by L.H. Cosway
Despite this separation, the tension mounted between us. Each day it thickened and evolved. Whenever we were in the same room, there were so many words left unspoken. I felt them drift on the air, like little ticking time bombs waiting to explode.
I kept the phone a secret from Vee, for obvious reasons. I didn’t trust her not to confiscate it out of spite. I had a whole new lease of life being able to text Aoife and Jimmy, and being able to research things online.
I decided I would study Psychology and the Philosophy of Religion as part of an Arts degree at college, and I had been discussing my options with Sister Dorothy. She was pleasantly surprised by my choice to study religion. I told her about Noah gifting me all those religious books, which lit a fire in my brain to learn more, my thirst for the subject never-ending.
My nightmares still terrorised me, but in a weird way I’d gotten used to the torture. Now that I knew it was sleep paralysis and not some kind of ghostly possession, I managed to get through each bout as it came.
I often saw Kean hanging around outside the school. He looked a little sad when we made eye contact, apologetic even, but he never tried to approach me. I guess if he wanted to be ruled by peer pressure then so be it.
On the Sally front, I was pretty sure Principal Hawkins had a strict word with her, because she pretended like I didn’t exist now, which was fine by me.
When I arrived home from school one Friday evening, Noah was standing out front talking to Kean’s dad, Enda. They seemed to be getting on well, laughing and joking about something. I wished I could hear what they were saying. When they finished talking, they shook hands, and Enda walked back down the street towards his house.
“Are you watching me, little spy?” Noah questioned, a smile in his voice.
My skin prickled. How had he known I was there? He hadn’t even turned around yet. Noah had eyes on the back of his head it seemed. “Nope. Just minding my own business,” I responded.
His smile grew as he turned to face me. “Go drop your bag inside and come back out.”
My chest fluttered. “Why?”
“I’m giving you your first driving lesson.”
Excitement filled me. After all these weeks of distance, I thought he’d forgotten about teaching me how to drive. I quickly dropped my bag in the entryway then hurried back out. Noah seemed to have taken full possession of Vee’s car because he was using it all the time now. Not that she noticed. She’d become much more withdrawn in recent weeks, which was odd because I thought the birthday party had brought her out of her shell. It seemed to have the opposite effect, and despite the way she treated me, I was concerned for her. Spending most of the day in your bedroom drinking and talking to yourself was not the habit of a healthy individual.
I hopped into the passenger seat, and Noah took off, bringing us to the empty car park across from the church at the top of the town. It was only ever full during mass.
We got out of the car, passing by one another as we switched places. I slid into the driver’s seat, still warm from him sitting in it. I put on my seatbelt and pulled the seat up since my legs were significantly shorter than Noah’s.
“Okay,” he said, leaning close to point out the pedals near my feet. “The pedal farthest to your left is the clutch, the one in the middle is the break and the one on the right is the accelerator.”
“Clutch, break, accelerator. Got it,” I said.
He reached over me, and I was accosted by his heady ocean scent. He turned the key in the ignition, and the engine hummed to life. I couldn’t tell if it was the vibration from that or the urge to press my nose into his skin and inhale, but I began to feel light-headed.
Okay, definitely the latter.
He didn’t move back into his own seat, instead staying close. So close it was hard to focus on the instructions he gave. “Press your foot down on the clutch.” I glanced at the pedals and did as he instructed. “Now shift the gear stick left, and then up to go into first.”
“Like this?” I asked, moving the gear stick like he said. Why was my voice so breathy?
His eyes wandered down, and I’d never been more aware of my bare legs under my calf length skirt. “Yes, like that. Gently touch your right foot to the accelerator.” I did. “Good girl. This is the tricky part. You need to gently lift your foot off the clutch until you feel the bite.”
I frowned. “What’s the bite?”
“A little vibration. Tell me when you feel it.” I frowned, chewing on my lip as I concentrated. I wasn’t entirely sure I understood what he was telling me to do, but then I felt the vibration. “I can feel it,” I said.
