by L.H. Cosway
Impulsively, I brought the glass to my mouth, downing it in several burning gulps. I winced and grimaced. First impressions of alcohol: not a fan. Though, strangely, it did give me a little extra push of courage to go into the living room.
I walked in, and the first person I spotted was Vee. I was taken aback. I’d never seen her look so elegant. Her short hair was styled into a high quiff, exposing her long, swan-like neck. She wore an emerald green evening gown, expensive looking earrings dangling from her ears.
“Fashionably late, as always,” Noah muttered under his breath as he went to join the guests who had gathered around Vee. They wished her a happy birthday, telling her how great she looked.
I glanced at the clock over the mantle and saw I had approximately three minutes before I had to go and meet Aoife. A little unsteady on my feet after the whiskey, I turned to leave when I spotted Sylvia sitting quietly by herself in the corner. Her eyes were on Vee, and I was momentarily stunned by her twisted, angry expression. I’d never seen her look like that before. It completely transformed her normally benign, pleasant face, making her look startlingly mean.
She must’ve sensed me looking because her eyes flitted to mine, and the angry expression fled. She gave me her usual meek smile, and I smiled back, though I couldn’t stop seeing the mean look she’d had only seconds ago. She was probably angry that Vee was getting this big fancy party when she really didn’t deserve it. All she did was hang around the house, spitting unkind, vitriolic statements at me and Sylvia, and now she gets lavished with all this attention. Totally unfair.
Come to think of it, I wouldn’t put it past Noah to throw the party just to anger his mother. After all, there was clearly no love lost between them.
I paid a quick visit to the bathroom, then decided to sneak out through my bedroom window to avoid being seen leaving. Finally, there was a benefit to being relegated to sleeping on the ground floor. I opened the window as wide as I could and shoved my coat and bag out before squeezing through and dropping a few feet to the ground.
I thankfully landed without twisting my ankle and dusted myself off. I pulled on my coat and zipped it up when a voice startled me.
“Where are you off to?”
Noah stood leaning against the wall of the house smoking a cigarette.
“Oh my God, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” I exclaimed.
His lips curled in a smirk as he lifted his cigarette to his annoyingly attractive lips. He stepped forward and gazed down at me. “I forgot to tell you how pretty you look tonight.” He lifted a hand to touch the ends of my hair, and my breath caught. Heat simmered beneath my skin, and for a moment I felt like we were trapped in our own little bubble. His eyes lowered to my mouth, and that was my wake-up call to step back.
“I’m going to meet Aoife,” I said. “I’ll be home before midnight.”
“Don’t get up to too much trouble.”
The only trouble I get up to is you, I wanted to say but I held it in. I thought he’d enjoy that statement far too much. “I won’t,” I replied quietly, glancing up at him.
He sucked in a drag and exhaled, the smoke drifting up over his face and for a moment making him look like the seductive devil I imagined him to be last night. His eyes wandered over me, and I felt my stomach tighten at his close examination. He didn’t say anything, and the tension between us became so thick that all I could do was turn around and walk away.
“Have a good night,” he called out. My stomach flipped at his husky voice. Aoife and Jimmy stood waiting at the end of my street, both wearing warm coats and scarves.
“Hey,” Aoife called. “We worried we were going to have to come get you.”
I shook my head. “The party’s in full swing. It was hard to sneak away. Hi Jimmy.”
“Hey Estella,” he replied shyly, his hand in Aoife’s.
“Right, well, we better get a move on,” Aoife said, and we started to walk. The castle wasn’t far from Ard na Mara. We took a shortcut, making our way through a small patch of woods. We emerged through the trees, and the crumbling old building came into view. My mind went back to the noble woman who once lived here, who hated her life so much she’d jumped to her death. Lady Maeve. I shivered at the memory of the dreams I’d had about her.
“You okay?” Aoife asked, eyeing me.
“I was just thinking about Lady Maeve,” I answered.
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about her. Do you think she haunts the castle?” Aoife said, putting on a spooky voice.
