. I put it in my mouth and sucked on it. He moaned and reached for me. The dagger clattered to the floor. His lips searched along my neck. My veins ached to feel Li Cheng’s ancient blood coursing through them. The choga slipped off my shoulders. Baring his fangs, the elder tore into my throat. I bit down into his, fresh arterial blood spurting into my mouth. Power swept over me like a tsunami. His will tugged at mine, urging me to submit. Two thousand years of wisdom and memory swirled around me, sucking me downward into a maelstrom. So tempting to allow myself to drown there and be forever lost, never to worry, never to have to think for myself or make difficult choices. I could play my music without a care in the world for all eternity. All I had to do was give myself over to him.

  The more the tide encircled me, the more I fought it, until I drew back gasping in pain. After all that I’d suffered, could I ever again enslave myself to anyone? Even him whom I loved and respected like a father? For all his talk of a new epoch, would he ever be content without anything but my enthrallment?

  “Why not give in?” He whispered into my ear. “You know you want to.”

  I craved the guidance and love he represented—but I was no longer a child. I needed be my own man. “Your power is overwhelming. I’m not quite ready, Li Cheng, please respect this.”

  He withdrew his fangs, still caressing with his lips. “Of course my beloved friend, I won’t insist.”

  He held me close. My body gave in to him in a way my soul would not, but how on earth could I resist him forever? Not when he dangled the entire world before my eyes. I did give into his entreaties that I stay with him when the sun rose, despite such conduct being against the rules. To this day, I hate sleeping alone.

  FOURTEEN

  Late for devotions, I dashed into my place, headband askew and choga slipping down. Visiting adepts shook their heads and whispered to one another at this irreverent foreigner’s antics. Sandhya cast a critical eye on me. Marco, suppressing a grin, straightened my disarray. I bowed to them all and took up holy vessels to wash the statue down as usual. Padma and Sita adorned her with garlands of hibiscus flowers while the others chanted.

  Afterward, I was scolded not by Sandhya, but by Avijit, who followed me to my room. The last thing I wanted was this self-righteous git in my face. He stood in my doorway, reddened lips all scrunched up and ha
nds on hips. “Why were you late, brother?”

  “I slept in Li Cheng’s bed.” I opened my adept’s chest to arrange things, taking out vials and jars that needed to be refilled. We’d depleted a great deal in the course of the night.

  “That is against the rules.”

  I didn’t bother to look up at him. “Bloody stupid rule, if you ask me.”

  “It is improper to arrive late to devotions and undignified for an adept to be seen in an unkempt state—in the previous night’s costume, no less—like a whore.”

  “We are whores, mate, no matter how you dress us up.” Slipping off my headpiece, I looked over my shoulder and grinned. “Or did you and Kurt just chat last night?”

  A purplish tint crept up over Avijit’s face. “Bathe and clothe yourself properly. We are to serve in the council chamber within the hour.”

  I couldn’t resist another dig. Shutting the lid of my chest, I leaned back against the table and crossed my arms. “Must hurt to know they could just lop off your new boyfriend’s head on a whim.”

  The little wanker actually launched himself at me. His body landed on mine, clinging like a monkey. Bony fists pummeled my torso. “Take it back you irreverent piece of trash!”

  Avijit was no match for me. I took hold and threw him onto my bed. He struggled, taking a few more futile swipes. I pinned him in short order. “I’ll thank you not to attack me in my own room, wee man. If you want to fight properly, we’ll take it outside.”

  He stopped thrashing and composed himself, narrowing his kohl-lined eyes. “I cannot wait until you are gone. You have been nothing but a troublemaker from the first. Behaving shamelessly with everyone—first Marco and then my sister—you dishonor everything sacred.”

  My arm drew back and fingers curled into a fist. “Marco and I may have had a bit of fun with those slave girls, but I’ve never dishonored your sister.” I almost hit him, but decided better and let him up. “Get out of my room before I change my mind and break you in two.”