The Love Plan

by Erica Marselas

  I have been avoiding him all night. I didn't even sit next to him at dinner, changing tables to sit with our friends instead. Even though I feel like a bitch for doing so, my heart is not able to take seeing him. I know a part of me should hear him out, but I let my fear win. Everything inside me still aches with the thought of us never being together. The second I came face to face with him for the first time all week, the stabbing, heartbreaking pain returned, and I fled.

  Much like I want to do now.

  I do admit he looks broken and I might've only twisted the knife in his own gaping wound when I told him I wish I never loved him more than a friend. But I did at that second wish I could've gone back to faking it so I could have my best friend back, the way we used to be before everything got so complicated.

  “So, I would like to start the karaoke portion of the night, not only dedicating this song to Frank and Martha, but also to someone extremely special to me. Someone I hope I can spend thirty-five years loving just as long and hard as my Aunt and Uncle do each other.”

  My eyes meet Dexter's and widen in disbelief at his words. My body trembles as he says the words I have been longing to hear, but are they the words. I feel everyone's eyes on me and hear my name muttered through the crowd as Dexter carries on with his speech.

  Then when he starts to sing, and though his voice is like smooth honey, making my insides swoon, his song selection only further baffles me.

  Why is he doing this?

  Why can't he give it to me straight and save me the headache if he wants to only say sorry or I love you?

  Beside me, Mel and Steph are trying to grab my attention, but my heart is thumping wildly in my chest and next thing I know I'm crying. Dexter takes a step forward, gravitating my way. His eyes are locked on mine. There’s a longing, and a look of sadness shining in them. It’s as if he’s asking me, begging me to listen to this, and run into his arms and forgive him. But there’s still so much to talk about, so much to say. Instead, I'm consumed with my hurt again and signal for him not to come closer. Unable to take any more, I break free from Mel and Steph's hold and run for the back door—away from my fear. Away from all this pain.

  A cool breeze hits my face as I bust out the doors of the banquet hall. The fresh air does nothing to cool my anxiety from my racing thoughts. I swear I can still hear the chords of Chicago and Dexter's voice shifting through the air as I wander off for a place to think, but I'm sure it's all in my head.

  I'm all confused and conflicted, my mind circling around and around to the point it might blow. He tells me he loves me, all I’ve wanted, but where has this been?

  Is it even true or is he going to take it back again like at my birthday and tell me he can't?

  If this is a change, then why hasn't he banged down the door and told me sooner? Or is it my fault for not calling when he knew I needed space?

  Why is love so fucking confusing?

  I'm about to scream into the sky, cursing the gods for making everything so complicated when I catch him out of the corner of my eye. He's watching me, shifting on his feet with his hands stuffed in his pocket.

  Alright, let's do this.

  Taking a steady breath, I spin around to face him and cross my arms over my chest. “What do you want, Dexter?”

  “Why did you run off?”

  “Because you're sending the most confusing signals ever. What do you want from me, Dexter? Because I don't think my heart can take much more from you right now. Being told one thing and then being told another. I don't think I can do it.”

  “I love you, Meadow. I honest to God love you, love you. The hearts and flowers kind. The kind where I want to spend kissing your lips forever. The love that makes me want to spend forever with you and never let you go.”

  “What happened to you not deserving me? And that you couldn't cause of Wes? Huh? You sure as hell didn't feel this way all week or you would have come to see me and just told me you loved me, instead of all this. Saved me from all this damn hurt.” My voice cracks and every muscle in my already achy heart clenches wondering what could have been so life-affirming. Could this really have been a change or is he only saying this because he misses me and doesn't know what else to do?

  “You’re right. I should've said all of it to you a long time ago. I sent you the gifts, with every intention of telling you I loved you, but it felt wrong not saying it you in person. You deserved that. And I also knew you needed time. I guess maybe also, I only knew how to say it fully on your birthday…” He gives me a half smile and I roll my eyes. “Listen, there's something I have to tell you. And I'm not sure how you’re going to take it. It's about Wes and that night.”