Jimmy gave a quiet laugh. “Don’t be silly. There’s no such thing as ghosts.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. Lately, I had the distinct feeling ghosts lingered in more places than we even realised.
“Such a sceptic,” Aoife teased, poking Jimmy in the stomach. “Ghosts are real. Back me up on this, Stells.”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure they’re real. Then again, I live in an almost two-hundred-year-old house. Strange noises and spooky vibes are my day to day.”
Jimmy cast me a speculative glance. “Have you ever seen a ghost though?”
I shook my head. “No, but …” I hesitated, wondering if I should tell them. The whiskey in my system seemed to spur me on. “I have these nightmares, and every time I wake up, I can’t move. Like, I’m awake and I can see around my room, but I can’t speak or move my body. And I just get this weird sense a ghost is haunting me, giving me the nightmares, because when I wake up they still have control of me, at least for a few seconds, and that’s why I can’t move or speak.”
“That sounds terrifying,” Aoife exclaimed. “Do you think you’re being possessed?”
I exhaled heavily. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“She’s not being possessed,” Jimmy argued, bringing his attention to me. “It sounds like you have sleep paralysis, Estella.”
I frowned at him. “Sleep paralysis?”
He nodded. “It’s a sleep disorder. You know, like narcolepsy or insomnia. People with sleep paralysis wake up and can’t move their bodies. Sometimes they feel like something’s pressing down on them or they have hallucinations. Have you been more stressed than usual lately?” he asked. “I know stress and anxiety can contribute towards it.”
“Um, yeah, I might be a little stressed.” Understatement of the century. What with Vee’s bullying at home, Sally’s bullying at school, worrying about Sylvia’s safety and trying to decipher what Noah was up to, my stress levels were through the roof. “Oh my God, I’m so relieved it’s not a ghost,” I said, making a mental note to visit the library at school on Monday and research everything I could about sleep paralysis.
“I’m almost certain it isn’t dangerous. It’s just a distressing thing to have to go through,” Jimmy said.
Aoife reached out and pinched him on the cheek. “Not only are you cute but you’re smart, too.”
He gave a small smile. “Falling down internet rabbit holes has its benefits.”
We reached the castle, and I heard faint music and laughter coming from inside. Kean and his friends were obviously in there already. Nerves fluttered through me as we made our way in and found the place crawling with teenagers. It was a good thing this place was far away from any neighbouring homes, otherwise someone would’ve already called the local Gardaí to complain.
We walked through an unlit passage, and a wave of dizzy headedness came over me. I stopped walking and brought my hand to the wall for balance. My throat felt tight, and my lungs constricted as a vision flashed before me. I saw a woman just a few yards away. She wore 19th century attire and had a distressed look on her face as she met my gaze then disappeared further down the passage.
“Estella, are you okay?” Aoife asked, appearing in front of me.
“Yes, I … I think I’m just a little tired,” I said, frowning. The woman I saw was the same one from my dreams, the one I always thought was Lady Maeve. Was I hallucinating? Maybe being in this castle was causing my imagination to get the better of me.
Aoife linked her arm through mine. “Come on. Stick by me. It’s dark in here, and it’d be easy to lose your way.”
She guided me into a room crowded with more teenagers. I spotted Kean and was about to shoot him a smile when I saw who he was hanging out with. He stood in a group of boys and girls, and Sally O’Hare was right next to him. She put her hand on his arm as she made some joke, and they all broke into laughter. Claire was there, too, several boys vying for her attention.
I gripped Aoife’s shoulder, and her eyes met mine. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. I’m not feeling so well.”
She studied me a moment, then looked around, spotting Sally and Claire. Understanding dawned. “Don’t let them stop you from having a good time.”
“It’s not that, it’s just … okay, so it is that, but I didn’t realise Kean was friends with them.” I said goodbye to my daydreams about attending his rugby matches and going on burger and ice-cream dates. If Kean associated with Sally in particular, then I didn’t want anything to do with him.
