Through Her Eyes

by Ava Harrison

  Soft.

  Delicate.

  Heavenly.

  My insides warm.

  “Come on, this way.” Chase guides us through the marina and onto the cobblestone streets with little stores overlooking the cove.

  “You know what will make you feel better?”

  “Getting back on the boat?” I offer a wan smile and try to be funny, but it only makes my stomach turn more.

  “No, some soda and maybe a slice of pizza.”

  “We just ate a few hours ago.” The thought of food is enough to have me running to the nearest garbage can. My hand runs instinctively across my belly to soothe it.

  “You ate oatmeal. That’s not a meal. That was a snack. Come on. Let’s get you a bite. There’s a pizza place that’s amazing just up the road.”

  As he leads me further into town, a thought creeps into my mind. God, I’m comfortable in his arms. It’s insane how perfectly I fit. Am I a horrible person for thinking about this? I’m here being comforted by Chase, but who’s back home comforting Parker?

  “There it is! Trust me, you will love it.”

  “It’s a hole in the wall?”

  “Yeah, isn’t it great?” he says as I peer at the structure before me. My eyes grow in disbelief. I’m not sure what I expected from my first pizza place on an isolated island off the coast of Italy, but what I got is not it. First off, it’s just a hole in the wall, and I don’t mean that figuratively. It actually is a hole in the wall of a stone building. And behind the nicely cut out hole is a kitchen you cannot enter. There’s nowhere to sit other than a well-worn bench to the left of the stone front. If I thought the ambiance was a reflection of how the pizza must taste, boy was I wrong. I take my first bite, and there’s a symphony of flavors playing in my mouth. Each taste is more succulent than the last. It’s truly the best pizza I’ve ever consumed. Turning to Chase I say, “Ten stars. No other place will ever be this good.”

  “Challenge accepted.”

  “Chase, there’s no challenge. This is the best pizza I’ve ever eaten.”

  “See, right there is a challenge. Because if I’m greeted with a smile like that every time you taste something as divine as that pizza, I’ll search the world to top it.”

  My cheeks flush.

  I melt.

  Chase Porter isn’t fighting fair.

  After we finish our snack, I have to admit Chase is right. The soda and the pizza really did the trick. Although my legs are still wobbly, I no longer feel ill.

  “Was I right, or was I right?” I turn my head toward Chase and begrudgingly nod.

  “Yes, oh smart one. Believe it or not, and it pains me to say, you were right. The pizza hit the spot.”

  “Since you’re feeling better, how about we walk through town? Give yourself a little more time to adjust, and then we take ourselves up that hill. Once we get to the top, we can bust open this backpack of treats.” He pats the bag on his back then pulls it toward his middle, unzips it, and pulls out his camera.

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  After about thirty minutes, we start walking up a steep road leading past the outskirts of the town. Chase points up ahead where a tiny gravel path can be seen.

  “See right there? That’s the path to the top. You ready for this?” He grins.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Within a few minutes, we’re on the path, and it’s not as easy as before. It isn’t a bumpy path per se, but I have to pay close attention to my steps as the rocks give way a little with each step. I look over to find Chase snapping his camera at the horizon. I have no clue what he’s taking pictures of, but I’m curious to find out.

  “What kind of camera do you shoot with?”

  “What is this, twenty questions?” He winks. “It’s a Nikon D50 and a Canon Rebel T2i, They’re not the fanciest cameras, and my lens is kind of banged up, but it adds to my style.”

  “Your style?” I mock.

  “Yes, Princess. I have a style. Most photographers do.”

  “And what, pray tell, is this style of yours?” I ask while air quoting.

  “I underexpose my camera while I’m shooting.”

  “That’s it? That’s your big style?”

  “There’s more.”

  “Such as . . .”

  “If I told you, I would have to kill you.”

  “Fine. Be like that. I don’t want to know your badass style, anyway. What will you do with the picture before you develop it?

  “Edit.”

