‘I’m sorry, Gemma.’
Nathan feigned a wounded expression and held up his hands, but his apology was falling on deaf ears. His mindless behaviour was destroying our lives. ‘Where are you going to get the money from?’
‘I’m going to borrow it from Alfie. Mario’s coming back in an hour to collect it.’
As the reality of the situation sank in, it made me feel cold and hollow. The room felt airless, and I was having trouble breathing. I’d have to take myself out of the equation. With my stomach churning, I turned on my heel and made my way towards the door. I wanted to get as far away from Nathan as possible. I couldn’t bear to look at him. I needed some space to try and clear my head.
‘Gemma, wait, let’s talk about this,’ Nathan called when I left the room, slamming the door behind me.
I stopped to catch my breath with my back against the wall in the empty stairwell. Drying my eyes on the back of my hand, I knew I’d have to get my head out of the clouds and stop giving Nathan any more second chances. Otherwise, we were never going to get out of this nightmare. We were stuck on a hamster wheel going nowhere.
56
Nathan
I had a sinking feeling in my heart that I’d just lost the love of my life. Gemma was the kind of woman who only came around once in a lifetime. Had I just blown it by being selfish and stubborn? I didn’t want to think about the future without her. I had to do something before it was too late.
Gemma gave everything she had to give to our marriage. No matter what I did, she was always there for me. I’d put her through so much over the years. If she left me, nobody else could ever fill the void. I would never find another woman to love me the way that she did.
Every time she tried to keep me on the straight and narrow, she met resistance from me. I don’t know why I wouldn’t accept her help – God knows I needed it. I knew Gemma only had my best interests at heart. It must have been a constant source of frustration for her when I didn’t listen to her and carried on regardless.
I knew I had pushed her too far this time. She wasn’t going to put up with my shit any longer. Who could blame her? I was a living nightmare where money was concerned. What the hell was the matter with me? I was a grown man, but I was behaving like a child, denying there was an issue.
It was obvious Gemma was going to leave me sooner or later if I didn’t sort myself out. But I couldn’t seem to help myself, my finger always seemed to gravitate to the self-destruct button. It was time I stared my demons in the face and stopped ignoring my problems.
My destructive behaviour had caused endless misery for my long-suffering wife. If I wasn’t careful I would end up pushing her away. I couldn’t let that happen. I hoped the thought of losing Gemma would give me the motivation I needed to change. I’d been burying my head in the sand for so long now, breaking the cycle wouldn’t be easy. But I had to do it. It was time to take control of my life and sort myself out once and for all. This was something I had to do myself. Nobody could do it for me.
I remembered only too well the range of emotions I’d felt when I’d realised my dad wanted nothing to do with me or my mum. None of them were pleasant, but they didn’t compare to the devastation I felt at this moment in time.
57
Gemma
There was something about the way Alfie exuded power and confidence that made him incredibly attractive. When he walked into a room with testosterone seeping from every pore, everyone noticed him. He was a leader, not a follower. That impressed me more than I cared to admit, and I found myself having to fight the urge to want to be with him.
Alfie walked across the polished floor of the bar with a confident swagger. I was sitting in an oyster-coloured velvet chair, next to the large wrought-iron windows, overlooking the garden and the Milanese skyline in the distance. As the sun began to set, it cast long shadows across the vast terrace and illuminated sculptures.
‘I thought I might find you in here.’ Alfie smiled.
Letting out a long sigh, I took a sip of my wine. ‘Am I really that predictable?’
‘No, but when you weren’t in your room, I wondered if you’d be drowning your sorrows.’ Alfie pulled out the chair opposite me and sat down.
I looked down at my lap, hoping he wouldn’t notice that I’d been crying, but it wasn’t going to be easy to hide the way I was feeling. As I glanced up, our eyes met. Alfie leant back in his seat and studied me.
‘Nathan has just introduced me to his new friend.’
‘So you hadn’t met Mario before?’