I noticed Jimmy didn’t look very comfortable either. My attention went in the direction he was frowning, where Kean’s other friends appeared to be snickering and pointing at him.
“Estella’s right,” Jimmy said. “I don’t mind leaving.”
Aoife eyed him. “Not you, too.”
“Hey Jimmy!” One of the boys called out. “Is she your beard?”
At this, Aoife scowled at the offending boy. “Fuck you. I’m his girlfriend.”
“Oh yeah, you’re definitely his beard,” the boy went on.
The other boys laughed in response, and I narrowed my gaze because Kean was laughing, too. Was the nice guy act a front?
I scowled at him, and he must’ve felt my anger from across the room because he suddenly noticed me, and his smile dropped. He came forward, reaching out, but I stepped well away from him.
“Estella, I’m so happy you came,” he said.
“I’m not,” I responded archly and gestured to Aoife and Jimmy. “Come on. This castle is full of arseholes.”
My friends didn’t argue, and we turned to leave.
“Hey, don’t go,” Kean pleaded, but it was too late. I didn’t want to be here after seeing Sally and Claire, and I certainly wasn’t sticking around after how horrible those boys were to Jimmy, who was incredibly loyal to Aoife and probably the sweetest person I’d ever met.
11.
“This castle is full of arseholes,” Aoife gave a hoot of laughter. “That was a good one. I want it on a T-shirt.”
“In fairness, it was full of arseholes,” Jimmy said, shooting me a smile.
“I’m sorry those lads were mean to you,” I told him.
He shrugged. “I was in school with some of them last year. They’re just dicks. Nothing I can do to change it.”
“Ugh, they’re awful,” Aoife said, running a comforting hand down Jimmy’s arm. “I’m glad you’re not in school with them anymore.”
“I’d rather hang out with you two anyway,” I said, and it was the truth. I’d been looking forward to tonight but walking into that castle felt like walking into a lion’s den. Pure bad vibes. And don’t even get me started on that weird vision of Lady Maeve.
“Me too,” said Aoife. “Why don’t we go back to your place, steal some booze from Vee’s party and go down to the beach to drink it?”
“I like that plan,” I agreed. “Just so long as the booze we steal isn’t whiskey. I had my first taste earlier tonight, and I’m not sure I liked it.”
“Well of course you didn’t like it,” she exclaimed. “Whiskey is for the professionals. You want to start out with some rum and Coke, or a white wine spritzer.”
“Rum and Coke sounds nice,” I replied just as we reached the house.
Vee’s birthday bash was still going strong. I brought Aoife and Jimmy around the back so that we could avoid bumping into anyone. Luckily, the kitchen was empty. I couldn’t find any rum, but I spied some bottles of Budweiser on the counter. I shoved them into my bag, while Aoife and Jimmy played lookout.
I noticed them peering all around, taking the place in. Aoife hadn’t ever been in here, since Vee didn’t allow me to have friends over. Aoife and Siobhan’s flat was bright and modern. By contrast, walking into this house must’ve been like walking into a time capsule.
Aoife shot Jimmy a look. “Still don’t believe in ghosts, huh?”
“Okay, so I’ll admit if they do exist, this would be the place you’d find them,” he replied.
“Hey! I still have to live here,” I said as I opened the back door. “And I already have enough trouble with nightmares.”
“Back so early?” A voice asked, and I turned around. Noah entered the kitchen carrying a tray of empty glasses. He set them down by the sink and turned to eye the three of us.
“Our plans changed. We’re going down to the beach for a while,” I said, the hairs on the back of my neck rising in his presence.
He must’ve heard something in the waver of my voice because his expression darkened. “What happened?”
“There was a party up at the old castle,” Aoife said, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of us. “The people there were dicks, so we decided to leave.”
“You don’t say,” Noah replied, his attention coming to rest on me. “So, you got all dressed up for nothing. That’s a pity.”
Slightly bothered by his cocky tone, I lifted my chin and levelled him with a confident smile. “It wasn’t for nothing. I got to see your jaw drop.”
