by Aly Martinez
"I don't know."
"Well that was fun." I jump off his lap embarrassed, ready to sprint to my bedroom.
"I don't know" was not at all the answer I wanted or expected. He's obviously come here for a reason. I thought it was to win me back, make things right, fight for me. Apparently, my assumptions were all wrong.
"Slow down. You're not going anywhere until you let me finish." He pulls me back down, although this time, he doesn't give me the same space he did before. He cradles me in his arms, half restraining, half tenderly holding me. "I don't know what I can give you." He leans forward, placing a soft kiss to my temple. "I want to be with you. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know you. And if I'm being honest, I want to touch every inch of your body with every inch of mine." Even hurt and upset, his words still make me heat. I shift in his lap trying to cover my breathy reaction when I feel his hard-on grow underneath me.
"Jesus, it's hot that even as fucked up as things are, I can still turn you on with just one sentence." He finishes by placing a wet kiss on my exposed collar bone, sending chills down my body.
"Stop. We need to talk." I try to shake him off.
"Then talk." He continues kissing up my neck. It feels so good, I'm almost willing to end this conversation now. Starting a new one in the bedroom. Almost.
"Brett. Please. I need answers. I can't think with you touching me like that. It's too much." He finally stops, reluctantly removing his arms and throwing them back over the couch.
"You're right. I got carried away, keep talking." He relents.
"I don't know what to do with you. I think you are just as messed up as Sarah." His head snaps back as if I slapped him.
"Wow, um…wow,” he says stunned. “That is quite an insult after today."
"I just mean you have baggage. A lot of it. I'm not just talking about Sarah either. I'm talking about your guilt and self-imposed punishment for the way she is now."
"Caleb really got into your head today didn't he?" he asks.
"Yes, he told me a lot about you and Sarah."
"Did he mention that he hates her? Blames her for the wreck? Wishes she was the one dead instead of Manda? Did he mention any of that while he was giving you a little history lesson?" He begins to get angry.
"Yes, he actually mentioned all of that." This wasn't what he expected me to say. I know he thought Caleb filled my head with horrible ideas about Sarah. He didn't do that at all though.
"He told me she used to be funny. Always the girl dancing on the stage or talking your ear off. He said everyone who ever met her loved her. Most of all, you. He told me she was beautiful back then." I can see his eyes fill with unwelcome tears as I talk about her. He bites his bottom lip nodding while trying to get his emotions back in check.
"I don't want you to know about her, Jesse. Sarah is a part of a past that I don't want to share with you. And that's not because I don't want to tell you about it. I'm happy to tell you everything you want to know since the wreck, but it kills me to think about that. The fact that you even know this much about my old life, hurts like hell. Despite everything that has gone down, I had hopes of keeping you and Sarah in separate parts of my life. No crossing lines. She's my past, and I'm sick of living there.
“I am who I am today as a result of the all years I spent with her. That goes for both the happy and broken parts of me. I want to start over without this cloud of Sarah hanging over my head. I want to escape this pressure I feel to finally fix things. When I'm with you, Jess, everything else is silent. It's magical. I can't change anything that’s happened. I can, however, try to move forward with my life.
"So, to answer your question earlier, that’s what I want from you…to move forward. Jesse, I worry that I can't be who you need me to be. I'm hesitant to make you any promises or commitments, because I'm not sure I can back them up. I’m willing to try though. Something beyond my control draws me to you. You make me feel alive again, and as selfish as it sounds, I will do absolutely anything to hold on to that. But I'm terrified that it will mean breaking you in the process."
"I'm not made of glass," I answer him, equally touched and frustrated by his words. "You can't break me. I'm not her. I may be naive when it comes to relationships, but I'm stronger than I look. I just need to know what I'm getting myself into first. This isn't something I can walk into blind.
“You're not the only one confused here, Brett. You have a lot of cons, but I'm still standing here, aren't I? Let me watch out for myself, and decide what I can and can't handle," I answer with resolve. I'm going to try to make something work with him. He may not have anything to give me, but that's a bridge I'll cross when it crumbles under my feet.
