by Nora Phoenix
He got dressed before he could talk himself out of it, then made his way to the kitchen, where much to his surprise, his three mates were sitting at the table having a late lunch. They all looked up as he walked in, and the tension hung thick.
“I’ll make you something to eat,” Vieno said, not even bothering to greet him.
Lidon’s heart squeezed painfully. “Guys,” he said, his voice pleading. “I fucked up, big time, and I am so, so sorry.”
Vieno spun around and looked at him with eyes blazing. “Yes, you did. I hurt you with my words, and for that, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean it, you have to know that.”
“I do,” Lidon assured him.
“But if every time we hit a snag or do something you don’t like, you turn into a wolf and take off on us, this is not gonna work. You can’t run, Lidon, not when we can’t follow you. We were worried sick about you.”
How humbling it was to be chewed out by his omega. It was effective though, more than when Enar or Palani had spoken up.
Lidon swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was hurt and ran, and I swear I didn’t realize how long I was gone.”
Vieno studied him, both hands on his hips, and Lidon was so worried his mates wouldn’t forgive him that he went to his knees. He was not too proud to beg if that was what it took. “Please, baby, please. I never meant to make you worry.” He looked to the others, noticing the shock on Enar’s face and a look of approval on Palani’s. “That goes for all of you. I was so in the wrong, and I’m sorry.”
Vieno’s eyes filled with tears and that stabbed Lidon in his heart even more.
“You were running from me,” Vieno whispered. “I thought you regretted marrying me, claiming me.”
“Never,” Lidon swore, still on his knees. He yearned to close the distance between them, to gather his sweet omega in his arms, but he didn’t dare cross that line, unsure if his affections were welcome.
“What if I can’t have sex with you for a long time?” Vieno asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Then I will still love you, baby. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. But please, baby, don’t hide it from me, from us. Let us help you carry this burden.”
He spotted the doubt still lingering in his mate’s eyes, and it killed him. He hated that the old insecurities that had plagued him before were back.
“Do you promise?” Vieno asked.
“I promise. And baby, none of us will ever put pressure on you to do something you don’t want to. We want you to be with us, but if seeing us being intimate makes you feel uncomfortable, we understand. Talk to us, that’s all we're asking.”
Vieno slowly nodded. “It’s the talking part that’s so hard,” he admitted. “My head is a mess, and there are so many thoughts in there, it’s hard to figure out which are truths and which are lies.”
Lidon had no idea how to respond, but Enar came to his rescue. “How about we promise we won’t get angry with you if you voice your thoughts or ask us to help you figure them out, no matter if they’re hurtful to us or not?”
And with blinding clarity, Lidon understood how deeply he had failed Vieno the day before. It wasn’t just that he had run and made them all worry about him. But he had run after Vieno had voiced a thought that felt true to him. Lidon had taken it personally, hadn’t given him the opportunity to explain or ask for verification.
He shook his head at his own stupidity. “I am sorry that when you told me something you experienced as real, I didn’t take the time to tell you it was a lie. This is all on me, baby, not on you. You have nothing to apologize for. God, I am so sorry.”
It was as if Vieno had waited for him to grasp that deeper level, and when he did, he closed the distance between them, almost knocking Lidon on his back with his hug. He sat down on the floor, pulled Vieno on his lap and held on for a long time.
“I am so sorry you’re going through this,” he whispered in his ear. “I promise I will do my best to be there for you. This is not something I'm good at, the talking stuff and the emotional support, but I’m willing to learn if you have a little patience with me.”
Vieno snuggled close to him, and Lidon realized again how much he had missed him. Not just the sex, though he had to admit he missed that, but the intimacy, the deep sense of calm and peace his alpha had when he held him.
“I always feel a little better when you hold me,” Vieno said softly.
Lidon thought of his realization earlier. Should he bring it up? They had just promised each other to be honest, hadn’t they? To communicate?
“Remember what worked before, when you weren’t feeling well?” he asked, keeping it vague so the omega would hopefully draw his own conclusions.
Vieno looked at him for a few beats before his eyes lit up. “Connecting with you,” he said.
“I don’t mean a sexual connection,” Lidon said quickly, before his words could be misinterpreted. “But you might benefit from being close to me, like during the pregnancy and the delivery. Maybe you can find a way to draw on my power, so it can help you. It was a thought I had when I was running. Fleeing,” he corrected himself wryly.
“I think that’s worth a try,” Enar said. “It worked before.”
Lidon waited for Vieno’s reaction, still a little scared the omega's trust had been broken too much for this. But Vieno nodded in agreement. “You realize that means I’ll be pretty much glued to your side, right?” he asked and Lidon had no trouble spotting the insecurity even in that statement.
As if he would ever object to having his mate by his side. He looked him deep in the eyes as he answered. “Baby, it would be my pleasure. I will do whatever you need me to do. And if I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, you tell me, okay?”
With Vieno now plastered against him, Lidon looked up at Enar and Palani. “Please, will you forgive me as well? I’ll do whatever you need me to to make it right.”
It was a little easier now that he knew he’d at least patched things up with Vieno, but he needed their forgiveness as well. This weight on his heart wouldn’t let up, not until he knew he hadn’t lost them.
