The Art of Breathing
Page 49
I’m thinking about my brother, who is finally coming home.
I’m thinking about his boyfriend, who I think knows the surprise Otter and I have, even though we’ve been trying to keep it a secret.
I’m thinking about my best friend and his wife. How happy they’re going to be for us.
I’m thinking about their parents, who will love this kid so much that he’ll never be alone.
I’m thinking about a lovely, crazy, beautiful old woman who had gathered us up in her arms and did her best to shelter us from the sharp edges of the world.
I’m thinking about everything we’ve gone through to get to this point.
But I’m not thinking about her. Even though she was the catalyst for it all, never her.
She’s no longer part of my vocabulary. She doesn’t have the right to be.
Maybe there are days when she’s there, just skirting the edges of my thoughts. But I don’t ever allow myself to focus on her. Not now. Not after all she’s done. Not since the Kid came home from his wayward journey in Idaho to see for himself what she’d become.
So, no.
I’m not expecting this.
There’s a little girl standing on the porch of the Green Monstrosity. And maybe I’m a little distracted, trying to half listen to Otter on the phone behind me, but there’s something about her, with her dark hair braided down the back of her head, loose little wisps hanging around her face. There’s a smudge of dirt on her nose. She’s got a backpack slung over her shoulder, her hand tight on the strap. Her eyes are wide as she stares up at me. She looks exhausted, and there’s something familiar about her that I can’t quite place.
“Can I help you?” I ask, trying not to show this little girl that I’m pretty much a fucking lunatic who is capable of impregnating a woman with a serial killer baby who could be born with a tail.
“Slow down, slow down,” Otter says into the phone. “Say that again, Megan.”
“Man,” the little girl on the porch says. “He sure wasn’t kidding. The color of this house is like an abomination against Mother Nature.”
A buzzing starts in my ears. “Who wasn’t kidding?”
She rolls her eyes, and I take a step back as if I’ve been shoved. I know that look. “Tyson,” she says. “You must be Bear. Derrick.”
“Wait,” Otter says. His voice sounds rough, like he’s having trouble speaking. “What?”
“How do you know my name?” I ask the girl, gripping the door tightly.
She fidgets on the porch. Looks away. Back at me, then away again. She opens her mouth, then closes it. She sniffs and grips the strap to her backpack even tighter. “Ty said if I ever needed help, I could find him here.”
“He’s on a trip,” I say dumbly. “He’ll be back this afternoon.”
“You’re shorter than I thought you’d be,” she says as if it’s nothing. “How disappointing to know that’s what I’ve got ahead of me.” She takes a deep breath. It comes out shaky.
“I don’t…,” Otter says, and he sounds so unsure that I want to go to him, but I can’t seem to make my feet move. “What do you mean hidden behind the other one?”
It hits me then. This little girl. Even though I probably knew as soon as I opened the door and saw her eyes that looked so much like my brother’s, so much like my own, so much like hers, it still takes me by surprise, and it’s like the Kid and I are standing in the kitchen picking ourselves back up again. That’s what we do. We get knocked down, we spit the blood out onto the ground, and we push ourselves back up. That’s what we’ve always done. That’s who we are.
She’s lost, Bear. And I don’t think she’s ever going to be found. Nothing’s changed. But….
What?
I met Izzie.
“Izzie?” I whisper.
Bear, she’s… amazing. She’s like me. Smarter, even. I don’t know if I have words to even describe her. No, I take that back. She’s like us. She’s you and me.
We can’t….
She nods. “Ty said to find him if I needed help.” She sniffs again, and I can tell she’s trying to keep it together. But it’s a losing battle. “And I need help.”
I know. There’s nothing… bad happening. I don’t think. She wasn’t bruised. But Julie was never like that.
There’s more than one type of abuse.
“Are you sure?” Otter says from behind me. “How could they never see that…? I don’t—there’s two… oh fuck.”
“What happened?” I manage to ask.
I told her the same thing. Julie.
Will she listen?
I don’t know. Bear, we can’t forget about her.
