My dad got the blame for everything that went wrong in my life. I spent much of my adolescence silently raging against him. I was filled with resentment and self-pity and was unwilling to talk about or try to deal with my issues on any level. I discovered denial was a fool-proof way to avoid my problems.
I sometimes wondered if things would have been different if my dad had been around, but any time I thought about trying to find him, my fear of rejection stopped me in my tracks. No wonder I was a loner and had trouble letting people in. To deal with the pain I’d experienced, I built a high wall around myself so that I wouldn’t get hurt in the future.
But Gemma wasn’t trying to hurt me. She was trying to support me. It was time to stop making excuses for myself. I couldn’t continue to let my difficult start in life affect my future. My mum had done the best she could for me. I might not have had material possessions, but she smothered me with love and affection, and that counted for a lot.
Gemma was the strong one in our relationship, but it was time I stopped being weak. I needed to man up before she got fed up with me. My insecurities were more draining than a marathon, and nobody wanted to be saddled with an emotional drain, did they?
52
Gemma
‘Up until now, the modus operandi you’ve been using has proved to be very successful, and let’s face it, your success is my success,’ Alfie said, with a sudden glint in his eye.
‘I’ll take that as a compliment, shall I?’ I replied, raising my eyebrows.
Alfie nodded and sat down on the king-size bed in our hotel room. ‘The sleight of hand technique isn’t an easy thing to master. But then not everyone is as charming as you, Gemma. I’m sure that helps when you’re trying to distract the staff.’
I heard Nathan let out a loud sigh, but I didn’t dare look in his direction. Alfie’s words were so cheesy, I felt the need to throw him a look, and only just managed not to roll my eyes. But I couldn’t stop the involuntary groan that escaped from my lips.
‘There’s nothing to it. I just go into the shop, start playing my magic flute, and stare at the assistant with my psychedelic hypnotic gaze. Before I know it, they’re in a trance and under my spell.’ I didn’t bother to try and keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice.
‘You’re a bit of a comedian, aren’t you, Gemma?’
‘I do try,’ I replied, giving Alfie a half-smile.
‘You can joke about it if you want, but because you looked the part, the staff never suspected you were going to steal anything. Everything about you is classy, so you have the perfect profile to carry out the switch.’
‘I obviously wasn’t as convincing as you think. Otherwise, the police wouldn’t be looking for me, would they?’
‘You had a good run.’ Alfie shrugged.
‘And now my luck’s run out.’
I took off the shoulder-length auburn bob I’d been wearing and released my hair from the clips. Running my fingers through it, I allowed it to tumble down my back.
‘I wouldn’t say your luck’s run out, but for the moment you need to change your appearance. The hair colour is a good start, but you need to dress differently as well.’
‘How am I meant to do that?’ I asked, unzipping my small case. ‘This is all I’ve got with me.’
‘We’ll go shopping tomorrow,’ Alfie said, getting to his feet.
‘No way,’ I replied, flashing Alfie my best ‘don’t mess with me’ look. I wasn’t going near another jewellery shop now the police were on to me.
Alfie laughed. ‘I didn’t mean that kind of shopping. We need to hit the high street and buy you some new clothes.’
‘What if I get spotted?’
‘You won’t. Trust me, Gemma, I know what I’m talking about. By the time I’ve finished with your transformation, you could be within spitting distance of people who’ve known you all your life, and they won’t realise it’s you. The police won’t be able to find you if you’re that unrecognisable.’
53
Alfie
Gemma was far too beautiful to be wasting her time with a loser like Nathan. If she just said the word, I’d be happy to take her off his hands.
Not being able to be with Gemma was driving me insane. It was torture for me to be in the same room as her and not put my hands on her. I could look, but I couldn’t touch. That wasn’t something I was used to.
I’d never met a woman like Gemma before. She was having a powerful effect on me. I couldn’t get enough of her. She was like a drug. Gemma was the most beautiful woman I had ever met, but it wasn’t just her physical appearance, her personality kept drawing me towards her. I admired her strength. She refused to be silenced and wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. Gemma stood up for herself and didn’t hide behind Nathan’s back. She was fearless, whereas he was the weak link in their relationship. I was going to use that to my advantage.
Gemma didn’t play the victim or point the finger of blame at her husband even though she had good reason to. She carried herself with dignity and didn’t let Nathan’s fuck-ups break her spirit. She tackled the challenges they faced head-on. That told me a lot about her. She was too good for Nathan.
Gemma had a certain vibe about her that made me sit up and take notice. Logic told me I shouldn’t waste time fantasising about a woman who wasn’t available. I wasn’t the type of guy to try and lure a married woman away from her husband. But Gemma was different. She was the woman of my dreams. There was something about her I couldn’t quite put my finger on. There was something about the way she made me feel I couldn’t quite explain.
Now that I’d experienced this kind of attraction for myself, I understood the obsession my dad had with Rosa. I’d been so bitter about it at the time. All I could focus on was my mum’s despair, but I finally knew how he felt. He hadn’t fallen in love with Rosa to hurt my mum. It was out of his control. He’d been powerless to stop it.
