by Aly Martinez
"Eggs, too?"
"Of course!"
"Alright baby girl, I'll hang for a bit," he says, seeing right through my lame excuse.
"Thank you."
"Thank me with breakfast. I'm starving." He exits the truck and guides me inside.
Brett
IT'S TAKEN me four hours to get Sarah settled. For the first hour, she was shaking and crying, randomly talking about Manda. I managed to get her to take a few of the sedatives the doctor prescribed for when she gets overly excited like this. After that, she fell asleep, and I spent the next two hours taking all the pills and knives out of her house. Then it took forever to find a home health nurse to come sit with her. She's cussed out almost everyone I have ever hired, so I end up paying two times the normal wage just to get someone to come over and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. It's worth it, though. After seeing her in action with Jess today, then her reaction to Caleb, I'm not about to take any chances leaving her alone.
I pull up to Jesse's house just after one. I park next to her car and head straight for her door. I have a lot of explaining, apologizing, and probably groveling to do. I looked like a dick earlier, no denying that. I saw it in her eyes when she left with Caleb. I knock on her door not giving myself anytime to prepare what I'm going to say. I'll wing it, even though that hasn't been working out so well for me recently. I have to talk to her, explain everything. Jess is very level-headed, she'll understand. God, please let her understand.
No one immediately comes to the door and it makes me wonder if Jess is trying to avoid me. I can't blame her if she is, but I sure as hell can make sure she isn't successful. I turn looking back at the parking lot, just to be positive it was her car I parked beside. In my scan, my eyes run across an all-too-familiar truck. What the hell is he still doing here? They aren't close. I can only think of one reason why he would still be here.
Women love Caleb. He's 6’2”, blonde, and has that bad boy thing going on that women swoon over. I know exactly how much Caleb loves the ladies. He doesn't have a type. He appreciates them all. I swear if he is appreciating Jess right now, I'll kill him.
"Caleb! Open the fucking door!" I pound my fists against her door, all the while contemplating if I could kick it down. Just as I step back to give it my best attempt, Caleb yanks open her door.
"What's up, big man?" Seeing him standing in Jess's apartment is enough to rock me back on my heels.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Oh you know, just cleaning up your mess. Better question is what are you doing here?"
"Is this your little idea of payback for having to see Sarah today? I swear to Christ if you touched Jess..."
"Exactly what are you going to do Brett? If I recall correctly, you watched me pick her up and carry her out this morning. You didn't try to stop me then. Now, you suddenly care that we are spending time together? God forbid I touch the woman you threw to the wolves. It only took you what," he stops to check his watch, "four hours to get here. If Jesse means so much to you, what the hell took you so long?"
"She is not one of your conquests to make you forget about Manda! She's not yours!" I yell words that I have no control over.
"Oh, but she's yours? Because that is not the way it looked today while you were holding your wife."
"Fuck you! Yes, she's mine! You of all people know that!" I step up ready to once again go toe to toe with my best friend. Only this time he doesn't respond to my challenge. He begins to laugh instead.
"Just checking." He pats me on the chest, doing nothing to calm my rage.
"Caleb, stop." I hear Jesse say walking under his arm and stopping in the door way in front of me.
"Hey," she says in that shy way I'm getting used to.
"Did he touch you?" I swear it just spews from my mouth. I had no plans for those to be the first words I say to her, but apparently my testosterone had other ideas.
"What? No!"
"Then why is he still here?" I ask accusingly.
"I asked him to stay. I didn't want to be alone. While you were off doing whatever you were doing with Sarah, he was nice enough to hang out.”
"Jesse, I know Caleb. He doesn't just hang out with women. Don't bullshit me right now. Is something going on with you two?"
"You know what. I'm not doing this. You need to leave," she answers, rightfully annoyed.
"Not happening. We need to talk." I look up at Caleb still protectively standing behind her. "You, however, can leave. I've got it from here."