  “What?”

  He looks to the ground and scratches the back of his head. When he finally looks back at me, I can see the pain and regret clouding his brown eyes. “Your gonna laugh, but it was Julian who started making me see my errors and I did find someone else to talk to about this.”

  “Dex, what are you talking about?” I step closer to him, my hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. The urge to wrap him in my arms is great. I know whatever this is, it's huge, and weighing him down, but I wait and squeeze his shoulder, a sign that I'm here for him, no matter what.

  “That night, Wes and I were fighting. Wes didn't want me to take you to that party because he knew we were going to drink. I wanted to hang out with you, without him for once, without you guys dry fucking humping. Like you were selfishly my friend first. I don't know. He was all Mr. Responsibility all of a sudden. But I took you. We got drunk. We had so much fun.” His face falls and his brown eyes well with tears. “I only wish I knew it wouldn't have been worth it. I think you were even asleep by the time Wes came to pick us up. You didn't even budge when we fought on the way back.”

  “He didn't want you to take me to that party?” I shake my head and can't fathom any reason why Wes would have stopped me besides it being so far away. “You know, if it makes you feel better, I might have made you take me if he told me no too.”

  I have no clue if it's true. But damn, Dex and I didn't do good at being told ‘no’ when we were teenagers.

  “Not really, Meadow. Because I was trying to be a dick. When he picked us up, I wanted to be like ‘fuck you, I took Meadow out and you couldn't stop me.’ It was so fucking childish. But I never got to see you anymore. Then what does karma do?” He takes a shaky breath and runs his hands through his now messy hair. “That's why it always felt wrong to have feelings for you because I took away Wes from you and you from him. All because I was being a selfish fucking prick. If we got together then I felt I was being selfish all over again. Stealing you away from him. I could never take his place because I don’t deserve it. I'm sorry, Meadow.”

  Now I do grab him and pull him into my arms, squeezing him so tight I never want let go. “Dex, it's not your fault. You didn't ask that drunk to hit us.”

  “I think I'm finally getting that now…but it's been so fucking hard not to feel that.” He breathes and wraps me tightly back. “I made sure if I did anything right, it was I did everything I could to live by his last words.”

  “To take care of me?” I pull back a little to look at his face and he nods. I sniff back the tears remembering Dexter curling up beside me in my hospital bed after the accident telling me Wes’ final words. “You've been doing an okay job at that,” I tease. He's been doing better than okay. Dexter has been like my savior, and sometimes my white knight.

  “Thanks,” he scoffs, and I'm glad to be able to make a tiny smile appear on his face, if only for a second.

  “I only wish you trusted me with this. You really think I would have been mad or even hated you?”

  “I don't know. You loved him. I mean I loved the man too. But you two, I think would’ve been forever. You spent weeks and weeks not being able to get out of bed. You wouldn't eat, and I think you must have lost fifteen pounds. You were depressed for a long time, Meadow, and I thought if I told you, I guess I didn't want to ri
sk losing you too.”

  “I get it. I do. You want to know something? When I first fell in love with you, I felt guilty too.”

  His eyes squint curiously. “You did?”

  “Yeah. You don't think I don't wonder what life would have been like if Wes was still here? It creeps in my mind once in a while and it breaks my heart. I can't lie and say I don't miss him because I do. But the thing is, he's not here anymore, and I have worked through it. He's not coming back, and I know Wes would want me happy, and he would want you happy. And most of all he would want us happy. But god damn if there isn't a part of me where it doesn't kill me to know if Wes was here, I could never have a future with you, because I've fallen so damn hard in love with you. Now maybe it wouldn't have happened if he was alive, but god damn does it hurt to know that I couldn't have you now. And if you're holding onto this guilt because you think he or I or anybody will be mad, you need to let it go. Fully.”

  “I'm getting there.”

