“Shut up,” I muttered, frowning.
Kelsey was Mel’s roommate? Had Kelsey mentioned me to Mel? Mel had a lot of shit going on with Dean, but she also had a bit of shit because of me. I was not innocent in what happened last year.
“I wonder if Kelsey knows what you did to Mel?” Dean spoke aloud.
My blood boiled. If I could’ve beaten the shit out of him right then and there, I would have, but the other guys in the house would have his back. Bros before hoes and all that shit. “I only did what you made me,” I said. Not just what Dean made me. If it was just Dean, I would’ve said fuck it. It was this fraternity. It was tainted black, a dark underbelly of SCC no one talked about.
“It’d be a shame if Kelsey found out, wouldn’t it?” Dean posed the question, noting that my hands had clenched to fists. “I want Mel back,” he said, even though I knew for a fact he’d been with another girl over the weekend. Maybe even more than one. “Convince Kelsey to tell Mel to take me back.”
I had no idea why Dean thought Kelsey could convince Mel of anything, especially after what he did—and surely what he’d do again. I also had no idea why the bastard wanted me to talk to Kelsey about it. Bad blood rested between Dean and I, and it wasn’t like I could ever bring Dean up in a normal, everyday conversation with Kelsey.
“Fuck off,” I told him, giving him my back as the oven dinged.
“Careful, Levi,” Dean said, hopping off the counter. I knew he glared hard at the back of my head. “You know I could ruin you if I wanted to.” He said nothing else, leaving the kitchen, leaving me furious.
I had no idea how the hell Dean could possibly ruin me, but I knew better than to assume he was full of shit. Dean didn’t make threats unless he could follow up, and apparently he had some dirt on me.
Had to be from what happened last year. Had to be because of what this fraternity made me do.
I used that as an excuse, of course, but no one really made me do anything, which was probably why I currently felt so enraged about it. I just wanted to forget last year, pretend what happened simply didn’t happen. Easy enough. If you ignored the elephant in the room, it didn’t exist, right?
Wrong.
What happened last year would always weigh on my mind. I felt responsible, and that’s because I was, even if I was just the gun Dean had used to point and shoot at Mel. A way to get back at her for what she did—and all she’d done was break up with him when she found out what he’d done to stay a member of Sigma Chi.
Sigma Chi was a fucking bigoted mess, and its members were constantly trying to one-up each other. If, by the end of your first year, you didn’t fuck who they wanted you to fuck, you were out. Of course, there were other terms they used when kicking you out so the president of SCC didn’t get involved. No one outside of the fraternity knew about it, either. It wasn’t really hazing, but that’s what it was.
Though Dean had been dating Mel at the time, his hazing involved fucking another girl and bringing back her used underwear as a trophy. He didn’t stop, though. Dean kept going, fucking around behind Mel’s back, and when she found out, she broke up with him.
And, wouldn’t you fucking know, it was right then that my turn was up.
I was stupid. I’d made a mistake. It was something I couldn’t take back, something I regretted.
Whatever hope I had that Kelsey and I could maybe work—because after all, she’d started opening up to me, which had made me happier than I wanted to admit—was gone. This was payback for what I did; karma. This was fucking karma, and she’d be a raging bitch until I was on my knees.
I could never have Kelsey. Not really. Once she found out the truth, she’d drop me as fast as she could. I supposed I could tell Kelsey the truth, beat Dean to the punch and hope she wouldn’t react as I thought she would, but that would involve me being a good guy, and I think we all knew by now I wasn’t a good guy.
A good guy wouldn’t have picked up the broken shards of Mel’s heart and put them back together, only to shatter them into even more pieces when he dumped her. Right after fucking her, too.
Yeah. I wasn’t a good guy.
I was the worst.
Chapter Fourteen – Kelsey
Levi was nearly late to lab the next week, and I pretended not to care. Mostly I pretended that I didn’t care so I would start to believe it myself. The fact was, Levi was always on time, so when I walked into the room and saw that his chair was empty—the first class after we had sex—I couldn’t help but get a sinking feeling in my gut.