Enar came first, rising from the table and sitting down on the floor right next to Lidon and Palani. He put his head on Lidon’s shoulder. “I was worried sick,” he said softly.
“I’ll never run from you guys again, I promise,” Lidon said, his heart lifting a little when Enar offered his mouth for a kiss.
He kissed him softly, almost reverently. When Enar snuggled close, Lidon raised his head to meet Palani’s eyes. His proud and strong beta, never scared to tell him the truth. He’d wounded him so deeply, and he worried his apology wasn’t good enough. God, how he wished he was better at words, better at saying what mattered so much.
Finally, Palani got up as well and kneeled on the floor in front of him, then leaned in for a kiss. It was hard at first, as if the beta was still angry, but then it softened as Lidon allowed him to set the pace for the first time. It was a deep kiss, a long one, but Lidon surrendered, his heart finally released from its heavy burden.
When he pulled back, Palani wiped the moisture off Lidon’s lips with his thumb. “Don’t do it again,” he said, his voice thick.
Lidon let his forehead rest against Palani’s. “You have my word.”
9
Fiery hot water cascaded down on Kean’s back, pummeling his upper body and making the cramped muscles in his shoulders and back weep with relief. His whole body hurt, courtesy of the stubborn calf that refused to be born without him pulling the damn baby cow all the way through the birth canal. He had managed, and both calf and mom had survived, but his body had suffered. Bless the person who had insisted on installing high quality showers in the bunkhouses. Probably his brother, he thought, knowing Palani and he shared an affinity for long, hot showers.
He took his time cleaning himself, though not so much because he worried about actual dirt as because he was too tired and a
ching to move. Even the thought of having to towel himself off made him want to curl up into a ball on the bathroom floor on that fluffy, soft bath rug.
He was still in the shower, fighting the urge to stay there, when he heard someone enter his room. Shit, he forgot. That had to be Bray. They had texted earlier that day to meet. That was before the little calf had turned out to be such a problem child.
“I’m in the shower,” he called out, then realized the stupidity of that statement, as Bray could hear the water run.
He wondered if the alpha would walk in. Showering together, now there was an appealing a visual. God, he loved that man’s body. Kean was decent-sized for a beta, but Bray dwarfed him. Every time he looked at the man’s arms and chest, he went a little weak in the knees.
“I’ll wait here,” Bray called out.
No need to stay in the shower any longer then, Kean thought, a little disappointed. He groaned as he dried himself off, every move sending painful stabs through his abused muscles. He slung the towel around his waist, unsure if Bray would appreciate him walking in naked. It was ridiculous considering why the alpha was there in the first place, but somehow, Kean knew the man had lines that shouldn’t be crossed. He had made it clear this was about sex, so Kean better not venture into relationship territory.
Bray’s eyes did light up when he spotted Kean, then narrowed into slits as he caught his cautious moves.
“What happened to you?”
Kean groaned as he put his boxers on with slow, careful moves. Damn, bending over was hell. He better be careful not to make it worse, or he wouldn’t even be able to go to work tomorrow.
“I had a stubborn calf that needed to be born,” he said between clenched teeth as he managed to pull his underwear up.
Bray whistled between his teeth. “Looks like you pulled a few muscles.”
Kean had never realized how many muscles he used putting on a shirt, but he was discovering now. Holy hell, this was far beyond painful.
“More than a few,” he said, trying to make light of it. “If there is a muscle in my shoulders and back that doesn’t hurt, I haven’t found it yet.”
Bray had found a spot in a reading chair, and Kean lowered himself on his bed. “But enough about me. How was your day, honey?”
It took a few seconds before Bray realized it was a joke, Kean saw. Did he really think…? He mentally shook his head. He had to remember that Bray was a literal guy. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a sense of humor, but he tended to take things literally at first.
Bray shrugged. “Nothing special.”
His eyes told a different story. There was a wariness there that was new. “I assume that’s code for something happened but you can’t tell me about it?” Kean said lightly.
One corner of Bray’s mouth tipped into a hint of a smile. “Close enough,” he said. “There have been some developments that have me worried,” he added, and it surprised Kean he even shared that much.
“It’s a big responsibility you have here.”
“It is, and I won’t deny it weighs heavily on me.”
He was answering Kean’s questions, sharing more than Kean had counted on, and yet he couldn’t shake the impression that Bray wanted to end this line of conversation. Or was Kean misinterpreting his signals?
Then it hit him. Bray sucked at making small talk. Maybe he didn’t have much experience or maybe it was just not a natural skill, but the alpha struggled with making simple conversation. Was it weird that he found that endearing? Probably. Not that he cared.
“I already told Palani I need an assistant at some point,” he said. “Today was really a two-person job.”
Bray cocked his head as he studied him. “Aren’t you technically the assistant yourself?”
He was right, Kean reminded himself. No need to get all upset about something that was factually correct.
“You’re right, but I’m the only one here who can even do this kind of work right now. I’m hoping to go back to school and become a full-fledged veterinarian.”
