I Won A Spaceship

by Harrision Park

  “Yes?” he said, in a clear, cold voice.

  “You wished to see Sir Crawford MacAdam, the Lottery Winner,” Taragis said, standing straighter and moving towards the group. “Allow me to present him.” He gestured at me.

  Sir Aide-of-the-Gods smiled; a gesture that did not reach his eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  Taragis, clearly dismissed, took Tsabella’s arm and left. Sir Aide-of-the-Gods beckoned me forward.

  “You are Sir Crawford MacAdam of Earth?”

  A daft question as Taragis had just announced that. “I am.”

  “We appreciate your time. It is not often we have the chance to meet a being from beyond the Galaxy.”

  I inclined my head. Was this just prurient curiosity or was there a hidden agenda? Probably the latter. Powerful beings like Sir Aide-of-the-Gods didn’t waste time on idle chit-chat. He began to question me, shortly joined by the others. The questions came thick and fast. I had hardly finished answering one when the next landed. They seemed to be random; apparently innocuous ones about Earth, its customs, technology, geography, etc being interspersed with lulus such as whether I thought Sir Sacred-Trust-in-God was incompetent or corrupt. I had to think fast. While I had no time for the gentleman and his Commission, I wasn't willing to be used as a pawn in someone’s power games so I kept my answers as neutral and circumspect as possible. I felt I was standing on top of a pole in the middle of the Nile. All around me were hungry crocodiles with toothy grins willing me to fall. My footing was precarious enough standing still and the crocodiles whacking their tails against the post made the task of remaining uneaten almost impossible. I don’t know how long I was there but it felt like a lifetime. Finally, Sir Aide-of-the-Gods drew the inquisition to a close.

  “Thank you for your time, Sir MacAdam, and for your frankness in answering our questions. Earth sounds like a fascinating planet. Just one final question: if we were approach your government with a view to joining the Galaxy, what would be the reaction?”

  I had to pause on this one.

  “Would your intentions be conquest or partnership?”

  He looked surprised. “Naturally we couldn’t offer a full partnership to begin with but certainly conquest would not be the intent.”

  I nodded as if I accepted his assurance and said gravely, “The result would be the same.” Most of the group looked puzzled. “You see, our government leaders regard themselves as hard-headed, practical men. They don’t believe in fairies, ghosts or galactic beings.”

  “But…” one of them began.

  “Do you believe in ghosts?” I asked him.

  “Of course not.”

  “So, if an apparently genuine, bona fide ghost appeared on your doorstep, what would your reaction be?”

  “Well… I…” he spluttered.

  Sir Aide-of-the-Gods was nodding, however. “An interesting analogy, Sir MacAdam. We won’t detain you any longer.”

  It was a dismissal. I turned away, took two steps then realised I hadn’t the faintest idea about how to find the way out. I turned back to the group.

  “Yes?” Sir Aide-of-the-Gods said, noticing me hovering.

  “I’m sorry to bother you but could you tell me how to get out?”

  “Just follow the exits signs,” one of them said. “Can’t you read?”

  “I’m not very good at foreign languages.”

  A few grinned and even Sir Aide-of-the-Gods managed a frosty smile. He said nothing but, a few moments later, a young Geretimalian appeared and offered to escort me. I followed him gratefully only to find he’d led me to a different entrance than the one I’d entered by. I spent ten entertaining minutes walking round the building and peering into doors until I found Taragis and Tsabella.

  “How did it go?” Taragis asked.

  “What year is it?”

  “That good, huh? They can be a bit intimidating. I’m glad it wasn’t me they wanted to speak to.”

  “I need caffeine, preferably by direct injection.”

  He laughed. “I know just the place.”

  He did. Tucked away round the back was the Geretimal equivalent of a Costa’s. The drink wasn't coffee but it was laden with caffeine.

  “So how was it, really,” Taragis asked when we’d parked ourselves in a corner.

  “Tough,” I said. “They kept throwing unrelated questions at me from all directions. Some of them were what we’d call leading questions and some of them seemed totally irrelevant like, ‘how much of your planet is covered in ice’.”

