‘By the way, I never intended to kill Nathan. I was just demonstrating that I could if I wanted to.’
38
Nathan
It went without saying that I was prepared to protect Gemma with my life, but I never actually thought I’d need to until tonight. I held her in my arms while she sobbed. I knew she felt guilty that Alfie had taken his anger out on me. It wasn’t Gemma’s fault, so there was no point making her feel worse than she already did. It was Alfie’s inability to behave in a rational way that was to blame. I was relieved he hadn’t hurt her. I would never have forgiven myself if something happened to her. We wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for me.
Growing up with an absent parent made me cherish the people who really mattered in life. I’d had first-hand experience of not being able to rely on the person who should have protected me, so I knew how essential it was to look after your nearest and dearest. I would always have Gemma’s back. I was sure that was why she cut me some slack.
I’d spent my whole life learning to get along without my dad. He wasn’t there for me when I was growing up, and that was painful and confusing. It cast a shadow over my life and relationships in a significant way until Gemma came along and put everything into perspective. Before that, I’d been scared to lay myself bare in case I was rejected again. I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with the pain, so I’d decided I was better off on my own.
Gemma constantly proved her love to me. Her loyalty made me feel secure and good about myself, so I put her on a pedestal. I wanted her to understand how important and special she was to me. She quickly became the centre of my world. But I battled not to suffocate her in our relationship due to my insecure feelings. Suppressing my jealousy and possessiveness was a constant challenge.
To get to the root of my problems, Gemma encouraged me to talk about the past and my non-existent relationship with my dad. I was eaten up by poisoned thoughts. When she told me about the issues she had with her family, it gave me the courage to open up and let her in. She was patient and didn’t try to rush the process. Instead, she chipped away the hard exterior I’d built up over time. Gemma was a good listener and was genuinely concerned about my worries. By sharing our bad experiences, it made us bond as a couple.
When I met Gemma, I was in a pretty dark place. The absence of the man who was supposed to be there to help me through the trials of life had left its mark on me, even though my mum had done her best to take his place. She’d taught me things that my father should have and assumed a role she should never have had to take on. I adored her for that. But by overcompensating, she inadvertently accentuated the feeling that something was missing in my life. But thankfully, Gemma filled that void. That was one of the reasons I was overprotective towards her.
39
Gemma
Nathan held my hand and led me to where Alfie was waiting for us on deck. In the distance, I could see the lights from the other boats twinkling on the water. They looked beautiful, but I wasn’t here to admire the view.
‘Seeing as you were so desperate to know what was going on, why don’t you take a look in the bag?’
I turned my face towards Nathan’s. I wished I’d listened to him now and stayed in our room. Giving me a gentle smile, he squeezed my hand, offering me some reassurance.
‘Come on, Gemma, what are you waiting for?’ Alfie passed me a black holdall.
My fingers trembled as they closed around the handle. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open it.
‘Let’s go below deck,’ Alfie said.
Putting the bag down on the polished table, I unzipped it, aware that all eyes were on me. I drew in a breath as I looked inside. I couldn’t say I was surprised to see polythene-wrapped packages. I’d suspected Alfie was a dealer for some time now.
‘Do you know what that is?’ Alfie asked.
I felt myself shudder and then swept my hair back over my shoulder, hoping to appear unfazed. ‘Something illegal,’ I managed to reply.
Alfie roared with laughter. ‘That’s right, Gemma.’
‘Is it heroin?’ Nathan rasped, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. His voice sounded hoarse. It was obvious that it was painful for him to speak.
‘No, it’s cocaine. In a major city like London, this will have an estimated street value of fifty thousand pounds a kilo,’ Alfie said, patting the top of the bag before he smoothed back his blond hair with the palm of his hand.
That was a huge amount of money. But I was sure there must be easier ways to make a living.
‘Drug trafficking can be dangerous, but it has its rewards.’
‘I realise it’s lucrative but what about the people whose lives you ruin?’ I asked, shaking my head from side to side.
Nathan threw me a look, and I felt the mood shift.