Noah took my hand, bringing it to the handbrake between us and releasing it. My heart did a somersault at the feel of his hand over mine. “Now gently release the clutch as you press a little harder on the accelerator.” I tried to ignore the tingles I felt as the car started to move. Excitement coursed through me.
“I can’t believe I’m driving,” I said with an amazed laugh.
Noah chuckled. “Watch out, Lewis Hamilton. Estella Shannon’s coming at you at a speed of ten miles per hour.”
I glowered while a smile tried to break its way through. “Shut up. This is my first time.”
“You’re doing great,” he encouraged fondly, and a warmth filled my chest.
He spent the next hour teaching me how to shift the gears. I cut out a bunch of times and felt like giving up, but I forced myself to power through. Noah taught me how to control the steering wheel by completing figure eights around the car park.
“You hungry?” he asked when we finally switched seats, and he got back into the driver’s side.
“Starving.”
He drove us to the town’s only pizza restaurant. Since it was a Friday night, the place was hopping with families and groups of teenagers. Noah seemed to know one of the waiters, who led us to a table for two by the window.
“So, how’s school been lately?” he asked as we perused our menus.
“School’s good. I only have a few weeks left until summer.”
“Then you’ll be free as a bird, eh?”
“Yep. Pretty much.”
Noah put his menu down, resting both elbows on the table and his chin on his hands as he eyed me. “What will you do?”
Nerves flooded me at his question. I’d been planning this for such a long time, it almost felt surreal to be nearing the finish line. “First,” I said. “I need to secure the money Dad left me, then I’ll spend the summer travelling around Europe before enrolling in college in September.”
Noah grinned. “Europe, eh?”
A burst of excitement coursed through me. I couldn’t wait to travel. “I want to see all the famous sights. The Colosseum, the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, La Sagrada Familia. There are so many beautiful churches, more than I’ll be able to visit, I’m sure.”
“Promise me you’ll visit more than just churches,” Noah said.
“I mentioned the Colosseum, didn’t I?”
His lips twitched. “You did.” A silence fell, and I messed with the saltshaker. “It sounds like a fun trip,” Noah went on. “Maybe I’ll come look you up.”
His words made my stomach tumble. The very idea of being in a faraway country with Noah was thrilling. “I’m sure you’ll be far too busy with your job at the mayor’s office,” I said, trying to play it cool.
He tilted his head, amused expression in place. “Been missing me, have you?”
“No,” I scoffed unconvincingly, which only functioned to communicate that I had missed him. I’d missed him and his bizarre ways something fierce. He moved his ankle against mine under the table, and sparks of awareness shot through me.
“We’ll make the driving lessons a weekly thing then,” he said, teasing. “Just so you don’t miss me too much.”
“I don’t mi—” My words were cut short when the waiter appeared to take our orders. We decided to share a large pepperoni pizza. Noah’s astute gaze wandered around the restaurant, and I
watched him watching everyone else. He saw a lot with those eyes. When they flared sharply, I twisted my head to see what he was looking at. Principal Hawkins and his wife had just entered and were waiting to be seated.
“I’ll be right back,” Noah said with barely a glance my way as he headed for Hawkins. I turned fully in my seat, pricking my ears to listen.
“Hello,” Hawkins greeted him warily, a frown shaping his lips while his wife tucked some hair behind her ear at the sight of Noah. She looked both nervous and wary like her husband, but also kind of … excited? There was a girlish flush to her cheeks, a flirtatious flutter of her eyelashes.
“Hey,” Noah said, his head turned to the wife. “Theresa.”
“Noah,” she breathed. “It’s been a long time.”
“It has,” Noah agreed, and I felt the tension even from where I was sitting. Did those two have some sort of history? My stomach twisted at the idea of being a pawn in a game Noah was playing with some … what was she? An ex?
No. It wasn’t possible. Theresa Hawkins had to be almost sixty. Old enough to be Noah’s mother for sure.
