Her Not-So-Secret Diary

by Anne Oliver

  ‘The pool outside the bedroom, for starters. I can sleep, swim, then breakfast in one fluid sequence.’

  ‘It’s a very dangerous idea with young children around,’ she pointed out.

  He turned to her, his eyes probing hers before saying, ‘I don’t have any children.’

  Not yet. ‘What about Arabella? When she comes to visit? In a year she’ll probably be walking and getting up to no end of mischief.’

  He frowned, tapping his spoon pensively against his bowl. ‘Good point. I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you.’

  ‘Other than that, though, the pool’s a splendid idea.’

  ‘Any other thoughts on the place?’

  ‘I like that it’s so light and airy you feel as if you’re outdoors. And the open-air kitchen that’s not really a kitchen but more of an island.’

  ‘Speaking of feeling as if you’re outdoors…’ he reached for her bowl, set it on the coffee table with his ‘…there’s an architectural wonder in the master bedroom I haven’t shown you yet.’

  And a wonder it was indeed.

  Long after Jared had fallen asleep, Sophie was still staring up at the field of stars visible through the massive circular window. With a flick of a switch it could be cleverly concealed by a ceiling panel in the form of a rosette. Amongst the snowy pillows it was like lying on top of a cloud and watching the night drift past. Like magic.

  And hadn’t these last few days been magic? she thought on a sigh. One magic moment after another with the man of her dreams. Literally.

  The man she’d fallen in love with.

  Yes. She’d fallen in love with Jared, and perhaps it was the most magic thing of all that she could allow herself that luxury.

  But magic wasn’t real; it was an illusion and it didn’t last. And Sophie knew, with a heart that was already breaking apart, that very soon the magic would end.

  ‘I’ve got another job for you, if you’d like it,’ Jared told Sophie late the next afternoon. They’d arrived back at the office after lunch and were going over some work that had accumulated in their absence. Pam would be back on board on Monday and Jared knew Sophie could do with the extra money.

  She looked up from the folder she was studying. ‘What kind of work?’

  ‘I promised Melissa an eighteenth birthday party. I’ve been too busy to make a time with her to organise it. If you could meet with her, make and oversee the arrangements, I’ll continue paying you what you’re making now until the night of the party. You probably have more idea what she wants than I do anyway.’

  Her expression brightened, but then a little frown creased her brow. ‘When were you planning it for? I’m leaving in a couple of weeks, remember.’

  He remembered. And the knowledge was like a grass seed in his sock. A minor but constant niggle. If he’d been a less focused man he might have said to hell with the paperwork and spent what was left of the afternoon in Sophie’s bed. He really was in danger of turning into an indulgent and irresponsible idiot.

  He reached for a business card, jotted Melissa’s contact details on the back. ‘It’ll fit in well, then. It’s two weekends from now.’

  ‘Two weeks on my current pay? To organise a party? That’s…generous…thank you.’

  ‘You’re helping me out, so thank you.’ He slid the card across the desk. ‘I’ll leave it to you to contact Melissa. I’ve already set up a credit card. It’ll be available Monday, spend whatever you need.’

  ‘Okay… It sounds like fun.’ She shifted forward on her chair. ‘I’ll just sort these and make sure everything’s ready for your efficient PA’s return before I leave.’

  ‘She’ll appreciate it.’ All business, he noted as Sophie stood, shuffled the folders on his desk into a neat little pile. He and Sophie worked well as a team. Understood each other. Respected each other. They could be professional when required.

  And he could have her naked on his desk in five seconds flat.

  His imagination slammed into overdrive and its very lack of that professionalism was its own appeal. His body tightened. Blood thickened and throbbed in his groin. It was five-thirty on a Friday afternoon. Those employees who hadn’t yet left for their weekend were drinking up a storm in the staff lounge—he could hear the laughter and clink of glass, the muted hum of a middle-of-the-road CD.

  No one was going to come looking for workaholic Jared.

