To Bring You Back

by Emily Conrad

  The first song started, and he fumbled open the hymnal. His home church was more contemporary, but the old songs were a blessing; focusing on the unfamiliar words meant setting aside thoughts of Adeline.

  When the sermon ended and the pastor began the closing prayer, the old carpeting muffled Gannon’s footsteps out of the sanctuary. Tim pushed away from the wall he’d been leaning against in the vestibule, and they advanced toward the exit, but the sound of children’s voices turned Gannon’s head.

  A class of toddlers climbed the stairs from the lower level, perhaps to meet their parents in the lobby. Among them, three adults shepherded and hushed their young charges. A small girl in a purple poof of a dress held hands with Adeline.

  Spotting him, Adeline froze. Her initial surprise drained to something less welcoming.

  The little girl mounted the next step, then turned back to look at her guide.

  “You’ve got to be kidding.” Tim’s voice came from over his shoulder, but the man didn’t grab Gannon to pull him from the building.

  And that was what it would’ve taken.

  Gannon had been jealous of Fitz from the day he’d met Adeline. The two had already been dating a while when Fitz volunteered her to play bass guitar with the band. When Awestruck made plans to move to California and Adeline’s parents forbade her from joining them, Gannon had hoped the distance would mean the end for Fitz and Adeline. Instead, the couple had seemed determined to last. Right before the band left, they announced their engagement.

  Gannon had almost called off the move so he could stay, lay out his feelings, and change her mind about marrying someone else. But surely Adeline had known what she was doing. She was Fitz’s girl, and because of it, Gannon should’ve known to stay away from her that Christmas he visited home from LA. But he hadn’t, and he couldn’t walk away now either, though frustration pursed her lips and narrowed those big brown eyes.

  The little girl tugged her hand, and Adeline’s expression softened as she dropped her focus. A lock of hair, which looked as silky as the last time he’d touched it, slid over her shoulder as she helped the toddler up the last of the steps.

  The other adults took over ushering the kids toward the sanctuary while Adeline’s gaze sharpened on him again. She kept her lips pressed shut until organ music trumpeted from the sanctuary. “You have a lot of nerve using church to get to me.”

  Without waiting for a response, she pushed open the door to the front walk and exited. In a moment, she had cleared the area visible through the glass. If he followed her out, was he in for a lecture? Or would she already be gone? He sucked in a deep breath and followed.

  Adeline, already ten feet down the walk, pivoted back toward him, arms crossed and eyes blazing. “Are you stalking me?”

  Behind him, Tim guffawed.

  “I need God as much as the next guy.”

  “Even more.” She planted her feet. “But you shouldn’t be here.”

  Maybe not. His relationship with Jesus didn’t depend on a church building or a sermon, and this confrontation hadn’t been part of the plan. He’d meant to be on the road back to Havenridge by now, leaving Adeline, if she noticed him, curious, maybe curious enough to reach out to him, see what he was doing here. Instead, he’d set her more firmly against him.

  “I know you can’t see a reason, but we need to talk.”

  “If you think there’s going to be a repeat of—”

  “No.” He couldn’t get the word out fast enough. Did she really think so little of him? He struggled to stay calm, be the kind of man who deserved a chance. “We need to talk about Fitz. That’s why I’m here, and I’m not leaving until we do.”

  Anger hardened her expression. “His name should not be in your mouth. Ever.” With a shake of her head, she cut across the grass to return to the church without coming close to Gannon. “Just go back to LA.”

  As she went in, others exited, eyeing him with interest. Before he drew a crowd, he retreated to the car.

  Tim steered out of the lot’s back entrance, loose asphalt snapping under the tires. “Who’s Fitz?”

  Gannon sighed. “Before your time.”

  Adeline made a beeline for the office.

  Gannon hadn’t left. He wasn’t going to.

  She pushed the office door shut behind her, but someone caught it. He wouldn’t have followed her back inside, would he?

  She’d make quite a scene if she locked him in the hall, and prying eyes and rumors would only make everything worse.

  She pressed a hand over her pounding heart and stepped away from the door, allowing the other person entrance.

  “Are you okay?” A crease marked the space between Tegan’s eyebrows as she slipped into the office and finished closing the door. “Who was that?”

  Adeline shook her head and clenched her teeth to stop from crying. At least he had given up for the morning.

  “There’s a rumor it’s Gannon Vaughn.” Tegan pulled out the chair behind the desk and motioned for Adeline to sit. “People saw him with you on Main Street last weekend.”

  Gannon Vaughn. First and last name. The way people referred to him when they knew him as a celebrity.

  Usually, any emotional talks with her roommate involved Tegan opening up and Adeline listening and offering advice. She wasn’t ready to reverse that. “He’s a guy I went to high school with.”

  “How in the world is this the first I’ve heard of this?”

  Adeline cringed at the tone of offense in her friend’s voice. “I’m sorry.”

  Tegan’s expression softened. She leaned against the desk, studying her in the dim light from the window. “If you tell me where he is, I’ll go beat him up for you.”

  Adeline laughed and blotted her cheeks with a tissue from the desk.