  “How much is?”

  I laughed. “I don’t know. Two percent? Five percent?”

  “Could you detect a theme?”

  “No. Well, obviously there were lots about the Lottery but I couldn’t detect an obvious bias.”

  “What sort of things did they ask?” Tsabella said.

  Had Taragis briefed her?

  “To be honest I don’t remember all of them, they came so quickly. Oh, they asked if I thought a space ship was a suitable prize. I said yes. And they asked whether I thought the breeding programme was a good way of studying the ‘pool’ phenomenon. I said that, as I wasn't a scientist, I hadn’t the faintest idea but I was enjoying it. A whole lot like that.”

  “Were they all general, then?”

  “How do you mean?”

  He looked embarrassed. “Well, did they ask you any personal questions?”

  “Like ‘what size of shoe do I wear’?”

  “No, I meant about your experiences since you were, as you’ve said yourself, dragged from your house in the middle of the night.”

  “Were you?” Tsabella said with sudden interest.

  “Not quite,” I said with a laugh. “But it was close. Yes,” I said to Taragis. “There were a number of these.”

  He looked at me expectantly but I didn’t elaborate. I suspected he wanted to know if they’d asked about my stormy relationship with the Commission. I’d had enough of guessing games so he’d have to ask. He had such a hang-dog look, though, that I took pity on him.

  “I was a good boy. I didn’t embarrass you.”

  His relief was almost palpable.

  We finished our drinks and strolled back to the entrance. Taragis was looking edgy again.

  “Do you need me to come with you?” he asked.

  “Why? What am I doing?”

  “Going for a ride on your spaceship, in case you’d forgotten. You need to go to the Zofi-Brennan compound. Barbita and your passengers will meet you there.”

  “I need to collect some stuff from the hotel; my toothbrush and suchlike.”

  “You can get a cab over there and ask it to wait.”

  “I can handle that. I take it you have plans?”

  “Yes.”

  I thought I might just about manage to find a taxi by myself so we said our farewells. The taxi driver was a chatty sort. I’ve no idea where he came from but his accent was atrocious; my translator had difficulty understanding his words. He seemed quite impressed that I’d actually met a Yellow Hat, as he termed them. He was happy to wait while I collected my stuff. Flerrionna appeared as I was leaving. She assured me that everything was arranged, wished me luck and kissed me soundly. I wished she was coming with me; I’d have loved to have shown her Earth. I was in reception when I realised I’d forgotten something quite important. I had to resist the temptation to run and walked back to my suite where I scrabbled around until I found my wallet and house keys which I’d abandoned at the back of a drawer.

  Half way to the port, the cabbie suddenly twigged who I was. He was even more impressed about that than he had been about me meeting a Yellow Hat and kept punctuating his conversation with, “Friggin’ Lottery Winner. Who’d’a thought it?” followed by another wild thing he would do if he won the Lottery. I tipped him outrageously, as much for his entertainment value as anything. It was good to know that some people still thought being the Lottery Winner amounted to something.

  Barbita, Lorca, Triss, Jarmasin
and a girl I didn’t know so assumed must be Lashak’ka Ka Dak’kassia, were waiting in a reception room. Lashak’ka was taller than Jarmasin but not as tall as Lorca. She had an oval, slightly rounded face with soft features and startlingly bright blue eyes which contrasted with her peach-coloured skin. Her hair was honey-gold. It started at a point on her forehead and swept up and back almost like a crest before falling long and straight down her back. It was unusual but very attractive. Almost incidentally I noticed she had small, pointed ears. Her figure was lusher than Jarmasin’s or Triss’s but less than Lorca, but Lorca was exceptional. Soft and cuddly was the image she projected. She smiled shyly as we were introduced.

  Hermes joined us. He looked happy and excited and nodded at me as if to indicate everything was in hand. I introduced him.

  “You’re going to have to learn to pilot a steegee,” he said. “I’m supposed to be a spaceship pilot, not a bus driver.”

  “Well, if you can do it, it can’t be that difficult,” I said.

  “I can pilot a steegee,” Lorca said.

