Hidden Worlds

by Kristie Cook

  “Good,” I say without the slightest hesitation.

  Kellan is subdued. “Well. I need to … um … go tell Karl about the change of plans and see about how things can be switched around.” He looks back down at me hesitantly, rubbing at his hair. Then he says to himself, almost inaudibly, “Alright. Fine,” as he walks out the door.

  chapter 49

  I am sitting on a step halfway down the staircase, leaning against the wooden railing. There’s this poem I’d read when I was little, about how the middle of a staircase is a safe place. Neither up nor down. A decision-free zone. And this is how it feels as I sit here. Upstairs, in my bedroom, there is the agony of tears and abysses. Downstairs and out the door is the reality of Jonah’s betrayal. Here on the stairs, there is nothing but me.

  Somewhere nearby, Karl and Caleb question Kellan about the reasoning behind his change of heart about Annar.

  “She begged me to come,” Kellan answers, his voice far too vulnerable.

  The guilt in me grows. The safety of the stairs is disappearing.

  “Just keep it in the forefront of your mind that she’s just had her heart literally blown to smithereens by Jonah,” Caleb says.

  “Believe me, I know,” Kellan says so quietly that I can barely make out his words. “I saw it in every last detail.”

  “She needs to talk to him,” Karl says.

  “She doesn’t want to,” Kellan counters. “And, I’m not going to push it just because you think they should talk.”

  “They’re Connected!” Karl snaps. “You think this distance will make things easier on her? Them? Think again. Speaking from experience, I can assure you the best thing they can do right now is work this out as quickly as possible.”

  Stony silence fills the house before Karl adds, “You going with her to Annar is only going to make things worse, Kellan.”

  Anger envelopes me with a vengeance.

  The wooden railing cracks loudly under my fingers, a sharp fissure racing the length of the banister. I jerk back, startled. The movement is enough, though. A ripple shudders throughout the wood as it splits entirely in half, crashing to the ground with a deafening thud.

  Horrified, I recoil back against the wall. Oh my gods, I’ve destroyed something again, and like with the tree and fence, I hadn’t even been aware of doing it. Which makes it all the more terrifying, because it’s exactly what I’ve been frightened of for years.

  I am not in control of my powers. Maybe I’m exactly what my mom accused me of being: a scared girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing. And that thought nearly pushes me over the edge of sanity.

  The little voice argues with me, insists this is not the case, that there’s a very real and valid reason why I’m falling apart, but just then, Karl, Kellan, and Caleb dart into the living room. All three come to a halt, gaping at the mutilated railing at their feet. I don’t even know what to say.

  It takes a minute, but Kellan eventually steps over the railing and makes his way up the steps to me. “Don’t worry about this,” he says calmly, taking my hands in his. “It’s nothing.”

  “I’ll … I’ll fix it,” I manage hoarsely.

  “Later,” Caleb gently insists, and then he and Karl retreat back into the kitchen. Kellan slouches on the step below me, stretching out his long legs against what is left of the railing. He waits until our friends are gone before asking quietly, “Do you maybe want to talk to my brother on the phone? You wouldn’t have to see him … just talk. Or not even talk, just hear what he has to say.”

  The pictures on the wall behind us begin to vibrate. I have to focus to get the hysteria under control. “No.”

  “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it might help to hear from him.”

  I stare off into the distance and try to piece together my reasons. But all I can come up with is, “It’s too much.”

  He sighs, but doesn’t push. “Did Karl tell you J came here last night?”

  I nod.

  “He’s so pissed at me right now since I wouldn’t let him in.” Our hands find each other.

  My eyes narrow in on the tiny cut above Kellan’s lip. How did I miss that this morning? Did Jonah hit him? How dare Jonah even remotely think about getting mad at his brother! Wasn’t he the one who’d wronged me?

  Kellan continues, “Didn’t you hear anything? I could’ve sworn we woke up the entire neighborhood.”

  “No. No sounds. Nothing but black.” I think about the abyss and ask, “Was that you?”