‘That’s quite an accusation. How do I ruin people’s lives?’
‘You sell them addictive drugs.’ I fixed Alfie with a glare.
‘You’re mistaken, Gemma, I’m not a dealer, I’m a distributor. I just provide the stock. But it’s not as easy as you think. It can be hazardous sometimes.’
‘Do you seriously think being an addict isn’t dangerous?’ I said, my voice laced with sarcasm. Alfie took a step towards me, and I backed away in case my comment made him see red. I remembered how quickly his mood changed earlier, and I didn’t want his violent side to make another appearance.
‘Listen, Gemma, do yourself a favour and stop lecturing me.’
I faced Alfie with the most apologetic smile I could manage, realising I’d better shut up before I pushed him too far. ‘I’m sorry, I seem to be suffering from a bad case of verbal diarrhoea this evening.’
*
‘You need to pack your bags,’ Alfie said after he walked into our cabin the next morning with a huge grin on his face.
Were we finally going home? My eyes widened at the prospect, and I had to try and suppress a smile. ‘How come?’ I asked, clearing the croakiness from my throat.
‘We’re heading down to the south of France. You’re going to love it. You might even get to rub shoulders with the rich and famous.’
I let out an involuntary groan and realised it was too late to attempt to hide my disappointment.
‘Why do we need to pack? Aren’t we going to sail?’ Nathan asked.
‘No, we’re going to take the train instead.’
‘How long will that take?’ I asked.
‘About ten hours.’
My mouth fell open. ‘Wouldn’t we be better off flying?’ I asked, not relishing the idea of a long train journey.
‘It’s too risky. Why go through passport control if you don’t need to?’
*
We arrived in Cannes just after seven-thirty that evening and checked in at the nearby Hôtel Barrière Le Majestic, a luxury hotel, overlooking the sea, on the Boulevard de la Croisette.
When I first saw our room, I thought it resembled a beach hut, albeit an elegant one, with its white wood-panelled walls. The soft furnishings were in calming shades of blue, and the furniture was made from bleached driftwood. The interior had a relaxed coastal charm about it.
Opening the large French windows, I stepped out onto the private balcony and stared into the darkness. Detaching myself from my immediate surroundings, I allowed the sound of the ocean to clear my mind as I gazed into the distance. Then my mobile received a text from Alfie, and it brought me back down to earth.
As it’s late, we’ll eat at the hotel’s restaurant.
*
Nathan and I made our way to the Petite Maison de Nicole and were shown to a table for two, overlooking the pool. When our food arrived, it was superb, beautifully cooked and presented.
‘That was delicious, but I’m glad we’re not paying the bill,’ I said, putting my knife and fork back on my plate. I couldn’t help feeling seventy-five euros for the main course was a little excessive.
‘Yeah, I know, but we might as well make the most of it. We’ll never get to eat anywhe
re like this again,’ Nathan replied, leaning towards me and planting a kiss on my lips.
When Nathan sat back in his chair, I glanced up and noticed Alfie observing me. My pulse began to quicken. His stare was relentless as he examined my every move, like a hunter watching his prey. How long was he going to keep looking at me? I wanted to stare him down, but the intensity of his eyes made me feel too uncomfortable, so I decided to look away. As soon as I did, he sent me a text.
Meet me in the lobby at ten o’clock.
*
Alfie sat in a leather chair, reading an English newspaper while he waited for me to arrive. As I made my way towards him, I felt fear. No, it was more than fear, I was completely terrified. Sheer panic coursed through my veins and made my heart pound wildly inside my chest. I started to hyperventilate as my terror intensified. I’d have to pull myself together. I didn’t want to give Alfie the satisfaction of seeing me like this, but the thought of meeting him on my own was scaring the life out of me.
‘Gemma,’ Alfie said, putting the paper down on a side table. ‘You’re looking beautiful as ever.’