"Jesse-"
"No don't ‘Jesse’ me. I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions. I don't need a keeper, and you don't need any more jobs."
"You're not a big girl. You're actually a very, very tiny woman." He smiles up at me. "Don't get me wrong, I like it."
"I'm serious, Brett."
"Okay, so where does this leave us?" he asks.
I have been thinking about this question all day, and finally I feel like I have the right answer.
"We date. We slow down this crazy, drama-filled relationship we have had for the last few days. Who the heck knows, we may not even like each other this time next week. We don't have to jump into anything serious. Let's just go with the flow.
“I don't need any promises from you right now, so you don't have to stress yourself out over not being able to fulfill them. Brett, it's been six days now! Do you usually have this type of conversation with every girl you date for less than a week?" The grin that creeps across his face is spectacular. It renders me completely unable to move my eyes from his mouth.
"I don't date, remember?" He pulls me over to straddle his lap. "With this new arrangement, can I still kiss you? And maybe touch you a little too?" he asks, ever so lightly pushing his hips up until they connect with mine.
I let out a soft moan. He must have seen my lips part because he instantly reacts crushing his mouth into mine. Our warm tongues tangle in a kiss I’ve so desperately wanted all day. I crawl even deeper into his lap, needing to be closer. He must feel the same way because he stands lifting me as he goes.
"Which one’s your room?" he asks, holding me with both hands on my butt.
"End of the hall," I respond, thrusting my hands into his hair while kissing the underside of his chin.
“I don’t think we can consider this slowing down,” he says with a smirk.
“Well, no. But then again, we didn’t do the whole just friends thing very well either. Perhaps, I should rephrase and say, ‘no rush’ instead of ‘slow down.’”
“Same thing, babe,” he says, but continues to carry me down the short hallway. Pausing just outside my room he asks, "How far tonight, gorgeous? It's completely up to you, but I want to know before we go in here. I want whatever you are willing to give, even if it just standing here in the hall all night. But I've messed up enough recently, I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready for."
"I want to be with you," I say against his neck.
"You have to be more specific. Tell me what you want?"
"I want to make your world go silent."
He doesn't hesitate any longer. He walks into the room, kicking the door closed behind us. Striding to my bed, he lays me down more gently than I thought possible. Standing over me, I can tell he's beginning to rethink this. I'm done thinking though. Done caring about the what-ifs, and fighting over things we can't change. I'm ready to feel.
"Touch me." I cross my arms, pulling my shirt over my head. The room is lit by the bright midday sun, but I can't bring myself to care about how much he can see right now. He reaches out, rubbing the back of his finger against my hardened nipples.
"I'm going to tell you that you’re beautiful, but it won't be enough." He bends over, pulling the fabric of my bra down just enough for my nipple to peek out. His tongue dart
s out and dampens his lips, but he doesn't move any further.
I can feel the wetness seeping into my panties. I wish he would touch me already. Laying here exposed while Brett towers fully dressed above me is unnerving. We need this though, so I lay still and allow him to make his own decision.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Please," I say reaching back and unclasping my bra, slowly pulling it away from my body.
"Fuck, you have the best tits, Jess." He finally reaches down and palms my breasts in his large hands.
He plants gentle kisses to my chest and his breath breezes over my flushed skin. His hot, wet tongue begins to tease my nipple. I need more though. Running my fingers up his back, I tangle them in his hair pulling him closer.
He chuckles against my breast, "Calm down babe, we have all night. And if I have anything to say about it, this is going to happen more than once." Heat floods my veins. I'm on fire for this man, and he has barely even touched me. It's the promise in his words that causes me to release a small moan. Brett is drop dead gorgeous, yet he talks to me like I'm the sexiest woman alive. It all just feels too good to be true. He continues to tease and suck my nipples, grazing his teeth as he pulls away, reminding me that this definitely real.
