Bully

by Gonzalez, J. F.

  “Jerry?” Danny whispered. He couldn’t take his eyes off what was happening.

  Raul’s t-shirt had split down the side. His jeans had slid down his waist, and his pale buttocks quivered as he fought to throw Jerry off him. The blood from his broken nose and the cuts along his scalp from being hit over the head with the skateboard flowed freely. There was more blood along his arms, staining his shirt and legs. Jerry pinned himself over Raul, holding his face down in the water with his hand, his fingers gripping the younger boy’s hair. There was a second burst of furious thrashing as Raul struggled violently to free himself and then he suddenly stopped. Jerry remained on Raul, holding his head in the water, his face totally submerged. Jerry’s right knee was pressed firmly into the small of Raul’s back. His other one was in the muddy water Raul was drowning in.

  A flurry of tiny air bubbles broke the surface of the puddle and then stopped.

  Silence.

  The only sound Danny could hear was his own harsh breathing.

  Jerry struggled to catch his breath, still pinning Raul to the bottom of the swimming pool, keeping his face submerged in the water.

  Raul was still.

  Danny didn’t know how long they remained that way, him standing near the deep end of the pool watching while Jerry held Raul’s face under the water.

  He realized it had really happened—Raul was fucking dead—when Jerry rose slowly to his feet and Raul’s still body remained face down in the shallow, muddy water.

  Jerry looked at Raul for a moment, his features dazed, shocked. When he turned to Danny it was with the uncomprehending look of an accident victim. “I...I didn’t mean to do it. He...he wasn’t...well, shit you heard what he said!”

  Danny felt like he was going to faint. “Jesus, what are we gonna do?” He wanted to flee but his feet were rooted to the spot.

  Jerry grabbed Danny’s shoulders. “Listen,” he said, looking into Danny’s face intently. He took a deep breath, getting control of himself. “This...this wasn’t our fault, okay? You know what Raul was going to do. You saw him kill Bobby...you know what he was capable of, right?”

  Danny started crying. He was so scared he couldn’t help himself. He nodded. “What are we gonna do?”

  “We’re gonna get out of here, but first I want you to realize that this wasn’t our fault,” Jerry said. He was talking to Danny the way an older brother will talk to a younger one; with authority, brotherly love, and guidance. “If Raul hadn’t...if he hadn’t done what he did today, if he hadn’t done that and if he would have just reasoned with us, this wouldn’t have happened. I mean...what choice did we have?”

  Danny couldn’t tear his eyes away from Raul’s prone body lying face down in the puddle of water. “Oh my God!”

  “Do you understand me?” Jerry’s voice was more forceful now.

  Danny looked at Jerry. “Yeah.”

  Jerry nodded, his face grim. “Let’s go.”

  Danny didn’t know how they made it home, but somehow they did. They snuck back through the ivy-lined fence, checking to make sure the coast was clear. It was, so they made their escape and were in Jerry’s VW bus, quickly closing the doors and sealing themselves off from the violence they’d left behind. Danny took a quick look around the neighborhood and noticed nothing had changed—nobody had been attracted by the brief flurry of activity in the backyard (surely somebody heard us yelling, he thought at one point briefly). Jerry started the vehicle and pulled away from the curb. Danny thought Jerry would drive fast down the street in a mad race to put as much distance between them and what they’d done, but Jerry played it cool. By all accounts, it was a normal summer day. Traffic was a little heavier now as people drove home from work; there was a nice ocean breeze that offset the heat of late August; at one point Danny heard a car radio blasting a song by Kansas—“Carry On Wayward Son”, maybe? Jerry cruised down the street, and when they reached Prairie Avenue his hands began to shake on the steering wheel.

  He pulled over near the Del Amo Shopping Mall and steered into a parking spot. Danny was frightened; he thought Jerry was going to have a nervous breakdown. Jerry put the bus into Park and leaned over the steering wheel, crying. Danny looked around, expecting to see cops swoop in on them any minute, but all was normal. “Hey,” he said softly. He was afraid to touch Jerry and he felt like a dummy just sitting there.