  I looked at Hermes. “D’you think we should hire her?”

  He pretended to look thoughtful. “Nah. Not much call for a steegee driver between planets. Can you cook and clean?”

  “Cook and clean?” Lorca said indignantly. “That’s servants’ work. My talents lie in other directions.” She smoothed her hands down the front of her thighs suggestively.

  I pretended to pant with lust. “You’re hired.”

  Everyone laughed except Triss.

  “Cheer up, Triss,” I said. “We’re off on a big adventure.”

  She managed a half smile.

  “On that topic,” Barbita said. “What are your plans?”

  “I thought we’d head for Thansvaal,” Hermes said blandly. “It’s a relatively short hop but enough to make sure everything’s working properly.”

  “What’s special about Thansvaal?”

  “It’s a very unusual system. I won’t spoil the surprise my telling you what makes it unusual but it’s worth seeing.”

  “And you’ll be back… when?”

  “Tomorrow evening, if the ship behaves as advertised. Late, probably.”

  “Fine. Contact me. Have fun.”

  Hermes nodded. “Right, Sir and Madams. If you’re ready, shall we go?”

  He handed me the cat basket disguised by a heavy cloth cover. The four girls excitedly picked up their bags, of which there seemed an inordinate number for an overnight stay, and we made our way to plain, cream-coloured steegee.

  ‘My steegee,’ I thought with pride.

  Chapter 21

  This was my second trip off-planet and I paid more attention to the view this time. Geretimal had three landmasses. The smallest straddled the North Pole. It had a small ice-cap and the rest looked mountainous and inhospitable. The second landmass, the largest and most inhabited, sprawled along the equator with mountainous ‘legs’ protruding north to the west and south to the east. The colouring was more uniform than Earth’s being a mixture of dark green and ochre, some areas being greener and some more ochre. There were a number of very large lakes or inland seas to the west. The third landmass was on the opposite side of the world and mostly in the southern hemisphere. It was darker and greener with several chains of high mountains. The southern icecap occupied one edge of the continent and was even smaller than the northern one.

  The Zofi-Brennan shipyard looked as impressive this time as last. The girls ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed’ appreciatively and talked excitedly amongst themselves.

  “I can’t believe we’re going on a real spaceship,” Jarmasin said

  “You came here on one,” Triss said somewhat disparagingly.

  “I know but it isn’t the same.”

  “I agree,” Lorca said.

  Triss shrugged. “A spaceship’s just a spaceship.”

  “Not this one,” Hermes said with a grin.

  I didn’t join in. I was starting to feel guilty. They thought they were going for a quick jaunt but I was about to kidnap them and take them half way across the galaxy and all because my cats were sick.

  “Cheer up,” Hermes said.

  “Sorry. I’m a bit overwhelmed, that’s all. Up till now it’s seemed a bit unreal… as if it was a story. Now, suddenly, it’s not a story but real. I’m about to board my very own spaceship.”

  “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to it in a hundred years or so.”

  “Very funny.”

  We didn’t stop at the main installation but made our way directly to the ship. Seeing it brought home just how big it really was. My heart beat faster in excitement. It was mine, it really was. Lorca and Jarmasin were equally impressed.

  “Wow.”

  “Is that it?”

  “It’s big.”

  ”That’s really your ship?”

  “It’s mine. Every inch of it,” I said.

  “It’s hot. I’m hot,” Lorca said, wriggling in her seat.

  I looked at Hermes and grinned. “With some women it’s clothes, with some it’s fast cars and with some it’s spaceships.”

  “You could get lucky here,” he said, his grin matching mine.

  “Males!” Lorca exclaimed indignantly. “All you ever think about is sex.”

  “I don’t know,” Hermes said. “Sometimes we think of other things.”

  “Like food,” I added.

  “But only sometimes,” he finished.

  “Aren’t you excited?” Lorca said.

  I twisted round in my seat raked my eyes over her. “Yes.”

  Even Triss laughed at that one. Lorca looked as though she wanted to throw something at me.

  “I’m scheming again,” she said.

  “I’m not that excited.”

