Beautifully Broken
Page 27
So what does it look like once these people are in the car (meaning: being loved like Christ loves them)? Maybe it looks like a better relationship with your spouse because you’re done being mad. Maybe it looks like your whole office environment changing because you chose to bring encouragement to your workplace. Maybe it’s showing your teenage kid love even when they aren’t showing love in return. Jesus told his disciples as He bent down to wash their feet, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand” (John 13:7). In this verse, Jesus is foreshadowing His death on the cross, but it counts for our lives, too. It was God promising that the daily choices we make would have a long-lasting effect on someone else, and just because we can’t see the fruits of those choices it is not an excuse to not make them.
Maybe we had already done that for people who rooted for us when Josh was getting better, but this time, we wanted to do it on purpose. We wanted to plant seeds of faith and create an environment of growth for God to do the work. As humans, we struggle with motivation toward an unknown outcome, but this is the threshold of faith. We walk forward in faith knowing that even if people get out of our vehicle, rob us blind, or take the ride for granted, we are still headed toward heaven. We are called to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Asked to flavor the world with a life lived for Christ and to shine the light it can bring to others. So, when we relinquish control, allow God outside of the box, and let go of the route we wanted to use, we stay steadfast with Galatians 6:9: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
This is what we’ve learned after our mistakes, our victories, and our faith journeys that help us get people in our vehicle headed toward heaven:
1. Begin with gratitude. Put grateful and attitude together and get gratitude. There is no other posture humans can take that allows for more growth. People who are truly grateful can receive a perspective change, a higher level of responsibility in what they already do, an eye for opportunity, humility in their achievements, and, above all, joy! It turns what we have into enough, and that is attractive to the wanderers, wounded, and weary.
2. Be giving. After Josh’s injuries, someone told him, “You don’t owe the world anything.” As we both grew closer to God, we realized that those words could not be further from the truth. We owe the world a lot, not because of what the world has given us but because this world is filled with God’s people. Give to the poor, hungry, and naked, but also make sure you give to the grumpy gal in the cubicle next to you. Everything on this earth belongs to God. We are just stewarding those things to pick up more people.
3. Share your faith. There is a reason everyone is the way they are. We love God because of the big and the small things He has done for us. Even if He never gave me another thing, He sent His Son to pay for our sins, and that is enough. However, not everyone believes that way! And you are the person there picking them up. If they choose to get in the car, and we are willing to serve them as Christ would, then we will be fine with the skepticism, criticism, and disbelief at first. God will change their hearts; we will love them right where they are just as Christ did for us. “Again he said, ‘What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest of all seeds on earth. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade’” (Mark 4:30–32). I don’t want to get caught not planting the mustard seed because it seemed too skeptical.
4. Forgive. Eventually, someone will get in the car and do everything they can to crash it. Regardless of how many people get hurt, that person deserves forgiveness. Jesus Christ, who was sinless among people, did not withhold forgiveness from us, so what right do we have to withhold it from a fellow sinner? In our opinion, there is no way on earth to be more like Jesus than to quickly and freely forgive. Forgiveness does not mean reinstating all rights and privileges (if you tried to crash my car, I’m probably going to suggest you get on the subway!). What it does mean is that you choose to see the offender the way God sees them: lost and wandering but still very much a child of God. The minute they are ready to come back, we won’t even ask where they’ve been. It’s the choice not be angry and to not let their behavior ruin you. Forgiveness is a spiritual transaction between you and God and is only initiated by the wrongdoing of another sinner. This might be a daily choice for many years, and that’s okay.
5. Work on your inner circle. Your ministry is the people within arm’s length. Build up the people who will stay in the car even when the route doesn’t make sense: your close friends, your spouse, your mentors, the ones who trust you and trust God and trust that you are trusting God. These are the literal “ride-or-dies” in your life, so train them to love you at a deep level. They are also the people who won’t let you get off course.
6. Choose joy. Joy is not being happy-go-lucky, nor is it pretending nothing bad is happening. Joy is gladness not based on circumstances. It is a choice that attracts other humans. It is a choice that does more than keep your head above water. It is a choice that keeps your eyes on the road.
Our point is, your life’s mission will never be to change the hearts of people around you. You can only be the catalyst that points them toward the One who can. Who knows, you might be the reason they start driving their own car and picking their own people up! However, none of this can happen if we are too afraid to get into the car and go.