‘No, but from what I’ve been able to find out, it appears Mr Malva is a professional poker player.’
Alfie stirred his cocktail, then took a sip.
What an incredible coincidence that a professional poker player just happened to bump into Nathan in our hotel while I was out. I knocked back the rest of my wine, then put the empty glass down on the table between us.
Alfie called the waiter over and ordered two Thai Martinis for us.
‘Surely Nathan must have realised he wouldn’t be able to beat a professional. Sometimes, I don’t understand how his mind works.’ I sighed, shaking my head in disbelief.
The waiter put the two Thai Martinis on the table before heading back to the bar.
‘Drink up, Gemma.’ Alfie handed me a glass.
‘I’ve never had one of these before.’ Taking a small sip, I was pleasantly surprised, the vodka, lime, lychee liqueur and ginger ale worked well together. ‘It’s lovely, thank you.’
‘My pleasure.’ Alfie smiled. ‘I’m not making excuses for Nathan, but he probably didn’t know what he was up against. I can’t imagine Mario mentioned that he played poker for a living.’
Nathan knew how I felt about gambling. I’d made myself very clear, and yet he still continued to do it. He’d allowed it to take over his life, despite the consequences.
‘I don’t know why I keep defending your husband’s actions, but it’s possible the game was fixed, especially if there was money involved.’
‘How could it have been fixed?’
‘Sometimes serious gamblers make sure the odds are stacked against the other player, so it’s impossible for them to win.’ Alfie laughed.
‘Why is that funny?’ I asked, holding out the palms of my hands.
‘It’s not even remotely amusing, but you’re looking at me like I’ve got two heads!’
That was because I was struggling to take it all in. ‘So you think Mario cheated, do you?’
‘I can’t say that for certain, but I’d be surprised if the game wasn’t crooked. These so-called professionals pretend to be skilled with a pack of cards, but really they just swindle people out of money for a living.’
That sounded exactly like somebody else I knew. Alfie might not cheat at cards, but he wasn’t averse to making money out of other people’s misfortune either. Something Nathan and I were experiencing first-hand. I found it interesting that he thought he was different to the likes of Mario Malva. It was unsettling. His comment riled me, and I was tempted to point out the similarity between them but decided to hold my tongue for once.
‘How do you think Nathan met Mario?’ I asked, looking into Alfie’s blue eyes.
‘He’s a guest at the hotel.’
So it was a chance meeting after all. Or was it? Something at the back of my mind told me they hadn’t met by accident. It was a bit of a coincidence that Mr Malva just happened to be staying in the same hotel as us.
‘Apparently, Mario lives in Sicily with his family, and by all accounts, they’re very wealthy and powerful, so we don’t want to go upsetting them.’
I began digesting what Alfie had just told me. Nathan had a habit of falling in with the wrong crowd, and things were going from bad to worse. I took a deep breath. ‘Does Nathan owe money to a Mafia boss?’
‘Not any more.’
Flopping back in my chair, I stretched out my neck while thoughts of the trouble we were in whirred around in my mind. Thanks
to my husband’s reckless behaviour, the amount we owed Alfie was growing bigger with each passing day.
Alfie gestured to the waiter, who promptly arrived at our table. ‘Two Thai Martinis,’ he said, ordering us another round.
‘Not for me, thanks. I’m going to turn in.’ I had to stifle a yawn when I replied. I was already feeling the effects of the alcohol without having any more.
‘Make that one Thai Martini then.’
Getting up from my seat, I left Alfie to enjoy his cocktail. Plied with too much alcohol, I carefully crossed the parquet floor. The sound of my heels echoed around the high-ceilinged room as I walked towards the lobby. I pressed the button for the lift, but it took an eternity to arrive. It stopped several times as it made its way down from the top floor. It would have been quicker to walk.
When I stepped out of the lift on the fourth floor, Alfie was waiting for me. I didn’t take my eyes off him as he approached me. Pulling me towards him, he kissed me deep and slow in the middle of the corridor.
