He didn’t want to be a woman—if that was even what that meant—he just wanted to be… pretty.
He reminded himself sternly that no one he knew would ever see his profile. Anyone who saw it wouldn’t know it was him. He set to work.
Two hours later, he was done. He had written four complete sentences, selected two or three items from a list, entered his height and weight with only a little fudging, and uploaded a profile picture. He was worn out.
Just thinking up a profile picture and making it not look shitty was agonizing. He certainly couldn’t show his face. And it seemed like everyone showing their torso had at least a six-pack. His body just looked like he’d been drinking six packs. But he didn’t want some stupid picture of a cat or an island, either.
He’d finally remembered a pair of pink, fuzzy handcuffs leftover from a friend’s birthday party. They’d been a gag gift, but when the party was over and they were laying on the floor, he’d picked them up to return... and never quite given them back.
He’d thought about them a few times, but never quite got anywhere with them. And now there was a picture of one of his big, meaty hands handcuffed to his bedpost on the internet. Fuck, he hoped he was doing this right.
But as hard as it had been to think of a profile picture and then spend forever adjusting the lighting, those four sentences had been harder. He felt like he needed to be honest. Not just about what he wanted, which was difficult enough, but about what someone would see when they met him.
Getting no replies would be disappointing, but meeting up with someone who would take one look and turn around would be devastating.
And then he had to make it not sound too depressing and be a little bit funny. God, if he’d spent that much time on his essays in high school, he might not have needed so much of Julio’s tutoring.
That thought led him right back to Julio. Julio who had a new, cute guy on his arm every week. Julio who was everything he’d ever wanted—but who had made it clear with his backhanded remarks on enough occasions that he wouldn’t want anyone like Taylor. Julio, who he would not, could not, be hopelessly in love with.
Yep. It was definitely time to move on.
And with that thought, Taylor turned off the light and went fitfully to sleep.
Chapter 2
Julio
Julio stretched as he walked into the garage. The guy last night, Randy or something, had been fun, but he’d wanted to sleep over and they’d had to have a conversation about it at 2am. Now he was tired and cranky.
At least Taylor would be here to brighten up his day. He couldn’t see him anywhere, so he just moved toward the sounds in the back. It was a repetitive rubbing sound, and he grinned at the thought of Taylor jerking off in the garage. Oh, how he’d like to walk in on that scene.
Of course, he was actually buffing the side panel of a car that now had a far-less-noticeable dent in it. He looked tired, though, which made Julio want to just cuddle him all up.
Not that he could ever say that. “Morning, Taylor. Rough night?”
“Why? Do I look like shit?”
No. You’re perfect. But you look like you need someone to fuck you hard, then tuck you in and take care of you. “You just look tired. Still sexy, though.”
Taylor shrugged. The movement rippled down his strong arms, giving him a moment of fragility. Like he wanted to hide himself.
Julio wished he could give him the confidence that he lacked. Even though it was that fragility that had drawn him to Taylor in the first place. That tantalizing mix of strong, muscular man and sweet, gentle compliance. He wondered if Taylor even knew that about himself. He jealously wanted that fragility all to himself.
But in seven years of flirting, Taylor had never once flirted back. When his best friend had first drunkenly divulged that he was gay, Julio had been over the moon. They already spent all their time together, so dating would be the natural next step. Even before he’d discovered BDSM, there was something in Taylor’s sweetness, his eagerness to please, that had called to Julio. Something that made him want to tie him up and keep him safe in his pocket.
He’d valiantly refrained from making a pass at him that night while he was wasted. But when he’d tried to strike things up the next morning, it had been a disaster. Taylor rebuffed every advance, getting more and more uncomfortable. At the time, Julio had been destroyed.
He kept flirting though, even though he knew Taylor would blow it off. At first it had been in desperation. Now their flirting had become almost a joke. Julio got more outrageous, and Taylor either ignored it or got snarkier.
