I was tempted to make a comment about his snoring keeping me awake for half the night, but I didn’t want Alfie to pick up on the tension between us.
‘I’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your breakfast, but when you’ve finished, go and pack your stuff; we’re heading off again.’
I hadn’t meant to sigh as loudly as I did, but it was too late to stop it now. I didn’t look up from my plate because I could sense Alfie watching me.
44
Gemma
‘If you don’t go shopping again for me, I’ll be forced to tell Nathan about the other night,’ Alfie said.
But instead of replying, I suddenly started laughing. I didn’t mean to, but Alfie made me so uncomfortable I couldn’t help myself. The moment I felt anxious, I often reacted this way. Nerves were a funny thing, weren’t they? They affected people in different ways.
‘You’ve got to be joking,’ I finally replied. I had to fight the sudden urge to slap him around the face.
Nothing had happened between us, but being a skilled manipulator, he knew there was a good chance this tactic would work. Nathan had a jealous streak, so if Alfie planted the seed of doubt, I wasn’t sure who he’d believe. Alfie could be very persuasive when he wanted to be. I weighed up the pros and cons, and against my better judgement, I found myself agreeing to do the job.
*
Cartier’s was just minutes away from our hotel on the Promenade des Anglais. I stood on the pavement outside the store on Avenue de Verdun, looking in the window before I plucked up the courage to enter the prestigious store. Something didn’t feel right this time. I hoped my nerves weren’t about to give me away. A loud, critical voice suddenly began talking in my head, telling me not to do it. I tried to ignore it, but it was persistent. Composing myself, I switched on automatic pilot and walked inside.
A sales assistant with an unfortunate hairline, male-patterned baldness at its best, approached me as soon as I walked in.
‘Bonjour, madame,’ he said, clasping his hands in front of his chest.
‘Bonjour.’
‘Is that an English accent I can detect?’
‘Yes.’ As I replied, the running commentary continued inside my head. Why was this happening to me? I needed to stay strong, and not listen to the voice speaking to me loud and clear. I knew it must belong to my anxiety. I wished it would shut up and let me get on with the job in hand.
‘My mother was English. She grew up in London,’ the assistant divulged. ‘When I was a child, I used to visit my grandparents every summer.’
‘How lovely,’ I said, wondering how much of his life story he was going to tell me.
‘Would you like some help or are you just browsing?’
‘I’d like some help, please.’ I looked at my watch. ‘I don’t have much time. I’m in a bit of a hurry.’ Hopefully, he’d take the hint and cut out the small talk.
‘In that case, how can I help you?’
‘My mother loves big cats. She’s obsessed with them, so I want to buy her a bracelet for a special birthday that’s coming up,’ I said, hoping my nerves weren’t as evident as they felt.
‘Well, you’ve come to the right place. Cartier has always been famous for its feline jewellery.’
‘I know it’s a tall order, but do you have anything similar to Wallis Simpson’s panther bracelet?’ I asked, giving him my best smile.
The assistant raised his eyebrows. ‘You know the original one sold at auction for over five million euros.’
‘That’s a bit more than I was hoping to spend.’ I laughed. ‘But if I get change out of a million, I’ll be happy.’
Getting down to business, the assistant took a magnificent piece of jewellery from the display. ‘How about this?’ He held the bracelet out in front of me. ‘You’ll notice the panther has joints along its entire length, which allows it to drape itself and encircle the wrist.’
‘That’s just what I’m looking for. How much is it?’
‘Eight hundred thousand euros,’ he replied, then quickly attempted to justify the hefty price tag. ‘A Cartier panther bracelet is a thing of exquisite beauty. It’s pave-set with onyx and eight hundred and thirty-three diamonds and it’s made from eighteen-carat white gold,’ he said, putting it on my wrist.
‘It’s beautiful. I love the colour of the eyes.’
‘Yes, the emeralds are stunning, aren’t they?’