Our lives thus far have been compiled into these lessons that we were able to piece together in this story. But who knows what they will be next year, next decade, or when we are eighty years old? What we know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that if we truly believe that Christ’s power lives within us, then we have to open our eyes to the excuses we make for not using it. In fact, it’s kind of God’s style to use unlikely and “unworthy” people to carry out His will in extreme circumstances. Isaiah 54:17 says, “No weapon formed against you shall prevail.” It doesn’t say they will stop making weapons. So, if weapons are going to continue to form, then let’s all realize that our purpose in Christ is something we will have to fight for. Whether the battle is internal or external, we will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony (see Rev. 12:11). It’s the great pairing of John F. Kennedy’s idea that “The great revolution in the history of man, past, present and future, is the revolution of those determined to be free”3 and the God-breathed design of Galatians 5:1: “It is for freedom that Christ set us free.” We are released for freedom’s sake, just because God loves us that much. Yet, a revolution, an awakening, must occur for us to look in the mirror and say, “I am more than my bad days, and I will no longer treat my mission like a curse.” We must realize this freedom in order to receive it, protect it, and help give it to other people. That’s why as long as freedom is necessary, the stories and sacrifices required to obtain that freedom will never lose their relevance.
Paige giving Josh his Jump Wings after Airborne School, Fort Benning, GA, May 23, 2010. (1)
Josh and Paige on their wedding day, Fort Payne, AL, December 29, 2010. (2)
Kyle Peters, Josh Wetzel, Jerraid Henderson, Doc, Brent Buffington, March 2012. (3)
Josh in a firefight, April 2012. (4)
Josh in Afghanistan, April 2012. (5)
Josh in Afghanistan, April 2012. (6)
Josh and Cathi in Germany, June 4, 2012. (7)
Josh and Paige reunited at Walter Reed Medical Center, June 5, 2012. (8)
Josh and Paige after first night at Walter Reed Medical Center, June 6, 2012. (9)
Josh and siblings Mason, Kelsi, and Keeli, June 7, 2012. (10)
Josh and Patrick in the ICU, June 2012. (11)
Josh, Paige, Kristie, Cathi, and Patrick pray with President Obama at Walter Reed Medical Center, June 28, 2012. (12)
Josh standing for the first time, August 24, 2012. (13)
Jos
h and Paige arriving in Glencoe for Homecoming, October 25, 2012. (14)
Josh speaking during his homecoming in Glencoe, AL, October 2012. (15)
Josh standing in front of his unit at Joint Base Lewis-McChord when they returned from Afghanistan, November 2012. (16)
Josh and Bill O’Reilly in Building 62, April 2013. (17)
Josh in running legs, April 2013. (18)
Josh, Paige, and Gary Sinise at the Lt. Dan Band Benefit Concert at Walter Reed, May 17, 2013. (19)
Josh and President Obama at the 2013 DC Soldier Ride. (20)
Josh and Andrew Smith on the 2013 Baseball Tour (Toledo Mud Hens Game). (21)
Josh visits Vietnam Wall, August 2013. (22)
Josh, Andrew Smith, Travis Mills, Taylor Morris, and Drew Mullee at the inaugural year of the Travis Mills Foundation, July 2014. (23)
Josh as the honorary co-captain at the Auburn Military Appreciation Game along with Auburn’s Medal of Honor Recipient, CSM Bennie Adkins, November 9, 2014. (24)
Paige surprising Josh with baby #2 at Jordan-Hare Stadium, April 2016. (25)
Josh graduating from Auburn, May 2016. (26, 27)
Receiving our home from Homes for Our Troops, June 19, 2016. (28)
Josh, Paige, and daughters Harper (the Walter Reed baby) and Payton (the Jumbotron baby), 2020. (29)
Josh with Purple Heart Medal. (30)
AUTHORSʼ NOTE
NO ENDINGS
PAIGE
First of all, thank you for choosing to read this book. I had two reasons for writing it: first, my fleeting memory. I have two daughters who will one day ask their parents what really happened to their father. I had a great fear that my mind would have deleted painful memories, resulting in my children and future generations not knowing the stories of the Earthpig platoon in the 1-23 Infantry Battalion. Second, I finally found a way to end it. I have tried to write this book about a dozen times over the last five years, and maybe just like you, I thought “the story” was what happened to my husband and me from the time he was injured to the time he got out of the hospital. What I learned was that some of my more important life lessons came the minute we walked off the campus of Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. I wandered away from God during this time and called it independence. I was fooled into thinking about what I wanted instead of what Jesus had done.
When my husband was injured on May 31, 2012, on his tour in Afghanistan, I learned a lot about who I really am. As Josh says, “You learn a lot about people when the bullets start flying.” Well, I have never been shot at, but I am very familiar with making decisions in the heat of chaos. His injury sent us into a world of stressful disorder twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for several months at Walter Reed. During that time, we made the crazy decision to start a Facebook page called “Prayers for Josh Wetzel” so that we could publicly document the chaos, which is a big contributor to the reason this book is in your hands. Online, we tried to keep an encouraging and positive attitude, but the honest truth is that “Prayers for Josh Wetzel” was the G-rated version of what was going on in our lives. Don’t get me wrong: We did our very best to remain hopeful at all times, but there were very frightening events that could not be made public at the time.