  He stood too, stepped around to the side of his desk. Lock the door, close the blinds. For once, do what no one expects of Jared Sanderson. ‘Sophie…’ He could barely recognise his own husky voice. But he heard the possessive tone and the promise…

  And he saw barely veiled humour flit across her expression as she backed up and crossed the room in record time. ‘In your dreams, Mr Sanderson.’ She poked her head around the door a few seconds later with a seductive sparkle in her eyes. ‘My place, thirty minutes. Don’t keep me waiting.’

  He grinned, warnings to self about the dangers of indulgence and irresponsibility where Sophie was concerned already forgotten. ‘I’ll be there with wine.’

  Still grinning, he returned to his chair. His lover and his PA rolled into one generous, intelligent, talented package. He’d never have thought of his PA in that way. Then again, he’d never had a PA quite like Sophie. And it worked. With Sophie it worked.

  They’d come into the office this afternoon as professionals, as equals. They’d been able to put aside the fact that they’d spent the past couple of nights bonking each other senseless. Difficult. Very difficult.

  Shaking his head, he forced his attention back to work. What the hell, he decided, slapping his folder shut. He deserved an early finish.

  The weekend flew by as quickly as their stay in Noosa had. Except that for the first time in as long as he could remember, Jared allowed no interruptions from the office to impinge on their time together. No emails, no text messages, no phone calls.

  They walked touristy shopping malls and drank coffee, wandered the beach and watched surfers ride waves, took a leisurely drive and a picnic basket into the Hinterland where the air was cool and green.

  He showed her some of the developments he’d overseen up and down the Gold Coast. The new apartment block in Broad Beach that he intended renovating and living in someday. He took her home to his place where she and Lissa got along as if they were best friends rather than recent acquaintances.

  But he didn’t stay the nights with her. In the early hours he left her warm comfort and went home. He knew his sister wasn’t fooled, but it wasn’t so much about Melissa as about himself. This way it was easier to remember that this…whatever it was that he had with Sophie wasn’t serious. It was temporary. A fling with a rapidly approaching use-by date.

  Just a fling, Sophie reminded herself as she woke up alone at seven a.m. She hadn’t asked him to stay the night when he’d rolled out of bed and gone home around two a.m. for the last three mornings. Because it was just a fling. She touched a fingertip to the dent in the pillow where he’d lain. No point in getting used to waking up beside him. Cocooned in their shared musky warmth. Seeing his eyes darken with desire when he turned his head on the pillow and saw her watching.

  Shaking it away, she dragged herself out of bed and pointed herself in the direction of the bathroom. She focused her thoughts on this morning. No doubt he was already at work and she was meeting Melissa and Enzo at Enzo’s restaurant to plan Melissa’s birthday.

  Enzo was waiting when she arrived. At this hour, the restaurant was closed to the public, but they sat at a table where a couple of floor-to-ceiling windows were thrown open to the salty sting of beach air. Early sunshine spilled onto the table and the aroma of croissants and coffee stirred her appetite.

  While they waited for Melissa, Enzo poured coffee. ‘So you’re planning Melissa’s party?’

  ‘Yes.’ She took a sip of the strong black brew. ‘I know Jared would’ve preferred some fancy-schmancy event planner but Pam’s back this week so Jared asked me if I’d like the j
ob. Very kind of him since he knows I could do with the extra money. I’m going overseas.’ She mentally frowned at the distinct lack of enthusiasm she heard in her last words. Of course she wanted to go overseas. She did.

  Enzo nodded. ‘Jared is a very kind man.’

  ‘You’ve known him a long time?’

  ‘He worked for Rico and Luigi a long time ago in the fish shop. I was fourteen at the time. Jared wanted to show he could support his sisters, bring in some money and study all at once.’

  ‘That sounds like Jared. Who’s Luigi? Another brother?’

  Enzo shook his head. ‘Rico loved him like a brother but he was, in fact, Rico’s business partner. But Luigi was an evil man. My brother trusted Luigi but he fiddled the books, then absconded with all their money. Bankrupted Rico, put my restaurant into financial difficulties while I was trying to bail my brother out.’

  She shook her head. ‘That’s horrible.’

  ‘Jared came to our rescue. He was a rich man by then. Set Rico up in new premises. Gave us both financial backing. We owe him a great debt.’

  ‘He’s a pretty special guy.’