But I did, didn’t I? To an extent. Out of sight, out of mind, and I have a life, I am building a life with my husband. We are having a child, and things are finally going our way. We are happy, we are healthy, we are whole, and I haven’t had time for things that I’ve pushed away in an attempt to keep my sanity.
There’s not much more we can do, Ty.
And maybe that had been a lie.
Julie would never let us see her.
She said as much. But there has to be some way, right?
We can ask Erica Sharp, but I don’t know how many rights siblings have when the parent is still involved. Even one with a history like Julie McKenna.
I’d left a message for Erica Sharp. She’d called back a day or so later. It’d gone to voicemail. I’d gotten distracted with life after that.
And I didn’t call her back.
I promised Izzie too. Just like you.
What?
That I wouldn’t forget about her.
We won’t. I just… I don’t know what we can do.
A tear spills over her cheek. Just one. She looks up at me, and even before she says it, I know. Somehow I know. And in the darkest corners of my heart, there is only relief, and I can’t be bothered to feel any guilt because of it. Maybe that’ll come later. But right now, it’s just relief.
“She’s dead,” Isabelle McKenna says. “Mom. She’s dead and I have nowhere else to go and Ty said if I needed help to find him and I need help! I need help so bad.” Her chest hitches, and it’s that, that little action, a little girl on the verge of tears standing in front of me, looking up at me like I’ll have all the answers that causes my knees to buckle.
And for the first time in my life, my little sister launches herself into my arms. The weight of her reminds me so much of Ty that I can barely breathe around the lump in my throat. She sobs bitterly against my chest. The blood roars in my ears.
You and me. That’ll never change, Papa Bear.
But it will, won’t it?
It’s already happening.
“Twins,” Otter says from somewhere behind us. He sounds just stupid with awe, and through the haze, I am barely grasping what he’s saying. “Jesus Christ. We’re having twins?”
DO YOU remember how it all began?
I do.
And this is where it begins again.
One last time.
More from TJ Klune
Fall in love with Bear, Otter, and the Kid in this best-selling romance series about family of the heart by award-winning author TJ Klune.
Three years ago, Bear McKenna’s mother took off for parts unknown with her new boyfriend, leaving Bear to raise his six-year-old brother Tyson, aka the Kid. Somehow they’ve muddled through, but since he’s totally devoted to the Kid, Bear isn’t actually doing much living—with a few exceptions, he’s retreated from the world, and he’s mostly okay with that. Until Otter comes home.
Otter is Bear’s best friend’s older brother, and as they’ve done for their whole lives, Bear and Otter crash and collide in ways neither expect. This time, though, there’s nowhere to run from the depth of emotion between them. Bear still believes his place is as the Kid’s guardian, but he can’t help thinking there could be something more for him in the world… something or someone.
The heartwarming best-selling series about lov
e and family continues in Who We Are, the sequel to Bear, Otter, and the Kid, by award-winning author TJ Klune.
Bear, Otter, and the Kid survived last summer with their hearts and souls intact. They’ve moved into the Green Monstrosity, and Bear is finally able to admit his love for the man who saved him from himself.
But that’s not the end of their story. How could it be?
The boys find that life doesn’t stop just because they got their happily ever after. There’s still the custody battle for the Kid. The return of Otter’s parents. A first trip to a gay bar. The Kid goes to therapy, and Mrs. Paquinn decides that Bigfoot is real. Anna and Creed do… well, whatever it is Anna and Creed do. There are newfound jealousies, the return of old enemies, bad poetry, and misanthropic seagulls. And through it all, Bear struggles to understand his mother’s abandonment of him and his brother, only to delve deeper into their shared past. What he finds there will alter their lives forever and help him realize what it’ll take to become who they’re supposed to be.
Family is not always defined by blood. It’s defined by those who make us whole—those who make us who we are.
Once upon a time, in an alleyway in the slums of the City Of Lockes, a young and somewhat lonely boy named Sam Haversford turns a group of teenage douchebags into stone completely by accident.