  And he felt empty for not feeling anything.

  Because despite being a part in Raul Valesquez’s murder, he didn’t feel sorry for what he’d done. He didn’t feel sick, he didn’t feel guilty, didn’t feel sad.

  What he felt was a sudden sense of relief.

  And it was only when he realized how relieved he was that Raul would never pose a threat to him again, that he could sleep better now knowing Raul would never carry out his threats and murder his family, Danny started to cry, too.

  Jerry stopped crying and wiped his eyes. “You’re not freaking out on me, are you?”

  Danny shook his head, trying to control himself. “Nah, man. I’m just...”

  “You’re relieved, aren’t you?” Jerry asked, sniffing back tears. “You’re relieved because it’s over. Aren’t you?”

  Danny nodded, the sense of finality settling in. “Yeah. It’s over.”

  “WE WERE IN shock,” Danny said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he brought the narrative to a close. He’d just retrieved more beers for them as they sat in his living room reliving the story. Tom Jensen had listened in rapt silence. “I didn’t realize that till years later, when I recognized the symptoms I was having, that I was in shock.”

  Jerry nodded. He’d downed three beers during the narrative and Danny found himself hoping this wasn’t going to send Jerry back into drinking again. “I drove us back to the neighborhood, and on the way home we agreed that we weren’t involved. We...absolved ourselves in everything that happened that afternoon. We didn’t commit a murder; we’d acted in self-defense to protect ourselves and our families. And who knows how many others.”

  “I kept reminding him about those two little kids,” Danny said. “And that family that Raul killed, that he confessed to Bobby and I. And the fact that the cops were looking in all the wrong places, and that whenever Raul was picked up for something he was always mysteriously let back in that house. We didn’t know the full extent of what was going on back then, but we saw the pattern. Every time Raul did something that was bad, that most kids would have been sent to reform school for, Raul was let off the hook. So we knew if we went to the police they wouldn’t have believed us, so we never told them that Raul killed Bobby. And the nights Raul snuck over to my house and what Jerry later told me happened to him, when Raul snuck to his house...well, shit, that just sort of...intimidated us. You know what I mean?”

  Tom Jensen nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  “I knew Raul was going to do it,” Jerry said, shaking his head. “There’s no doubt in my mind that if we hadn’t done anything, that little psycho would have broken into my house one night and slaughtered my entire family.”

  “Same here,” Danny said, looking at Tom Jensen. “And...we were too afraid to go to the police. We knew they wouldn’t do anything, that at the most Raul would be sent away for a few months and then he’d come back.”

  “So we both agreed that we had nothing to do with what happened to him,” Jerry said. He took a deep swig of beer and sighed. During the narrative he’d become teary-eyed and now his eyes were watery. “We both came up with a basic alibi: I took Danny for a ride that afternoon and we went driving around, talking about Bobby. That’s what we told the cops who came around to question all the kids in the neighborhood in the days after Raul’s body was found. They believed us.”

  “And when you heard Doug Archer was arrested for the murder?” Tom Jensen asked.

  “We didn’t say anything,” Jerry said. He traded a glance with Danny. “We both agreed that if anybody was arrested, we were going to keep our mouths shut. And if we we
re ever questioned more thoroughly, we would just stick to our story. Nobody saw Raul get into my bus anyway. I threw away that roll of duct tape in a trash bin on our way home that afternoon. Danny’s skateboard had a little bit of blood on it, so when we got to my house I washed it off with the hose in the backyard. I set him up with a new deck later that week. His mom never noticed.” He suppressed a grin. “Danny was getting a new skateboard every six months anyway.”

  “I was due for a new one about that time,” Danny said.

  Jerry continued. “And as the days went by, and the more we heard about nobody having seen anything that happened that day, the more I realized nobody would ever find out.”

  “So you said nothing even after Doug Archer went on trial and was finally convicted in murdering Raul?” Tom Jensen asked.