I slide my hands down his back and pull the bottom of his shirt up and over his head. I hope I never get used to the way I feel when I see his naked body. Every muscle on his stomach is tense, showing off the muscular curves where his jeans rest on his hips. The one arm he is using to balance on the bed is flexed under his weight, and before I can stop myself, I lean over and lick up the bulge of his bicep.
"Christ, you really do have an arm fetish." I bite down at his joke, but it only causes him to shudder. Apparently, Brett likes it a little rough. I reach up and run my nails up and down his back. Goosebumps pebble his skin and I smile to myself.
"I can’t wait to have you clawing my back while I'm fucking you." My cheeks flame red. I know I'm laying naked in front of him, about to take him inside of me, but his dirty talk still makes me blush.
He trails hot kisses down my stomach and plays with the top of my pants, running his fingers back and forth and dipping fingers below the seam. He looks up and cocks one brow, silently asking for permission.
"Take them off," I say with far more confidence than I feel.
He slowly unbuttons my pants and pulls down the zipper. He reaches one hand back up to knead my breast one more time. I feel like I'm going to come out of my skin if he doesn't get inside me soon. Lifting my hips off the bed, I urge him to remove my pants, which he all too quickly complies. Lying in just my panties, I once again feel a wave of vulnerability. It’s still so hard to believe this man wants me, plain old Jesse. My eyes connect with Brett's and he bites his lip giving me a crooked smile. I immediately blush from head to toe and try to cover myself while looking away.
"Baby, look at me," he whispers.
Turning back, I expect to find Brett's eyes dancing with amusement, instead they are filled with so much emotion it puzzles me. It’s hard for me to tell what he’s thinking, but I know he’s feeling something serious.
"Don't hide yourself from me, please. I think you’re beautiful. I wish I could spend all day looking at your sexy body." His voice is rough and deep, mixed with lust and some other emotion I can't put my finger on. It's the same one showing bright from his eyes. "Promise me, Jess. Keep your eyes open and on me. Watch me so you will have no doubts how you make me feel." He slides his fingers over my wet folds. I moan and arch into his hand. “Eyes up here," he reminds me. "Does that feel good?"
"Oh God...." I breathe as he pushes a finger inside.
"I don't see anyone named God here, baby. I want you screaming my name when I make you come, not God."
"Brett."
"There we go, much better."
At some point Brett must have unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down his zipper. I can see the tip of his erection peeking out the opening. I want to see the rest of it. It's only fair that we both be naked.
"Brett, take off your jeans," I command.
"My pleasure, gorgeous."
He makes quick work of taking off his jeans and tossing them somewhere in the room. My suspicions are correct. Brett Sharp is going commando. Jesus, that's hot!
He's painfully hard, and the tip is swollen and pink. I ache with anticipation of having him inside me. I lick my lips and drag my gaze away from his length. His eyes are hooded, and his chest is rising and falling faster.
"If you don't stop looking at me like that while licking those luscious lips of yours, I might embarrass myself and come all over those fucking perfect tits. I would really like to come inside you tonight." I shiver, but not because I'm cold. I feel like I am going to spontaneously combust with lust. He pushes my panties to the side and returns his hand to the teasing strokes.
"Fuck me, Jess. You’re so wet for me." All I can do at this point is nod and bite my lips. I want to yell and beg for him to put it in, but I also don't want him to stop the amazing things he is doing with his hand.
He pulls my panties down my legs and tosses them over his shoulder. He then runs his tongue up my leg and over my clit for one torturous lick. "Fucking hell. You taste like heaven."
It's going to happen. I know it is. As soon as he pushes inside me, I'm going to come. He won't even have to move. With all of this build-up, one thrust is all it's going to take. Then he is going to realize how inexperienced I really am. Attempting to buy myself some time, I take in a deep breath of my own, and reach down and grab his hard on and slowly stroke him. His chin drops to his chest as he watches my hand gliding over him.