We stepped outside the hotel and walked along La Croisette’s wide promenade, which stretched along the shore of the Mediterranean. Even on a cold winter’s day like today, the sun shone brightly above us, in a cloudless blue sky, while the calm turquoise water lapped at the sand. The Côte d’Azur was beautiful. The whole place oozed class with its elegant restaurants, designer shops and jewellery boutiques but I was sure we weren’t here for a holiday.
Alfie gestured for us to sit down on a bench. At that moment, a gentle breeze blew in from the sea and rustled the palm trees on the white sand beach in front of us.
‘I’ve got a little job for you to do.’ Alfie passed me a ring box, and his face broke into a huge grin.
I looked out to sea and wished I could be anywhere but here. Alfie had just ruined my morning.
‘Oh, great!’ I didn’t bother trying to disguise the sound of disappointment in my voice.
The thought of carrying out another robbery made me feel sick to my stomach. Finally, curiosity got the better of me, and I opened the box.
‘It’s incredible, isn’t it? Terry’s outdone himself this time.’ Alfie took the beautiful oval-shaped ring out of my hand. ‘Remember it’s the same routine as before. Once you’ve got the ring, come out of the store and turn left. I’ll be waiting in a nearby car.’
‘Is Nathan coming with me?’ I turned towards Alfie.
‘Not this time. It would be too risky at the moment.’
Now that Alfie had put Nathan’s close call in my mind, I stood up, suddenly overcome with nerves. ‘I don’t want to do the job on my own.’
‘Sit down, Gemma.’
When Alfie pulled out a cigarette from his inside pocket and lit it, my eyes were drawn to the handle of his gun. I knew I wouldn’t be able to back out. I didn’t have another option.
‘Why have you suddenly got cold feet?’
I tried to think of something to say. But even if I came up with a litany of excuses, Alfie wouldn’t listen to any of them. He didn’t need to. He had me trapped. I inhaled a lungful of sea air as I attempted to regain composure, but I was fighting a losing battle.
‘I’m scared I’ll mess up this time.’
‘You won’t.’ Alfie stood up, dropped the cigarette he was smoking and crushed it with his heel. ‘Let’s go.’
I know I have a tendency to overthink things, and that makes them seem scarier than they actually are, but I looked down at my hands as they trembled in my lap and I knew I couldn’t go through with it this time. No matter what the consequences were.
I stood up and turned towards Alfie. Then took a step back to create some distance between us. He wasn’t going to like what I was going to say. If I was going to get out of this situation, I’d have to stay calm and focus. As long as I didn’t let Alfie get inside my head, he couldn’t take control of me.
‘I’m sorry, Alfie, but I can’t go through with it.’
Alfie’s nostrils flared as he studied my face. I could see he was angry. I just hoped he’d be able to control his temper. I had a horrible feeling I was about to find out whether the gun inside his jacket had a bullet with my name on. I felt a shiver run down my spine at the thought of that. Alfie’s eyes bored into mine for what felt like the longest moment. Then he smiled, picked up a lock of my hair and stroked it between his thumb and forefinger before he tucked the strand behind my ear.
40
Gemma
Nathan had come up with a plan to solve all our problems. If he could win some money, when Alfie took us out to a casino tonight, he’d be able to clear our debt. I pointed out to him his idea had a fatal flaw. It wasn’t going to help. We were part of Alfie’s team now, and he’d already told us our debt was no longer relevant. I had a horrible feeling the evening wasn’t going to end well. Nathan ignored my concerns. Nothing was going to dampen his enthusiasm. He was like an excited child at Christmas.
We’d moved hotels since I’d refused to carry out the latest robbery, but instead of leaving the country, we were now staying along the coast at the Hyatt Regency Nice Palais de la Méditerranée. The impressive building, in the heart of Nice, towered above the Bay of Angels.
To say our room was luxurious was an understatement. Nathan opened the door, and I stepped onto the thick gold-coloured carpet, which felt springy underfoot. I immediately noticed a vastness of blue sky and sea through the full-length glass sliding doors on the far side of the room. After walking to where a single white orchid stood on a black lacquered table in front of the windows, I looked out at the balcony and the panoramic view of the bay beyond. Nathan was more interested in the enormous bed and threw himself face down onto the gold satin sheets draped with a velvet throw.