  Danny Hernandez and Jerry Valdez said nothing. Danny looked away from Tom; of all the things that happened in the aftermath of that horrible afternoon, staying silent while an innocent man was convicted of Raul’s murder was the only thing Danny regretted.

  Jerry broke the silence. “I know that sounds pretty shitty, but...” His voice trailed off and the silence once again weighed heavily on them. The guilt returned as Danny thought about what happened to Doug Archer...an innocent man who went through hell, all because Jerry and Danny kept silent.

  Danny wondered if Douglas Archer could be considered Raul Valesquez’s last victim. He also realized how much their actions that fateful day in August of 1977 had a profound affect on their lives; problems with drugs and alcohol, lack of self-esteem; relationship problems. No wonder he and Jerry became so fucked up as adults. They’d been subconsciously carrying this guilt around with them for over twenty-five years.

  Jerry sighed audibly. “So what’s the deal, then? Are we under arrest?”

  Tom looked at Jerry, then at Danny. “Do you think that’s why I came here? Do you think that’s why I pressured you to talk to me?”

  Danny didn’t know what to say, and a quick glance at Jerry told him that his old friend was clueless, too. Danny shook his head. “I don’t know what to think,” he said. “All I can say is...I’m sorry for what happened to Doug Archer. I never wanted anybody to be blamed for what we did. We were hoping Raul’s murder would go unsolved.”

  Tom regarded them calmly, his features bearing a look of reflection. “Don’t blame yourself for what happened to Doug Archer. Chief Manning, Father Clavell, and James Whitsett and the others are responsible for his death, not you two. The blame in that lies squarely with a corrupt police force that has been gone from the ranks for over ten years. If they’d put some real investigative effort into Raul’s murder, it may very well have gone unsolved. What they were looking for was a scapegoat, somebody to pin the blame to so they could cover their own activities. Doug just happened to be the guy they focused on. If Doug hadn’t been the unlucky one, they would have fixed on somebody else, probably another customer of Eva’s or a visitor to the Valesquez house.”

  Danny looked at Tom Jensen. He felt exhausted, drained. The only thing he could think of now was the possibility of the new life he was hoping to rebuild with Karen and his children slipping away. “So what happens now?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” Jerry asked. He drained his beer and set the empty bottle on the floor. “We told you everything. Do you believe us now?”

  Tom nodded slowly. “Yeah, I do. This answers a lot of questions.”

  “What are you going to do?” Danny asked.

  Tom Jensen paused for a moment and Danny felt a brief flurry of dread. He couldn’t look at Jerry, couldn’t bear to face the thought of losing his family and having Jerry lose his. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst. “You think you can drive Jerry home?” Tom asked.

  The question threw Danny off. “Yeah. Why?”

  Tom stood up. “Because it’s late and I’ve got to get home. And I think the two of you need to talk.”

  Jerry looked up at Tom, confused. “You’re leaving?”

  “I meant what I said earlier,” Tom said as he made his way to the front door. “This stays between the three of us.”

  Danny felt his hope rise. “You serious?”

  “It’s something I know I shouldn’t do.” Tom paused at the door. “I’ll admit I’d be in big trouble for not placing you both under arrest for murder. Raul’s murder is officially closed and Hank still doesn’t feel good about that. But like I said, I can convince him otherwise. You gave me reason to do so tonight by telling me the truth.”

  Danny couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Part of him wanted to embrace his old friend in a hug and weep tears of gratitude. He felt excited, the weight of dread that he’d felt earlier was being lifted from his shoulders. “You don’t know how much this means to me,” he said, his voice cracking.

  “We’re not out of the woods yet,” Tom said softly, looking back at them. “I still have to convince Hank. I know I can do that but...well, you never know.”

  Jerry stood up with Danny and the two of them now walked Tom to the front door of the apartment. Jerry looked hopeful. “I don’t know what I could do to repay you but...”

  “You’ve already repaid me,” Tom Jensen said.

  Danny and Jerry paused and looked at each other, confused. “What do you mean?” Danny asked.