Bray raised an eyebrow. “That’s gonna be a challenge, the combination of school and working here, especially considering how far away you are from the university.”
“I know, and I haven’t quite figured out how I will do it, but it’s definitely something I want.”
“Veterinarian, that’s pretty much alpha territory, right?” Bray asked.
“It is,” Kean confirmed. “Most veterinarians are alphas, but that doesn’t mean a beta can’t do the job, you know that. My experience here will definitely help me as I’m doing a lot of work most vet techs can’t even dream of. I’m sure that will come in handy for my degree.”
“You and your brother, you guys really don’t like to make it easy for yourself, do you?”
Kean decided he would take that as a compliment. “Nope, we don’t. Nothing wrong with setting a challenge for yourself, right?”
Bray kept looking at him, then said, “I don’t want you to get in over your head.”
He was concerned for him, Kean told himself. He ignored the voice in his head that said it could also be interpreted as if Bray didn’t have much faith in him, or even in betas in general. Surely the alpha hadn’t meant that, right?
“Not to be rude, but you don’t look like you’re in the mood to hook up,” Bray said, his voice as emotional as if he was discussing the weather.
Kean’s fleeting fantasies of Bray massaging his neck and shoulders vaporized. “I guess I’m not,” he said.
“No worries, I understand. Make sure you take painkillers and get a good night’s sleep,” Bray said. “Text me when you’re recovered.”
Before Kean realized it, the alpha walked out, leaving him bewildered. What the hell had just happened?
He didn’t sleep well despite taking the painkillers, and when he woke up, the strange evening was still on his mind. He popped two more ibuprofen after breakfast, then set out to work, his mind still on Bray. It didn’t hit him till the end of that day, a day where he’d subconsciously been expecting a text from Bray, asking him how his back was doing. It never came, and when they ran into each other during lunch, the alpha barely spared him a glance. Not that that was unusual, as he rarely did in front of others, which Kean thought was because he didn’t want others to know they were together.
It wasn’t till he was in the shower that night, a feeble attempt to get his cramping muscles to relax, that he realized where he’d been wrong. They weren’t together. Not in Bray’s mind.
Kean couldn’t believe he’d missed it the night before, but he blamed it on how exhausted he’d been. They didn’t have a relationship, no matter how much Kean wanted it. And they never would have. Bray didn’t even consider him relationship material. All he would ever be was a good fuck.
And as the warm water eased his muscles, Kean took a long, hard look at himself and wondered if he wasn’t worth more.
Sven’s body had felt off ever since his last heat, but he’d blamed it on the weird energy bursts Lidon’s shifting kept causing. It affected all of them, and he’d figured maybe that was why he’d been feeling weird, tired and not himself.
But now, seven weeks after his heat, he couldn’t deny the obvious truth anymore. He sighed as he examined himself in the mirror. Was it his imagination or was his stomach a little more rounded than it had been before? A pregnancy lasted six months, and it had been seven weeks since his heat, which meant it would be detectable by now. Yeah, it would be, as he remembered from Vieno’s pregnancy. He sighed as he let his fingers trail his stomach. What the hell would he do now?
Even though he’d witnessed Vieno’s pregnancy from the sidelines, he still knew little about the whole process. Getting pregnant hadn’t been on his radar at all. At first, his biggest goal had been to get out of his father’s house with Lars and find their own place to live. Then when they’d moved into the ranch, it had been to get through his heat. Then they’d met Grayson and well, life had been good. They were happy, the three
of them. Happier than Sven had ever thought possible.
Yes, he loved taking care of little Hakon, and he had thought about a baby of his own lately. But Grayson was a dad already, with grown children. They had never talked about kids, and with a sickening feeling to his stomach, Sven considered that the man might not want more children. Then what would he do?
He needed to be sure first, though he had little doubt. The changes were too obvious to be denied. He wasn’t throwing up, like Vieno, but his stomach was a little woozy in the mornings. He’d come to hate the smell of coffee, though he’d always loved it. And his whole body felt different.
So, he needed to get tested, which was easier said than done. It wasn’t like he could go to the city on his own and buy a pregnancy test. Sure, he could tell Lars, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that yet. They’d been making decisions together for a long time, but this was different. Lars would have strong opinions, as he usually did, and Sven needed more time to figure things out. Plus, he might want to tell Grayson, and Sven wasn’t ready for that yet.
No, there was only one solution right now. He timed it so he ran into Enar when he was done in the clinic, where the man was always the last one to leave. Well, Sando was still in his room in the back, working on whatever all those formulas were about, but he wouldn’t pay attention. Sven had discovered that the omega wouldn’t hear a bomb go off when he was concentrating on his work.
“Hey, Sven,” Enar greeted him when he spotted Sven walking in.
“Can I talk to you?” Sven wanted to get right to the point, before someone could interrupt them.
Enar’s eyes tightened in worry. “Sure. What’s up? Are you okay?”
They’d made small steps in the last months to get to know each other better, and while they weren’t close by any standard, Enar was unfailingly kind toward him and even Lars.
Sven took a deep breath. “I think I’m pregnant.”
Enar’s eyes widened. “You think the birth control didn’t work?”