Notes on His Pillow

by Diana Currie

  The last to appear is Adam, coming down a few minutes after I take a seat with Gabby on my lap. I don't let myself dwell too long on how good Adam looks this morning. He's wearing crisp khaki pants and a red knit polo shirt. His hair is damp from a recent shower and he smiles wide when I glace up at him. Maybe one day soon his perfection will cease to shock me. He says good morning to Gabby as he takes a seat at the dining room table across from us and I blush. Okay, so I won't be getting over his charms today then.

  "How did you gentlemen enjoy the bar last night?" I ask pleasantly.

  "Johnny here got the phone number of a hot little red head who works at the school," Dave chortles sticking his thumb in the direction of his buddy.

  "Oh, no no, tell me you didn't? Mrs. Collins, from my high school?" I reply in mock horror. The thought really does churn my stomach a bit.

  "That's right, sweetheart. And we got us a hot date tonight," John says winking at me.

  Larry chimes in to compliment the bar while I try to get the image of Mrs. Collins on a “hot date” out of my mind. "We all had a good time over there. That Rachel is a little spitfire, Amanda. She cut Dave off after five Yaegermeisters and made him drink a full glass of water before letting him out of her sight!"

  I laugh out loud. That does sound like something Rachel would do. "Mommy, what's a spitfire?" Gabby asks tilting her head back to look me in the eyes.

  "He's talking about Miss Rachel, sweetie. Uncle Brett's sister."

  "But why does she spit on the fires?"

  Adam chuckles and my eyes lift to his without thinking. He's smirking at me, obviously waiting for my explanation too.

  "Mr. Larry is just saying that he likes Rachel, sweetie. He thinks she's fun."

  "Oh. I like her too," she agrees seemingly satisfied with my answer.

  Adam turns to John and asks what kind of fishing they’ll be doing. Larry and Dave want to focus on catching trout but John thinks whitefish is better. They’re off on their first excursion as soon as they finish eating. I offer to grill their catch for dinner and they're all excited by the idea. Hopefully they’ll catch something.

  After breakfast I drive the kids into daycare and run a few errands on my way back. The better part of my morning is spent cleaning the house. I dust, vacuum, and empty all the trash cans. With all the rooms empty I accomplish my tasks in good time. Even Adam is out of the house and it irks me a little not to know where he went. He hadn’t mentioned anything over breakfast.

  I look over a few fish recipes and set out what I’ll need for dinner. No one comes home for lunch so I make myself a quick salad and eat it alone while I watch daytime television. I don’t know when to expect John Lambert and the other guys to return. Dad always headed out before dawn on his trips to the lake and he would usually be gone most of the day. Sometimes that meant the fish were really biting and he couldn’t tear himself away from the honey hole. Other times he stayed out there all day determined to catch just one stinking fish. Hedging my bets, I have chicken defrosting just in case they return empty handed.

  The house is still desolate when I leave to pick the kids up at 4 o’clock. We’re going to have Tyler’s friend, Aiden, with us for a few hours for their play date. His mother is picking him up after dinner. My fisherman guests are back when we return. They show off the three fish they caught. It’s enough to make a decent dinner. While they go out to the backyard to gut the fish I start making dinner preparations. Gabby occupies herself by pestering Tyler and Aiden who are building with Legos in the living room.

  Tyler's getting annoyed by her hovering but I decide not to intervene. For one, I have too much cooking to do to entertain her myself. And two, I would have loved having a sibling growing up so someday Tyler will learn to appreciate his sister. Until then, her girly squeals and constant questions won't kill him.

  John brings the gutted fish into the kitchen and all three men head to their rooms to wash up. I thank the heavens for that; the fishy smell in this house is becoming overbearing. As I’m preparing the fish a little after five o’clock I hear the front door open. Adam comes in looking tired but still insanely handsome. I look over my shoulder to smile at him as his eyes meet mine.

  “Hey, Amanda,” he greets politely. “Hey, kids! How are ya?”

  “Hi, Doctor Adam,” Gabby calls back from the living room.