Without saying a word, Alfie took my hand and led me towards his room. I tried to talk myself out of going with him. It was simple really, all I had to do was walk the other way. It wasn’t too late. Don’t do this, I said to myself. But some of the decisions I made were better than others, and with that in mind, I ignored my own advice.
Once we were outside Alfie’s room, I waited for him to enter first before I followed him inside, as my heart pounded against my chest. Closing the door behind us, Alfie gently pushed me back against it and traced the side of my mouth with his thumb. His touch made my pulse quicken, and a rush of excitement flowed through my body when he weaved his fingers into my long brown hair. I knew I should pull away, but my resistance had deserted me.
What the hell was I doing? No matter how pissed off I was with Nathan, it didn’t justify me behaving like this. I was married, so I shouldn’t be in another man’s hotel bedroom, should I? Alfie kissed me, and as I closed my eyes, a huge red flag popped up right in front of me, warning me to get out immediately and never come back. I knew I shouldn’t ignore it.
Alfie took my hand and led me over to the bed. ‘I want to make love to you,’ he said, running his fingers down my neck.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this.’
‘Why not? We’re both consenting adults.’ Alfie pulled me towards him; I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin.
I forced myself to look into his eyes. Alfie’s tall, broad-shouldered frame had me going weak at the knees. ‘I’m married, Alfie, doesn’t that bother you?’
Alfie slid his hand around my waist, then lowered it to cup my buttock. ‘I want you so much, I can’t think of anything else. You’ve probably realised by now that when I want something, I don’t stop until I get it.’
I knew I should pull away, but something was stopping me. So instead of doing the sensible thing, and listening to what my conscience was telling me, I pushed the voice out of my head. I didn’t want any guilty thoughts interfering with what was about to happen.
Alfie moved his hands all over my body before lowering me down onto the bed. Towering over me, he took off his suit jacket and tie and slowly began unbuttoning his crisp white shirt. I stared at the toned physique in front of me. That was the moment I knew for certain I was going to be unfaithful to my husband. Alfie took my hand, pulled me onto my feet and unzipped my dress, then slipped it off my shoulders. I reached my hands forward and undid his trousers.
While kissing the side of my neck, Alfie unclasped my bra. As I took in the features of his handsome face, his hand found its way inside my knickers. He slipped his fingers deep inside me, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me.
We knew we were on borrowed time, so Alfie took a condom from the bedside cabinet and put it on. He must have sensed my hesitation because he pushed himself inside me before I had a chance to change my mind. Fast and furious was the only way to describe what happened next. As his thrusts came harder and deeper, he tilted my hips up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, arching my body against his. The fear of being caught was driving my passion. With every thrust he made, tension grew within us until we collapsed together in a tangled mass of limbs. Alfie buried his face in my neck, and I closed my eyes momentarily. I couldn’t afford to fall asleep while he lay on top of me.
Alfie rolled onto his back and pulled me towards him. I lay with my head on his chest, listening to his breathing. I thought back to the hotel in Nice. I was sure he was going to rape me that night, but he didn’t. I remember him telling me that wasn’t his style. Who would have thought that a few months later, I’d be getting into his bed willingly? I definitely didn’t see that coming. I never imagined in my wildest dreams anything like this would happen. Deep down, I knew nothing good would come of it.
Lying naked in a hotel bed with a man who wasn’t my husband made me feel vulnerable all of a sudden, so I pulled the sheet up over my shoulders. As I lay there, staring into the darkness, I wondered why I hadn’t been able to resist Alfie. I’d like to say I was scared to turn him down, but I knew that wasn’t true. I was just making excuses.
‘That was incredible, Gemma,’ Alfie said, kissing the top of my head.
‘I should go.’ Glancing at the clock, I realised it was two in the morning.
‘It’s late. Why don’t you stay?’ Alfie wrapped both arms around me as he shifted onto his side.