"The hell you do! Besides, I'm not going anywhere, Jesse is cooking me lunch. You should have tasted her pancakes this morning," he pauses to wink and lick his lips before finishing, "Benissimo!" That one word all it takes for me to lose it. But for reason, known only to my dick, I lose it on the wrong person.
"You blew him? Jesus Christ Jess, what the hell?"
"And here we go," Caleb says at the same time I see Jess's eyes widen as she morphs into a mad woman.
"You did not just say that to me!" She screams as Caleb lifts her off her feet dragging her away. Him touching her, only pisses me off more.
"Put me down! Put me down, now!" She kicks her legs trying to break free of his hold. If I was an outsider looking in I would think this tiny woman was comical. I'm not an outsider though, and it's my tiny woman he's man handling.
"Get your hands off her!" I snap.
"Oh, now I know you're kidding, ass-puck! She is about to claw your eyes out, and if you keep this up I'm going to let her. You're being a dick. Both of you just need to calm down."
"You couldn't keep your hands to yourself for a few hours? I've felt something for the first time in years with her, yet you swoop in and steal it away just to get your rocks off. Shit!" I finally realize what's going on. "Oh my God, you're jealous that I'm moving on! Why did I not see this coming?"
"First off, you sound like an idiot right now. I didn't do shit to steal anything from you. You're doing a bang up job of ruining this all on your own. Secondly, I'm jealous that you're moving on? Where can I preorder tickets to your new comedy show? Because you should take this shit on the road. Moving on? If you really think you’re moving on after what went down this morning, apparently Sarah isn't the only delusional one. Nothing happened between Jess and I, so the next words out of your mouth better be a fucking apology."
"Right, because you two clearly look like two people who were barely even friends last week." I look down to where he is still tightly holding her against his body.
"Stop talking about me like I'm not here! Get out, both of you!" she yells, still trying to fight out of Caleb's grip.
This is too much. All of it. Maybe I'm just delaying the inevitable by holding on to Jess. If I was a better man I would turn and walk out the door right now. Fortunately for me, I'm an asshole so I'm going to fight for her only to disappoint her later down the line. Outstanding!
"I'm not leaving until we talk. I have a lot to say."
"Well I don't feel like listening anymore. You think just because we made out once, that I'm going to hook up with every guy who looks at me?" she yells, fighting Caleb's grasp around her waist.
I have no idea what has come over me. I know nothing has happened between these two. Jess isn't that type of girl, even if Caleb is that type of guy. Still, I somehow can't keep myself from being a prick.
"Oh we did far more than ‘make out’. I have the claw marks on my back to prove it." She immediately goes quiet and I know I've said too much. She's such a private person, and here I am airing her bedroom behaviors in front of other people.
"Claw marks? Really?" Caleb raises an eyebrow with a smirk lifting the corner of his mouth.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I have no idea why I said that. I'm just pissed...I-"
She finally breaks free from Caleb and crosses the room stopping inches in front from me. Standing on her toes to make herself as tall as possible, she screams into my face, "What the hell, Brett? I'm the one that's supposed to be mad. You didn't
just walk in on me hugging and defending my husband. Oh wait, that's because I don't have one!" Shit, I'm doing a really bad job at apologizing right now. None of this is going to win me any points. This is precisely why I should have had a plan when I got here. This is the shit that happens to me when I try to wing it.
"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry."
"Damn right you're sorry," Caleb pipes in from behind her, still smirking. I can't take this back and forth anymore. It's ridiculous, and I'm exhausted from all of the drama over the last few days.
"Stop. Just...stop!" I let out a loud breath. "I can't take this. I know ninety-percent of this has been brought on myself, but I need it to stop. Damn it Jess, I'm sorry! Please, don't make me let you go. This has been chaos from the first day, just give me a chance to show you it won't always be that way. I'm a good guy, at least I think I am. I'm trying, and failing, but mainly I'm trying to make something work between us. It just seems every step of the way something or someone keeps tripping me up. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
"Caleb...I wish I had something positive to say to you, but I really want to beat your ass right now. So please, just go, and let me handle this. I'll buy you a beer or something when I'm in a better mood.”