“I’m having a little get together at the house tomorrow night,” Noah said. “All the old gang will be there. You’re both welcome to join us.”
“It’s a bit late notice,” Hawkins said stiffly at the same time his wife demurred, “We’d love to.”
A moment of awkwardness fell before a waitress approached to say their table was ready. Noah stepped out of the way. “Enjoy your meal,” he said. “I hope you can make it tomorrow.”
He returned to our table, his eyes miles away as I levelled him with cynical look. It took him a moment to realise I was eyeballing him.
“What?”
“I’m mad at you.”
He took a sip of water. “Okay, I’ll bite. Why are you mad at me?”
“Something happened with you and Hawkins’ wife, didn’t it?”
Noah appeared unfazed as he murmured to himself, “I was right. You are a little spy.”
“Don’t avoid the question,” I said, leaning closer across the table as I whispered, “You made me break into their house and wear her lipstick. You used me in whatever twisted game you have going on with your ex, and I deserve to know why.”
Now he laughed. It was the same weird, manic sort of laugh he’d had that time I’d asked if Vee bullied him as a kid. He was being way too loud, attracting the attention of nearby diners. When he wouldn’t shut up, I put my hand over his mouth to shush him.
“Will you be quiet? People are looking.”
The laughter ceased. His eyes heated, and I was suddenly aware of his lips against my palm. I dropped my hand and sat back, flustered.
“She’s not my ex,” Noah said. “Though she did…” he went silent, like he wasn’t sure if he should keep talking.
I arched an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.
Noah dragged a hand over his jaw and sat back, eyeing me pointedly. “Think about it, Estella. I haven’t lived in this town since I was fifteen years old.”
“Wait a second,” I said on a gasp as his meaning sank in. “Do you mean she … she …”
“No.” Noah interjected. “Nothing ever happened between us. Not for her want of trying though. Dirty auld bitch.”
I blinked at him in shock. Theresa Hawkins had tried coming onto Noah when he was a teenager, and she was in her what? Late forties? I shook my head, stunned. Hawkins and his wife were sitting on the other side of the restaurant, completely oblivious to the conversation going on across the room.
A brick settled in my gut. I reached out and gripped one of Noah’s hands in mine. “You’re serious?”
He nodded once as the waiter appeared and placed the pizza down in front of us, but I’d lost my appetite. The waiter left and I eyed Noah. “Exactly what age were you when this happened?”
He shrugged. “Fourteen.”
“Fourteen!” I whisper-hissed. “She should’ve been arrested.”
“Nothing happened. I might’ve been a kid, but I knew how to defend myself. Besides, I think she did it mostly to get back at Hawkins. He was having an affair with Sylvia at the time.”
“Hold up. What?”
Noah grinned and leaned forward. “You are so easily shocked.”
“I’m shocked because what you just said is pretty bloody shocking. Hawkins and Sylvia? Really?”
He nodded. “I used to see them sneaking off together every once in a while.”
I shook my head slowly back and forth, digesting the information. I just couldn’t imagine Sylvia cheating. Then again, I hadn’t known her before she became ill. I had no idea what she was like back then.
Noah sat back, eyes on mine as he blew out a breath. He stared at me for the longest time. Then, finally, he spoke. “Back before my mother was diagnosed, she and Theresa used to work together in the same legal firm. That’s how they became friends, and soon Hawkins and Theresa were regulars at my parents weekend soirees.”
His voice was sarcastic on the word “soiree”. I’d forgotten Sylvia was a solicitor before she got sick. Like I said, it was hard to imagine her as anything other than the quiet, frail woman I’d always known her to be.
“After a while, I noticed Sylvia going off to meet with Hawkins in secret. They must not have been very discreet because it was obvious Theresa noticed, too. I didn’t understand why she didn’t confront them. I sensed her anger over the whole thing, and that was when she began being extra nice to me. She clearly planned to seduce me as some kind of twisted revenge. One Saturday, when there was a party going on and all of my parents’ friends were drunk and oblivious, Theresa crept into my bedroom and tried it on with me.” A pause as he eyed me, a sardonic note to his voice. “I told her if she didn’t get the fuck out, I’d tell everyone in town she liked to have sex with kids. I never saw anyone do a 360 so fast.”
