The Cowboy's Family Christmas

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “I’ve always had a hard time with Reuben. I don’t think that’s any secret,” George said, his eyes still closed. “I’ve always had a hard time...accepting him.”

  That was confusing.

  “What do you mean, accepting him? He’s your son.”

  George opened his eyes, staring directly ahead, his hands clutching the sheets. “No. He’s not.”

  He spoke the words so quietly Leanne wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly.

  “I don’t understand.”

  George’s mouth grew tight, and for a moment Leanne thought the conversation was over. But then he drew in a shaky breath followed by a deep sigh. “I married too soon after Dirk’s mother died. But I was lonely and Dirk was so young. I was lost on my own. Reuben’s mother was beautiful and fun. But my sister, Fay, warned me not to be rash. I should have listened to her. Marrying Raina was a mistake. She was hard to live with. Hated the ranch. We grew apart. We...we weren’t...intimate for the last six years of our marriage.” He paused, pulling in a long, slow breath.

  Leanne felt as if she was teetering on the edge of a chasm, but she had started this and she had to see it to the end.

  “And she left when Reuben was five.”

  His words, so quiet, so softly spoken, fell like rocks into Leanne’s soul. Hard. Uncompromising. Devastating.

  “So you’re saying that Reuben—”

  “Isn’t my son. That’s why I’ve had a hard time with him. He was the son of the woman who cheated on me.” He seemed to spit out those last words. “And she didn’t even have the grace to take her son with her when she left.”

  Leanne fought down her panic, understanding what he was saying on one level but still unable to process it.

  “Does...does Reuben know this?”

  George shook his head. “No. I was too proud to let anyone know what had happened, how Raina had cheated on me.”

  “But you kept him.”

  George glowered at her. “Of course I did. He didn’t have anyone else. Where could he go? His mother died while she was on some holiday in Mexico after she left and I was all he had.”

  Leanne held his gaze, hearing one thing, feeling another. George cared for Reuben in his own way and yet he had seen him as an unwanted responsibility.

  And as all this fell together another, horrible thought came to mind.

  Didn’t I do the same? By staying with Dirk so long, wasn’t I also unfaithful to Reuben? I am no different than Reuben’s mother.

  And behind that came another revelation.

  Austin wasn’t George’s biological grandchild. In any way.

  The room spun around her as she clung to the side of George’s bed. Everything had changed.

  “Are you okay, Leanne?” George asked, touching her hand with his. “Your hands are like ice, honey.”

  Leanne closed her eyes, praying one simple prayer over and over again.

  Help me, Lord.

  “Leanne. Tell me.” George sounded frightened and Leanne had to fight down the nausea that threatened.

  Her stomach roiled.

  “Leanne.”

  She breathed in then out then squeezed his hand, trying to gain control of the emotions that swamped her. Trying to find solid ground.

  “I’m so sorry to hear about Reuben’s mother” was all she could manage.

  “It was a long time ago, my dear.”

  The affection in his voice and the way he patted her hand loosened what little bit of control she had left.

  She closed her eyes as a sob worked its way up her throat.

  “Leanne, what’s wrong? I’m calling the nurse.”

  She shook her head, tears slipping past her tightly squeezed lids. “Please. Don’t,” she managed.

  “Where’s Reuben? He should be here.”

  “I’m meeting him. Later.” Slowly she regained her equilibrium but a deep grief and shame now wrapped icy fingers around her heart.

  George waited while she dug in her purse and pulled out a tissue, wiped her eyes and drew in a steadying breath.

  “What’s wrong? Tell me,” he demanded. His voice grew louder and she knew she couldn’t put him off anymore. Though she and Reuben had agreed they would be together when they told him about Austin, Leanne couldn’t hold the truth back from him any longer.

  “I have something important to tell you,” she said, her voice quiet now. She looked down at the tissue she had folded and refolded, unable to look George in the eye. “But before I do, you need to know that I always cared for Dirk. He was someone I had thought could give me what I didn’t have growing up. Security. A solid support. He was a good man. But Dirk and I were engaged for so long I never thought he would set a wedding date.”

  “You know I never cared for your relationship with him at that time.”

  “I know.”

  “But I did come to care for you later.”

  He sounded apologetic and Leanne felt even guiltier. She wasn’t worthy of even that small amount of consideration.

  “Dirk and I fought over it so many times,” she said. “And I got tired of waiting. I told Dirk that if he couldn’t choose between you and me, then I didn’t want to be with him. He didn’t say anything, which, to me, was his choice. So I broke up with him.”

  “Was that when Dirk went to Europe?”

  She nodded.

  “And I went to Costa Rica for the wedding Dirk and I were supposed to go to,” she continued. “I already had the tickets. Seemed a shame to waste them. And, well, Reuben was there. At the wedding.” She stopped there, not sure how to carry on.

  “And...” George prompted.

  “We spent the whole time together. And we fell in love. Even though I’d dated Dirk, part of me was always drawn to Reuben. It wasn’t right of me and I know that, but Reuben made me nervous.”