"You okay with that, baby girl?" I swear as soon as I get Caleb alone, he and I are going to have a serious conversation about boundaries. It sets my blood on fire to hear him call her baby girl. Jess nods with her eyes glued to mine. She's mad and she has every right to be. Time to pull out some charm and see if I can get back in her good graces.
Jesse
"YOU WANT something to drink?" I ask Brett as Caleb collects his coat and shoes preparing to leave.
"No thanks." He flashes me one of his beautiful smiles.
"You hungry? I was just about to make lunch." I try to be polite, but the last thing I want to do right now is eat.
"Don't you dare make him my Panini!" Caleb says as he finishes putting on his shoes.
"For the love of God, get out!" Brett shouts at Caleb.
"Fine, but you owe me, Jess. I was really looking forward to that bacon avocado thingy you mentioned." I giggle because I know he's lying. He almost threw up when I mentioned avocado earlier. Caleb apparently is not a fan of the green super food. He walks over, pulling me in for a quick hug, then kisses me on the forehead. This would have been weird yesterday, but Caleb and I have bonded over the last few hours. Now, it just feels nice. He leans over and whispers, "Remember that you promised to call me if you see Sarah? I mean it. I put my number in your phone. Day or night, you call me if you need anything."
"Thank you," I respond as my heart warms at how gentle and caring he can be. He really is a good guy. I look up to see Brett watching us with an infuriated look on his face. Call me mean, but I decide to give him a little dose of his own medicine. I reach out giving Caleb a tight lingering squeeze of my own. He begins to chuckle, seemingly on to my game.
"I may have underestimated you, little Miss Addison," Caleb says before lowering his voice to a whisper again. "I like it. Give him hell." He releases me turning to face Brett. "Alright I'm out. Brett, I'll expect that beer soon. Be good, ladies and gentlemen," he says, strutting out the door.
"He is such an ass," Brett releases a breath running his hands through his hair.
"Oh yes, Caleb is the jerk. Not the crazy man who just showed up beating down my door, and accusing me of sucking off his best friend." I throw my hand up covering my mouth. I can't believe I just said that. I really have to stop hanging out with these foul mouth guys.
"I've done a crap job of handling things with you recently. Can we just sit down and talk for a minute. I have a lot of explaining to do. Why don't you let me order in some food? I don't want you to have to cook right now."
"I'm not hungry anymore. Just talk."
"I'm sorry about last night. And this morning. And for pounding on your door. And for insinuating you were ’sucking him off.’ I'm appalled with your dirty language, by the way." He tries to tease, and to some degree it works. I can feel the corner of my lip twitch. "Damn, I really do have a lot of apologizing to do," he says, shaking his head. "Where do you want me to start?" He walks over to the couch, sitting down on the edge. He doesn't bother to lean back or get comfortable.
"Where's Sarah now?" My question must surprise him because it takes him a second to answer.
"At her apartment."
"You should go be with her."
"What? Jess, no!" he says, flying back to his feet.
"No, I don't mean it like that. I just mean, she isn't exactly stable. I would hate for you to be over here, and her do something to hurt herself. We can talk on the phone later, or maybe one day next week."
"God, I'm such an asshole. After everything that's happened, here you are worried about Sarah." He walks over, knocking me off balance and pulling me hard into his chest.
I have no choice, but to let him hold me. It only takes a few seconds for me to melt into him. No matter how much I want to fight it, being in Brett's arms just feels right. He holds me whispering heartfelt apologies into my hair. I'd pull away on pure principle alone, but I can tell by his slight rocking and content breathing, he needs this. It's strictly for him though. I don't love every single second of it. A tear definitely does not slide down my face at how perfect this feels. I absolutely don't send up a prayer for this to never end. That would be stupid after all the crap that we have been through. Yet, I do it all anyway.