I have also always been an avid journaler. If I went into my childhood home now, I could probably find ten or twelve of those little diaries with the padlock on the front that date back to the second grade. Even though I have written and documented my whole life, I never viewed myself as any kind of writer until now. I think where I struggled was knowing where and how a book would end. Just writing about what happened outside of the G-rated version of things at Walter Reed would be enough to fill a book, hence why I have started and stopped writing a dozen times, but even when the path wasn’t clear, I wanted to make sure I didn’t just write it down, dust my hands off, and say, “There it is; that’s what happened.” There had to be more of a point than just telling a great story. Many stories like Josh’s are told with footnotes like “Your dad made a great sacrifice for his country” or “The Wetzels went through a lot when Josh was injured.” What was important to me is that the introduction had an added predicate: “The Wetzels went through a lot when Josh was injured, and they showed the world what it means to live for God.” Interestingly enough, I feel that the “living for God” part actually came the day we left the hospital and entered the real world. So, after the near-death experiences, sicknesses, and post-traumatic stress, I had to get a few years of fighting, bad choices, and wandering in the wilderness of the civilian world before it all came full circle, which makes it much more relatable than some might assume. We took away lessons and principles that made us view everyday life and everyday people very differently. I also want to submit myself to a concept found in Revelation 12:11: “They triumphed… by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the work Jesus did and the pain that we go through not only made sense of our lives but propelled us to victory? What if, through the tears, agony, and defeat, we actually found what we are made of and thus found our why? That’s the predicate for me: People read the story, then find their own why.
JOSH
For me, this story had to be told because I am an ordinary guy who happened to live through extraordinary circumstances. Most of the time I have a good attitude about life, but trying to make the most out of what I have left is something that requires the ability to look back and reflect. It’s not my pattern to look back on life. I typically keep my eyes forward without worrying about the past. But sometimes you miss significant things if you don’t pause and think about what God might be trying to show you. It has helped me create game plans around making sure I don’t fall into shame when I don’t feel capable of something (like writing a book with my wife). It has reminded me of all the hard stuff God has already walked me through. And it has helped me watch out for those same things in people I love. I want vulnerable leadership to be part of what people can expect from me. I want to be able to say, “I messed up that way,” and to let people know that life doesn’t end just because you had a bad chapter.
This paragraph almost didn’t make it into the book, but after much praying and discussing it with Paige, we asked this to be added at the last minute. I don’t ever want someone to read my story and think that they need to do exactly what I did to get healing. I went to hours and hours of therapy, and it worked for me because my tendency is to laugh it off, ignore it, and numb myself. Therapy wasn’t fun. In fact, the first half of it was agony. I dreaded it, but I stuck with it and rounded a corner that helped me understand what was going on in my own head. I fear that a reader might take that idea and start pushing therapy on someone they love who has been through trauma. People have to want help, which is hard for people who want to be helpers, like my wife. They watch and notice struggling and immediately start coming up with a solution. What I hope everyone keeps a grip on while reading my story is that not everyone is the same. It doesn’t matter if you have access to the best treatment in the world, if the person you want to help isn’t open to it, then they might feel offended and end up defending hurtful behavior. I think the most important thing a friend can do for someone who is struggling is to gently ask if they are okay (and be ready to give a few reasons why you think they aren’t) and how you can pray for them or support them or if they can pinpoint anything that causes the struggle. This is why the small group was so successful for me. Paige made a promise to God and to herself that she wouldn’t coach me on how to react or feel about any of it. My one-on-one therapy was successful because Paige wasn’t there. While Paige brought it all to my attention, I had time to develop a desire to gain understanding, and I had the freedom to stop therapy or quit small group if I wanted to. Of course, there would have been long-term consequences to quitting, but it removed the feeling that I was doing this to make someone else happy. It made me feel responsible for my own experience, which is why I stuck to
it. Life-consuming problems don’t happen overnight, and they don’t get fixed overnight. I didn’t have confidence that Paige would truly stick with me for better or for worse, which is a big reason why I lied and hid hard things from her so many times. The thing that can really keep someone going is having a friend who will love them no matter what they discover about themselves. This might be a gut-check for a lot of marriages, but at the end of the day everyone needs someone in their corner. That is something worth looking for. When we remember that person is in the corner with us, then we have to trust that their concerns are legitimate while also understanding that the concerned person is simply the helper, the listener, and the encourager, but not the fixer.