[scifan] plantation 03 - shadow empire

by Stella Samiotou Fitzsimons

  And down will come baby, cradle and all

  “That’s not the song to sing to a baby,” he says.

  The voice startles me. I look up and find Damian leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets.

  “It’s a lullaby. Many generations were brought up with it.”

  “Doesn’t make it any more appropriate,” he says. “The only reason the baby’s not protesting is that he doesn’t understand a word.”

  I won’t let him get to me. I’m too happy for that. “I wondered if you’d show up,” I say as I pick the baby up. “Do you want to come and see him?”

  “I can see him from here,” he says.

  “He doesn’t bite.”

  “No, but I do.”

  “Wait, was that a joke? Are you actually trying to be funny?”

  A smile disappears from his lips as fast as it forms. “What are you going to call him?”

  “There were a few names that I liked,” I say. “But when I first saw him, I knew right away. I’ll call him Tobias. I haven’t told anyone. I was waiting for you, for your approval.”

  He ponders on this for a moment. “Tobias. Not bad. Strong name.”

  “You have to hold him,” I say. “It might help you feel something, you know, to connect with a part of who you really are.”

  His face goes blank like that first time I saw him in Sector K. “I’m never going to play house with you, Freya.”

  “I don’t care about me. I care about him.”

  “I never had a father,” he says.

  “None of us did, that’s the whole point. I want Tobias to have one.”

  He thinks about this. “You know who has fathers?” he says. “The men of Exodus.”

  “And they’re happier,” I say.

  “Happier?” Damian says. “That will go a long way in this world. Have you seen their highly trained fighters? I’d take Biscuit over any three of them.”

  All he does these days is piss me off, even on the day our son’s born. I walk to him with long strides and press Tobias against his chest before he has a chance to react.

  “What are you doing?” he says as he straightens up his body and gets his hands out of his pockets.

  “Hold the baby,” I order him.

  He does so after a moment of hesitation. “It won’t change anything.”

  “No baby of yours would ever be soft,” I say. “You are so full of shit sometimes, Damian.”

  He places his hands around Tobias and looks at him. “Don’t swear in front of the baby,” he says.

  “Look who’s making him soft now,” I tease.

  When I try to remove my arms from under the baby, he grabs my right wrist. “No,” he says, “you hold him, too.”

  “You can trust yourself with him, Damian. I trust you.”

  “Trust is not the issue,” he says. “It’s the bonding. I can’t afford to bond with him.”

  “Why not? Don’t you want your life back?”

  He hands the baby back to me.

  “I hope he has a better life than me,” he says. “I want him to be happy.”

  Damian leaves. I step out into the hallway to watch him as he walks away hastily, putting as much distance between him and his son as possible.

  I go inside and kiss Tobias as I put him back in his crib.

  “Maybe there is hope for him, yet, Tobi,” I say. “I see it now. He is afraid of love. He really cares for us whether he admits it or not.”

  9

  Days and weeks go by in a flash on the space station. Most days I awaken and feel myself caught in a cocoon and, inevitably, I will have to break out. I don’t know what places I could go to where Tobias would be safe if ever I abandon the warmth of my protective nest.

  I can imagine the stories that will be written if I die in battle against the aliens: Once upon a time there was a girl with magic powers who fought to save the world; a girl who loved a man and then his love turned her into stone.

  “Why did I say stone?” I ask Tobi who lies on a blanket on the floor.

  He stretches his neck to lift his head all the way up, but it’s too much for him. He’s not strong enough yet. Instead, he decides to roll over on his back. He’s never done this before and I have to tell someone about it but I’m the first one in the meeting hall.

  “How did you do that?” I say as I pick up Tobi. He fixes his blue gaze on me although he can barely see at three months of age. On the other hand, I think he can probably see right through me.

  Tilly walks in with Scout and soon afterwards Doc and Biscuit join us. They want to play with Tobi and I can tell that he loves the attention already. He kicks and babbles incessantly as they play with him.

  We hold our regular meetings once a week although there’s not much to talk about besides the mundane details of our life here. The space station is big enough for a small town to fit in. Joshua says that it could take in up to 10,000 people and although it would be terribly crowded, it would probably be viable. Right now, with a population of 2,714, things are pretty comfortable most of the time.

  Joshua is second in command on Exodus L21, but he is in charge of most of the functions that are needed to keep the place running on a daily basis. Commander Eldritch recently turned seventy and his arthritic bones have limited his ability to move about. Still, his mind is as sharp as ever. He is an engineer and an inventor. Theo has found a fatherly figure in him. I don’t get the chance to see the commander very often as he rarely leaves his office and I have no reason to visit him there. But I hear about him from Theo and Joshua and most of what I hear is quite impressive.

  Damian throws an annoyed glance at me when he realizes I have brought the baby to the meeting. If he thinks that I did it on purpose, he’s partially right. It’s true that Mandy, the sixteen year old who takes care of Tobi when I attend meetings or go to training with the rest of the Saviors, has been sick but I could have found a replacement if I had tried. I didn’t try.

