Trust In Lust

by Rhylie Matthews

  “I busted my ass to get here, Sutton, and I’m so grateful you’re the one here with me. The one I get to share this part of my life with. But this is the change I wanted. This makes me happy. What is so wrong with that?”

  “Is it what you thought it’d be? Was it worth it?” His question was thoughtful as if he were genuinely trying to understand.

  “I mean I didn’t think there would be giant sexy men bossing me around driving me insane, and I kinda thought it would smell a little better most of the time, but yeah.” I grinned. “I love it.”

  He chuckled and pulled me back against his chest. “Good, I’m glad you’re happy. But just because you’re happy doesn’t mean you get to shut everything else in life out. Or push people away when they try to get close.”

  Seriously? Is this self help Sunday or what? “People are fucking annoying, Sut. They ask questions; want to ‘bond’. I’m not into bonding. Bondage? Maybe. Bonding? Not so much.”

  “What kind of life is that gonna give you?”

  The waitress arrived and sat my beer and shots that Sutton had ordered for me down, along with two huge cheeseburgers with fries, and a salad.

  Thank fuck. I downed both shots before turning back to Sutton.

  “The kind with really great orgasms, hopefully a dog one day, and a brand new truck at the end of the year.” I winked at him trying to lighten the mood.

  He opened his mouth to argue but stopped as something caught his attention and his lips pulled back in disdain.

  “Well, there’s the dog.”

  I leaned over on his chest and followed his line of sight through the crowd. Carter was pushing through the front doors.

  I laughed and patted him on the chest. “No, big guy, that’s the orgasms.”

  “Pretty sure he’s the fucking mutt too, therefore illegal in most states.”

  “Sutton!” I tried not to laugh at the beastialitiy joke but failed and leaned away from him. “Wait, most states? Does that mean it’s—” I waved my hand in the air and backpedaled quickly. “Nope! Changed my mind, I don’t want to fucking know.”

  I ate a fry and looked around for Lana but still didn’t see her. I was seriously starving. “Did she just disappear or what? I don’t want to start eating without her.”

  He picked his burger up and took a huge bite looking right at me then spoke around the mouthful. “I’m not waiting for shit.”

  “And I’m the crude one? Me? You fucking barbarian, do you have no manners?” I popped a fry in my mouth and pointed to him with another. “This shit is why your girlfriend likes me more.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Not my girlfriend.”

  “Because why again?” I asked curiously. “Oh and while we’re at it, this threesome shit? You need to deal with that. I mean, a three-way? Yeah, sure, why not. But the whole ‘hey, let’s all three date and be together’ thing is weird. Especially since y’all aren’t even doing anything,” I said knowingly, and he frowned.

  “My sex life is none of your business. And I’ll deal with that the day you decide to get a boyfriend with batteries so I don’t have to put up with Carter anymore.”

  “Oh, does that mean you’re actually going to stay in your own hotel room then? Finally? For once?” My stomach growled, and I gave up the fight and dug in. Carter was still talking to a man by the doors, who knew where Lana was, and the burgers here were the best in town.

  Sutton screwed his face up. “Fuck no, your rooms are way better than mine.”

  He hadn’t caught on where I was going with that and I laughed. “So, you’re saying you’ll be completely comfortable with me getting off in the same room as you?”

  “Do it in the fucking shower. They make waterproof ones, right?”

  I leaned back over to him. “You freaked out when you found out I could tell when you masturbated in the shower. Exactly how pissy are you going to get when you know I’m doing that, or hear me doing that, and I know you get hard? From that.”

  “I’m not—”

  “You haven’t had sex in so long, you got hard when the pizza girl delivered food the other night.”

  He wiped his hands on the napkin then threw it on the empty plate. “You’re such an ass.”

  “You started this. You broke the rules.” I poked him in the stomach.

  “Ooooo! You broke the rules!” a drunkenly slurred man’s voice called out.

  We both looked up to see a drunk Phillips being dragged by Bobby. They stopped at the edge of our booth and Bobby smiled at me and tipped his cowboy hat. “Agent James, Agent Sutton. How are y’all doin’ tonight?”

  I smiled in greeting but couldn’t take my eyes off the fucking cowboy hat. It was huge and paired with the tight jeans, a button up, and boots, Bobby looked like he belonged in a honkey tonk somewhere instead of a bar full of cops.

  Sutton leaned forward with a forced smile and shook his hand. “Doing good. You?”

  When he sat back and got comfortable without shaking hands with Phillips and just nodded in his direction, I bit the inside of my cheek.

  “You’re rude. He’s rude. Bobby!” Phillips yelled and swayed into the table. “I don’t like this asshole.”

  “No one really does except our Lily here. She loves him, so we put him with his shit.”

  At the sound of his voice, I looked over to see Carter, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a white button up, smirking at Sutton. His shaggy dark hair was perfectly tousled and paired with his sharp facial features and the unbuttoned vest thing that hung loosely at his side, he looked like a rogue librarian.

  Sutton leaned forward. “Look here, you little French fuck.”

  Laughing, I wedged my arm between his chest and the table and tried to push him back. That literally never got old, but the last thing we needed right now was for them to tie up.