My phone began to ring, so I slipped my hand inside my bag but had trouble unfastening the clasp. To avoid arousing suspicion, I had to abandon making the switch. I held my wrist towards the assistant after taking the call, and he released the clasp.
Holding the bracelet in my hand, I admired it from every angle and waited for another opportunity to steal it. I suddenly had an idea and began rummaging through my bag. I pulled out my purse and put the bracelet on the counter in front of me.
‘Oh no, I’ve forgotten my card,’ I said, biting down on my lip. ‘I must have left it back at the hotel. You do accept credit cards, don’t you?’
‘We accept some, but…’
‘I’ve got an American Express Centurion card,’ I said before he had time to finish his sentence, knowing he was probably concerned that my card’s limit wouldn’t be high enough to cover the purchase.
‘In that case, yes, you can pay by credit card.’
The assistant was obviously familiar with this exclusive black card that didn’t have a spending limit attached to it. It was the ultimate status symbol, available by invitation only to those people lucky enough to be too wealthy to carry cash.
I looked at my watch again to remind the assistant I was short of time. ‘I’ll have to go back and get it. I’ll be back in ten minutes.’
I needed to make my escape and get outside. I couldn’t wait to feel fresh air on my skin. So I forced myself to walk casually towards the glass doors, but it was harder than you can imagine. Each step was torture. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and beads of sweat formed on my upper lip.
Once outside, I did as instructed and turned left. I heard footsteps coming up behind me, so I quickened my pace. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw a man heading straight towards me. Panic gripped me as he started to close the gap, and I had to stop myself from breaking into a run. To my relief, he overtook me and disappeared into the crowd without giving me a second look.
*
The blacked-out Mercedes glided out onto the wide boulevard as soon as I got in the car.
‘We’re going to Monaco,’ Alfie said. ‘Sit back and enjoy the ride.’
I stared out of the tinted glass watching the beach as it whipped past the window, while I waited for my heartbeat to return to normal.
Alfie leant forward to talk to Tommy. ‘Even though the views of the Côte d’Azur are spectacular from the top road, you’d better avoid the Grande Corniche. I think it might be too hair-raising for Gemma in her current state.’
I suddenly pictured myself in a convertible, with the wind blowing through my hair, like Grace Kelly in To Catch a Thief.
‘Which road do you want me to take?’ Tommy asked.
‘The middle one,’ Alfie replied.
Tommy drove the Mercedes along the Moyenne Corniche, one of three roads carved into the mountainside high above the coastline. We sped along, the car hugging the rocks as it wound around the tight bends.
‘Don’t look so worried.’ Alfie laughed.
I gave him a sideways glance but continued to grip the door handle; my knuckles had turned white. Although the scenery was picturesque, I couldn’t admire the view. My stomach was in my mouth. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride for the entire forty-minute drive.
‘Head straight to the hotel, Tommy,’ Alfie said.
I hadn’t realised we’d arrived in Monaco until Alfie said that. There was nothing to indicate we’d left France and crossed over the border. But when I looked more closely, as we drove through the spotlessly clean streets, I couldn’t help noticing they were teeming with
wealthy people and luxury cars. Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Porsches were everywhere.
‘This is where millionaires and the international elite gather. It’s the playground of choice for the rich and famous,’ Alfie said.
How the other half live, I thought, taking in all the glitz and glamour.
The car came to a halt outside the Monte-Carlo Bay Hotel, a high-end beachfront resort. It had its very own lagoon, waterfalls and tropical gardens.
Our room was modern and spacious with white oak furnishings and sandstone floors. It faced the seafront, so I stepped out onto the balcony, to admire the sweeping views of the Mediterranean. I was somewhat disappointed. If I didn’t know better, I’d think we were in Las Vegas. Monte Carlo wasn’t at all what I’d expected. It was dominated by high-rise hotels and apartments. The concrete jungle was a million miles away from its sophisticated neighbour, the French Riviera.
