Soul Search: A Zackie Story

by Reyna Favis

  “I have what now? You’re joking, right?” He could not have been serious about this remark. We would be in a bar right now toasting our triumph if I had that kind of warrior instinct.

  “I’m perfectly serious. I was fully conscious, if useless, during the whole thing. While I could not focus my mind and respond because of the pain, it appeared that your abilities increased with pain. You used it to your advantage somehow.”

  “Berserkers were supposed to be impervious to pain. They fought in wolf pelts without any armor and went into bloodlust-induced trances during battle. They were killing machines.” I started to gesture when I felt the pull of the IV and dropped my hands to my lap. “That was nothing like what happened. I was writhing on the ground trying not to die. The only reason I was able to do anything was because Lucas protected me long enough to launch a counter attack.”

  “Maybe so, but pain does not shut you down, don’t you see?” He was working through the implications and I could almost hear his mind clicking as the pieces of a plan fell into place.

  “Oh, hell no!” I said. “Whatever you’re thinking can’t be good for me…” Occasional self-sacrifice was one thing, but my finely tuned sense of self-preservation warned me that intentional pain might be in the offing. And I was no masochist.

  “It’s not what you’re thinking,” Cam was quick to correct. “The entity now knows that if it hits you, you will hit it back even harder. It will be in a quandary the next time we face each other. It needs to take you out on the first shot, but we know how it operates now, so that will be nearly impossible to do when we work together.”

  “Well, let’s hope that’s true,” I said.

  Cam went on, ignoring my misgivings. “The other thing I was thinking is that this is like a hostage situation. The entity might be keeping these spirits trapped in this plane of existence. If one tries to leave, the others will suffer. Look what happened to the mother when the little girl was set free.”

  “That fits,” I nodded as I spoke. “The problem in using this analogy is that hostage negotiations require building a rapport with the perpetrator. Did you get any desire for communication from the entity? All I felt was rage.”

  “True enough,” Cam responded and then paused while he considered. “So, we’re down to a tactical incursion to rescue the hostages.”

  My brows knit as I concentrated. “Our hostages are in four separate sites. As far as we know, there is only one perp. Can we plan a diversion and at least clear one site at time?”

  He frowned and tilted his head as he thought. “With four sites, we lack the resources to adequately protect the hostages. We might succeed at clearing a site a time, but the remaining victims will suffer for it.”

  My expression hardened as I said, “Maybe that’s the price of doing business. I don’t like it any more than you do, but that might be the only way.”

  Cam compressed his lips and looked away. It went completely against his grain to allow the dead to suffer. Zackie made a disgusted sound and then stood and nudged my leg. It was time for us to go.

  “We need to get back to the room before anyone notices.” I stood carefully and tested my balance before moving towards the door. “Let’s keep thinking about it. Maybe there’s another solution.”

  # # #

  The next morning, my electrolytes were back in the normal range and I was judged to be in good enough shape to be discharged. Zackie had disappeared, so I built my defensive cage and then contacted Joel to collect me while I waited for the hospital staff to get my paperwork organized. This was the fastest recovery for me ever after a confrontation with a spirit. Before I was put in a wheelchair and taken to the hospital lobby, I was told how to care for the stitches and advised by the doctor to drink raw coconut water to counteract any future bouts of electrolyte imbalance. Such a simple solution. I should have gotten a diagnosis years ago.

  Joel was waiting in the lobby to take me home. “So, what are we, like taking turns visiting each other in the hospital?” he started. “What in the hell happened to you?”

  “I’m okay,” I said shifting my eyes meaningfully toward the attendant. “I’ll tell you all about it on the ride home.” I got out of the wheelchair and thanked the attendant before heading to the exit. Feeling an uncomfortable pull on my ribs, I climbed into the truck and buckled myself in. As soon as Joel started the engine, I began filling him in on the previous day’s adventures.

  “I’m really glad the little girl is free, but geez… the rest of this ain’t good at all,” he said when I finished. His face was lined with worry and his knuckles grew white as his grip tightened on the steering wheel. “I don’t think you or Cam should go back there. We’ll figure something else out for the family.”

  “Like what?” I asked. “Do you have another property that is ready for them?”

  “No, nothing close to habitable. The Changewater house is as close as we’ve got, but it’s not safe. That guy has been through enough, what with losing his legs in the war. I don’t want to bring more trouble to him.”

  I nodded and said, “I absolutely agree with you. But it’s going to cause trouble for him if he has no housing for his family in a few months. The best option is that we clear that house and make it safe for the family.”

  “I don’t like it,” he responded doggedly. “You guys could have been killed. You shouldn’t go back there.”

  I could tell he was torn by the situation, so I said, “Look, my car is parked at the house. I have to go back there no matter what. Can you take me there after lunch?” He started shaking his head and was about to argue. “Nothing’s going to happen in the middle of the day,” I said before he could say anything. Joel clamped his mouth shut and looked dubiously at me, so I added, “We’ll bring Zackie. You know how animals can sense things before people can. She’ll let us know if there’s anything we need to worry about.” Still, he would not agree until I started layering on the practical side of things. After I mentioned that I there was no way I’d be able to hang on to my jobs without the car, he finally caved in.