It was right as I was mentally scolding myself that Levi showed up, meeting my eyes almost instantly. I watched him hurry through the main aisle, sitting down beside me just as the professor strolled out of the backroom and got the projector going. We were going to learn about whatever experiment we would be doing this week. Fun stuff.
Not really, but whatever.
I eyed Levi up, refusing to focus on the warming in my lower gut. “You seem stressed, Blue,” I whispered, causing his azure stare to snap to me. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and I bet that stubble on his jaw would give me the worst kind of stubble burn.
What the hell was I thinking? Wasn’t I supposed to tell this guy what happened Friday night was a one-time thing? My vagina needed to get herself under control. Cool it before she lost it completely.
I was worried she already lost it.
Me.
I was worried I already lost it when it came to Levi.
“Yeah,” he said, shrugging. “Not my day, I guess.” He leaned forward, his mouth a thin line as he paid attention to the professor and the projector, even though it wasn’t fully booted up yet. This was not how he normally acted. Was this…was this him trying to tell me Friday meant nothing? Was this his way of brushing me off?
What. The. Flying. Fuck?
I said nothing else, silently fuming all throughout class. The moment we were done, I practically ran out of there. I didn't really run—that would’ve been calling too much attention to myself—but I did power walk. I could not stand to look at Levi’s brooding, pensive face anymore.
I wanted to punch him. I wanted to punch him so hard. I mean, what the fuck?
My feet were on the grass, cutting the shortest distance to the sidewalk that would lead me away from the science building, when I heard the bastard himself call out my name: “Kelsey, wait.”
I froze, knowing I should just keep going, knowing I shouldn’t give him the light of day. A tiny, miniscule part of me wondered if I was leaping to conclusions, but I didn’t care. I did not appreciate a hot and cold guy. That was yet another reason why I didn’t do relationships. Couldn’t take the ups and the downs. I much preferred a steady pace, a flat road as opposed to a roller coaster.
My back straightened, and I slowly turned. As other students filed out from the building’s side stairwell, I watched as Levi sauntered up to me, his backpack hanging loosely off his shoulder. He looked downright sexy, even a little haggard. He looked sexy even though he absolutely infuriated me.
“What?” I hissed, not bothering to try to hide the annoyance in my tone. “You finally want to talk to me now, lab partner, after ignoring me for almost an hour and a half?” I let out an ugly chuckle. “It’s more fun talking to a rock than you.”
“I—”
I stopped him by holding up a hand. I could hear my heart thumping in my chest, and I hated what I was about to say, but it needed to be said. This dickbag needed to know that he wasn’t going to be the one to tell me us hooking up meant nothing. I was.
“I don’t want to hear it,” I told him, dropping my hand to my side. We stood two feet apart on the grass, and yet it felt like miles. A huge space, so much distance. I didn’t really know Levi at all, and yet, what I was about to say, it kind of stung. “I don’t want to hear it because it doesn’t need to be said. Your dick didn’t magically put me on the Blue-train for pound-town. Not once did I ever think that what we did was more than what it was, okay? So you don’t n
eed to worry about me being clingy or annoying or whatever—”
Okay, this talk went a lot smoother in my head. It also sounded a lot more badass in my head. Right now I just sounded pissed and wordy, not very badass.
This asshole needed to know that I could rip him a new one. A new asshole. A second asshole.
“That’s not what this is about,” Levi said, stepping closer to me. A foot away now, a foot away, and even though the sidewalks were busy around us, there was no one else in my field of vision besides him.
“Then what is it?”
Levi glared at me, practically furious. He was upset with me? Well ditto, buddy, fucking ditto. A muscle in his jaw ticked, and I wanted to push him. To hurt him. To yell at him. To do something that made him understand just how far under my skin he’d gotten.
Somehow, someway, Levi had crawled where no boy or man had crawled before. I hated it. I hated him. I hated him for making me feel these things.