Aoife gave a hoot. I didn’t stick around to wait for Noah’s response. Instead I turned and left through the back door. Aoife and Jimmy followed me, with Aoife sliding her arm through mine. “Oh my God, were you flirting with him?”
I cast her a glance. “I don’t know …” A pause as I scrunched up my face. “Okay, yes. But I didn’t mean to, it just came out. Was it terribly awkward?”
“No! Not at all. It was sassy. I like you sassy.” She considered me for a beat, then said, “Did you notice how protective he was of you? Talk about hot! I mean, his face when he thought something bad had happened. It was like he’d murder whoever wronged you. Gave me chills.” She paused for a second, eyeing me as I tried to suppress the butterflies filling my stomach at the thought of Noah being protective. I didn’t know what to say.
“He came over to our place the other day to talk to Mum about catering the party, so I had the chance to study him,” Aoife went on. “You know how I’m obsessed with faces? Noah would make an amazing subject for one of my portraits. Even though he’s conventionally good-looking, there’s something unusual about his face. It’s full of shadows.”
She could say that again. Sometimes I wondered if the man was made entirely of shadows, every single one of them hiding a dark secret.
“He confuses me,” I sighed. “Yes, he can be protective, but at the same time I feel like he’s hiding something.”
Aoife began to smirk. “You fancy him.”
I gaped at her. “I do not—”
“Oh, don’t even bother,” she waved away my protest. “Even I fancy him a little bit, and my heart belongs to Jimmy.”
“I’m not sure how to feel about that,” Jimmy said with a light chuckle.
“If I don’t get offended by your obsession with Emilia Clarke, then you can’t be pissed at me for thinking Estella’s step-uncle is hot.”
“Don’t call him my step-uncle,” I begged. I didn’t need to feel any weirder about my crush on him.
“Well, technically that’s what he is, since Vee is your legal guardian,” she pointed out. “Besides, everyone has a creepy uncle. It’s like a rite of passage. Lucky for you, Noah is the sexy kind of creepy.”
I shot her a look. “I’m not sure there’s such a thing as sexy creepy.”
“Of course, there is. Why do you think so many people still fancy Ted Bundy?”
I eyed her sceptically. “Do they though? Ted Bundy wasn’t even that good looking. He
just had one picture that made him look sort of hot, and that was all down to good lighting. Besides, what he did to those women was inherently unsexy, so …”
“I agree with Estella,” Jimmy piped in. “Creepy and sexy do not coincide. The former negates the latter.”
“Thank you,” I said, sending Aoife a pointed glance. “See? I’m right.”
She smirked. “Well, then why are you so hot for your step-uncle?”
“One, stop calling him that, and two, I think it’s a little unfair to compare him to a serial killer.”
“Okay, true, I’m not saying he’s an actual psychopath, but he does give me psychopath-adjacent vibes.”
“You find psychopath adjacent vibes sexy?” I arched an eyebrow.
She gave a sheepish look. “A little bit, yeah.” I shot her an incredulous expression, and she made a dramatic hand gesture. “Oh, come on, don’t tell me it doesn’t give you a thrill to think he might kill you after he’s had his wicked way with you?”
“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” I said, shaking my head. At the back of my mind though, I had to admit she had a teeny tiny bit of a point. An irrational point, but a point, nonetheless. What was it about danger that was so seductive?
“Again, I have to side with Estella,” Jimmy added.
“Thank you!” I exclaimed.
Aoife chuckled, like she enjoyed riling us. “Don’t worry,” she sing-songed. “You’ll be safe. You’re that one girl in the movie who the murderer won’t kill because he has an unexplainable soft spot for her.”
“Sorry to be a buzz kill but real-life murderers don’t have soft spots,” Jimmy said.
A shiver trickled over me. I knew Aoife was just messing around, but what if she was right? What if there really was something wrong with Noah? I’d seen him lose his temper with Vee once or twice, but then again, Vee’s unhinged behaviour often warranted such a response.