  I love that Adam acknowledges them and doesn’t seem to mind in the least that they’re always hanging around the B&B. Many guests either ignore my kids or sometimes give me looks as if to question what they’re doing here in the first place.

  “We’re all good. How was your day?” I reply and then mentally curse at myself. I sound exactly like how I used to greet Tommy every evening.

  “Busy. Spent the afternoon with my mother,” he says rolling his eyes. “We were going over housing options.”

  “Oh? Come up with anything?” I ask. I want to turn and give him my full attention but my hands are messy as I’m in the middle of breading the fish.

  “She has plenty of ideas,” he says vaguely. I think he senses I’m preoccupied. “Who’s the other boy in there?”

  “Tyler’s friend from daycare. They’re playing together until his mother gets off work.”

  He nods his head idly. “Dinner smells good. I’m gonna head upstairs and change.”

  “Okay, you have a little time,” I reply as he heads towards the staircase.

  While I'm finishing up with the seasoning rub for the trout I can't stop thinking about Adam. I really should be used to having him on my mind twenty four seven by now. It doesn't help matters that I can hear him in his room making phone calls. I'm not trying to eavesdrop on Adam. His bedroom door is closed and he is obviously looking for a little privacy, but it isn't my fault these old walls are so thin. He contacts a few car dealerships in Atlanta looking to find a specific make and model. He calls Dr. Brickman's office but I miss the dialogue of that conversation as Tyler chases Aiden around the kitchen with a Lego sword.

  I finish prepping everything for the meal and then bring fresh towels up from the basement to leave in all the bathrooms. As I walk down the hall with two baskets full of folded towels in my hands Adam's voice suddenly becomes clearer. His voice is raised in a way I've never heard him speak before. He sounds frustrated. I want to go back down the steps and leave him alone but my feet are glued to the floor outside his door.

  "Why didn't you answer my text?" he says. There's a long pause as the person with whom he's speaking must be giving him a lengthy answer. "I realize that. No... It doesn't have to be like this."

  Another pause. Then so quietly I almost miss it Adam replies, "I wanted to send a gift." He sounds saddened, defeated. My heart aches for him even though I have no clue what he's referring to or who's at the other end of his conversation. I hear him end the call and sigh loudly. As quietly as possible I tiptoe down the hall so he doesn't find me outside listening to his private phone call. I deposit all the towels into the two bathrooms and sneak back downstairs undetected.

  Back in the kitchen I look out the window and notice that the sun is still shining. I want to get the kids some fresh air before I have to get the fish into the broiler so I suggest we all take a walk. Tyler and Aiden don't want to stop playing with the Legos but I convince them with a stop at the playground. Gabby holds my hand the whole way, singing a song she learned in daycare about bumble bees.

  Outside the Thatcher B&B I can think more clearly. I watch as the kids play on the swings, laugh as they come down the slide, and chase each other around in the warmth of the sunlight. This is what life is all about I tell myself. Yes, I'm dying to know who Adam was talking to on the telephone and why he sounded so upset about not sending that person a gift. But I also know what my priorities are, and they are right in front of me.

  I've been remiss about my future romantic life before Adam showed up and threw me for a loop. I'd been on a handful of bad dates since separating from Tommy but was never too bummed each time when things
didn't work out. I wasn't even sure I wanted to date so soon after leaving my husband. And I'm still not convinced the kids would handle that change well if I tried to start now. Gabby doesn't like any kind of change, be it getting a routine haircut or something more significant like trading up her bottle for a sippy cup.

  It wouldn't be fair to my kids for me to introduce a new man into their lives. I've put them through so much as it is this past year. Before Adam arrived in Swainsboro I'd been comfortably abstaining from all male companionship other than the incidents with Brett. But Adam’s awakened something inside me and now that sensible decision seems hard to stay committed to. His stupid beautiful face and wonderful personality have made me want to forget my pledge not to complicate the kids’ lives with a strange man they don’t know. Of course they already know and like Adam...