I never expected to find myself in the same position. Love triangles inevitably get messy. I would normally just walk away from a situation like this. There were easier paths to take. But Gemma was worth fighting for, so I wasn’t going anywhere.
I’d suddenly found myself outside my comfort zone. People became vulnerable when they were romantically involved. They became attached and dependent on their partner. The idea of putting myself in that position was alien to me.
54
Gemma
I was fully aware that Alfie knew how to pick luxurious accommodation, but he had really spoiled us this time. Having a corner position, our spacious room at the Palazzo Parigi Milano featured two balconies with different perspectives. One of the bustling city, and the other, the hotel’s beautiful garden.
‘I’m going to check out the spa,’ I said.
I knew we’d probably be moving on again soon, so I didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity this time, especially as this spa offered treatments from around the world, in seven different therapeutic rooms. After what I’d been through, I deserved a bit of pampering, and if I was totally honest, the idea of having some space from Nathan was very appealing.
*
‘You’ve been gone for ages.’ Nathan stopped flicking through the channels and turned the TV off when I walked into the room.
He looked like a five-year-old child sulking because somebody had taken his sweets. The temptation to stick out my bottom lip and pretend to suck my thumb was overwhelming, but I managed to resist the urge.
‘Have I?’ I wondered why he was even bothered.
‘For a minute, I thought you’d done a runner.’ Nathan laughed.
If he’d known that recently I’d been considering doing exactly that, he might not find it so funny. I’d asked myself the question: was I just holding on to my marriage to Nathan out of habit or was I still in love with him? I wasn’t convinced I knew the answer any more. Just because we’d been together a long time, it didn’t mean we should stay together. I wasn’t about to let Nathan get to me. I was too relaxed after my Bali
nese massage, so I reminded myself that he could only wind me up if I let him. It was obvious that nothing had changed between us since I’d gone out. We still had a very strained relationship.
‘I’m bored out of my mind stuck inside this room,’ Nathan said.
I wanted to point out that it was his fault we were in this situation, but I couldn’t face having another blazing row, so I made the decision to ignore him instead. I know the only way to handle him when he’s like this is to detach myself from him. So I walked across the room and stood in front of the window that looked out over the garden. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and pretended to be admiring the view.
‘Did you hear what I said, Gemma?’
‘Yes.’ I turned around to make eye contact with him.
‘So why didn’t you answer me?’
I shrugged my shoulders and stared at him. Nathan glared back at me.
‘I’ve got a terrible headache. I think I’ll go to bed.’ I know I shouldn’t have lied, but having spent a lovely afternoon in the spa, I wasn’t in the mood to babysit my husband this evening. It was too emotionally draining.
‘Suit yourself.’ Nathan slammed the door behind him when he left the room.
Staring into the darkness, I lay in the foetal position, hugging my knees, as I tortured myself about the state of my marriage. Our relationship had reached a fork in the road. Waiting for it to get better was like waiting for it to snow in the desert. I had come to the conclusion, the longer I put up with Nathan’s behaviour, the longer he’d keep doing it. If he wasn’t going to change, maybe it was time to let him go.
When I finally closed my eyes, it was as if I was back in the lift with Alfie. The memory should have been unpleasant, but it wasn’t. I had a horrible feeling I was falling for him. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I really hadn’t seen this coming. There was a fine line between love and hate. My mind was in turmoil. I knew I was going to have trouble sleeping tonight.
55
Gemma
The next morning, I woke after a night of troubled sleep. Feeling very uneasy, I left Nathan in our room and met Alfie outside the front of the hotel. I couldn’t deny butterflies began to flutter in my stomach at the sight of him. Within a few minutes, we’d walked the short distance to the high-end fashion district.
‘Prepare to be impressed,’ Alfie said, adjusting the front of his blue suit jacket. ‘This place is known as the golden square; it’s one of the most expensive and exclusive shopping districts in Milan.’
‘I’ve heard of it,’ I replied, looking at the network of streets and chic boutiques. ‘I know people who shop here all the time.’
‘I never thought Rosa or Donatella would come all this way to buy a new pair of shoes.’ Alfie smiled, then pulled a face.
‘They don’t,’ I replied, smiling back at him.
‘Don’t tell me Gareth and Bernardo are the fashion gurus.’ Alfie laughed, shaking his head.
I turned my head away and began considering what he’d just said. It surprised me that Alfie knew the names of Nathan’s family members.
‘Come on, Gemma, don’t keep me in suspense,’ Alfie prompted, after a lengthy pause.
‘Before I worked at Mamma Donatella’s, I used to work for a fashion house in the West End. A lot of my clothes were given to me as samples.’
‘That explains why you always dress well. What did you do?’
‘I was the director’s personal assistant, but the buyers used to come here regularly.’ I let out a long breath.
‘Why did you give up a job like that to work in a restaurant waiting tables?’ Alfie raised his eyebrows.
Touching the side of my neck self-consciously, I thought about the best way to answer. ‘I didn’t have a choice.’