  “Any more info?”

  “I use Lightroom and Photoshop.”

  “You’re such a pain in my ass.”

  “Come on, I’ll show you.” He grabs my hand and pulls me with him off the path. The swift action sends chills rushing down my spine.

  “So, proper exposure is one of the trickiest things to get right in photography. Are you paying attention?”

  “Yup, exposure.” I exhale as his fingers skim mine.

  “Then I use a technique called bracketing.”

  “Umm, what?” My eyes flutter shut with the feel of his hands on mine. My heart pounds.

  “Focus, Aria. Bracketing is taking multiple photos of the same thing. Same conditions each time, just different exposures. But you want to know a little secret?” I snap my eyes back open when I realize he just asked me a question.

  “Sure.”

  “The greatest thing about photography, all rules can be broken. I say the most important thing is this and someone says it’s that, but really it’s all you. You have to wake up your senses. See the world around you. Look through the lens. What do you see?” Seriously? I don’t know what the heck I see.

  “Umm . . .” That was the best I had? Umm?

  “Look at the flower. Now put your hand—here, let me help you.”

  He steps behind me and brings his head alongside mine, so close I feel the tiny tickle of his breath across my chin. His arms wrap around me, and he grips the lens and turns it ever so slightly. Bringing the camera back up to his line of sight, he turns it again counter clockwise, and then deposits the camera back in my hands. I lift it to look again, and this time the image is clear and crisp.

  “Carefully focus in on the dew collecting on the petal. Place your hands on the lens, and simply twist the focus ring.”

  My breath hitches as I peer through the lens and see the flower yet again, with new eyes.

  “It’s magnificent.”

  “Now turn the lens a little bit more. See that right there? See the butterfly wings flapping against the petal of the flower? That right there . . . that’s nature. Everything you will ever need to know you can learn from that. There’s no pretending. That’s beauty. That’s life, Aria. That’s everything.” His words are profound and speak to something within me. They unravel me.

  As we make our way further upward, the stone path becomes more and more weathered. It starts to feel untouched by man. Moss grows over the rocks, making it hard to walk, let alone climb. A bleak feeling tugs inside me. I can’t do this. My heart pounds in my chest as we reach closer and closer to the top, to the end of our journey. Adrenaline courses through my veins, but I can’t will my legs to move.

  “I can’t do this,” I huff on a labored breath.

  “No saying can’t. There’re no limitations in life, just limitations you place on yourself. You can do this. We’re almost there. Only a few more steps. Forty-five seconds max. You can do anything for forty-five seconds.”

  “What if I fail?” I ask, but my question means so much more.

  “Failure isn’t the end. It’s actually the beginning of your next try.”

  I continue to shake my head no. I’m almost delirious from exhaustion and nerves.

  “You have to take a chance. The biggest risk you can take in life is not taking a chance at failing. You’re strong, Aria. Dig deeper. You can do this. Find the beauty in the pain. The pain we feel helps mold us into the person we are meant to be.” I want to throw a rock at him and
all his self-help bullshit right now, but deep down I know he’s right.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I let my shoulders slump forward and let go of all my resistance.

  Chase builds me up as I make forward progress. He replaces the void and fear inside me with hope, and he holds my hands as I cross over the boundaries I placed on myself.

  I drop to my knees. My shaky hands run through my hair.

  I did it.

  I turn toward Chase, and my eyes mist. I’m overwhelmed by the emotions swirling inside me.

  “One day you will look back on this moment as the time you realized your life had changed.” Dear God, I hope so.

  “I want to capture this moment and hold on to this feeling forever.”

  “You should. Store it away and whenever you feel down, remember what you accomplished here. Moments like this pass, Aria. They pass as quickly as sand through an hourglass. Instead, embrace each precise second and cherish it forever.” As I listen to his words, I rub my hands through the earth around me. Sand falls through the cracks of my fingers. The sadness I’ve been harboring flows through my veins, pulsing, searching for release. My feelings are divided between moving forward and staying tethered to the past. To Parker.