Of course, this catches the attention of a higher power, and Sam’s pulled from the only world he knows to become an apprentice to the King’s Wizard, Morgan of Shadows.
When Sam’s fourteen, he enters the Dark Woods and returns with Gary, the hornless gay unicorn, and a half-giant named Tiggy, earning the moniker Sam of Wilds.
At fifteen, Sam learns what love truly is when a new knight arrives at the castle—Knight Ryan Foxheart, the dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.
Naturally, it all goes to hell when Ryan dates the reprehensible Prince Justin, Sam can’t control his magic, a sexually aggressive dragon kidnaps the prince, and the King sends them on an epic quest to save Ryan’s boyfriend, all while Sam falls more in love with someone he can never have.
Or so he thinks.
It begins with a message that David cannot ignore:
I want to see you.
He agrees, and on a cold winter’s night, David and Phillip will come together to sift through the wreckage of the memory of a life no longer lived.
David is burdened, carrying with him the heavy guilt of the past six years upon his shoulders.
Phillip offers redemption.
Readers love the Bear, Otter, and the Kid Chronicles by TJ Klune
Bear, Otter, and the Kid
“TJ Klune, you (and your boys) sure know your way to a girl’s heart. Because they’ve captured mine.”
—Maryse’s Book Blog
“Touching and poignant! You can’t fake that type of emotion and Klune manipulates emotion to his whim, taking the reader on a journey that many won’t ever forget.”
—Under the Covers Book Blog
Who We Are
“Intense, dramatic, passionate, endearing and realistic… they will pull you in and you’ll get completely lost…”
—MM Good Book Reviews
“I can’t thank TJ Klune nearly enough for bringing me this world which centers me and where I feel at peace, even through the drama, the tears, the laughter, the grief, the anger, and the love.”
—Rainbow Book Reviews
The Art of Breathing
“…you cannot read TJ Klune’s prose without fully understanding the emotional tidal wave that these lovable, loving people experience.”
—Prism Book Alliance
“Another outstanding addition to the Bear, Otter, and the Kid world. I can’t wait to see where our favorite family goes next.”
—On Top Down Under
When TJ Klune was eight, he picked up a pen and paper and began to write his first story (which turned out to be his own sweeping epic version of the video game Super Metroid—he didn’t think the game ended very well and wanted to offer his own take on it. He never heard back from the video game company, much to his chagrin). Now, two decades later, the cast of characters in his head have only gotten louder, wondering why he has to go to work as a claims examiner for an insurance company during the day when he could just stay home and write.
He lives with a neurotic cat in the middle of the Sonoran Desert. It’s hot there, but he doesn’t mind. He dreams about one day standing at Stonehenge, just so he can say he did.
TJ can be found on Facebook under TJ Klune.
His blog is tjklunebooks.blogspot.com.
You can email him at tjklunebooks@yahoo.com.
By TJ Klune
Burn
How to Be a Normal Person
Into This River I Drown
John & Jackie
Murmuration
Olive Juice
Wolfsong
AT FIRST SIGHT
Tell Me It’s Real
The Queen & the Homo Jock King
Until You
BEAR, OTTER, AND THE KID CHRONICLES
Bear, Otter, and the Kid
Who We Are
The Art of Breathing
The Long and Winding Road
TALES FROM VERANIA
The Lightning-Struck Heart
A Destiny of Dragons
Published by DREAMSPINNER PRESS
www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Published by
DREAMSPINNER PRESS
5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886 USA
www.dreamspinnerpress.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of author imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The Art of Breathing
© 2014 TJ Klune.
Cover Art
© 2017 Paul Richmond.
http://www.paulrichmondstudio.com
Cover content is for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted on the cover is a model.
All rights reserved. This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of international copyright law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. Any eBook format cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press, 5032 Capital Circle SW, Suite 2, PMB# 279, Tallahassee, FL 32305-7886, USA, or www.dreamspinnerpress.com.
ISBN: 978-1-62798-925-1
Digital ISBN: 978-1-62798-926-8
Published June 2014
v. 1.1
Printed in the United States of America