  “Good.” I brush my fingers through his stubbly beard. “Do you think you can say those words again.”

  “I think I can,” he smirks but doesn't continue.

  I shove his shoulder and he laughs. “Don’t mess with me right now.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He grabs my chin, his lips inches from mine. “I love you, so fucking much, Meadow Jane Lexington.”

  Excitement and pure elation fill my belly. The fear and confusion that was tangled in there from earlier vanishes because there's definitely no denying now the words he is saying are nothing but true.

  He can love me.

  Finally! Damn it!

  “I love you, too. So damn much, Dexter William Greene.” My fingers curl in his hair as his lips touch mine.

  His tongue swirls with mine, and my skin ignites under his touch. I can feel every ounce of his love for me conveyed through this one earth-shattering, desperate, longing kiss. In return, I’m giving back that same fire and desire, the one that's been burning in my belly for God knows how long now.

  He grabs my ass, pulling me closer, his erection stabbing me in the belly. I moan against him, sweet memories of my birthday coming to the forefront, wanting nothing more than to repeat it all again. This time, Dex would be throwing me down to the grass, having his way with me despite all the people inside.

  “Meadow?” He breathes, pulling back from me. A smug grin spreads across his face. “You know, I might have always thought I couldn't have you. But believe it or not, I don't think my dick ever played in on that game.” He pokes his rigid cock into me. I wet my lips, recounting all the fond memories of all the times I drove him crazy. Sometimes as simple as one touch. “He always knew what he wanted with you.”

  “So for the first time, you might have been listening to the wrong head.”

  “I think so.”

  “Wow.” I giggle, now realizing how ridiculous, yet accurate, the conversation is. “I don't think that was something I ever thought I would ever say.”

  He leans back into me and wraps a strand of my hair around his finger. “I'm definitely going to listen to him now. Because all I want to do is take this dress off you and ravish the fuck out of you.”

  Our lips are millimeters apart from each other when there's an unsynchronized clearing of a couple of throats. I break away from Dex, but he keeps me close to him. Pressing his erection into me. I'm sure for our mothers not to get a lookie.

  “Did you two happen to forget where you are?” Joy asks, her eyes darting between us.

  “We might have been caught up in the moment,” Dexter says smugly, looking down at me.

  “As much as we are thankful you two love birds have finally gotten through your stubborn heads that you love each other, there have been some requests for an encore.”

  “Actually, do you think we could head out?” Dex smirks, his eyes dance mischievously. My cheeks heat instantly thinking of the dirty things I want to do to him.

  Both our mothers raise their eyebrows and cross their arms. Obviously, they spent too much time over the years punishing us together. “No. Definitely not to do that. You're still our kids. Get back inside,” Joy says, pointing back towards the ballroom. My mom nods in agreement.

  “We weren't going to do that,” Dex quickly defends. “You have such a dirty mind, Mother. We have to move her stuff back into the house. She ran away to Mel's, remember?”

  “Uh-huh,” my mother retorts sarcastically, “Well, you can do that after the party. It's only a few clothes, not her entire life. Nice try though.”

  “Isn't this what you guys wanted? Why are you breaking this up again?” Dex grabs my hand, pulling me towards the hall. On the outside, I'm laughing, but on the inside, I'm pouting and stomping my feet just as hard as Dexter right now.

  “Because we live to make your life complicated. Another song and then pictures, and then some dancing. Then you can go. Teach you not to be so stubborn, mister,” Joy heckles behind us, and I wouldn't expect any less from them.

  When Dex and I pass through the double doors, he swings me into his arms bridal style. I squeal so loud in the process, it echoes out into the hall, calling everyone's attention.

  “I got her!” Dex shouts out, and everyone cheers, while my face reddens in embarrassment.

  “About damn time,” Steve and Uncle Frank yell together through the applause and then high five each other. Waves of laughter circle through the cheering crowd.

  “Can you put me down now?” I giggle nervously and rest my head to his.