  I glance back at Damian wondering whether he will bail out on us or not. In the end, he steps into the room and sits at the table.

  “Hey, Damian,” Biscuit says, “do you remember what day it is tomorrow?”

  Damian shrugs his shoulders.

  “Exactly two years since you found Scout,” Biscuit says.

  “Scout found us,” Damian says.

  “Yes, but you were the one who saw her first and you went out to greet her,” Tilly says.

  “I’ll never forget that day,” Scout says. “I know you wouldn’t believe it, but I was scared out of my wits by that point.”

  Damian can’t even offer her a smile. Being so close to Tobi makes him more nervous than usual. I guess it’s a surprise to us that he still participates in everything we do and an even bigger surprise that he seems to have warmed up somewhat to life on Exodus L21.

  One by one, the Saviors arrive. All but Finn who makes his first late entrance since our meetings on the space station began.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “Something came up at work.”

  “Anything interesting?” Theo asks.

  “Not really. Just inconvenient.”

  I know when Finn lies and today is one of those times. I can tell by the way he holds his gaze low and rubs his hands together. What he does is probably none of my business, though, so I pull my hair back in a ponytail to change the course my thought process is taking.

  “What do you have to report?” Finn begins the meeting. As usual, there’s not much. A few near run-ins during training, some questions about usage of loaded weapons in the training ring, something that is forbidden for the most part, several suggestions to visit Earth soon.

  Then Finn turns to Damian. “I hear you have made yet another exhibition of your strength and speed in the military camp,” he says. “How long before they realize there’s something out of the ordinary about you?”

  “Everybody knows I’m extraordinary,” Damian says.

  “Right. Whatever. These people have
taken us in. They have trusted us,” Finn says. “We have to respect that and act within the boundaries of human expectations.”

  Damian laughs. “You respect them by lying to them? And why should I hide who I am? Theo doesn’t. He uses his skills at the inventions lab, doesn’t he? Doc’s in the hospital doing his magic. Biscuit’s cooking in the kitchen. Why not me?”

  “It’s not the same and you know it,” Finn insists. “There’s no reasonable way to explain what you are or what you can do. It’s not in your best interest to be so defiant.”

  “Let them kick me out. There’s always a place for me on Earth.”

  With this, he gets up and storms out of the room.

  “You could have handled that a bit better, Finn,” I say.

  “It’s not the first time he’s said that, Freya,” Finn says impatiently. “You know it as well as I. He really wants to be sent back to Earth,” Finn says.

  “We have to stop his self-destructive behavior,” Zoe says looking at me.

  “He is at odds with himself. There’s no question about that,” Doc adds.

  “Why are you all looking at me?” I ask when I realize all their comments are directed to me.

  There’s a short pause. Then Zoe says, “Like it or not, you’re the only one who was ever able to handle Damian.”

  I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I’m the last person he would listen to now.”

  “We’ve tried everything else,” Finn says.

  Things must really be out of hand if Finn actually wants me to reach out to Damian. Between Tobi and work I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should to what’s been going on around me.

  *

  EXODUS L21 CONSISTS of four main sectors that are connected through long tubular passageways. Sector One is where we all reside. Where our rooms, kitchens, showers, schools, libraries and entertainment areas are located. Sector Two is where food is grown and water is purified. The recycling plant is also found there. Sector Three is where flight control and flight training are located, including the main command deck. It’s also the place where we work and run our labs. And then there’s Sector Four, the largest of them all, where military training takes place and where all weapons and space vehicles are developed and docked.

  I don’t often have reason to visit Sector Four. Our own training takes place in an area that we cleaned up and claimed in Sector One. It used to be a playground, but it proved to be one playground too many. There are less than one hundred children under the age of ten on Exodus L21 right now.

  I take the passageway to Sector Four. There are moving walkways on each side but I prefer to walk in the middle. There aren’t many occasions for long walks anymore.

  When I reach Sector Four, I walk straight to the hand-to-hand combat area. Damian is in his military training uniform instructing two young fighters. When he sees me, he sends them away for a break.

  “I thought I’d be the one to be sent away,” I say.

  “If you came all that way out here, it must be important,” he says.

  He leads me through a door to an office area. He offers me a drink. I opt for plain water.

  “What is it then?” he says.

  “People seem to think that I have some influence on you,” I say. “I explained to them that wasn’t the case but they insisted. I didn’t want to disappoint them so here I am, pretending that what I have to say will make a difference.”

  He takes a sip out of his juice bottle as he studies my face.

  “You gave up from the get-go,” he says. “That’s not the Freya I know.”

  “You’re not the Damian I know either. People change, I suppose, and there’s nothing to be done about it.”

  He doesn’t take the bait. “What did they want you to tell me?” he says.

  “You know, the usual. Control yourself when you’re here. Don’t show off too much, blah blah.”

  “Okay, you said your piece. I’ll keep it in mind. You can report back that you did your best.”

  A buzz goes off somewhere. Damian steps out to check on it.

  “It looks like training is done for the day,” he says. “Something about old Eldritch wanting to talk to the fighters.”

  “Will you go?”

  “No. I don’t fight for him.”