‘That’s the story of your life, isn’t it, Gemma?’
The look on my face made Alfie realise he’d hit a nerve and he raised his hands in defence, studying my expression while he waited for me to reply.
‘You’ve obviously never had to give up anything you love before.’ I forced myself to look Alfie dead in the eye.
‘And you know that for a fact, do you?’
‘If you had, you wouldn’t be so insensitive. It was my dream job, Alfie. It broke my heart when I had to leave.’ I tried to keep my voice steady, but it wasn’t easy. Talking about the way my life used to be opened up old wounds and made me feel very emotional.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you. What can I say? Sometimes I can’t help myself, being an arsehole comes naturally to me.’
I appreciated Alfie’s attempt at an apology and suddenly felt the need to explain, but I hoped he wouldn’t notice the tears forming in my eyes. ‘When our home was repossessed, we had to go and live above the restaurant, and that was too far away for me to commute from.’
‘You’ve had to sacrifice a lot for Nathan, so I’m going to buy you whatever you want.’ Alfie winked, before guiding me into Versace’s flagship store. ‘It’s about time somebody spoiled you.’
*
I opened the door of our room several hours later, weighed down by shopping bags, and did a double-take when I came face to face with a man who could have been Don Corleone’s twin. My husband was sitting at the table opposite the smartly dressed gentleman with slicked-back hair and pencil-thin moustache.
Nathan turned towards me and smiled. ‘This is my wife: Gemma.’
The man got up from his chair and walked across to where I was standing. ‘Hello, Gemma. I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Mario Malva,’ he said, holding his hand out towards me.
I put down my bags. ‘Pleased to meet you, Mario,’ I said, shaking his hand.
‘Your wife has expensive taste, doesn’t she?’ Mario gestured to the sea of designer shopping bags surrounding me. ‘Let’s start the game. Judging by the way this lady buys shoes, you’ll need to win some money if you want to put food on the table tonight.’ Mario smiled and made his way back across the room, then slowly lowered his heavy frame into the seat in front of the window.
Mario’s words echoed in my head. Even though we’d only just met, this stranger had formed his own conclusion of me. I was about to tell him that Alfie had paid for everything, but then again, why should I? I didn’t need to justify myself to him. It was none of his business. I have to admit, his suggestion that I was a spendaholic had my insides boiling. That statement couldn’t be further from the truth. But I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of reacting to it. Nathan was the reason we were in financial meltdown and by the looks of things, he was about to make matters worse than they already were.
‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’
Nathan turned to face me with guilty eyes. He could see I was furious.
‘We’re just going to play a few games of poker.’ Nathan forced out a half-hearted smile.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘Why not? We’re just going to play a friendly game.’ Mario smiled, and the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled up.
Staring into the middle distance, I tried to process what was happening. It was bad enough when Nathan was gambling in the casinos, but this was taking things to another level. The thought of them playing poker in my room turned my stomach. I needed to get away. All of a sudden, the air in the room felt stifling.
‘I’m going out,’ I said, unable to look in their direction. I thought my husband might come after me, but the lure of the card game was too strong.
*
Three hours later I walked back into our room, having spent the afternoon in the spa. Nathan was pacing up and down in front of the windows. His ear was pressed hard against the phone.
‘I need to borrow some money…’ Nathan suddenly realised I was there and fell silent for a minute. ‘I can’t talk now, I’ll call you back later.’
‘Who were you talking to?’ I asked, fixing him with a stare.
‘Alfie.’
Anger was building up inside me. There was
so much I wanted to say, but none of my words would come out.
‘I’m sorry, Gemma.’ Nathan rushed towards me, reached out and took hold of my hands.
After filling my lungs with air, I let out a deep breath before I spoke. ‘I take it you lost the game.’ Pulling my hands away, I stepped away from Nathan. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘Why do you keep doing this? For God’s sake, Nathan, when are you going to grow up?’ I scowled at him with contempt in my eyes.
‘I had a straight flush – that’s a winning hand,’ Nathan said, knowing that his words would either calm or escalate the situation. Then he put his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and lowered his dark eyes to the floor.
‘If that’s the case, why didn’t you win?’ I fired out my words like they were bullets from a gun.
‘Mario’s cards were higher.’ Nathan’s words sucked the energy right out of the room.
‘What a surprise.’
‘I was unlucky, Gemma,’ Nathan replied, running his fingers along the dark stubble on his chin.
How many times had I heard that before? Every time Nathan gambled, it always ended the same way. I couldn’t understand why he kept chasing his losses; he was never going to win back any money, and the sooner he accepted that, the better.
‘So how much did you lose this time?’ My green eyes bored into his and Nathan began squirming.
‘Only five thousand.’
‘Oh, is that all.’
Nathan incorrectly misinterpreted my sarcastic comment. ‘It’s not too bad, is it? I bet you thought I was going to say a lot more.’
I knew deep down Nathan was never going to change. My mouth fell open as his words rang in my ears. ‘I didn’t think things could get any worse than they already were, but you’ve gone and done it again. What the hell is wrong with you?’
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