  ‘He likes you. I can tell. Did you say you were going overseas?’

  ‘Very soon.’

  ‘Maybe you should reconsider. You don’t want to let a good man like that get away.’

  She felt a twitch of irritation between her shoulder blades but Enzo was a typical family-oriented Italian and she needed to remember that for Jared, too, family was everything. She pasted on a smile. ‘I’m not trying to catch a guy, Enzo.’

  His brows shot up. ‘No? What about babies? A little Jared? Or a little Soph—’

  ‘No.’ She cut him off. The images he was conjuring jabbed at her heart. ‘I’m—ah, Melissa’s arrived.’

  Enzo turned. ‘Good morning, Melissa.’

  ‘Good morning.’ Melissa exchanged a quick sisterly kiss with Enzo then sat, smoothing her flyaway red hair behind her ears. ‘I’m late. Sorry.’ She beamed at Sophie. ‘This is so exciting getting you to help me organise things. Perhaps we should let Enzo carry on with his own work while we come up with a few ideas first?’

  ‘Good idea.’

  ‘I’ll let you two get on with it.’ He poured Melissa a coffee. ‘Give me a call when you’re ready.’

  ‘Mmm, smells heavenly. Thanks, Enzo. I have a few suggestions…’ Melissa pulled out a notebook.

  Sophie switched on her laptop. ‘That’s a good start.’ She could see a variety of quick and clever sketches as Melissa flipped through for the page she was looking for.

  ‘Got it,’ Melissa said finally, and reached into her bag for a pen. ‘Ready.’

  ‘Okay.’ Sophie’s fingers hovered over the keyboard. ‘What kind of party were you thinking of?’

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  THE rest of the week passed in a flash for Sophie. She and Melissa had come up with plenty of ideas for Sophie to chase up, and, being virtually last minute, the invitations had to be printed and sent pronto. She wondered why Jared had left it so late—if it had been an idea he’d had on the spur of the moment or whether he’d been too busy and forgotten.

  The evenings were spent together in her apartment, but sometimes if he finished work early they went out for dinner or caught a movie. He surprised her one night at a club where she discovered he was a pretty cool dancer.

  One thing didn’t change. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Sometimes it was in a rush of heat and energy, at other times the mood was slow and lazy. Always both familiar and sparkling new. Always exciting.

  She let her fun, flirtatious side fly and kept her darker emotions firmly bolted down. There’d be a time when she’d have to take them out and confront them, and that time loomed like a storm on the horizon.

  The phone rang late on Saturday afternoon. According to Jared, Crystal and Ian were taking a well-deserved break and were having dinner out, Jared’s treat. He was babysitting Arabella for a few hours and would see Sophie around eleven p.m.

  Sophie was relieved that he hadn’t asked her to join him at Crystal’s place. She didn’t want the ordeal of seeing baby Arabella again. Last night she and Jared had been to a concert in Brisbane and hadn’t arrived home till after midnight. She’d spent the day sorting through stuff and packing and they had no definite plans for this evening.

  So when the buzzer sounded around seven while Sophie was ironing, she was unprepared for the sight of Jared and baby Arabella at her front door.

  He smiled at Sophie, and with Arabella tucked up against him, her tiny face over his heart, Sophie’s own heart felt as if it were being squeezed in a vice. That was Sophie’s favourite place too.

  Stupid to be jealous of a baby. To be jealous of Jared because it was all so easy for him, so natural, so inevitable that he’d probably have his own baby in a few years and she’d never have the chance. Stupid to be so jealous she wanted to lash out at him for her own inadequacies. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  She bit her lip. She was not going to cry. Not in front of Jared. Never in front of Jared. He held a baby capsule in his free hand. Sophie did not offer to help. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘I couldn’t get her to settle,’ was his excuse. ‘I thought a drive might help.’

  Arabella’s eyes were closed, the eyelids so fragile they were almost transparent. Sophie wanted to reach out and touch the silky, sweet-smelling skin. To snatch her away and cuddle her against her own breast. Over her own heart. ‘She looks just fine to me.’

  Looking away, Sophie walked back to her ironing task, leaving Jared to put the capsule down so that he could close the door.