  “Was what me?” he asks, running his thumb up and down mine. It feels good. Beyond good, actually.

  I struggle to focus on what we’re talking about. “The black. The abyss.”

  “No, C. I can do deep depression, enough to create an abyss and more, but I would never do that to you.”

  “And the numbness?”

  “Oh, well … that’s me. I thought numb would be better than hysterical. Do you want me to stop?”

  I shake my head. Numb is definitely better than having to feel anything acutely. “Kellan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Am I overreacting?”

  He studies me quietly.

  “I mean,” I clarify, “you obviously know a lot more about emotions than I do. Is this … normal? Freaking out like I am. Shutting down. All over something like seeing my …” I have to swallow first. “Jonah … kissing someone?”

  “I think that if this is the reaction your heart gives you, then you are not overreacting. Hearts don’t lie.”

  “What about ‘mind over matter’—”

  He cuts me off. “Our minds do not rule our emotions. Our hearts do. Chloe, listen to me … If this is how you feel, then it is how it is.” He pauses, looks away. “Besides, it’s the Connection. People who have Connections and are separated from each other don’t deal with it well.”

  A car door slams outside and I nearly jerk out of my skin.

  “It’ll just be Cora,” he says flatly.

  And he’s right. She strolls into the house without bothering to knock. “Ready to go?”

  Kellan doesn’t say anything to her. He merely regards my Cousin with narrowed eyes. Then he squeezes my hand and leaves.

  Cora sits down in his spot. She nods at the twisted half-sticks before us. “What happened?”

  I murmur, embarrassed, “I guess I got upset.”

  She nods, as if this was expected. “Look. I need to talk to you about some stuff before you leave. Let’s go sit on the porch.”

  We settle on a comfortable bench that my mother has fitted with an overstuffed pad. Cora looks out at the front yard and says, “I brought your homework, just in case.”

  Like that’s even on my radar at the moment.

  She smiles and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, I know.” Then she takes a deep breath, blowing the air out hard and loud. She nods once, twice, before turning to face me. “What are you playing at?”

  I am stunned, not prepared in the slightest for this particular question. “What?”

  “Kellan was going to stay behind, so, I’m assuming it was at your request that he changed his mind and is now going to Annar.” She sighs loudly through her nose. “Why would you do that?”

  Blink. Blink. Huh? I tell her, “I need him.” It’s the honest truth. I don’t care if she understands it or not. She doesn’t have to.

  “You do not need Kellan. What you need to do is to go and talk to Jonah.” I flinch at his name but she doesn’t seem to notice. “Just a couple of days ago, you were engaged to Jonah! And now you’re, what, running away with Kellan? What the hell?”

  I can’t believe this is Cora, that she’s saying these things. “You didn’t see what I saw!”

  “You mean the kiss?” The grass in front of me blurs slowly before coming back into focus. “He showed me.” Her face remains calm—how is she doing that? How can her voice and words contradict so much with how her face looks?

  Confused, I ask, “Kellan?”

  “Jonah,” Cora
stresses, grabbing my hand. Her fingers are like hot pokers: judgmental and painful.

  And then what she’d said finally hits me. She’s seen Jonah, she had to have been with him to see something like that. Oh, oh, what did she see, what did he say, was he missing me, was he okay, was he sad, was he happy I was gone, is he happy with Callie, is she still with him?

  The little voice urges me to focus. “I’m … surprised he would show you that.”

  “He didn’t purposely show me! I surged, and he was so off his game at the moment, I was able to see bits and pieces. I want you to know it took me a good couple minutes to calm him down before we could even talk, not to mention fix the damage you did when you decided to attack him with twenty tons of fencing material.”

  FIX. THE DAMAGE. I’D DONE?

  Black spots appear and grow before my eyes. I’ve hurt him, and there’s nothing to ever excuse this. Not even his cheating and lying.

  “You could’ve killed him, Chloe. What were you thinking?”