  “Finn is only trying to help, you know. He doesn’t want people to be scared of you.”

  “Finn is trying to help Finn as always,” he says. “Are you sharing his bed yet?”

  “What? No. How dare you ask me a thing like that?”

  “Just a simple curiosity. Don’t get so worked up about it.”

  “Some things never change, do they? Once a jerk, always a jerk.”

  He rests his hands on my shoulders. He’s actually touching me. He hasn’t touched me since the night he got picked up by the drone.

  “Hey, look, you touched me and you haven’t burst into flames,” I say.

  “If I’m such a jerk, how come you fell in love with me?”

  “Everybody is entitled to at least one mistake,” I say shrugging my shoulders.

  I notice a change in his expression. A sudden pause in his determination to keep me at arm’s length. “Do me a favor,” he says in a low, soft voice. “Quit trying to get me to talk about what happened at Plantation-15. Don’t parade Tobi in front of me every chance you get. I can’t bear to be around him. This is my request. I hope you’ll respect it.”

  “If you didn’t care for us, it wouldn’t matter,” I say as I struggle to keep my tears from falling.

  “I will do whatever you want,” he says. “I will stop showing off, I will not antagonize Finn. Just keep your distance.”

  “Why?” I say. “Why is that so important? What are you afraid of?”

  “I can only hurt people. I don’t feel much of anything. I never had social skills. And now it’s worse. You said it yourself once, I’m a brute.”

  “I said it several times.”

  He smiles and rubs his right index against my cheek for a split second.

  “You’ll remember how to feel,” I say. “It’s somewhere buried deep. You just have to access it.”

  I throw my arms around his neck. To do that, I have to stand on my tiptoes. I kiss his hands and rest my head against his chest. I start to undo the buttons on his military shirt. I slide my hands through openings in fabric, frantically searching for skin. He doesn’t react in any way at first. I can’t see his face but I know he’s stunned. Just as I manage to get the shirt out of the way, he grabs both my wrists.

  “What are you doing?” he says. “I have nothing for you, Freya. I’m empty. What’s more, you have nothing that I want.”

  He grabs a towel from the desk and walks away buttoning his shirt. I don’t know how I am going to hide my embarrassment. The only solution is to never see him again, because it seems our roles have been reversed and now I’m the one who won’t take a hint.

  *

  I TAKE THE MOVING WALKWAY back. The faster I get out of here, the better. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore, but what I do know is that it ends here.

  In Sector One, I run into Finn with Ella. They are laughing and gently shoving each other. I am reminded of a time when that would have been me walking next to Finn. He would make fun of my quirky habits and encourage me to go after what I wanted. Then, he would take me in his arms and he’d whisper, “It will be all right, Tick. I’m here for you now and forever.”

  10

  Zoe makes a face of disgust. “This must be the worst excuse of a cake ever,” she says. “What did they make it with? Cardboard?”

  “It’s actually brown wheat, flax seed and quinoa flour, synthetic egg whites and probiotics blended with an herb juice,” Biscuit informs us from the next table.

  “Yikes,” Zoe says, “cardboard would have been better.”

  “I’ll let the cook know,” Biscuit says. Then whispering, “She is completely useless in the kitchen but she has a great singing voice and she’s rea
lly good at playing pool.”

  “Why don’t you give her some lessons?” Tilly says. She and Biscuit have steered clear of the cake and eat the banana pudding instead. By the look on their faces, it’s not that much better.

  “I don’t want to hurt her feelings,” Biscuit says. “I intervene from time to time when she’s not looking, adding herbs and spices, thinning or thickening consistency as needed.”

  It’s lunchtime in the dining hall but very few people have lunch here and dessert is practically never on the menu at this time of day. So it was kind of a surprise at first to see cake and pudding served but now we know that we have been served what turned out to be a failed attempt for the usual dinner dessert.

  “Nothing goes to waste here,” I remind Zoe. It was one of the first things that we realized when we saw how much space and effort was dedicated to recycling and repairing. Which makes sense as they don’t get the chance to replenish provisions and stock all that often. The aliens allow them to visit Earth in search of useful materials and food only once a year.

  “That’s not a bad thing,” I say. “And we’re not exactly used to luxury either.”

  “Cake isn’t luxury, cake is necessity,” Biscuit says.

  “This cake makes the bathroom a necessity,” Zoe quips.

  “Zoe!” we all say.

  She grins at us while I notice the clock on the wall behind her. Then I reach inside my pocket to touch the receptor.

  “Hey, have you talked to Damian yet?” Zoe asks.

  I clear my throat of an imaginary cough. “I did,” I say. “Yesterday.”

  “So how did it go?”

  “I’m not sure. He promised he’d make an effort to be more careful on the condition that Tobi and I stay out of his way. But who knows what he will decide tomorrow.”

  Zoe drops her spoon on the plate. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I know it must be difficult. You’ve never really told me what happened between the two of you. All I know is that there is a baby. Don’t even get me started on what a bomb that news was for the Saviors. Nobody could talk about anything else for weeks. Questions were flying around like bloodthirsty mosquitoes.”