by L.H. Cosway
What did Noah want from me? Why couldn’t he just go ahead and do whatever he was here to do and leave me out of it?
My entire body convulsed with a shiver. My clothes were soaking wet. They clung to my skin, causing me to break out in gooseflesh. I tore them off and climbed under the duvet, trying to get warm.
A few minutes passed before there was a knock on my door.
“Go away,” I said, suspecting it was Noah.
Ominously, there was no response, just the sound of feet walking away.
I got up and went to the door, listening a moment before I opened it. As I suspected, Noah was gone. I looked down, and there were two fresh towels on the floor. I picked them up, catching a faint waft of his scent. He’d brought me towels? My heart skipped a beat, but I told it to calm down. His kindnesses weren’t pure. They were laden with mystery and half-truths.
The trouble was, judging by how intensely I’d reacted when his lips brushed my ear, I had a funny feeling I was already in too deep.
10.
Despite my misgivings, I wrapped myself in the clean, dry towels and climbed into bed, savouring the warmth they brought, and I tried not to fixate on how much I enjoyed Noah’s scent on them. They said the devil didn’t appear with hoofs and pointy horns, but rather took on a more seductive form. Like Joseph Geefs’ Lucifer statue, Le génie du mal. The original one was considered too beautiful, so they made his brother, Guillaume, sculpt another, less alluring version.
Was that what Noah was? Some kind of alluring temptation I needed to resist? I pulled the duvet over me and slowly, I drifted to sleep, overcome with exhaustion.
My nightmare was vivid.
I stood in the attic bedroom, wearing nothing but a thin white nightgown. A baby’s cry came from the cot, but when I tried to peer inside there was no infant, just an empty, dark, swirling shadow. The cries continued, dread and fear making my stomach twist.
Suddenly, the room started to fill with water. It seeped up from beneath the floorboards. First a slow trickle, but as it continued to flood, that awful musty smell went away, replaced with the salty, briny scent of the ocean. Fish and crabs and seaweed floated in the water as it rose higher and higher, my body floating up with it until there were barely a few inches left between my head and the ceiling. I struggled to breathe, gasping for air as I tried to keep my nose and mouth above water.
Then something hooked around my foot. I looked down and saw a rope tied around my ankle. On the other end of it was an anchor dragging me down. I struggled against the pull, but it was no use. My head went under the water, and my lungs begged for oxygen.
I came awake with a silent scream. Just like last time, no sound came out, and I couldn’t move a single muscle. All I could do was lay there, paralysed and terrified that some dark force was trapping me inside my body. Was it the same dark force that lingered in the attic? Were the spirits of those babies Noah and Vee’s great-grandmother had lost somehow haunting me?
The paralysation lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity.
I shot up in bed and ripped open my curtains. It was still raining out, not quite morning yet. I hated these in-between hours where it could feel so incredibly lonely to be awake. I’d become well-acquainted with them after Dad died, spending months unable to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time.
I flopped back into bed. The towels I’d fallen asleep in were bunched up into balls under the duvet. I must’ve been tossing and turning during my nightmare.
I lay in bed, reliving the terrifying sense of drowning. I felt rundown, like I was getting a cold. It was all the stress. When I finally crawled out of bed, I went upstairs and ran myself a hot bath while the house was still blessedly quiet. I didn’t want to see Noah today. I was still confused after last night, unsure if he was a friend or a foe.
Right now, I was leaning toward foe, despite the money he’d given me.
I climbed into the bath and ran a washcloth over my body as I remembered the faint, barely-there touch of his mouth brushing my ear. Had he really done that, or had I imagined it? I found myself obsessing as I dazedly ran the washcloth back and forth over my stomach.
Snap out of it, Estella!
Somehow, I suspected Noah was having a little too much fun toying with me. Well, no more. I’d no longer be a piece of entertainment on the side of his mysterious grand plans.
Done washing, I dried myself off, got dressed and went into the kitchen in search of breakfast. I startled momentarily because Vee sat at the table, a steaming mug of tea in front of her.