‘This is the life. I’d never get bored of this kind of luxury,’ Nathan said, running his hands over the smooth bedding.
I let out a long sigh. I hated living on the edge like this; it didn’t appeal to me at all. I found it stressful, and that was driving a wedge between us that he seemed oblivious to.
Nathan rolled over and propped himself up on one elbow.
‘What’s up, Gemma?’
‘Nothing.’ I shrugged my shoulders.
Nathan joined me at the window. He threw his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him, but I turned my head away to avoid his kiss.
‘I’m going to have a bath,’ I said, releasing myself from his embrace.
Opening the door to the black marble bathroom, I was delighted to see fluffy towels, a robe and slippers waiting for me. Nathan flashed me a cheeky smile and followed me into the bathroom. He was hanging around like a puppy did when it was hoping for a biscuit and a tummy rub, and it was getting on my nerves. I knew exactly what was on his mind, but I wasn’t in the mood.
‘Can I join you?’
‘I’m shattered, Nathan.’
‘OK, I can take a hint.’ Nathan left me alone, but moments later, he called from outside the bathroom door. ‘I won’t be long; I’m going to have a Turkish bath.’
Thank God for that, I thought. I was glad to have some time on my own. Maybe relaxing in some warm bubbles would help me to unwind.
*
When Nathan returned, I was stretched out on the plush purple velvet sofa, snuggled in a towelling bathrobe, with a large glass of wine in one hand and OK magazine in the other.
‘How was it?’
‘Really good. After you rejected me, I worked up a sweat in the sauna and steam room instead.’ Nathan turned down the corners of his mouth, feigning sadness.
I rolled my eyes.
‘Lighten up, Gem, I’m only joking. But seriously, it was a great experience. The massage was incredible.’ Nathan beamed.
I was glad he’d enjoyed it and could tell he was itching to tell me about it. It was so obvious he wanted to make me jealous.
‘Was the therapist pretty?’
‘Only if you like the sumo
wrestler look.’
She couldn’t have been that bad. I suddenly pictured a woman resembling a shot putter pumped full of steroids manhandling Nathan and had to bite down on my lip to try and suppress a smile.
‘Honestly, Gem, I’m not joking, the guy was like an ape. He was huge and hairy.’ Nathan laughed.
I raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought you were going to say, a tiny waif-like creature had worked on the knots in your back, with her small, but incredibly strong fingers, before she walked up and down your spine.’
‘That’s what I was expecting as well. But instead, I got a rub-down from King Kong. I don’t mind telling you when he lathered my body with this sudsy cloth, which looked a bit like a pillowcase, I nearly had to beg for mercy.’
The whole experience sounded delightful. I couldn’t hold in my laughter any longer.
‘The massage was brutal. It felt like he was grappling with each of my limbs in turn. Then he started scrubbing me with a scratchy thing. I’ve never seen anything like it; it was like a giant corn on the cob.’
‘You mean a loofah?’ I smiled.
‘Is that what it’s called? Well, anyway, I’m surprised I’ve got any skin left, after the amount that fell off! Anyone would think I was part reptile.’
I burst out laughing and then pulled a face. ‘Nathan, that’s disgusting.’
‘Then, in case I wasn’t clean enough, he gave me another lathering with the pillowcase thing and rinsed me off with freezing cold water! I was meant to have a massage with hot oil after that, but I couldn’t face it.’
Nathan poured himself a glass of wine. He wasn’t painting a very good picture. I wasn’t sure I’d bother to go; it sounded horrendous.
‘I feel squeaky clean now, and my complexion is positively glowing, don’t you think?’ Nathan laughed and turned his head so I could see his handsome profile.
The time we’d spent apart today had done us both some good. It had cleared the air between us. We weren’t normally together all day, every day and I’d got to the point where I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as my husband. That sounded terrible, but I was only human, and sometimes people needed to give each other space so that they could appreciate each other again.
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