  “What? You don't like all the attention? All the eyes on you?” he teases, and I know this has to do with me walking out on him in the middle of his song.

  “Actually, I do.” I grab his face and press my lips to his, to finish what we started outside. The cheers turn to hoots, but our kiss is quickly broken up by our mothers…again.

  After a few more rounds of karaoke, where at one-point Frank and Martha do a powerful, moving rendition of “I’ve Had the Time of My Life,” everyone moves to the dance floor.

  I fling my arms around Dexter's shoulders and we sway to the music. This party turned out well from the decorations to food to the music. Seeing the happy faces and the beauty of the party is the number one reason I love my job. It makes all the painstaking planning worth it in the end.

  Well, except all the shit with Kayleigh in the past. Which reminds me that I haven’t told Dexter my news.

  “I think I may owe you for the whole Kayleigh thing,” I blurt out and his eyes squint looking at me funny.

  "Why?"

  "Because I think it finally gave me the strength and the courage to stand up to her. She ended up confessing to me that she had been trying to fuck me over, and Mr. Hanson overheard it all. Well, let’s say in the next however many years, when he retires, he's going to hand over the company to me if I want it.”

  “Meadow, that's amazing. I'm so proud of you.” He places a light kiss on my lips.

  “Thank you. It's crazy. It was the last thing I ever expected. It’s still years away and I still have things to learn, but I'm getting a pay raise too.”

  “Is Kayleigh going to be there still or is she gone now?”

  “She’s going to be taking some time off, and as long as she has her act together when she comes back, she’ll stay. Hopefully, she won't be so bad the second time around, and you and her stay away from each other.” I smirk.

  “I think I have learned my lesson.” He grabs my chin and captures my lips with his. Our tongues dance together as our feet stop.

  “You know, I don't think we thought this all the way through,” Mel's voice chimes in beside me, but I ignore her and continue losing myself in my man.

  “What's that?” Julian perks up.

  “We will have to continuously watch them do that now, instead of making googly eyes at each other and daydreaming.” Dex breaks away from me and shoots Mel a glare, which only makes her laugh. “Don't glare at me, pretty boy. I'm saying we're happy for you. It’s going to tak
e a while to get used to the change of scenery.”

  “Honestly, they look the same to me.” Julian chuckles and then spins her around on the dance floor.

  “Are you two done now?” Dex asks them, pinching his nose.

  “For now.” Mel winks before dragging Julian away.

  Sometimes I can't with her.

  Dex pulls me tighter into his chest and his fingers run down my bareback. “Maybe we should sneak away to some closet or something. Spare everyone's eyes.” His eyebrows wiggle and his brown eyes gleam wickedly.

  “As exciting as that all sounds. We are not doing it for the second time, well the first time you remember—sober—in some coat closet. I do deserve better than that.”

  He chuckles. “You’re right, you do.” He brushes the back of his hand down my cheek. “When we get home, I promise it's going to be perfect.”

  Home? Home is still hours away. No, that's not going to work.

  I grab his tie, saying fuck it. I need him now. We can have perfect later. “But I wouldn't mind breaking in the backseat of your truck.”

  “Oh, thank god.”

  Dexter

  “We need to be quick before anybody spots us leaving,” I tell her as I check our surroundings. For now, it appears no one is paying us any attention and our bloodhound mothers are off on the other side of the ballroom.

  I take her hand and pull her through the crowd to the doors. She's laughing carefree as she stumbles on her heels a bit to keep up with me. We make it safely out the doors without alerting any of the parental units or our crazy friends.

  Once to my truck, I push her up against the doors and devour her lips, doing everything in my power not to rip the dress from her body. I don't think I have ever wanted someone so much in my entire life as I want Meadow right now. Her tiny little whimpers against my lips are driving me insane.

  “I love you, Meadow. And I'm sorry it took so long ...because god damn…” I grind myself into her, moving my mouth to the side of her neck.