Once we’d settled in, hopefully, we’d be able to get away from the skyscrapers for a while. It would be lovely to take the tourist trail and see some of the sights. Maybe we could wander around the old, narrow streets and beautiful buildings of the historic quarter for a while. We should make the most of it. We were never likely to come back to Monaco. It wasn’t exactly a budget-friendly location. Before I had a chance to suggest this to Nathan, Alfie barged his way into our room. I should have known he’d have other plans for us.
‘Meet me in the lobby in half an hour, and we’ll go for cocktails.’ He checked the time on his Rolex before he let himself out.
Crossing my arms in front of me, I let out a sigh.
*
‘I thought we’d go to a casino after dinner. You can’t stay in Monte Carlo and not visit one.’ Alfie stretched back in his chair as he sipped a mojito in the Blue Gin Bar.
‘Can’t you?’ My face was like thunder, and I threw Alfie a look, unimpressed by his suggestion.
Alfie flashed me a satisfied smile. ‘I need to give Nathan a chance to win back the money he lost, don’t I?’
‘We both know that’s not a good idea,’ I said, shooting Alfie another filthy look. I knew my words would fall on deaf ears.
‘Why are you looking at me like that? You’re becoming so bitter and twisted.’ Alfie laughed.
I raised an eyebrow. Did he blame me? If we went to the casino again tonight, I knew for certain that Nathan would end up owing more money. There was no chance of him winning anything. But Nathan had a theory that nearly winning money was almost as enjoyable as actually winning it. So he’d have a good time trying.
Taking Nathan to a casino pretty much guaranteed his spending would spiral out of control again. I felt like we were sinking in quicksand. His behaviour was wrecking both our lives. But my protests were being ignored as usual. Alfie was determined to exploit Nathan’s weakness, and I wasn’t going to be able to stop him. I might as well have been on another planet for all the notice he took of me.
*
After walking the short distance from our hotel to the Casino de Monte-Carlo, we stopped outside the building to admire the exterior. It looked incredible lit up against the dark night sky and was the epitome of opulence, with its marble atrium and onyx columns.
Once inside the gambler’s paradise, Nathan ordered a scotch and coke and settled himself down at the blackjack table. He’d been drinking heavily this evening. That was a bad sign. It would interfere with his concentration and affect his ability to make decisions. Having said that, Nathan appeared to be off to a good start, winning several hands in a row. But even if he’d been sober, I knew his luck wouldn’t last. That was the nature of the game: he’d never be able to beat the house.
‘Fingers crossed,’ Nathan said, flashing me a bright smile.
It would appear his words cursed his cards. With Nathan’s winning streak well and truly over, you would think that would give him the incentive to stop gambling, wouldn’t you? But he decided he might as well keep playing, to try and win the money back.
‘Place your bets,’ the croupier said, after Nathan took a seat at the roulette table.
Nathan put his chips on seven red, and the croupier spun the wheel. He threw the small white ball in the opposite direction, and it raced around the circular track.
‘No more bets.’
All eyes fixed on the ball running around the circumference of the wheel. It eventually lost momentum and fell into a numbered pocket. I had to look away when the croupier took Nathan’s pile of chips away. It had landed on twenty-two black.
‘Oh shit,’ Nathan said, gathering up the few he had left.
‘Don’t you think you should call it a night before you lose everything?’ I asked.
‘I’ll have one last game,’ Nathan replied, taking a seat at the poker table.
‘I’m going to get a drink.’
I ordered an espresso martini, but before I had taken a sip of the cocktail, Nathan arrived at the bar next to me.
‘That looks nice,’ he said.
Staring at him with fury burning in my eyes, I knew there was only one reason why he’d left the gaming tables. ‘So you’ve finally lost all the money, have you?’
45
Gemma
Nathan was a grown man, but he acted like a spoilt child when things didn’t go his way. Perhaps if Rosa had been stricter with him, instead of doting on him, he wouldn’t be like this now. Part of me felt bad blaming her – I was closer to her than my own mother, but ultimately she had played an important role in shaping the man her son had become.