  She stuck her tongue out at me. In truth, she did excite me. Now she’d stopped being cold and distant, her natural attraction was operating in full force. Given half a chance, I’d drag her into a quiet corner and have sex with her. I was sure she was fully aware of it, too. Lorca didn’t do things by accident.

  Hermes deftly docked the steegee. We disembarked and clattered along the connecting tube.

  The main hall was all I could have hoped. The polished wooden floor gleamed, the wooden wall panels were perfect and the brass handrail shone. They’d even made fake windows with flat display panels instead of glass. They were currently showing a panoramic view of a marina as if from the bridge of a moored yacht. With the addition of a binnacle and ship’s wheel the illusion would be perfect.

  “Welcome back, Hermes,” a light, slightly adenoidal, reedy tenor voice with an odd accent said from thin air. “I see you have guests.”

  I started then realised it was the ship’s ibic.

  “The male being is Sir Crawford MacAdam, the ship’s owner. The others are his companions; Madam Lorca Lhewlyn Dibhach, Madam Jarmasin Yongsam, Madam Trissity Hunter and Madam Lashak’ka Ka Dak’kassia.”

  He gestured for each of us to step forward.

  “Welcome all,” the ibic said. “I have been looking forward to greeting my owner. I am the ship’s ibic. My designation is TY-Alpha Gamma-96-Pi Sigma-61-HJ. I will answer to ‘ibic’ or you may wish to give me a designation of your own.”

  The ibic’s voice reminded me of something or somebody but I couldn’t quite place what or who. Then it came to me and I barely managed to suppress a giggle.

  “Thank you, ibic,” I said. “I’m very pleased to be here and meet you at last. I hope our association is long, fruitful and happy. Calling you ‘ibic’ all the time does not seem right so I will call you Julian.”

  “I will answer to Julian from now on.”

  “Why Julian?” Hermes asked.

  “I’ll explain some other time,” I said. “You might understand but the others wouldn’t. What do we do first?”

  He shrugged. “Whatever you like. It’s your ship.”

  “Is it the custom to name spaceships?”

  “Whatever for?”
/>   “All sea-going vessels on Earth are named. It’s a tradition. They’re also regarded as feminine and called ‘she’.”

  “Name it if you like, it makes no difference.”

  “It was just a thought. Well, if I’m in charge, should we get started? I can give the girls the grand tour while you do whatever it is you need to do.”

  “Aye, aye, Cap’n,” he said with a grin.

  I shook my head. “No, Hermes, I’m not the Captain. You are. I’m the owner but you’re the Captain. As long as we’re in space you’re in charge. I know nothing about space or spaceships so I’m not competent to give orders. I may suggest or request that we do something or go somewhere but, if that request is dangerous or impossible, you are at liberty to refuse to do it. I’d appreciate it if you told me why, of course.”

  Everyone was looking at me.

  “Yes, Sir,” he said. There was respect in his eyes.

  “Why is everyone looking at me? Don’t we have a solar system to visit?”

  Hermes grinned and strode off towards the command module while the girls clustered round me.

  “What’s with all this wood and the strange displays,” Jarmasin asked.

  “A little fantasy of mine,” I said. “It’s supposed to emulate a posh ocean-going yacht from my world. The scene you see, and it’s very clever, is like from a boat moored in a marina.”

  Triss was studying the display. “You use wind-powered boats?”

  “Only for pleasure. Commercial ships have engines.”

  “They’re very pretty,” Lashak’ka said.

  “They are. There’s something about a sleek yacht that appeals. Do you want to dump your bags first or have the guided tour?”

  “Guided tour,” Lorca and Jarmasin said simultaneously.

  We made our way down to the bottom deck. The trivee lounge was fairly plain, with only a couple of settees and scatter cushions in it; Hermes obviously spent little time watching trivee. The rec room was equally sparsely decorated. Both Triss and Lorca seemed impressed by the fitness room. The kitchen was thoroughly explored by Jarmasin and Lashak’ka. Lorca and Triss were less interested though approved of the fact you could cook fresh food. The other rooms were, of course, empty.