I felt queasy as I listened to him, and then even more so when I realised that my tiny bedroom used to be his tiny bedroom. No wonder I suffered from nightmares. Not only did Ard na Mara have a permanently bad aura, but every room seemed to possess its own unique horrors.
“That’s sick. Why didn’t she just go for your dad?” I said. “Seems like the more obvious choice if you want to get revenge without actually breaking the law.”
“Victor was fat and old by that point. Maybe the idea didn’t appeal,” Noah suggested. “I had an early growth spurt, so I looked older than I was.”
I stared at the golden, perfectly crisp pizza on the table and felt absolutely zero desire to eat it.
“Lost your appetite?” Noah asked wryly, his morbid sense of humour showing.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever sleep again knowing what Theresa tried to do to you in that bedroom.”
Noah’s fingers smoothed over mine. “You can always sleep in my bed. I don’t mind taking one of the other guest rooms.”
I scoffed. “If Vee found out she’d murder me, and I’m already high up on her kill list.”
His thumb brushed across the inside of my wrist, and I felt a tingle at the base of my spine. “Let me worry about Vee.”
I was lost in his eyes, so much so that I had to force myself to draw away.
“What happened with Sylvia and Hawkins in the end? Did it just fizzle out? Obviously, he never left his wife for her.”
Noah ran his finger along the edge of his glass. “They were still together after my dad died.” He paused as a murderous expression crossed his face. “Thick as fucking thieves if I remember correctly. Vee says he withdrew when Sylvia’s illness worsened. Guess it’s not as exciting to shag a sick widow as it is to shag someone else’s wife behind her husband’s back.”
I was vaguely aware of a new group entering the restaurant. Then, through the reflection of the window, I spotted Kean and his friends. Sally was among them.
“Something wrong?” Noah asked, his eyes following mine. “Ah, your arch nemesis. Want me to get Nico to spit on her pizza?”
�
�Nico?”
“The waiter.”
“Oh, right. No, don’t do that. She hasn’t been bothering me lately.”
His eyebrows rose. “No?”
I shook my head.
His lips curved. “I told you taking matters into your own hands would work. Normally, it takes more than a pimp slap and a bit of hair pulling, but well done.” He went silent as he studied me. “There’s something else you’re not telling me.”
I grew tense, rubbing at a spot on my neck and listening as Kean, Sally and their friends were brought to a large table not far from ours. You know when you can just tell someone’s looking at you? Well, Kean seemed to be staring lasers into the back of my head.
When I glanced at Noah, he was clearly putting it all together. “Riordan’s son hasn’t taken his eyes off you since he walked in here,” he said, sounding annoyed. “Boyfriend of yours?”
“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” I said. “And no, not even close. I thought he might be interested but …” I trailed off. “It didn’t work out. He wasn’t who I thought he was.”
“Who is he then?” Noah questioned, and if I wasn’t mistaken, he seemed a little … jealous? He had no cause to be. Things had long since ended between Kean and me. Not that they ever really got started.
“Just a typical dickhead teenage boy,” I said on a sigh.
Noah glowered. “Did he touch you?”
“No. It never got that far.”
“Good.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Why is that good?”
He moved his legs under the table so that they rested on either side of mine. “Because I’m the only one who gets to touch you.”
I barked a laugh, while on the inside butterflies filled my stomach. “You haven’t been touching me at all lately.”
His legs tightened around mine, his strong thighs like a steel trap, and those butterfly wings sliced through my gut. “Want me to?” he asked in a low, husky voice.
I was momentarily mesmerised by him when Sally’s squawk broke through. “Is she on a date with her uncle? How pathetic.”