"Ask me anything," he says as I reach between us to wipe away my stray tear. "Jess, I don't know what she said to you, but I do know the truth. I'm an open book. Don't let anything fester in that beautiful mind of yours. Please just ask it. No matter how small it is, I want to give you the answer."
"Okay," I say not yet releasing him. I'm needy for this connection too. I've been in an emotional upheaval for days now. I just want someone lean on even if it isn't real. Caleb was great company, but with the exception of the hug when he left, he didn't touch me at all. Besides, there is just something special about the way Brett holds me. It makes me believe he would never let me struggle. It makes me feel safe. Too bad it's a load of crap. He made me feel anything but safe today. He abandoned me...for his mentally injured wife. Great. When I think about it like that, maybe I'm the jerk in this situation.
"Is Sarah alone right now?" I ask.
"No, I hired a nurse to sit with her. I gave her some meds, so she’s most likely still asleep. The sitter has my number. She'll call if she needs anything."
"Oh, um...okay."
"Don't let it stew Jess. Ask it. I can see in your eyes that you have a million questions for me."
"Did you sleep with her on Tuesday?"
"No!" he shouts, notably curious why I asked this question. "Damn it, what did she tell you?" I just shake my head not wanting to rehash the morning. I've already gotten most of these answers from Caleb, but I have to hear the important ones come from his mouth.
"When was the last time you were...uh, with her?"
"The wreck was in April of 2009. That was the last time I was with anyone," he answers frankly, shocking me. The idea of sexy detective Brett Sharp remaining untouched for over four years is unbelievable to me. I don't want to pry or make him uncomfortable, but I need to make sure I heard him correctly.
"No one?"
"No one but you, babe," he confirms. He pulls away and walks back to the couch. I start to sit in the chair, but he catches me first. "No babe, sit with me. I need you to feel that I'm telling the truth. I don't want there to be any doubts about this stuff." He drags me into his lap, but doesn't wrap me in his strong arms like he usually does. Instead, he throws both arms out to the side and over the back of the couch, physically and emotionally opening himself up to me. He's giving me my space to think, but still keeping us connected.
"How do you feel about Sarah?" I can't bring myself to come right out and ask him if he still loves her.
"Responsible," he answers with one word, and
I stay quiet waiting for him to elaborate. "Jesse, I don't know. I didn't cause the wreck, but I feel like I have to fix it. I have an obligation to her. I married her once. I vowed for better or worse, but I didn't just get worse. I got nonexistent.
My Sarah is gone, but that doesn't release me from my responsibilities to her though. She doesn't have anyone else. Her parents are both dead. She didn't even go to their funerals. Her sister has written her off completely. They had a big blow out a few weeks after she first tried to kill herself. Her only real friend, Casey, just disappeared. I guess Manda's death was too much for her to handle. She moved down to Ohio and hasn't been back since. I'm all Sarah has left, and she hates me, so I don't know how much help I really am."
"I'm so sorry."
"Stop apologizing. Did you cause the accident that night?"
"Of course not."
"Then, I don't want to hear a single ‘I'm sorry’ ever escape your lips again." When he says this, he leans in close, and I know he’s about to kiss me. I'm still upset, but I'd pay good money to get one of those toe curling Brett Sharp kisses right now. He looks down at my lips as if he can read my mind, but shakes his head and leans back against the couch. "Now gorgeous, what else do you want to know."
"No kids?"
"None. The picture was my niece. She looks a lot like me. I didn't even know Sarah still had any pictures of my family. When she moved out she didn't take anything with her. Everything she has now is new, with the exception of her jewelry box. That's it. I have all of her other stuff in storage near our old house. She used to be a writer. You couldn't pry her laptop out of her hands on most days. She's never even asked for it again."
"I'm..." I stop myself from apologizing, "that's sad." I finish instead.
"It is sad, but it's also reality."
"What do you want from me?" I move to the core of this entire conversation. Today, I have learned the full story of Sarah and Brett. But I have no idea where that leaves Brett and Jesse.