  It's not as though I want to start hanging out at Sarah's on Friday nights hoping to get lucky. The only man I'm interested in pursuing is Adam. And since he's really not shown any interest in being anything besides my friend all these fears are irrelevant, aren't they?

  I hate talking to myself. That might be the most difficult adjustment to being single for me to make; not having Tommy to talk to every night. Someone to share the story of my day with and tell him all the cute things Tyler and Gabby did or said. I can still tell Tommy these things, of course, but it's not the same. Rebecca's been great about checking in with but even a great girlfriend like her can never really replace the intimacy of a spouse.

  I see that this is probably why I enjoy Adam's company so much. I'm craving that one-on-one I used to have with Tommy. It makes sense, really. I spend so much time at the B&B that it feels like a second home to me and now it’s Adam’s home too. It’s easy to fit him into that familiar role even though Adam Brickman is certainly not prepared or amenable to replacing my ex husband in any capacity.

  The idea of becoming that close to him frightens me. I realize I need to be careful with this opportunity I have to explore life on my own terms. I can’t drag my children through the trial and error of dating while I figure out what I want. I have to be absolutely positive of my next move before making it.

  My cell phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to check the message. It’s from Brett, wanting to know why I haven’t called him back. I roll my eyes at his text and decide to give him a quick call since he’s right, I completely forgot about his calling me at work yesterday.

  “Hey, Mandy,” he answers immediately.

  “Hey, sorry about yesterday. I’ve got four B&B guests this week and you caught me at a busy time.”

  “Must have been since Lover Boy was answering the phone,” he teases.

  “Shut your mouth! Don’t call him that. I mean it,” I scold. “And what the hell did you say to him last night anyway?”

  Brett chuckles. “Why, what did he tell you?”

  “He had this absurd notion that you and I were together.”

  “I was joking. What’s the big deal? You said you weren’t gonna try to get with him,” he replies dryly.

  “First, that’s none of your business. And second, don’t spread rumors that you and I are dating! Did you even consider what that would do to Tommy?”

  “Would it be that horrible to be linked romantically to me, Amanda?” he asks sounding a little wounded. It’s hard to tell with Brett.

  “Yes,” I replied emphatically.

  He’s silent for a moment and I wonder if he’s hung up on me. “If it makes you feel better, Brickman seemed flustered after I told him I was calling to make dinner and movie plans with you this weekend.”

  He did? Why? “Wait, what plans?” I ask ignoring the other more pertinent questions in my head.

  “That new Bond movie came out last week. You said you’d see it with me.”

  I groan loudly. I may have promised something along those lines at a weak moment. “I’ll come if Rebecca comes too. Maybe she’ll invite Eric.”

  “Yeah, right,” Brett laughs. We both know how shy Rebecca is. “You give that a try, honey. And I was thinking we could hang out at that new restaurant too because I need to find a woman. I’ve exhausted my options in Swainsboro.”

  I understand that feeling. At least I did until about a week ago. “Okay, sounds like a plan. I’m sure Tommy won’t mind taking the kids an extra night. Is Friday good for you?”

  “Yep. 7 o’clock?”

  “Sure. Let’s meet at the B&B.”

  “Goodie, maybe I’ll get to meet Lover Boy,” he replies sarcastically.

  “Yeah, you probably will. And if you’re not nice to him I’ll strip your motorcycle for parts and sell them on Ebay. Don’t test me.”

  “Sure, sure,” he says dismissively. “Catch ya later.”

  We end the call just as Gabby runs over to me and points at the sky. The clouds have rolled in and I feel the first drops of rain dot my exposed skin. Mother Nature has reclaimed the sun for the day.

  When we get back to the house the kids resume playing in the living room and I check on dinner. At six o’clock sharp I call the guests down to eat. I’m pleased to see Adam coming down the stairs to join us. I hated not seeing him all day. His hair is damp from a shower and he’s wearing just loose jeans and a gray t-shirt. He’s obviously staying in for the evening and I like knowing I’ll get to talk to him a little before taking the kids home for the night. I set Gabby, Tyler, and Aiden up at the little kitchen table while Adam and John Lambert’s crew eat in the dining room. As soon as his plate is clean Adam makes his way into the kitchen.