More recently, Julio had added a sneaky agenda. He wanted Taylor to know that he looked good. That he was worth it. That it was OK to flirt back.
It was a few years ago, after watching Taylor turn down guy after guy, that he’d started to figure things out. Taylor actually believed that he wasn’t attractive enough to deserve a date.
Or, and this was far more hypothetical, he was into some kink that was odd enough that he assumed no one would be interested. Either way, he could count on one hand the number of times that Taylor went home with someone. And each one hurt.
Of course, he’d handled it by shacking up with every guy who came along. It never worked for long, though. Everyone he met was too… something. Too clingy. Too distant. Too flirty. Too bossy. Too submissive. Too needy. Too removed.
For a while, it had been a relief to slip into the Dom role. This, he figured, was what he’d been missing. The sweet simplicity of a paddle in his hands. The adoring eyes of a sub kneeling at his feet. The instant connection that a blindfold and a rope could form between two people.
He’d learned the role well, and he knew there were subs lining up to play with him. But after a few years that paled, too. He still went to the club to get his fix.
Yet even after a long day working at Taylor’s side, he still ended up watching movies on his couch a couple nights a week. Or eating tacos at their favorite hole in the wall. Or dragging him out to Whirlwind for a few beers. Or inviting him over to play video games. It was almost perfect. Almost.
Julio sighed. While he’d been woolgathering, Taylor had quietly moved on to his next task. It looked like he was working on the Ford that neither of them had been able to get to yesterday. There was something wrong with the power steering, which could take a while to figure out and replace.
By the time he walked over, Taylor was already under the truck, with only his frayed pants and scuffed boots visible. They chatted for a few minutes about the schedule for the day and parts that were supposed to come in. Business as usual.
He’d drifted over to a dirty Chevy and popped the hood. When he heard a message tone and a buzz behind him, he didn’t stop to think as he picked up the phone.
It was Taylor’s phone, but he just keyed in the password and waited a moment for it to load. It was probably their friend Ben asking if they were coming out to trivia night. For some reason, Ben had decided that Julio was too flighty to trust with decisions like that.
What he actually saw was so different from what he expected that he nearly dropped the phone. The text was only one word, “hey,” but it was the app that was a surprise. Taylor was on Grindr.
Gritting his teeth, Julio tapped on the message. Who the hell did this guy think he was? The cheeky grin and muscular chest in his picture only made him angrier. Was that who Taylor wanted? He swiped left.
Then, he realized what he’d done. Taylor didn’t belong to him. It wasn’t even his business who Taylor was dating. Or having anonymous sex with. Julio had even been encouraging him to get out more. He shouldn’t have ever touched the phone.
Taylor was still under the car, thank God. He tried to restore the message, but now he was in someone else’s profile. Maybe he should try the settings or something.
But that just took him to another profile. This one just showed a picture of someone’s wrist in pink leopard print handcuffs that looked like a gag gift. In fact, hadn’t he giv
en some just like that to his friend Eric a few years ago? He tapped a few other buttons, but he kept coming back to that same profile.
In a flash of insight, he realized what it was. Taylor’s profile. Taylor’s wide hand chained to… yep, it was definitely Taylor’s bed post. His pulse quickened.
He knew that it would be an even greater violation of privacy, but he had to know. He scrolled down past the height and weight and all that… and there it was. The secret kinks that he’d suspected was there.
Taylor liked to wear panties. He could guess that was what he’d always been hiding. But the rest of it was what made his heart race. Taylor wanted to be tied up. He thought he might be interested in exploring some more kinks. And he wanted to be controlled.
Julio closed his eyes for a moment, imagining Taylor at his feet, hands bound behind his back and one lacy strap slipping off his hairy shoulder as he gazed up adoringly. His cock would be jutting out of his silky panties, but he wouldn’t be allowed to come.
It was everything that Julio had ever wanted. He could already feel himself starting to get hard.