  “He should have. He was living a careless life.”

  Leanne nodded. “I know. That’s why I kept myself from him, but when I went to Costa Rica and saw him there, I knew I couldn’t deny how I felt about him anymore. He felt the same way. While were there...we...we were together.” She faltered, sucking in another breath. Sending up another prayer. Leanne kept her head down as she battled her shame. Her confession, coming on the heels of what George had told her about Reuben’s mother, made her story sound tawdry and cheap.

  But Austin came of that, she reminded herself. And she wasn’t tarnishing the blessing he was to her. Nor was she going to deny her feelings for Reuben.

  “We both agreed that it was a mistake, ” she said, fighting for words past the thickness in her throat. “And then Dirk came back from Europe and he found out that I was expecting Reuben’s child—”

  “And he married you anyway?” His incredulity and the force of his anger sent her gaze flying to him. He was staring at her as if he didn’t know her. “And after he died, you never told me the truth?”

  “Dirk made me promise not to. He was so adamant about it. But the past few months I’ve wanted to, again and again. And then Reuben came back and I told him the truth—”

  “But not me.” His eyes were wide with anger, his lips white. His monitor beeped as his heart rate flew upward.

  “Let me get a nurse,” she said, concerned, wishing she had never told him.

  George shook his head, breathing deeply.

  “No. No nurse. I don’t want a nurse.” He took another breath and thankfully he looked more calm. Then he turned to Leanne, his eyes as hard as granite. “But you. You can leave. And never come back.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Can’t meet you for dinner. Austin is at Tabitha’s for the night.

  Reuben stared at the cryptic text message he’d just gotten from Leanne, trying to figure out what to think. He had tried to c
all her but got no reply. So he had texted her back, asking her what was going on. Why did Austin have to stay at Tabitha’s?

  This was how it all began, he thought, hitting Send on his text message. Lost calls, misplaced texts. But he could see that she had read his text. And just to be on the safe side, he took a screenshot of their exchange.

  Given their history, he couldn’t be too careful.

  He waited, watching the screen, waiting for her reply but there was nothing. He gave her a few more minutes but unless she was out of service, he didn’t know why she wasn’t returning his texts.

  Or explaining better what she meant by “talk later.”

  He sat back, dragging his hand over his face, fighting down a sense of panic. He knew events had been converging the past week to a place of no return. His boss arranging for a meeting tomorrow, Leanne insisting they tell George the truth about Austin.

  And, even more important, they had to make a decision about where they were going as a couple. California and the future? Cedar Ridge and his past?

  The last thought created a surge of dread. He knew how attached Leanne was to the ranch and how involved she was. But he had to maintain his independence. He couldn’t afford to let George take over his life and remind him of all he wasn’t or couldn’t be.

  It doesn’t have to be that way. He apologized to you. It could be the start of a new relationship.

  It was an enticing idea that he had nurtured for too many years. He didn’t dare indulge in it.

  All his life Reuben had kept his own dream of working on the ranch tamped far down. It hurt too much to know that his father would, most likely, never accept him as a partner. In spite of that, no matter what he did, where he worked, his heart had always been here, in Cedar Ridge at the Bar W.

  But now? Could it be different?

  Reuben looked at his phone again, toyed with the idea of sending another text to Leanne but nixed it. If she hadn’t answered by now, then something else was going on.

  He shoved his phone into his pocket, fighting down an unreasoning fear that Leanne had done what his mother had. Left him.

  His heart sank and his stomach roiled. No. He couldn’t believe that.

  Something else had happened and he needed to find out what.

  He got into his truck and started driving. But his anger and disappointment with Leanne grew with each mile. Too many things going on. Too many things to deal with. Everything seemed to be converging into a situation he couldn’t control.

  Ten minutes later he swung around the corner of the gravel road leading to Tabitha’s and his truck fishtailed, his lights arcing through the gathering dark.

  He spun the steering wheel to bring the truck back onto the road, but rocked to a halt and sucked in a deep breath. Anger and driving were not a good combination.

  Like father like son.

  The thought chilled him to the bone. His mind slipped back to a time when he and his father had been fighting about something and George had turned to him, yelling as he lost control of the truck. When they plowed into the ditch, it had only served to make his father even more upset.

  His father had a wicked temper and right now Reuben wasn’t acting any differently.

  He clenched the steering wheel, fighting down the fury that ripped through him. He wasn’t going to be like his father.

  But you are. You’re his son.

  The insidious voice rose up and right behind it came the memory of Austin hitting him with the book. His first response was anger, and it made him sick to his stomach that he could be mad at his son.

  But what frightened him even more was that he was acting like his father.

  Help me, Lord, he prayed. Help me to make my own choices. To be my own person.

  He pulled back onto the road and at a more sedate pace, drove into Tabitha’s yard. But that still didn’t ease his panic.

  He knocked on the door and Tabitha was right there, as if she’d been waiting for him.

  “Come in,” she said, stepping aside.

  The mobile home wasn’t large and Reuben felt as if he was filling up the space when he stepped inside the entrance, pulling his hat off his head.