  He looked down then tilted his head to me.

  I shook my head and pulled my arm back. We were already outsiders, we didn’t need to be the ones starting shit in the local cop bar.

  “Ooooh you’re in trouble now!” Phillips did a drunk little dance, but I ignored him like I did everyone else when I came here and looked at Bobby.

  He nodded and pulled Phillips away. Carter, on the other hand, slid into the booth.

  “Hungry?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “For you.” He winked and Sutton’s chest rumbled.

  “Why do you make me put up with this guy?”

  “Because it’s fun. And his face makes my vagina hurt, okay? That’s why.” I slid towards Carter and we got out of the booth.

  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make my little monster cry happy tears instead of the sad lonely rejected ones you’ve been making it cry, you sadistic fucking cocktease.”

  He barked out a laugh but his hands balled into fist as he glared over at Carter. “You know the rules, follow them or this won’t happen again.”

  Carter rolled his eyes but nodded. “I’ll take good care of her.”

  He looked at me. “Call in every two hours.”

  “What? Why?” Every two hours was a little extreme. Even for him.

  “Look—” Carter interrupted.

  Sutton stood, and towering over him, cut him off with a finger in his face. “No, you look. She got shot at this morning and if I want her to call in every hour so I know she’s safe, then she’ll call in every fucking hour or she won’t fucking go.”

  My heart did a little flop, and I walked over to hug him. Carter wisely shut up for the first time since I’d known him.

  “I’ll call in, promise.” I pulled him down so I could kiss his cheek and smiled reassuringly. “Play nice with Lana.”

  “Always do.”

  “Uh, huh.” I waved goodbye and looped my arm through Carter’s.

  We’d made it across the restaurant, arm in arm, and almost to the door when a hand landed on my shoulder. I stopped and turned to find Lana, chewing her bottom lip and glancing at Carter.

  She tugge
d on my shoulder again and I let her pull me off to the side.

  “What’s wrong, Lan?”

  “You’re not seriously going to leave him like that, are you?”

  I looked over her shoulder. Sutton had stood and was throwing bills down on the table. His body was tense, shoulders squared.

  “He makes the rules, Lana. I just have to live by them.”

  She nervously flicked her eyes to Carter again.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “Yes, I think he’s a great idea because regardless of how much I want that,” I pointed at Sutton. “He’s made it very clear it will never happen.”

  “And you believe him? You know how he feels about you, Lily. If you leave with him, it’s going to hurt him.”

  I sighed. “I can’t force him, Lana. Even if he does, he said no. I’m not going to wait on him to change his mind. If this pisses him off or hurts his feelings, he only has himself to blame.”

  She looked at Carter again. “I think you should stay.”

  “Not happening, babe.” I kissed her on the cheek and walked back to Carter.

  “Can we please leave now? Before anything else happens?”

  His smile was eager and sinful as he held the door open.

  I didn’t need my wards down to know exactly how he was feeling. I couldn’t wait.

  Chapter Fifteen

  We crashed into the back door of his apartment and fell to the floor. The force caused my head to bounce off the floor, then back against it, and I screamed as he slammed his full length into me. The searing pain ignited a rush of heat inside me and I wanted more.

  Needed more.

  He covered my mouth with his hand as he pulled out and I struggled against it as he pressed his full weight onto me and drove back inside as hard as he could.

  I locked my ankles around his waist and dug my nails into his skin wherever they found purchase. His back, arms, shoulders; over and over again I carved my pleasure into his skin as he pounded into me because I knew he loved it as much as I did. Not the pain, but the uninhibited roughness of succumbing to each other and the need within.

  His hand moved from my mouth into my hair and wound it around his fist. He pulled down, forcing my head back, and ran his tongue up along the lines of my throat.

  “Carter!” I bucked against him as I lowered my wards. I wanted to feel what he felt. I wanted the intensity of being overcome by his rapture and my own combined. I wanted to lose myself in the primal ecstasy.

  His lust consumed me. The pulsing of his body and the throbbing of his cock drove my own pleasure to unknown heights. His hunger and need for more had a perverse hedonistic sense of guilt carried with it that made what we were doing feel forbidden.

  The heat that had been spreading through me raged, decimating my body and senses like a wildfire and I clung to him as my orgasm peaked and rocked through me.

  “Fuck!” He sank his teeth into my shoulder and yelled into my skin. His balls tightened and the base of his dick spasmed before he came and his euphoria washed through me triggering another orgasm of my own.

  My muscles squeezed around him, taking him in and for a few brief moments, his emotions became my own, and I was unable to distinguish the separation of us.

  “Ahhh!” Carter jumped then rolled off of me and kicked the floor. “Son of a bitch!”

  His pain hit me and I quickly put my wards back up before I picked my head up and looked over.

  “Cramp?” I asked breathlessly, heart still thudding in my chest.

  He kicked the floor a couple more times, his face contorted in pain. “Why does that hurt so bad?”

  I laughed as my breathing returned to normal then rolled over and propped myself up on one arm. “Want me to rub it?”

  “No,” he whined out petulantly.