  “Seriously. Who does he think he is, parading around, upsetting you? What did he want? I mean, high school was how many years ago?”

  “I saw him a couple of times after graduation too.” Understatement of the decade.

  “I take it he’s a jerk in real life?”

  She tossed the tissue, grabbed a new one, and shook her head. Where would she even start the story about Fitz and Gannon? She’d tossed out a detail to Asher last weekend because she’d known he wouldn’t press for more—he might not have even realized Gannon’s identity—but as her closest friend, Tegan had a right to answers. “It’s a long story.”

  “One you’re not ready to tell.” Tegan waited, but Adeline didn’t disagree. “Okay. Well, anytime you want to talk, you know where to find me.”

  She did, but at the idea of sharing the details, panic pounded as it had on the lawn just now.

  Once Tegan left her, Adeline laid her head on her desk and focused on breathing. She’d been doing okay these last few years. Sure, the situation with the neighborhood association was a setback, but until Gannon had come, it’d been a long, long time since guilt had flooded her like water rushing into a sinking ship.

  She could get back there, couldn’t she? To a comfortable numbness? Working for the church often soothed the pain, even if it hardly covered her bills.

  She forced herself upright and opened the church’s email to take her mind off Gannon. A message from one of the committee chairs asked her to update an event on the calendar. Afterward, she moved on to typing up notes from a task force meeting. Halfway through that, the office door opened again.

  “Adeline?” Pastor Drew was a tenor like Gannon but without the captivating grit or resonance.

  Why did Gannon have to have such a fantastic voice?

  The thought poked a hole in the hull of her composure. She slapped on what she hoped was a passably cheerful expression.

  Drew’s smile, dimples and all, answered. His side-parted blond hair was conventional enough to suit his role as pastor, but with boyish flare. When they’d hired him two years ago at the age of twenty-eight, there’d been an increase in single women at services. Someday, a bigger church would take notice of his talent and co
ax him out of small-town living. How many of those women would keep attending when an old, stooped pastor like their last one replaced him?

  But romance wasn’t for Adeline. She’d been on staff as the secretary before they’d hired Drew, and she’d stay years and years after.

  A hint of disapproval tinged Drew’s expression. “Not working on a Sunday, I hope.”

  “I was supposed to have these notes done before the service. It’s for the music committee.”

  Amusement softened his expression. “Which you volunteered for because …”

  “I’ve always loved music.” Her voice threatened to catch. Music committee was as close as she’d let herself get to playing again. Because of Fitz. Because of Gannon. And here came the tears again. Good thing Drew hadn’t flicked on the light. “Besides—”

  “You like to stay busy.” Drew chuckled as he completed the line she used every time she took on yet another unpaid responsibility. He leaned his shoulder into the doorframe. “Since that’s how you feel, I’m taking the high schoolers hiking along the lakefront this afternoon and need a female chaperone along. Small group, four or five kids. We’re meeting at two in the lot.” He lifted his eyebrows, hopeful.

  “I never get tired of the lake.” She threw in another smile for good measure. The hike ought to be a good distraction, and the lake always reminded her of how small she and her problems were.

  Drew retreated into the hall. “Leave the office work for another day, okay?”

  “Okay.” She pulled her hand back from the mouse. She’d have to linger long enough to shut the computer down again. Hopefully by then the others would leave, allowing an escape free of more questions. But what if, when she made it to the lake, her problems looked as big as they felt right now? She might not even be able to see the water around all the turmoil Gannon had churned up.

  4

  Bruce would be a hit with the kids, hopefully halving any attention they might pay Adeline on the hike. The dog strolled beside Adeline to the church, rarely getting to the end of his leash until they stepped into the parking lot. There, he hopped and wiggled at the sight of Drew surrounded by over a dozen teens.

  Hadn’t he said to expect four or five? Why—

  “Addie!” The cry rose from Olivia Cullen.

  Bruce’s tail rapped against her leg as a trio of girls charged forward.

  Olivia gripped her forearm. “You know Gannon Vaughn? How could you keep that a secret?”

  Sophie came up so fast, she bumped into Olivia. “How long have you known him?”

  Amy, who hadn’t run, arrived last. “Is one of his songs about you?”

  The inundation of questions fed panic in her chest, and her eyes stung with tears. They were supposed to care more about Bruce than about her, and here they were ignoring the dog while they treated her like a celebrity.

  And because of what? A relationship with Gannon she never should’ve had.

  A whistle cut the commotion.

  “Load up.” Drew’s tone struck such a commanding note that the girls trickled from her like a receding wave. He took up station at the van’s side doors. “Squeeze in. Every seat’s going to be full, so get comfy.” Once the kids were in, he shut the door and joined Adeline away from the van.

  She released the lip she’d been biting. “You said four or five students.”

  “You never said you knew a rock star.” His eyebrows tented with both concern and apologies.

  “I don’t.” Gannon hadn’t been a star when they’d known each other, and life would be so much different—so much better—if Awestruck had never caught anyone’s attention in the music industry. For one thing, Fitz would still be alive.

  Drew’s touch warmed her elbow. “Are you okay?”

  She opened her mouth, but lie? To her pastor?

  “Why don’t you sit this one out?”