  “Austin is in bed already,” she said.

  “Kind of early, isn’t it?”

  “Early for bed, late for a nap.” She shrugged. “Depends on how you spin it. Do you want a cup of tea?”

  “I’m only staying long enough to take Austin home,” Reuben said.

  Tabitha’s forehead creased in a light frown. “Home as in the ranch?”

  Reuben blinked as he realized what he had said. “Yes. That’s what I meant.”

  “I thought you meant the hotel you were staying at.”

  “That’s no home.”

  “You’re telling me. Anyhow, Leanne was quite specific that Austin stay here. She said that you were flying to Los Angeles tomorrow.”

  “Right,” he said. “Then he may as well stay here.”

  “And you may as well have a cup of tea. Not to sound all dramatic, but you look like five miles of bad road.”

  “I feel like ten,” he said, shrugging his jacket off and hanging it over the back of a wooden chair.

  “So how’s your dad?” she asked as she busied herself in the tiny kitchen, boiling water, setting cups out.

  “The doctor said he could come home on Monday.”

  “That’s early.”

  “He’s a tough old cowboy, I guess,” he said, drumming his fingers on the table.

  “And how is Chad working out as a hired hand?”

  “He’s okay.”

  “I know he’s never worked on a ranch before. Nice that your dad was willing to give him a chance.”

  Why she was chatting about stuff he didn’t care about? Then as she set the mugs onto the table, he realized what she was doing. “You’re going to make me ask, aren’t you?” he said.

  “Yes. I am.” Tabitha returned to the counter, poured the boiling water into the pot then brought it and the mugs to the table. “Honey or sugar in your tea?”

  “Neither.”

  “Ah. Manly man.” Tabitha brought the teapot to the table and sat down. How could she act so casual when he felt as if everything was coming crashing down on him?

  “Okay. So what happened with Leanne?” Reuben finally asked.

  “All she would tell me was that she had made a huge mistake and now she was paying the price.” Tabitha poured some tea into the mugs and set the pot down, folding her arms as she looked over at him. “What do you suppose she’s talking about?”

  “I have no idea. She hasn’t said anything more to me than what I told you.” Reuben massaged his temples with his fingertips, as if trying to draw out what might possibly have instigated this.

  “Did you two fight?” Tabitha asked.

  “What? No. We were supposed to meet at Angelo’s after she visited my father in the hospital. I got her text while I was waiting there.” Reuben pulled the steaming mug tea close, wrapping his chilled hands around its warmth. “Did she tell you if she stopped by to see my father?”

  Tabitha shrugged. “She just called, asking me to watch Austin and saying that she needed some space.”

  That word again. That horrible word that had sent them off on this trajectory.

  “Could she have had a fight with my father?” he asked.

  “Maybe. She was crying and sounded too upset to say much, though I can’t imagine what she would fight with George about. She’s always gotten along with him.”

  “I know. That surprises me.”

  “Surprised me too. I know he hated her being engaged to Dirk, but since Austin was born, he’s changed. He’s crazy about that kid and would do anything for him. I think that made him more accepting of Leanne. Plus the
fact that, for some reason, she loves being on the ranch and helping where she can.” Tabitha took a sip of tea then sighed. “Are you still going to take that job in California?”

  Her question came at him sideways. “I’m flying out tomorrow to meet with a prospective client.” Was that why Leanne was upset?

  “I understand the job means moving around a lot.”

  “At first, yes.”

  Tabitha looked reflective as she twirled a copper-colored strand of hair around her finger.

  “You look like you’re thinking about what you want to tell me,” Reuben said.

  “Sometimes I think before I speak.” She flashed him a tight smile. “Did Leanne ever tell you what life was like for us? Living with our dad?”

  “A bit. She told me it was hard. That there were times you were hungry because there wasn’t enough food.”

  “Yeah. I also remember waking up one time and falling down the stairs because the house we lived in before didn’t have stairs. Getting lost on our way to school because Dad was gone and Mom didn’t have a car and we had to walk and had forgotten the way. But the hardest part was not feeling like a part of anything. I think that’s what my mother struggled with the most.” Tabitha was quiet as she released her hair. “Did Leanne tell you that our mom left our dad a couple of times?”

  “No. She never did.”

  “She came back, but each time she did the next move was that much harder on her.” Tabitha rested her chin on her hand and held his gaze, her eyes looking past him as if delving into her past. “My mom had a couple of potted roses. She always said that when we reached our forever home, she would plant them. She took them along every place we moved. After she died, Leanne and I didn’t water them because we always thought it dumb that she put so much stock in those silly plants.” Tabitha blinked and looked down at her tea, giving it a lackadaisical stir with her spoon. “I wish we had taken better care of them. We didn’t have much of Mom after she died. Leanne and I often wondered if Mom died because she got uprooted so many times and her love wasn’t strong enough to regrow. So I wonder if Leanne doesn’t have the same fear. That her love wouldn’t be enough to withstand the moving around that your job would entail.”