“Good morning,” I said, moving by the table and going to open the cupboard.
“A lot of commotion in this house last night,” she commented. I felt her eyes on the back of my head.
I pulled out my jar of peanut butter, closing the cupboard. “I thought you were asleep. I knocked on your bedroom door several times.”
I turned around to face her and Vee let out a sigh which managed to convey a sense of bored nihilism. “I wasn’t in the humour to get involved.”
My expression morphed into a frown, anger bubbling in my chest as I whispered to myself, “No, I don’t suppose you were.”
“What was that?” Vee questioned sharply.
I wasn’t sure if it was down to the money I had stashed away in my bedroom, or simply because I was sick of toeing the line, but I levelled her with a fierce look, “I said I didn’t suppose you would be in the humour to get involved. You haven’t ever given a shit a about me, so why would you start caring now?”
Vee blinked several times, then her eyes blazed at me in anger as she slammed her hand down on the table. “How dare you talk to me like that!”
“How dare I? You say a lot worse to me every day, and I’m sick of pretending like I’m scared of you. I’m not. Look at you, you’re pathetic.” I was only half-lying. I was a little scared of Vee because she had the power to toss me out onto the street, but mostly I pitied her. Her life was lonely and depressing. She wasn’t a monster to fear or cower away from. She was a victim of her own misery.
Vee continued to stare at me, like she couldn’t believe I’d finally found the courage to stand up to her. Then, a strange, eery sort of calm came over her, and my skin prickled.
“You should be scared of me,” she said, low and confident. “I can ruin you. I can take everything from you.”
My heart nearly exploded at her thinly veiled threat. She was talking about the money Dad left me. That money meant everything, it meant freedom. But Vee was obviously bluffing. She couldn’t prevent me from receiving my inheritance. It wasn’t possible, I knew that, and yet just the idea caused my courage to flee.
I realised that the life I had planned after I finished school, the one where I spent the summer travelling around Europe before returning home to go to college, hung on a very weak thread. I hated that my dreams for the future could only happen if I had the money to fund them. It seemed shallow and materialistic when I thought about it. And I was a little disappointed in myself because my happiness shouldn’t be reliant on money. It should be something I found within myself.
Everything inside of me went limp, and Vee got a triumphant look in her eyes as she sat back, pleased with herself. Appetite suddenly lost, I turned to leave, unable to stand her company for one second longer.
“Make sure you’re home tonight for my party,” she said, and I turned back, shooting her an incredulous look.
“You’re going?”
“Of course, I’m going.”
“I thought you didn’t want a party.”
“I was being dramatic,” she replied, waving me away. Dramatic and drunk, I thought to myself. Was that why she’d reacted so crazily? Because of alcohol? “It’s not every day you turn forty, and I plan to have some fun for once,” she went on.
My gut twisted. I didn’t have a very good feeling about this. Then I realised that if I attended Vee’s party, I wouldn’t be able to go to the castle to hang out with Kean and his f
riends. Disappointment filled me. But wait, maybe I could go to both. I’d stick around for a bit, show my face at Vee’s party, then sneak out later on.
Since I still hadn’t had the chance to talk to her, I decided to walk over to Aoife’s and tell her about Kean’s invitation. She was going to be so excited. When I reached her place, her mam was in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Siobhan ran a small catering business on the side.
“Oh, hello, Estella,” she said with a bright smile. “I suppose you’re looking forward to tonight.”
My brows furrowed. “Tonight?”
“Veronica’s birthday party. You’re going to be there, aren’t you? Noah hired me to do the catering. I’ve been up since the crack of dawn cooking.”
“Oh, um, yes, I’ll be there,” I said, my breath catching at her mention of Noah. I couldn’t seem to get him out of my head. Every time I allowed my mind to wander, it inevitably wandered to him.
“Aoife’s in her bedroom if you want to go on in,” she said.