  Everything just sort of splinters in my mind. The black now encompasses half of my eyesight. “I … I didn’t …”

  She stands up. “Do you remember when they first got here, and you knew who he was, and yet you decided to throw yourself at Kellan? And Jonah actually forgave you, which still beats the shit out of me, because I sure as heck wouldn’t have. I mean, you dated his brother. That’s

  just …” She shakes her head, disgusted. “Yet, he makes one tiny mistake, and you won’t even give him the opportunity to tell you his side of the story? You’re a hypocrite, Chloe.”

  This is my best friend, my Cousin, and she is taking his side. My boyfriend cheats on me, and Cora defends it, calling it a tiny mistake.

  “Do you even know what things are like for him right now? Are any of his so-called friends telling you?” she asks angrily, but she doesn’t wait for me to answer. “No? Well, let me fill you in. His emotions are so out of control that when I stepped into his house, I felt like I was on a rollercoaster. And now, with what you’re doing to Kellan …”

  Kellan? I blink at her, trying to hold on. The black doesn’t clear, though. It’s only getting worse.

  “Have you even stopped to think what insisting on him going to Annar with you will do to their relationship?”

  “Stop,” I whisper, blinking furiously.

  She doesn’t hear me. “They are twins, and you are hacking at their bond with an ax! Even worse, it is almost like you’re doing it with a grin on your face!”

  The blackness is so overwhelming now that I know it’s only moments before I’m gone. Even still, I manage to shriek, “Do I look like I am smiling?”

  Caleb’s voice suddenly barks, “Enough Cora!” He hovers in the air next to her, anger practically steaming off his body. When did he come out here? Has he been here the whole time?

  My hands shake as the tears I’ve tried so hard to hold back finally fall. I break down and start sobbing again. “He … he … How can you take his side?”

  And now Kellan’s outside, the door slamming behind him. “Cora, what the hell are you doing?”

  “She needs to hear the truth, Kellan,” my Cousin says defiantly.

  “Yeah, you are so good with the truth,” he spits back.

  She jabs a finger in his direction. “Why aren’t you letting him talk to her? He’s her Connection, Kellan, not you! Why are you even here?”

  “Stop it, stop it,” I weakly cry out, but their voices are much louder than mine.

  “Stay out of this, Cora. It’s none of your business,” Kellan growls.

  “It’s just as much my business as it is yours. I can’t believe you. Are you so ready to throw away your brother for a girl that—”

  “ENOUGH!” Caleb roars, flying in between them. “You go too far, Cora. Kellan’s right—this doesn’t concern you, so shut up!”

  She’s stunned momentarily into silence—Caleb has never yelled at her before. I throw him the best weak, but grateful, smile I can muster. But then the defiance comes back as Cora swivels her focus back to Kellan. “Did any of you bother to try to tell Chloe what Jonah is saying?”

  “She made it clear to me that she didn’t want to talk about it. I’m respecting her wishes. Are you?”

  “If you guys stopped indulging her—”

  “NO!” I scream, shoving my hands over my ears. “Stop it! I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM!”

  Cora’s mouth snaps shut as Kellan says, “Point made.”

  I sag, and before I know it, dark hands pull me back under the oily waters of the abyss.

  chapter 50

  I wake up in Karl and Moira’s apartment early in the morning, well before sunrise. The entire house is quiet, but, somehow or other, I know I’m not the only one up. I wander the house until I find him sitting out on a huge balcony, overlooking Karnach.

  “She’s alive!” I joke weakly, hands held up like Frankenstein’s monster.

  Kellan smiles and I sit down next to him. He hands me his mug of tea and I curl my hands around the warmth. “Why are you up?” I ask.

  Instead of answering, he looks out at Karnach. “It’s very pretty at night, isn’t it? They keep it lit up at all hours. Karnach never goes dark.”

  But I did. And it turns out, after asking him what day it is, that I’ve been asleep on and off for three days. Which is terrifying and, if I’m being honest, more than a bit embarrassing.

  Kellan is gentle with his questions. “Do you remember anything from those days? Did you dream?”