  Breathy gasps leave my mouth. Confusion clouds my judgment. I rub my face to keep my mind clear. To enjoy this moment. To not falter. My dirt-covered hands are probably leaving streaks on my cheek. Tears fill my palms. I hear the snap of a camera, but I don’t care. Everything I’ve been holding on to for the last few days comes pouring out of me.

  A dam breaks.

  A levee bursts.

  And the flow has begun.

  Chase pulls me into his arms

  He comforts me, protects me. I’m ripped apart. I let it all seep out—the loss of Owen, of my childhood, of Parker.

  He holds me with firm arms and doesn’t ask any more questions. Never inquiring about what caused me to break apart, just continues to embrace me until my body stops shuddering and I’m empty. Until I cry so hard I laugh from the release. From the dizzying feeling of letting go.

  As I pull away, Chase pinches his nose and his teeth gnaw on his lower lip.

  “You okay?” His smile is hesitant but comforting, and I laugh.

  “Sorry about that. I’m okay.”

  “It happens. The first time I climbed I had a similar reaction. It wasn’t the largest mountain, but I reached the top, and the endorphins pumped through me. My eyes opened, and I saw the world in a different way, and I lost it. Cathartic release and all.” He swipes a tear from under my right eye, and then he reaches for the camera around his neck.

  “Don’t move, okay?”

  Snap

  Snap

  Snap

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’ve never seen you look so magnificent. You look almost ethereal.” My heart thumps in my chest, and I look down to get my bearings.

  Snap

  Snap

  “Hey, Princess. Let me look at your face. Wow, you really do look like an angel up there. It’s insane. Like you’re perched above the earth looking down. Don’t move. I almost got the shot.” His words make my soul take flight. At that moment, kneeling on the edge of the mountain, I’m weightless.

  Free.

  His hands find mine, and he pulls me up.

  “Stand here, will you?” I scramble to my feet and make my way back beside him. I square my shoulders and turn my chin upward to the sky. My eyes flutter closed, and I nod.

  Snap

  Snap

  I reopen them and turn to meet his gaze.

  “I’m glad I’m here with you.” I offer a smile. “Thank you for making me do this.”

  “It’s my pleasure.”

  “Why are you doing all of this for me?”

  “I want to help you.”

  “But why?”

  “Does there need to be a reason for me to want to help?”

  “I’m not used to people being so selfless.”

  “I’m not completely selfless. You inspire me, and inspiration is imperative for a photographer.”

  “I’m not sure how I inspire you, but thanks—”

  “Everything looks more brilliant with you in my life.”

  “Why? I’m nothing special, just ordinary old me.”

  “There’s nothing ordinary about you, Princess. You are splashes of vibrant color on a monotone palate.” My body heats as his gaze meets mine. I look away and out over the landscape of Ponza.

  “When I look at the world like this, I wonder why? I look around, and I just want to know how I can live a more exceptional life. How can I make my life matter? God, Chase, I have no clue who I am. I don’t even know why I’m here in Italy, in Ponza with you? I’ve no idea who I should be. I’m trying to find out . . . but I’m just so confused.”

  “There are no answers for those types of questions. I don’t honestly know why things happen in life. I don’t know why obstacles are placed in front of us. What I do know is that you have to persevere, take what life hands you, and believe there is a greater outcome.”

  “You keep saying stuff like that, but what the hell does that mean?”

  “It means believe in more, Aria. The future is unseen. Right now, you barely exist. You need to learn how to live. There’s so much more intended for you.”

  “And how do you propose I do that?”

  “Live in the moment.”

  “Yes, but how do I learn to live?”

  “You throw yourself into the maddening unknown. Hell, we’ll jump headfirst together.” He grins and lifts me into his arms. “Let’s learn to fly.”

  “Put me down.” I laugh, kicking my legs until he lowers me back down.