  “All those girls.”

  One hand still on her arm, he freed his phone from his pocket. “Those girls wouldn’t give you a moment of peace, and from where I’m standing, that’s the greatest need. I’ll call Tegan.”

  “And if she can’t?” A silly question, since Tegan had been lounging around the house when Adeline left, perhaps exactly what Adeline should have been doing. But she’d made such a mess of her life, of Fitz’s, that she needed to do good where she could.

  Drew lifted the phone to his ear. A short conversation later, he put the device away again. “All set. She’s meeting us at the trailhead. Go on and take care of yourself, okay?”

  She nodded, averting her face from the van, where undoubtedly all those pairs of eyes were watching her. Weak. She was weak for being so thrown by Gannon’s appearance. And angry. What gave him the right to come in and upset her life like this?

  Drew gave her a quick side hug. At the scent of his cologne, she realized they’d never touched before that day, let alone hugged. As a single, attractive pastor, getting close to the females in the congregation could start rumors. His choice to risk such a thing now meant she looked pitiful.

  She gulped back another splash of guilt as Drew climbed into the driver’s seat. He started the engine and, with a wave, drove a wide circle around her to the exit.

  If Gannon didn’t take care of his voice and his body at a time like this, stress would leave him hoarse and useless.

  Been there, done that.

  Holding the phone in place with his shoulder, he picked an herbal tea and dropped it in his grocery basket. The light box bounced off the honey and settled next to the eggs.

  He headed for the checkout counters, keeping the brim of his hat pointed toward the ground. He’d driven half an hour to this grocery store in hopes that people wouldn’t be looking for him here.

  “I don’t understand why you don’t do more to curb his behavior.” His mom’s voice through the phone sounded small, but she’d been going on about Awestruck’s bassist long enough to convey how much the bad press was getting to her. “What Matt does reflects on you. On your message.”

  “I know.” But Awestruck wasn’t a Christian band. Though he, John, and Matt had started out claiming the same faith, Matt had given his up years ago. The Christianity card wouldn’t stop his partying.

  “You should fire him.” Her clipped words brought back the way she’d scolded him in high school when he’d snuck out for a gig while he was grounded. “He couldn’t afford this lifestyle if Awestruck weren’t funding it.”

  “He gets paid for being part of the band, like John and I do. And like me and John, he gets to decide how to live as long as he keeps up his part for Awestruck.”

  “And does he?”

  Not as well as he should. Matt tended to miss interviews and rehearsals, but at least he arrived in good enough condition to play shows. “If he ends up broke, he’ll be in even more trouble. Lack of funds won’t stop an addict. This way, we can keep an eye on him.”

  “Doing things for him you wouldn’t do for others, making allowances that make it easier for him to continue his addictions—that’s called enabling.”

  “Was it enabling when we convinced him to go to rehab?”

  “The trip to the ER did that, and a year later, he’s back in the tabloids. It sounds like it’s not just alcohol anymore.”

  It’d never been just alcohol. Matt’s life was a blur of women, drugs, fast cars, and bar fights. But firing him wouldn’t cure his addictions and turn him back into the active and fearless guy he’d been when they’d first moved to LA.

  More likely, firing him would do what it’d done to Fitz—lead to his ruin.

  Regret stirred in Gannon’s chest. He couldn’t have any more blood on his hands. “Do us both a favor, Mom, and stop reading the tabloids. They always make it out to be worse than it is.”

  Although, in this case, only marginally.

  “I don’t have to read anything. As soon as anyone hears anything about you, they ask me what I know. Like every time they see something about you and Harper.”

  “Nothing. H
appened.”

  “That doesn’t stop everyone from asking.”

  Gannon didn’t have to ask who these curious people were. His dad had left back before Gannon had been born. Young, scared, and alone, Mom had turned to the church. They’d helped her practically and emotionally through her pregnancy and eventually led her to Christ.

  He owed that community everything. His faith. The fact that he and Mom had a support system during his childhood. Even now, most of Mom’s social circle involved people from church, and as his first fans, they were uniquely invested in him and his career.

  Gannon neared the self-checkouts and slowed to scan the headlines. They featured little besides the latest royal baby and an ongoing celebrity divorce. People back in Fox Valley must be watching carefully to dig up a story about a partying rock star.

  “I’ll talk to Matt again, but I can’t control him.”

  “I’ll be praying.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Like I said, you’re welcome to come up for a weekend.” Hopefully, if she took him up on it, she wouldn’t spend the whole time after him about Matt.

  After they ended the call, Gannon scanned the tabloids one more time.

  Did Adeline watch the same headlines as the people back home? If so, she had to be as leery as Mom about Matt and Harper. Or more so.

  As if she hadn’t had enough reasons to push him away.

  As Adeline reached for the TV remote, footsteps and voices wafted through the front door. She pulled her hand back into her lap. One voice was female, the other male. Other than that, she couldn’t pinpoint their owners.

  She slid her dinner, a steaming plate of homemade chicken pot pie, onto the coffee table and started for the door. Halfway there, she remembered her outfit. Athletic shorts and a T-shirt that had worn through in two spots on the shoulder.