"Stop, please stop," Brett pants, causing me to immediately jerk my hand away and turn my head away in embarrassment. Crap, I can't believe he just shot me down.
I gasp as I feel an unexpected finger enter my wet heat. A strangled moan escapes and I snap my eyes back to his.
"What did I tell you Jess? Don't fucking turn away from me. You're sexy as hell, and I want to see those big brown eyes."
"I just...I thought maybe you didn't like-" I stumble over my words. Brett's hand never stops moving inside me.
"Stop thinking and trust me. I needed you to stop because if you kept that up, I was going to come like a fucking sixteen year old virgin." He all but growls at me, "I need to be inside you now, tell me you want this Jess. Tell me you want me to fuck you as bad as I want to do it."
"Yes, Brett, please..." I'm reduced to begging.
"Shit. I need a condom, babe."
"I'm on the pill," I rush out, hoping to speed this up. Probably not my most responsible idea, but I physically can't wait any longer."
"No, gorgeous. We need to be smart about this. I've got one in my wallet...in the car." He lets out a string of expletives, and withdraws his hand.
"Condoms. Top drawer of the night stand." I groan at the absence of his fingers.
"We are going to have a conversation about why you have condoms in your night stand later." He opens the drawer, pulling out a foil packet.
"Kara." I explain as he rips it with his teeth and rolls it down his length. He nods in understanding, and I thank God for my best friend and her ridiculous hopes that I would one day get laid. I really love that girl right now.
I squeak, when he grabs my legs and pulls me towards him. "Last chance gorgeous, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Please Brett..."
In one swift move he fills me. I cry out in both pain and pleasure, and Brett moans into my neck. He gives me a much needed minute to adjust to his size. I cling to his back and my legs start to shake.
"Shit, I'm sorry. You're so fucking tight. I should have done that a little slower."
Yes, he should have done it a little slower, but it felt amazing so I'm glad he didn't. Now is not the time for explanations. “Brett…move… please."
He slowly starts to move his hips in small gentle thrusts. Easing his way in and out of me. He's trying to be gentle now, b
ut I need more.
"Harder!"
"No," he says, taking my mouth into a deep apologetic kiss.
"Brett, I'm fine. Please...I need you to move." I roll my hips roughly into his.
"Fuck Jess, you feel so damn good. This is going to be quick baby, so keep up. I'll make it up to you, repeatedly, tonight."
He begins to move over me, every muscle in his body strained as I drag my nails across his back. I can feel my release building and I know I'm going to fall over edge at any minute. Brett groans and kisses my neck as he pick up his pace. I feel him grow inside me as he pushes deeper than I knew possible.
"I need you to come first. I hope your close because I don't know how much longer I can last."
Sliding his hand between us, I feel his finger rub at my swollen clit while he keeps up his relentless rhythm inside me. "Come, Jesse. Let me feel you." His words send me stepping off the edge as I arch off the bed.
I can barely hear myself screaming his name, but the fireworks going off in my body make it impossible to focus on anything else. He stills, but I can feel him pulsing inside me, repeating my name into my neck.
Coming down from my orgasm, he begins pressing light kisses over my neck and shoulders. Sated and feeling like jelly, I smile to myself. "What are you grinning about?" Brett asks with a smile matching my own.
"I can’t feel my body," I giggle.
“Oh yeah? Is that a good thing?”
“No, it’s the best thing,” I answer, absolutely silly on a sexual high. That was amazing. The horrible day has been completely washed away.
He throws his head back, laughing, "Jess, have I told you lately how amazing you are?"
I shake my head.
"Well, I guess I'll just have to show you. Let me get rid of this condom, while you get ready for round two." He winks and walks into the bathroom.
I watch as his perfect butt disappears around the corner. My grin immediately stretches across my face into a full blown smile, and I have to bite my lip to keep the schoolgirl scream from escaping.
Jesse
"G'MORNING, BABE," I hear Brett whisper as he kisses up my chest.