  “Seriously though, Aria. You’ll figure out your path.”

  “Do you have a road map? Brilliant idea, maybe you can even tell me where this road leads?”

  “Aria Bennett, you really are a sweet breath of air among all the crap.” He throws back his head and chuckles. His laugh is deep and warm, and makes me feel all types of crazy things.

  “Will this ‘road’ at least be easy?”

  “Great things never start out easy.” His eyes soften. Grow tender.

  “What are you, like a life coach?” His expression stills at my question, and then he nods.

  “Yes, I do like to help people.”

  “Do you think you’re going to help me?” I watch his face closely for his answer.

  “I’d like to.” And he does. It’s written perfectly across the lines forming on his flawless face.

  “Do you have any glue?” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood.

  “What?” His eyebrows rise, causing a frown to set in his features.

  “That might be an easier way for you to help put me back together.” I smirk.

  He laughs, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.

  “Seriously, Chase, I’m not a pet project for you to fix. You can’t just take glue and put me back together.”

  “I can’t guarantee it, but I can sure have fun trying. Okay, enough of this profound shit. Want to eat?” He cocks an eyebrow at me.

  “Sure, I would love to. I’m starved.”

  “Come over here,” I make my way to him. From where we are now perched it’s as if we’re sitting on the edge of the world. No one around but us, no sounds but nature.

  “Look what I have here. Prosciutto, cherry tomatoes, mozzarella and lots of ice cold—okay, warm wine.” He laughs.

  “Oh my God, you walked all the way up here with all that in your backpack?”

  “It’s nothing. Seriously, I climbed Makalu, Everest and Mount Kilimanjaro. Walking up this hill with a little food is like walking down the road for me.

  “You don’t have to be such a show-off.” I roll my eyes at him.

  He smirks, and all is right in my world.

  “This is wonderful, Chase, and absolutely perfect.”

  “These are the moments, this view . . . look around y
ou. You just have to be happy in the moment.” His chest rises and falls with his breathing. Standing here, I understand why Chase loves this place so much. I understand why people go out of their way to discover it. We sit down in silence, and this time it’s peaceful rather than jarring. I stare out into the distance and admire the flat clouds blanketing the sun from above. Everyday concerns blow away with each peaceful gust of wind.

  Time stands still as we sit here. Minutes pass, but they are irrelevant. Time is irrelevant. All that matters is the right here, the right now.

  “How about you take a few pictures. Here, try.” He holds the camera out to me. His gaze locks on mine for what seems like an eternity. My breathing becomes ragged, and I run my fingers through my hair, pulling at my scalp. My vision drifts away from him, and I look up at the sky.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  It was a simple statement for the moment but held more meaning. He nods in understanding. This is why it’s easy to be with Chase. He understands me. He knows just what to say to make me laugh, to calm me.

  “Let me help you. Point the camera on what you want to focus on, like I showed you when we were climbing up here. Once you picked an image turn the focusing ring. When it starts to highlight and sharpen, you capture the image. There is no right or wrong. That’s the beauty of art. Just take pictures, and together we’ll see what we can make of it.”

  “Okay.” I pull the camera toward me and focus it like he told me. I focus out into the distance.

  “So, you’ve been shooting all your life, but you never told me what made you pick up a camera.”

  “I was very rebellious growing up. I used to get in all sorts of trouble. One time I got caught shoplifting from a grocery store near our apartment. My parents were shocked. It wasn’t like we needed the money. Quite the contrary, actually. They sent me to a psychologist. I was always very artistic, always had an eye for beauty. When the therapist suggested I pick up a hobby—that I needed an outlet for my rebellion—they bought me a camera. My first. They encouraged me to always have it on me. I shot everything. Everyone. I went to college and tried to hone my craft, but truth be told, halfway through freshman year, I couldn’t stand being in one place. I felt locked up, so I left. Dropped out.”

  “What did you do? What did your parents say?”