Alright, he needed to think, not just react. If there was even the slightest chance that Taylor was interested in him and just too shy to share his adorable little kink, he needed to gently show him it was OK.
And if he wasn’t interested… God, it would hurt all over again. But at least he could help his best friend see his own worth.
Which meant that he needed to win Taylor over, not just march in and claim him. He needed to slow down, listen to his words and his cues, and be patient for as long as it took. But he also needed to act quickly, before anyone else could beat him to it.
He really, really hoped he didn’t suck at this. He could pick up some nobody for a few minutes of fun in the bathroom without a second thought, but here he was out of his depth.
Quietly, he put the phone down. In a daze, he turned back to the truck. He automatically started working on the brake system, but his thoughts were filled with Taylor.
For the rest of the day, time and space seemed to flow in distorted bubbles. Julio was anxious and jumpy, but he talked to customers and repaired engines as if he was in a cloud.
He couldn’t remember anything he’d said to anyone except Taylor, and then he felt like his words were strange and stilted. He knew exactly where Taylor was at every moment, but he bumped into tables and stubbed his toe.
At one point, he’d kept drifting closer while they were talking. Taylor was on his knees switching out the tires on a Camry, and Julio just kept getting closer and closer.
Words were coming out of his mouth, teasing, flirty words that he probably said all the time without any hope of them being accepted. But they tasted different now, when there was some possibility.
He’d drifted so close that his foot almost touched Julio’s boot, and Julio’s elbow brushed against his knee as he tightened a lug nut. If Taylor turned his head, he’d be right at the level of Julio’s cock, which was doing all sorts of things to his overactive imagination. Thank God his work pants were so loose.
“Taylor,” he said in a soft voice.
Taylor looked up. And was that… Yes, he thought it must have been… Maybe… a flash of desire in his eyes. It was hidden so quickly. And then he was blushing, so beautifully. Julio pictured him naked, but for a little scrap of lace. Damn, he wanted that.
But what if Taylor didn’t want him?
And now Taylor was hiding his face again. “What is it?” he growled. “And why are you looming over me?” Was his voice strained? Was he just annoyed?
Julio really needed to walk away. With great effort, he forced himself to follow through on it. He took two steps back.
After all these years, wouldn’t Taylor have said something if he was interested? Though if he was too self-conscious to say something, there was still a chance, right? For a moment he thought he’d seen something.
His brain barely kicked back into gear. Taylor had asked him a question. “I was just wondering if you were joining us for trivia night.”
He couldn’t see Taylor’s face, but the subtle shift in the angle of his head told him that Taylor was rolling his eyes. “It’s Tuesday and I don’t have anything else to do. So, yes, I’m going to trivia night.”
“Ah, sounds good. I’ll tell Ben and the rest to expect us.” Because like, that was normally something he would do. He was such a fuck-up today.
It wasn’t until he was driving home that he shook off his mental fog and came up with an idea. It would probably be stupid, but it might at least clear up a few things. And maybe give him a chance.
When he got home, he took the world’s fastest shower, and then got out his phone.
Normally he’d just go to Whirlwind in whatever clothes weren’t stinky or covered with motor oil, but tonight he wanted to look sharp. He pulled out his tightest jeans, and the gray shirt that made his eyes look warm. While he got dressed, he downloaded Grindr.
It took him a few minutes to think of a screen name. Taylor was Newbie427, which was totally him—uncomfortable and falling back on his birth date instead of putting himself out there. Julio wanted something that would catch his baby’s interest. Maybe something about the garage? Cars?
Then it came to him. BabyDriver. They both loved the song, it referenced cars, and he would love to “drive” his baby.
He needed a picture, which also threw him off for a moment. He couldn’t very well show his face, but he didn’t want something stupid that Taylor would just ignore. Then, he had it.
He grabbed a pair of cuffs—the real black, leather kind—pulled up his shirt, and dangled the cuffs over his abs. He stood in the living room where the light was good, took a couple shots, and chose the one that looked best.