“Did you ever think that maybe I want more?” Levi’s voice was low, stunning me into silence. “Did you ever think that, yes, I know it’s fucking stupid, but I want more of you?” All those times teasing him, all those times where he mocked me right back, the quiet looks—Levi was surely not saying he’d fallen in love with me.
That…that was just impossible. Someone like Levi didn’t love, and someone like me didn’t date. We were literally the same in that respect.
“I don’t know you that well, but I want to,” Levi went on, taking yet another step forward. Inches apart now. Mere inches, and yet, suddenly, he didn’t feel so far away. All of a sudden he wasn’t close enough. “I want to know you. All of you. I want to see more of the Kelsey I saw Friday night. The real you. I know she’s in there, somewhere.”
My heart was in my throat, pounding away. I could hardly squeak out, “Bullshit.”
Bullshit. It had to be bullshit, right?
“Bullshit,” Levi echoed, frowning down at me. His lips…they looked mighty inviting, even when caught in a deep frown. The shoulder carrying his backpack fell, and the bag’s strap slipped down his arm. The moment the bag hit the grass below, he was suddenly on me, his hands on my face, fingers weaving through my hair. His mouth met mine, a type of hungry that was vicious, and as he devoured whatever comeback I might’ve had ready, he pushed me back.
The bastard pushed me all the way back to the brick building, pinning me to the wall near the side entrance to the stairwell. Tasting him again was like tasting a drug I knew I shouldn’t have but wanted anyway. I didn’t fight him, didn’t push him away. My lips were eager to have his, to be subjected to his heated passion again. My lower gut burned, and I wanted this man to sweep me off my feet and take me somewhere private, somewhere where we could do so much more than kiss.
Yeah. That escalated quickly, didn’t it? I had the feeling things with Levi would always escalate quickly.
I had no idea how long we stood there, practically making out near the science building, but I heard quite a few snickers and chuckles before we finally pulled our mouths apart and were able to breathe in air the other hadn’t touched. Levi’s backpack sat a few feet away on the grass, my back hard against the brick behind me. His hands had released my head, now resting on the walls to my sides. The way his sapphire gaze looked down at me, how his lips were parted slightly, his cheeks flushed, I knew it wasn’t a good sign.
It was a bad sign. A really bad sign. A sign that things were so much more complicated than I wanted them to be.
Me and Levi.
It was crazy.
“If you tell me that was bullshit, you’re a liar,” Levi whispered, his stare narrowed at me. Still gruff with an attitude, still way too sexy.
I couldn’t tell him it was bullshit, because he knew he was right. I knew it, too. Wasn’t too happy about it, though. Levi could still fuck off. He could…oh, hell, who was I trying to kid? Me, Kelsey Yates, trying to be the tough one, trying to take a page out of Ash’s book and say what was up and what was down. I wasn’t Ash, and I sure as shit knew that I was in so much trouble when it came to this gorgeous guy.
“So,” I said, breaking my silence when I was sure my voice wouldn’t crack from the intensity of our sudden make-out, “what now? What is…what is this?”
“What do you want it to be?”
“No, you don’t get to make declarations like that and try to push it off on me,” I told him, frank. I would’ve been fine pretending that he meant nothing to me. Eventually, I would’ve gotten over him. It would’ve sucked, but there it was.
Levi waited a few seconds before declaring, “I want to try.”
Try. Wasn’t that all we could ever do in this life anyways? Nothing was for certain, not even love. I thought family was concrete, something to look up to, but even my parents weren’t together. No matter what happened with Levi, if we lasted a month or four years, we’d eventually end, just like ninety-nine percent of other relationships.
Could we try? Was it stupid? He was friends with Dean, after all, and a part of me did wonder if this was all some game, some joke to him. If Levi was only getting close to me to use me for Dean.
If that was true…I’d rip them both a new one. Hell, or maybe I’d skip the assholes and go straight for the dicks. Rip both of their dicks off, teach them to fuck around when it came to women and their feelings.
“Then I guess let’s try,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek. Huh. I’d never had a boyfriend before. This wasn’t how it normally went, I was well-aware, and at this point, I wasn’t even sure if Levi was my boyfriend, but still. The thought made me happy.