  “Dinner was delicious, Amanda,” he says smiling.

  “Thank you. I used my father’s recipe. It’s always a big hit.”

  “What do you think, Gabby? Is your mom a good cook or what?” he asks my daughter.

  She gives him a big shy smile but doesn’t answer.

  “I don’t like fish,” Tyler says. I’m not surprised by this at all. He ate nothing from his plate but the Mac & Cheese.

  “Don’t let Grandpop Sommerer hear you say that,” I tease. “He can’t wait to take you out fishing with him again.”

  Tyler closes his eyes and nods his head down pretending to doze off. Adam laughs.

  “I thought fishing was boring too when I was your age,” he says. “But trust me; it’s fun when you catch something. And your mom’s really good at making the fish taste good.”

  I don’t know why but I love it when Adam compliments my cooking. Maybe because it’s the one quality most men look for in a woman that I actually possess. Score one for Amanda Sommerer.

  Adam is still hovering when Tyler and Aiden run off to watch television. Gabby sticks close to my side as I start washing dishes, already getting sleepy. After a few minutes she shuffles out to lie on the sofa. I suspect she may have been waiting around to see if Dr. Adam had any more lollipops.

  Adam helps me clean up again even though I tell him not to. I’m starting to like that he repeatedly ignores my pleas for him to go relax and let me take care of the chores. It isn’t because I need the help; I’m just naïvely optimistic that maybe he’s offering as an excuse to be near me. Well, in my head that's his motivation. His kindness is probably just those impeccable Brickman manners he learned from Caroline and Gregory. Either way, I welcome his assistance because I happen to revel in any opportunity to have him close by.

  Aiden’s mother arrives while Adam and I are still in the kitchen and she lingers to chat longer than usual. Our children are better friends with each other than Samantha and I are so she's usually out the door after exchanging the briefest of pleasantries.

  She takes a good long look at the eye candy standing next to me holding a dish towel. It seems the news of Adam's arrival hasn't made its way through the entire town yet. He introduces himself and shakes Samantha's hand. I feel a little flutter of smugness knowing I've had the most contact with the sexy doctor. I’ve hardly had to share Adam at all since he’s been here. Unfortunately, Samantha is friends with Nikki so my shiny new toy w
on't be a secret much longer.

  I'm happy when she finally leaves with Aiden in tow but also disappointed in myself. I'm definitely not ready to share Adam yet and the reminder that he isn't mine to share upsets me.

  "Why are you pouting like that?" Adam asks amused.

  "She was practically drooling on your shoes," I reply failing to hide my agitation.

  "Was she?" He sounds genuinely surprised.

  "Uh, yeah," I say sounding a little too Nikki-like. "I had a very strong urge to remind her she's married."

  "Yeah, I saw the ring on her finger," he replies. I don't know how to respond to that. My heart sinks learning that he checked her ring finger. He must have found her attractive enough to warrant a hand inspection. I suppose it’s true Samantha’s not hideous.

  "She's a few years older than me but married one of my classmates last year. Aiden is her son from a previous marriage."

  Adam nods attentively but doesn't respond.

  "I know, I know. I sound like Nikki Simpson. I just don't understand why Samantha doesn't encounter the same scrutiny from people in this town that I do," I say defensively.

  "Perhaps it's because you're the pastor's daughter that makes you a public target," he suggests cautiously. "Or because you're far more interesting a person than she."

  I blush. Did Adam just call me interesting? "Samantha's best friends with Nikki, whose father is mayor but she still gets a pass," I counter. "It's always about who your friends are I guess."

  Adam turns his attention back to drying a plate and confidently says, "Regardless of her social status I still consider myself lucky to be your friend and not Nikki Simpson's."

  I don't say anything in response to that because I think I've swallowed my tongue. As we finish the last dish Adam sighs.