‘You know I can’t.’
Holding the sheet over me, I sat up and gave Alfie one last kiss, then got out of bed. I needed to take a shower so I could remove all traces of him from my body. When I came out of the bathroom, I glanced over my shoulder. Alfie lay on his side, watching my every move.
‘You could forget all about going back to your room and stay here with me instead.’ Alfie patted the bed next to him.
I let out an exaggerated sigh. ‘You know I can’t.’
When I started to cross the room, Alfie threw back the sheet and followed me. As I reached to open the door, he put his hand out to stop me. Turning me around to face him, he put his arms around my waist and pressed his naked body against mine.
‘Don’t go, Gemma.’ Alfie began kissing the side of my neck.
I had to go back to my husband’s room and pretend this hadn’t just happened.
58
Gemma
Lying in bed next to Nathan with my eyes closed, I tried to understand what had driven me to be unfaithful to him. I wasn’t sure why I’d ended up sleeping with Alfie. I’d like to blame the alcohol, but I knew that wasn’t the only reason.
I wasn’t trying to justify my behaviour, but Nathan and I were in a bad place at the moment. I’d had enough of his selfish attitude. I couldn’t put up with it any more, and when I make up my mind about something, I don’t usually go back on it.
Nathan’s gambling was out of control. He could not or would not stop. When it became more important to him than me, something inside me snapped. I wanted to get back at him. He’d hurt me. I think sleeping with Alfie was my way of getting revenge.
I’d never been tempted to cheat on my husband before. I adored him. He was my best friend and meant the world to me. When you were in love with somebody, it was easy to convince yourself there was nothing wrong with your relationship. But recently everything had changed. I couldn’t trust him, and a marriage couldn’t survive without trust, could it?
*
I opened my eyes the next morning and saw Nathan lying on his front with his arms pushed under the pillows, watching me. My heartbeat quickened, and now that alcohol wasn’t fogging my brain I bitterly regretted sleeping with Alfie. It was like a light had gone on in my head. I realised I’d made a huge mistake. I should never have betrayed my husband no matter what he’d done. Especially not with the man who had turned us both into criminals.
‘Good morning.’ Nathan reached across and kissed my cheek.
‘Morning,’ I replied, clearing my throat, my mouth was so dry my voice sounded croak
y.
‘I’m sorry about yesterday, Gem. Do you forgive me?’ A slow smile spread across Nathan’s handsome face as he looked at me from under his lashes.
Consumed by guilt, I turned away, breaking eye contact. Nathan was asking for my forgiveness. If he only knew what had happened last night. But I couldn’t let myself think about that now; he was waiting for me to answer his question. ‘That depends…’
‘Depends on what?’ Nathan took hold of my hand.
I looked sideways at him and shrugged. ‘I think you know…’ Folding my arms across my chest, I stared into the middle distance.
Nathan ran his fingers through his thick, dark hair and edged closer to me. ‘Listen, Gemma, if it’s any consolation, I didn’t know Mario was a professional when I agreed to play poker with him. I honestly thought I’d beat him. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have got involved.’
‘You don’t get it, do you?’ I turned to face Nathan and paused, knowing anger was about to seep into my words. ‘That’s the whole problem: you always think you’re going to win, but you never do.’
Nathan cast his eyes down; I could see he was upset.
‘You’ve got to stop doing this. Every time you gamble, you lose money. We’ll never get out of debt if you don’t give up.’
‘I promise I’ll try.’
Nathan had a habit of making promises he never kept. But he’d been the most important person in my life for such a long time, I was scared to be without him, even if it meant putting up with his selfish behaviour.
‘You’ve got no willpower, so you need to stay away from temptation,’ I lectured. It was hypocritical of me to say that after the way I behaved last night.
Our conversation was interrupted when my phone lit up. It began buzzing on the bedside table as a new message came through, so I picked it up.
I miss you already. Come back to my room and let me show you how much.
Risking It All Page 18