  ‘She is. Now,’ he said, bringing baby and carrier to the sofa. ‘The car’s motion put her to sleep.’

  ‘Great.’ She smoothed a blouse over the ironing board. ‘So what’s the problem?’

  ‘But she woke the moment I stopped,’ he went on. ‘So I’ve been walking up and down your street for the past fifteen minutes. She’s just dropped off again but I’ve got a sneaky feeling she’s going to wake up the moment I put her in her capsule and I only have one bottle of milk left.’

  ‘Then don’t.’ Please don’t. She didn’t want to have to notice her. A newborn’s cry set off emotions she didn’t want to deal with. Especially not with Jared watching on.

  ‘I have to, Sophie, so I can get her stuff out of the car. Unless you want to hold her?’

  She picked up the iron, swiped it over the garment in front of her. ‘Try putting her in her capsule first.’

  ‘Didn’t think so,’ he murmured, almost to himself. He peeled Arabella off him with the greatest care and laid her in her carrier. She snuffled but didn’t wake. ‘I’ll get her gear. Be back in a jiff.’ Then he was gone.

  And in the perverse way of things, Arabella woke at that moment with a snorting noise that quickly turned to hiccuping sobs and finally one piercing wail.

  Sophie told herself the baby was perfectly safe, that the sound was normal baby noise. That Jared would be back any moment. She closed her eyes as another howl rent the air and tried to resist but…oh, it was like…telling your heart to stop beating.

  When Sophie turned, the little face was scrunched up and red, her tiny fists were waving in the air. And, oh… It seemed…it seemed Sophie’s legs had a will of their own.

  She knelt beside the sofa, reached out a finger. Her heart thumped fast against her ribs. Everything inside her yearned. Just one touch… One touch of that petal skin… So smooth, so silky.

  The moment Sophie stroked a finger down the infant’s cheek, all noise ceased instantly and Arabella stared at her with barely focused eyes. For a beat out of time Sophie froze. Then she caressed her again. Leaned closer to smell that baby scent of powder and milk, to curve her palm over the soft fuzzy scalp.

  And forgot she didn’t go near babies.

  ‘Hush little baby, don’t you cry…’ She sang the lyrics so quietly she barely heard herself. But Arabella heard. And she seemed entranced
, her tiny mouth open, her eyes…Sophie swore they knew her.

  No. She bit her lip to stop the tears. Why was fate so cruel? To give her such a gift and at the same time to take her ability to have babies away? It wasn’t fair.

  Yet she was still a woman, she reminded herself. Jared had shown her that. For the first time in five years he’d made her feel like a woman, feminine and desired and cherished.

  But as she gazed down at the infant, the doubt demons perched on her shoulder. Would he still feel the same way if he knew? To be rejected again, to see the man she’d fallen in love with look at her as less…she didn’t think she’d ever get over it.

  Jared came to a halt inside the doorway. Sophie was leaning towards the baby capsule, her hand fisted against her mouth and a moment’s alarm slid through him. ‘Sophie?’

  She whirled to him, eyes wide and panicked before she blanked the emotion and said, ‘She seems to be settled now.’

  He hadn’t seen her touch the infant but he could’ve sworn he’d witnessed…something.

  And in that blinding moment of clarity he’d seen his future flash before him.

  A future that included Sophie. A home. And kids.

  Home and kids? He wasn’t near ready for any of that and shook his head to clear it. ‘Sophie, wh—’

  ‘I’m sorry to run out on you.’ She glanced at her watch, then yanked the iron’s cord from the wall socket and picked up a little black blouse from the ironing board. ‘But I wasn’t expecting you yet. I’m meeting friends for a drink this evening since you weren’t coming by till eleven. Feel free to stay here for a while though…’

  As long as you and the baby are gone when I get back. He read those words in her expression as clear as glass, in the lack of eye contact, her jerky movements. ‘You didn’t say you were going out.’

  ‘I’m not meeting a guy, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

  ‘No,’ he said carefully, ‘that’s not what I’m thinking.’

  She held the blouse up and inspected it. ‘I wasn’t aware we had to account to each other for every moment of our time.’