  “Thank fuck.” I giggled. The rush of endorphins was still strong, and I felt great. “I really didn’t want to touch your feet.”

  He stopped and looked over to me before pulling me close and tucking me into his side. His sweat slick skin stuck to mine as he hugged me to him and looked down thoughtfully. “So you’ll lick my asshole but think my feet are disgusting?”

  I thought about it. Basically, yeah; feet were weird. I nodded. “Yup, pretty much.”

  He chuckled and stood up. “There’s logic for you.”

  I rolled onto my back and shrugged. The hardwood floors were cold against my hot skin and I wasn’t ready to get up. Fabric hit my stomach, and I looked down to see one of Carter’s shirts.

  “You can put that on until I get our clothes out of the elevator.”

  I snorted. “Oops?”

  “Oops my ass.” Humor laced his tone, and he winked at me as he hopped into his slacks. “I’ll be right back.”

  Yeah, I didn’t need this. I slid the shirt off my stomach and stood up. The urge to pee hit and I took off to the bathroom.

  By the time I got done and cleaned up, he was back, dressed, and laid face down on the couch.

  “You should work on your cardio.”

  “My cardio is fine. I’m just not a fan of manual labor.”

  “Did you just call us fucking ‘manual labor’?”

  He picked his head up and looked at me disbelievingly. “Um, I’m sorry, but have you ever fucked you before?”

  “Actually yes, I have. I’ve fucked myself plenty of times.” I grabbed my clothes off the couch then thought better of it and clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks for taking over. Good job.”

  He laughed into the cushion, then groaned. “You could at least try not to kill me every time. I’m completely drained, Lil.”

  “I feel great,” I said and smiled over to him.

  “That’s because you were the one on the receiving end this time!”

  I cackled in laughter. “True.”

  He eased himself up and walked over. “So you got shot at today?”

  Wasn’t really anything to say to that, so I just nodded.

  His finger brought my chin up, and he searched my face. “Are you ok?”

  I nodded again. I really was fine. But if Hicks had been shooting at me, then I was the reason Sutton took a bullet. I wasn’t okay with that.

  His arms wrapped around me, and he kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you’re ok.”

  Unease ran through me as he spoke, and I had to fight to concentrate on his words. He’d kissed my forehead. We didn’t kiss. At all.

  He froze and slowly met my eyes.

  Annoyance flashed within his and I pulled back on my wards just enough so I could read him.

  Dread, mixed with hope and anger, filled him. His emotions were all over the place, yet the only sign there had been was that brief flash of annoyance.

  He was a pretty talented actor to keep that amount of nervous anticipation and regret under wraps. I stayed warded around him most of the time except during sex, so I couldn’t help but wonder how often he hid his emotions from me.

  He sighed and frustration rolled off him in waves. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to kiss you either.”

  “Excuse me?” I didn’t need his snarky fucking attitude on top of everything else. But this was Carter, and he had attitude in spades.

  “Your entire body is tensed up like you’re ready to run from the apartment, Lily.”

  “It caught me off guard! I never said you couldn’t kiss me, Carter, and you never have, so it surprised me is all.”

  He covered his face and groaned exasperatedly. “You know, this thing between us, it doesn’t always have to be this hard. We could be really good together.”

  I laughed then. “The only thing hard between us, Carter, is your dick and your attitude.”

  He tensed and his shoulders went rigid like he was preparing for an argument, so I held up my hand before he could even get started.

  “No.” I stepped up against him and laid my palm on his chest. “Don’t. This,” I motioned between us, “this is us, Carter. This is who we are
. You don’t like me, and, most of the time, if we’re not naked, I honestly just want to shoot you. Why can’t we just leave it at that? Please, don’t do this, not again,” I begged.

  “But I do like you. You can’t tell me how I feel, babe. And things aren’t how they used to be anymore.” He sighed and dropped his forehead against mine.

  His frustration waned and as he talked, his emotions followed along in tune with his words. He was being sincere.

  “I think I want more.”

  A weight settled in my stomach, letting me know that would be a terrible idea. It was nice to have my sixes actually back me up on something.

  I leaned my head back to look at him. “You’re kidding me, right? Carter, you barely tolerate me! We can’t go to the movies without it turning into an argument because we can’t agree on the movie. Or dinner because we can’t agree on the restaurant. Or sports, or booze, or anything else, Carter. The only thing we’re good at together is this.”

  My heart had kicked up its tempo, and I took a breath, trying to calm down before I wrapped my arms around him. “And I’m not trying to be mean by saying that. Just stating facts. I don’t see anything wrong with things the way they are now.”

  He tucked a few strands of hair behind my ears. As he looked at me, sadness settled within him. “Why won’t you at least try?”

  My heart ached, and a small tremor worked its way through my body. I wasn’t trying to hurt him. We may not be dating material but that didn’t mean I didn’t think he was a great guy.

  “If we tried to be something else, that wouldn’t be us being who we are. Our personalities are too different. Can you honestly say that I don’t annoy the shit out of you? I have ever since you met me and it drives you crazy.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  “That is the point.” Why did he have to make everything so difficult? Why couldn’t he see that I was right in this?