  Tom Jensen remained at the door, hand gripping the knob. “I didn’t want to be responsible for fucking up the rest of your lives,” he said in a low tone. “You two have been through enough shit. What’s done is done, it’s over, and I’m going to do my best to keep it dead and buried. You guys have suffered long enough. I wouldn’t have felt right bringing you up on murder charges. You guys did what you had to do, and I agree that if you hadn’t done it, Raul would have killed a lot more people.”

  Danny couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was Tom Jensen actually exonerating him from blame?

  “Just do me one favor,” Tom Jensen said.

  “Anything,” Jerry said quickly.

  “Remember what I said earlier this evening.” Tom stepped forward, his voice lowered. “This stays between the three of us. We didn’t have this conversation.” He cocked an eyebrow at them. “Okay?”

  Danny nodded. “Yeah.” Jerry murmured a muffled “Yes”.

  “One other thing.” Tom turned the doorknob. “Do right by your loved ones. They’re all you have.”

  At first Danny didn’t know what Tom Jensen meant by this but then it hit him; the last few weeks of his newly found bliss with Karen, seeing his children every day now. Jerry and his family unit, his desire to be a good father to his daughter, and a good husband to his wife after numerous failed relationships and marriages. Danny nodded, feeling his knees go rubbery. “Thanks,” he said. He reached out and shook Tom’s hand. “You don’t know how much this means to me,” he said.

  Tom shook Danny’s hand, then Jerry’s. Jerry looked as if he’d just won the lottery. He was actually beaming, his whole demeanor had an inner glow. “Thanks, man.”

  Tom smiled and turned to Danny. “Hang out here for a bit before you drive Jerry home. I don’t want you getting pulled over.”

  “Will do,” Danny said.

  Tom nodded once more, then he left the apartment.

  Danny and Jerry remained where they were for a moment, each lost in his own thoughts. Finally, Danny sighed and turned to Jerry. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” For the first time since this mess started, Jerry Valdez looked happy.

  “You still moving to Baja?”

  “You better believe it. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to do even if this shit hadn’t happened. I’ve been wanting to live down there and just be a beach bum with my family for a long time.”

  Danny smiled. “That’s good.”

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “How’re you and Karen doing?”

  “Great!”

  “Think you guys might get back together?”

  An
d Danny, thinking about the incredible feelings he had for Karen, and the strong love he had for her and the kids, smiled back at Jerry. “Yeah. I think so. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  Jerry smiled back at Danny. He looked genuinely happy for Danny.

  And Danny felt happy for Jerry, too.

  Epilogue

  THE ONLY THING on Tom Jensen’s mind as he exited the station after a long day’s work and headed toward his car in the parking lot was sitting down with an ice cold beer, plopping his feet up on the coffee table, and turning on the game.

  The day had gone well; the meeting this afternoon even better. The re-organization of the Gardena PD brass had done wonders for his career. With Getz gone and facing criminal charges, Jensen’s work had come to the attention of the Police Commission. Likewise, competing law enforcement agencies began courting Tom, hoping to get him to work in their jurisdiction. Tom politely turned down all offers with other police departments, accepting the recently vacated position of head of Homicide Division within the department, replacing Gary Little.

  Dealing with Gary’s and Franklin’s deaths had been hard on him. Not a day went by when he didn’t think about them. He still kept in touch with Evelyn Navarro, Franklin’s ex-wife, who was mother to Franklin’s son, Joshua. He was seeing a therapist now, and talking about his feelings, his guilt over what happened to Franklin, was helping. He felt that if he hadn’t gone down this road on the investigation, Franklin would still be alive. So would Gary, for that matter.

  When he brought this up in therapy, the therapist challenged him. “If you had a chance to tell Franklin and Gary this right now, what do you think they would say?”

  Tom had leaned back in the comfortable chair he was reclining in during that session. He couldn’t help but grin. “They would have told me I was full of shit,” he said, the dawning realization of what Dr. Kelly was trying to get him to see coming full force. “They wouldn’t have wanted me to think this way. They would have seen that even if...even if I hadn’t taken this path, one of them probably would have.”