Almost happy enough to forget about my parents’ divorce. Almost happy enough to be, for lack of a better word, normal.
I’d find out, soon enough, it was all a lie.
Chapter Fifteen – Levi
I was a fucking wuss. A pussy. I did everything I shouldn’t do and avoided the one thing I should do. I made things complicated with Kelsey, practically bared all of my feelings to her, instead of telling her the truth, instead of beating Dean to the punch.
A part of me wondered if Dean had lied. It’d been two weeks, and there was no word on it. We hardly saw each other in the house, and I made sure to never bring Kelsey over. Of course, Kelsey also never brought me to her dorm room. She didn’t like talking about her roommate, even when I asked. Maybe she thought I’d try going after her roommate, or something. I didn’t know.
I had to tell this girl the truth, before someone told her for me. That I knew Mel better than most girls on this campus.
Since neither of us would take the other to where we slept, we had to find secret places to be together. Class time wasn’t enough, and neither were dinner dates in the union. The more I saw her, the more I wanted her, and the more I had her, the more I thought about her. It was a cycle that repeated itself over and over again.
Kelsey’s arms were around my neck, her mouth near my ear. Her legs were pried open, her pants pulled down just enough to give me access. We were in the last stall in the library’s female restroom, and I had her pinned against the wall. It was a strange kind of addicting, being together in taboo places. It was almost like we were sneaking around, like we didn’t want anyone to know about us.
Which…might’ve been truer than I wanted to admit.
I was buried inside her, thrusting my hips against her, dragging myself in and out of her, relishing in the quiet, muffled sounds she made. We were currently alone in the six-stall restroom, but at any given moment, someone might come in. It made it more exciting, more forbidden. Surely, if a faculty member caught us fucking in the bathroom, we would get in so much trouble.
But you know what? I didn’t care. Somehow, someway, I’d come to need her. I needed Kelsey more than I ever needed anyone else before. She made me want to stay here. Not here in the restroom in the library, but here at SCC. She made me want to try to be a better man, for her. That was rare…not every person could say they felt that strongly about someone else.
The way her back arched against me, how her fingers tugged on my hair a bit harder than what would be considered gentle, how she bit her bottom lip when I thrust into her just right. Every little thing she did drove me crazy.
I never knew it could be like this, never knew it could feel like this.
At this point, I didn’t care if I was making a big deal out of nothing. There was no fucking way Kelsey still thought I was a mistake, no way she looked back on that night at the party and regretted coming to me. No possible way. And if she did…she was a better liar than I gave her credit for.
No. No, the way she was around me, how her body responded to mine—there was no way she was lying. This was real. Everything I felt, everything she felt, was as real as emotions could be.
I turned my head, leaning my nose against her cheek, losing myself in the soft, breathy moans that escaped her. I could feel my own pleasure building deep within me, and I was about to come when I heard the restroom’s door swing open. It was too late to stop myself, so I moved a hand to Kelsey’s mouth, trying to keep her quiet as I pumped myself deeper, every hard inch of me buried in her pussy.
I came right when the person who’d walked in locked themselves in the first stall, luckily staying away from ours, the pleasure exploding in my core, heating me up. Any moans that might’ve escaped me I swallowed and kept down, knowing being quiet was the key here. Kelsey’s dark eyes were on me all the while, and the expression she gave me was one that was slightly amused and also insulted.
I stayed buried in her until the person was gone, and only when the restroom’s main door shut again, no more footsteps in the space around us, I removed my hand from her mouth, finding that she was trying to mask a smile by frowning.
“Asshole,” Kelsey muttered. I’d realized after spending more time with her that it was one of her favorite words. She liked to swear, and while it might be a turnoff for some guys, it wasn’t for me.
“You like it,” I told her, knowing it was the truth. I still had her pinned against the wall, my breathing hard. Her arms tightened around my neck, and she gave up trying to mask her smile, instead letting it shine.
Playing Games: A College Bully Romance Page 9