  No, there were no dreams—just the all-encompassing blackness. I tell him this and he nods as if he already knows. So I ask him, once more, if this is a normal reaction, because I’m thinking it isn’t.

  He chooses his words carefully. “Sjharn visited yesterday, if that’s what you’re asking. He expected you’d wake up soon enough on your own, though. That was reassuring.”

  But Kellan himself doesn’t look reassured. Not really.

  Karl and Moira are the epitome of gracious hosts. I can barely lift a finger before Moira appears with a cup of tea or a new blanket for me to snuggle under. Karl attributes this to nesting, since the baby is due any day. I hope she’ll come while I’m in Annar so Karl will be present at the birth. Maybe if he sees his little girl he’ll finally agree to assign someone else to me and stick closer to home. I’d miss Karl, having come to rely on him a lot over the last year, but this is where he really belongs.

  No one brings up what happened back home with Jonah, which I’m grateful for. And, for the most part, I’ve been able to keep the memories at bay since waking up from the last trip to the abyss. It’s like I’m aware they’re there but they are locked up tight enough I don’t have to relive any part in detail if I don’t have to.

  And I absolutely do not want to.

  Friday evening, after dinner, Kellan suggests we take a walk around the neighborhood, something Moira and Karl insist is a good idea. I don’t really want to, but I consent when I realize it’s something everyone believes I ought to do.

  A lot of people are out and about on the streets when we exit the building. “There’s this Guard party tomorrow night, and me, Karl, and Moira are expected to go,” Kellan says as we linger at a stoplight. “I was thinking … maybe you’d like to come with? As a distraction of sorts?”

  The last thing I want to do is go to a party, but as the alternative is to stay home alone, I agree. And me saying I’ll go seems to relieve Kellan some, so I figure it’s the right answer.

  After we’ve walked several blocks, he pulls me into a chocolate shop, explaining, “I’m told this is one of the best places in the city for desserts, and I know how much you love your chocolate. Besides, Moira’s craving some, and Karl said we couldn’t come back without a box for her.”

  He’s so sweet to bring me here. I am not surprised, though. This is the sort of person Kellan is.

  We’ve just begun perusing the different offerings whe
n the door opens, bringing with it an extremely beautiful, dark-haired girl. “Kellan Whitecomb,” she purrs. “I thought that was you! I was across the way at a cafÉ with some friends and had to dash over, since you’re so hard to pin down nowadays.”

  Kellan’s discomfort is palpable. But he manages a smile, and while I can tell it’s forced, one of inconvenience rather than insincerity, she doesn’t appear to be able to tell the difference. She continues to bat her thick black eyelashes at him so hard I wonder if she’s got something in her eyes. “Gina. What are you doing in Annar? Last I heard, you were in Greece.”

  “You could’ve come,” she drawls. “You were invited.”

  “Yes, well,” he says, hooking his fingers in his back pockets, “I’ve been very busy.”

  She flicks a look toward me. “Who’s this?” The way she says this is distinctly insulting, especially since she asked him rather than me. But then I catch a brief glance of myself in one of the windows and realize, with a sinking heart, that I look like the wreck I feel I am.

  “I’m Chloe,” I answer, attempting a smile. “You’re a friend of Kellan’s?”

  “I suppose you could say we’re … friends.” She studies me carefully, her dark-brown eyes narrowing. “Chloe … Where do I know that name?”

  Kellan yawns. “You didn’t answer me, Gina. What are you doing in Annar?”

  “Other than wanting to hook up with you again?” She licks her lips in this really sexy, forward way. This is the sort of girl he’s been dating? “I’m here for the party tomorrow night. I wouldn’t dream of missing it, not when I figure you’ll be there, too.”

  “Yeah, we’ll be there,” Kellan answers, sounding bored.

  Yeah, Gina. We. “How do you two know each other?” I interrupt, forcing her to reluctantly turn her attention back to me.

  “Kellan and I, we’ve had some fun, haven’t we?” She smirks again, twisting a strand of hair around her fingers. I try not to think about what she’s insinuating.