There. Two cuffs, most of his hand, and the treasure trail leading down his slim abdomen. It was reasonably sexy, and he liked the symmetry between their profiles. If anyone was going to be chaining Taylor up, it was him.
Then, he filled out the profile. 5’9”. 150 lbs. Single. Hispanic. Blah, blah, blah. Interested in friends, relationships, dates, “right now”—a hilarious euphemism. Well, whatever Taylor wanted, he wanted. He just clicked on everything.
Tribes? They looked stupid. Plus, he didn’t think Taylor had had any.
Now he had to write the blurb. He was writing it with only one reader in mind, so it didn’t take long to compose.
What am I looking for? Someone sweet. Someone to tie up and do naughty things to. Someone to laugh with. Someone who can speak his mind. Someone to snuggle with. Someone who will dress up pretty for me. Someone to take care of. Someone to drive off into the sunset with. Maybe it’s you.
Alright, so it might be overly sentimental, but it was exactly what he wanted. More importantly, he was pretty sure that it was what Taylor wanted. He wanted it to sound a little racy, but mostly safe. He put the last little sentence in to nudge Taylor toward taking a risk.
Hopefully, with this veil of anonymity between them, Taylor would notice that their kinks lined up as well as their platonic interests. He’d be excited about the mystery guy and they’d meet up. Then, when he realized it was Julio, they’d just click. It would be perfect.
He checked the profile over one more time and then turned off the sound on his phone. There was no way he was going to give the game away with an inopportune beep. Now he needed to go get his man.
***
When he got to Whirlwind, Julio stood just inside the door and peeked in. He was relieved to see that Taylor was the only one at their usual table. Ben and Parker, who were partners at the same law firm, always came late, but Eric worked from home and could show up any time.
Taylor was pouring himself a glass of beer from the pitcher he must have ordered for the table. His hair was adorably unkempt, and even though he’d clearly showered and changed, there was a smudge of dirt or grease on the back of his neck. Julio wanted to reach over and brush it off. And then keep touching.
Taylor le
aned back against the booth and sighed. Julio smiled. Taylor so rarely let himself relax. It was as if he was always uncomfortable with his bulky frame, wearing it like an unfamiliar suit that had appeared in his closet one day.
Now that Julio had read his Grindr profile, it made a bit more sense. Was he fighting more feminine mannerisms? Was there a graceful dancer waiting to break free? Julio couldn’t wait to find out.
He ducked out the door headed around to the back of the bar. There was a deck out there that would be open when the weather got warmer, but for now it was a bit too chilly for anyone to want outdoor seating.
It was shaped like an L, and he took up residence around the corner, just out of view from the gate. Behind him, a handful of tables were pushed into the corner, alongside a few stacks of chairs with chains passed through them and a padlock. The rest of the space was open.
Julio took out his phone.
BabyDriver: Hey, cutie. Are you at Whirlwind? I’d love to meet you.
Newbie427: I’m not cute, I promise. Where are you?
BabyDriver: In the patio around the back. It’s closed but you can just open the gate. And I promise, you’re exactly my type.
Newbie427: I’m not anyone’s type. And is this actually how this works? I’ve never actually done this before.
BabyDriver: Lucky me. Come out to the patio? Please?
Julio waited impatiently as the seconds stretched out. What was Taylor thinking? He realized that he should have stayed in the doorway while he sent the messages. Or maybe just skipped it and talked to Taylor like a normal human being.
Was Taylor reading his profile? Did he like what he saw there? Or had he already swiped left?
Newbie427: Alright. But I can only talk for a few minutes. My friends will be here soon.
Now Julio was even more nervous. This had been a totally stupid idea. He didn’t know whether Taylor thought they were going to talk or “talk” but either one just seemed crazy now.
He’d been thinking this whole plan would be sexy and fun, letting Taylor see him in a new light. But now he felt kind of creepy, like he was using his best friend for a hook-up.
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