I suppose deep down, I was as bad. Nathan had a vulnerability about him that brought out my protective side. He found it difficult to open up to people and had always been a bit of a loner. I’d also struggled with this, so we were on common ground. Nathan and I had always been so happy together in our couple bubble, I didn’t think we needed anybody else in our lives. Now I was questioning that.
When I met Nathan, he’d already experienced rejection on a huge scale. His father was someone he should have been able to rely on. But his absence from Nathan’s life had made him fear abandonment, so I’d always made excuses for his behaviour. I couldn’t deny his selfish streak ran deep.
Nathan knew I didn’t want him to go to the casino, but he took no notice of my concerns and now look at what had happened. Just as I predicted, he’d gone and lost more money. Money we couldn’t afford to lose. It was hard to know what to do for the best. As an outsider looking in, it would be easy to think I should just leave, and believe me, that idea had crossed my mind more than once over the years. But the bottom line was I didn’t want to be the one to initiate a break-up knowing how Nathan felt about abandonment. I couldn’t do that to him, and if I was totally honest, I was scared of being alone. I’d become isolated from my friends and had been estranged from my family for years.
My parents were wealthy, and so was my younger sister, Rebecca. I’d thought about picking up the phone and begging them to help us a million times since we first got involved with Alfie. But I couldn’t tell them about the situation we were in. They would never understand. They’d only judge me, and anyway, I well and truly closed that door when I married Nathan. My parents made me choose between them and Nathan. When I chose Nathan, it didn’t go down well. They said it would never last. I wanted to prove them wrong. That was one of the reasons I felt determined to make my relationship with my husband work. The truth of the matter was Nathan’s gambling addiction and his entrepreneurial endeavours were a bad combination. I didn’t want my parents to know about the problems that had caused us. I knew his reckless behaviour was a defence mechanism. Thankfully, he had other redeeming qualities.
In a lot of ways, I envied the relationship Nathan had with his family. He didn’t realise how lucky he was. He had their full support. They all adored him. Whereas I’d never been able to talk to my parents about anything. The emotional bond just wasn’t there. We’d never been close. I didn’t wish any harm on my family, but I gave up caring about them a long time ago. These day
s, the only thing I shared with them was DNA.
46
Gemma
While Nathan was busy drowning his sorrows at the Blue Gin Bar, I tried to think of a way for us to get out of debt. I couldn’t continue to live like this, under a plethora of different names, and constantly on the move. There must be another alternative. I was confident that in time, we’d be able to find a way out of this nightmare.
Right now, the most important thing to do was to keep positive and believe that we’d get through this. I didn’t doubt we’d encounter many obstacles along the way. But we were responsible for what happened next in our lives, not Alfie, so instead of letting him control us, it was about time we did something about it. We’d have to stay strong and never give up. If we could do that, one day I was sure we’d be free of him, but that all seemed like a distant dream at the moment.
*
‘Why did you go to the casino again? You knew how I felt about it.’ I decided to confront Nathan when he finally came back to our room.
Nathan stared at me and then sat on the edge of the bed.
‘I wish you’d talk to me about it.’
Nathan’s problem was like the elephant in the room. We both knew it existed but never discussed it because it made him feel uncomfortable. Enough was enough. If we were going to get out of this, I needed to understand what drove him to be so reckless with money.
‘I’m trying to help you. Please talk to me.’ I couldn’t hide the anger that had seeped into my voice. I was frustrated that he was shutting me out.
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’ Nathan put his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands.
‘Why can’t you stay away from the casinos? Are you addicted to gambling?’ I asked the question, but I already knew the answer.
Nathan let his hands drop, and he turned towards me with a furious look on his face, clearly outraged by my suggestion. ‘Of course I’m not. Don’t be so stupid.’
Denial was Nathan’s way of dealing with a problem he didn’t want to accept. It was a coping mechanism he always used. He kept his emotions bottled up and didn’t like to talk about what was bothering him. But it was time he faced the facts: he was lying to himself, and until he was prepared to admit there was an issue, we wouldn’t be able to get out of this no-win situation.
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