I nodded and went down the hall, knocking on Aoife’s door before I entered. I told her all about the castle, and she was giddy as hell about it. She asked if she could bring Jimmy, and I said sure, why not. I was certain Kean wouldn’t mind. He seemed like such a friendly boy, not like others his age.
I wished my head could be full of him. Instead I obsessed over Noah. His green eyes seemed to be permanently branded into my brain while I constantly analysed the meanings of his cryptic statements and strange behaviour.
I ended up staying with Aoife for most of the day. We watched Youtube videos on her laptop, and I styled her hair into a French plait.
Siobhan was packing the party food into her car as I was leaving. She offered to give me a lift home, and I gladly accepted, helping her carry the containers into the house when we arrived. I opened the front door and sucked in a surprised breath. The house had been transformed. I’d never seen it look so grand. It was sparkling clean, with classy, expensive looking decorations hanging along the staircase and around the entry to the living room.
“Thanks so much. You did a great job,” Noah said, handing two young women some cash. They looked like cleaners. Not only had he hired Siobhan to do the catering, he’d also hired people to clean and decorate the house. He really was pulling out all the stops.
The women left, and I shared brief eye contact with Noah as I placed one of Siobhan’s food containers down on the counter.
“Your food has arrived. I hope you’re expecting a lot of people because there’s enough to feed a small army.”
“It’s a good thing I invited the Swiss Guard,” Noah quipped, and I rolled my eyes. I was still leery of him, despite my unexplainable attraction. There was no other way to describe it. I found Noah deeply alluring. Although that didn’t mean I liked him as a person. I considered his character questionable to say the least.
“So, what do you think of the house?” he went on. “I’ll admit, it’s all fur coat and no knickers, but I don’t think any of the guests will look close enough to notice.”
I shot him a curious glance.
“External extravagance,” Noah elaborated. “Lavish exterior but bare bones underneath.”
I shook my head, bemused by his description, though it did accurately describe Ard na Mara. It’d been given a spit shine, but it was still old, scuffed and uncared for underneath it all. “Well, those cleaning ladies did a good job.”
“Vee’s going to shit her pants when she sees it. It’ll be just like the good old days.” Despite his statement, there was a lack of nostalgia in his voice. Instead he sounded oddly vengeful, which confused me.
“Did your parents throw a lot of parties?” I asked.
“A few,” Noah answered just as Siobhan entered carrying a stack of food containers. “Let me help you with those,” he said, taking them from her.
“Thank you,” Siobhan said. “I hope I made enough. I’ll start setting everything out for you.”
“I’m going to get ready.” I met Noah’s gaze briefly before I left the kitchen and headed for my bedroom. I found my blue dress and dug out the make-up Aoife loaned me before I left her place. “You’ll want to look your best for Kean,” she said excitedly, and I understood her enthusiasm. When it came to the boys in this town, Kean Riordan was a catch.
I tried to imagine what it would be like to have him as a boyfriend. I’d go to his rugby matches and cheer him on, then afterwards he’d take me on dates where we’d eat cheeseburgers, sharing an ice-cream sundae for dessert as we gazed dreamily into each other’s eyes.
I visualised it in my head, but as I grinned wide at Kean, his happy, smiling face faded away, replaced with Noah smirking at me as he caught my hand in his, brought it to his mouth and licked ice-cream off my finger with his tongue.
Ugh! No. Stop it. I banished the visual from my head and focused intently on getting ready so that I wouldn’t be in danger of succumbing to any more unsettling fantasies.
I let my hair out of its bun. I’d put it up wet this morning after my bath, so now it had been moulded into soft waves. Next, I put on a thin layer of foundation, some powder and highlighter, then mascara and liquid eyeliner. Thanks Aoife! I studied my reflection in the small mirror and was pleased to see how much older I looked. I could pass for mid-twenties easily. Not that I needed to but … boys liked it when girls wore make-up, right?
I slipped into my dress and black tights, pairing them with my Doc Marten boots. Then I sat down to read a few pages of The Quran. Yes, I was still working my way through the books Noah gave me. Just because he might be a bad person didn’t mean my thirst for knowledge should suffer.
The annoying thing was, I found myself agreeing with him more and more. For each thing I agreed with and believed in reading these books, there was another point that I disagreed with unequivocally. I’d taken to scribbling down notes, creating a collection of the ideas that struck a chord in me, while doing my best to disregard the rest.
I worried this might be an ignorant practice though. I didn’t want to be one of those people who selected the parts of the Bible that suited them, while ignoring the parts that went against their beliefs. Maybe I should also make note of the things I disagreed with and try to decipher why I disagreed. Was it because it meant I’d have to change things about myself in order to believe? Or did I truly disagree on a deep and spiritual level?
I sighed, wishing Dad were still here. He used to talk with me about stuff like this all the time. Religion and spirituality were something he’d been very passionate about, perhaps a little too passionate at times, but I still missed talking to him. He’d always been so great at helping me understand the small challenges and obstacles I faced.
The sound of the doorbell broke me from my thoughts. I heard voices mingling and knew the party guests had started to arrive. Taking a deep breath, I closed my book and stood.
Just show your face then sneak out. Simple.
Aoife had agreed to meet me at the end of the street at 8.30 pm. It was now 8.05 pm, which meant I only had twenty-five minutes to make an impression. I left my room and found a bunch of people in the living room, mingling and nibbling on the finger foods Siobhan had made.
Noah stood over by the mantlepiece talking to Mayor McBride and her husband. He wore a shirt and tie, which made him look far more mature and respectable than he did when he wore jeans and T-shirts. I couldn’t move as his attention passed over me, an intensity in his gaze. His eyes arrested mine. Did I look different to him in my dress, with Aoife’s make-up and my usually straight hair in loose waves? Did he like what he saw?
I wanted him to like what he saw.
My breathing grew laboured at the way he was looking at me. Feeling the urge to flee, I went into the kitchen where most of the food had been set out.
Suddenly starving, I picked up a cracker with salmon and cream cheese and shoved in it my mouth. I was about five appetizers deep when I felt a presence behind me. Somebody cleared their throat.
/> “Estella.”
I turned around and came face to face with Noah. My mouth was full as I chewed and swallowed one of Siobhan’s delicious creations. “Y-yes?” I asked nervously.
He shoved a glass of whiskey into my hand, and I stared at it in confusion. “Um, I don’t drink.”
“It’s not for you. It’s for my sister. She still hasn’t come down from her room. I thought a little Dutch courage might help. Can you bring that up to her?”
“I’d rather not,” I answered honestly. “Can’t you bring it?”
“I have guests to entertain,” he said, eyeing me. “What’s the problem?”
“Vee and I had a fight this morning,” I replied, grimacing as I remembered the interaction.
Noah arched an eyebrow. “What sort of fight?”
“Nothing too serious,” I answered, heavy on the sarcasm. “I stood up to her, and she threatened to take away my inheritance,”
He frowned now. “What inheritance?”
I stiffened, not too keen on discussing this with him. “Just some money my dad left for me,” I said casually.
“You weren’t granted your inheritance when you turned eighteen?” he questioned further.
I shook my head, feeling glum at the reminder. “No, I don’t get it until I finish school.”
“That’s unusual.”
“Dad was very insistent I complete my education. He left school at sixteen and things were hard for him.”
A long pause as he studied me. “Well,” he said finally. “Don’t worry about Vee’s threats. If your father left you an inheritance, then there’s nothing she can do to take it away. She’s just trying to scare you.”
I was about to tell him I knew that when lots of clapping and cheering sounded from the living room. It seemed Vee had finally decided to make an appearance. Noah went in the direction of the cheering, and I glanced down at the glass of whiskey in my hand. I’d never had alcohol before, but that was mostly because the opportunity hadn’t arisen. Maybe I should give it a try, see if I liked it.