  When we opened the door to my apartment, Zackie was there to greet me. Her presence didn’t appear to faze Joel. Maybe he assumed someone brought her there late last night. After Joel left to attend to his lunch, I asked Zackie about Cam and was relieved to learn everything went well with his surgery. We would visit him after I got my car back. While wolfing down a sandwich, I made a note to buy some raw coconut water next time I went shopping, checked for mail and then prepped myself for some much needed personal hygiene. Using a plastic grocery bag and duct tape, I improvised some head gear that would cover the stitches and took a quick shower. My hair would be greasy for the next five days until they took the stitches out, but such was life.

  During the trip to Changewater, I mentioned to Joel that I would go to visit Cam after retrieving my car. Joel said he would be busy violating his doctor’s orders and visiting construction sites that afternoon, so he said he would see Cam that evening. For the remainder of the ride, I tried to keep him from getting stressed by asking about baseball trivia. In the end, the operation was mercifully easy and uneventful. Zackie shielded me from detection by any of the revenants and it was a quick thing to get out of Joel’s truck and hop into my car. I could see Joel finally relax in my rearview mirror as we drove away, our vehicles diverging as we each headed to our separate destinations.

  As thrilled as I was to be back at the hospital, it was still better being a visitor than being a patient. Zackie made her way ahead of me through whatever wormhole she uses for these purposes and I took the conventional route, checking in at the main desk and receiving directions to Cam’s room. Roaming the halls with my defensive cage in place, I was irked to discover that after all my recent experiences, I now had a familiarity with the layout and it was becoming easier to navigate the hospital. Upon reaching the room, I was met by a groggy Cam and an excited Zackie. She appeared pleased that we were all together again.

  “Would you p
lease stop wagging so hard?” Cam grumbled. “I find it irritating.”

  “I’ll try if it makes you happy,” I responded. Taking the seat near the bed, I took in the new cast on his arm. “Will you let me sign your cast?”

  “What, right now? Are you mad?” Cam clumsily grasped at the covers and tried to draw them up around his injured arm.

  I felt a twinge of guilt for messing with him when he was still a little out of it, so I asked, “Can I get you anything? Water maybe? Or something to read?”

  “No, I’m quite all right. Just do me a favor and distract Zackie for a bit. She’s flooding my mind with her nonsense and I’m not up to it. Maybe take her to Hannah and let me get some sleep.”

  “You heard the man,” I said to Zackie. “Meet me outside of Hannah’s room.” I shut the lights off as I left Cam and listened for a moment for his steady breathing. There’s nothing like seeing someone up close and personal to check their well being. He really was going to be okay. I felt a weight drop from my shoulders as I headed to the elevators.

  Zackie and I entered Hannah’s room together. She was delighted to see Zackie again and it was good to see that she had more energy than the previous night. Lucas was beaming when he looked at her. He had a really nice smile. It made the corners of his eyes crinkle in an attractive way. When he turned that smile on me, I felt a little flutter in my chest and the beginnings of a blush on my cheeks.

  “You’ve been released – excellent!” he said.

  I could feel Hannah’s eyes on me as I sputtered a response. “Yeah, can’t keep a good woman down, I suppose.” I instantly regretted my choice of words, since Hannah remained trapped in her situation, and presumably, she was a good woman if both Lucas and Zackie had taken to her. I looked at her as my face reddened and I tried to think of something to say to fix this. Her eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly as she stared back.

  The tension was interrupted as Zackie dove under the bed moments before a young nurse’s aide entered the room. “How are we doing today?” she asked Hannah as she went about taking a pulse and blood pressure. She was so young, she still had acne on her cheeks.

  “I’m feeling better today,” Hannah answered her.

  “That’s good… that’s good,” the girl responded absently as she updated the chart. Looking at Hannah after she finished her scribbling, she said, “You keep up the happy thoughts. I had a neighbor who had cancer and she had a real positive attitude. She’s doing great.”

  “Um, I know you’re trying to help,” Hannah said, “but what you’re saying really puts all the responsibility for the outcome on the cancer patient.” Hannah struggled to sit up and her voice rose as she said, “What about all the people who didn’t make it? Are you blaming them for not being positive enough? They didn’t try hard enough, so they don’t get to survive?”

  “Oh no, honey! That’s not what I’m saying at all,” the nurse’s aide said, her eyes widening as she backed away. Looking distinctly uncomfortable, she said, “You take care, now. I’ve got to go.”

  As she rushed from the room, Hannah called after her, “Cancers aren’t all the same. Some of them are more lethal than others.” Sobbing, she said, “The patient doesn’t get to choose!” She was clearly upset and Lucas immediately went to her side to offer comfort. Zackie crawled on to the bed from the other side and pressed her body against Hannah. I stood where I was, shifting uneasily, feeling useless and appalled with myself for being attracted to this woman’s husband.

  “I’ll get her some fresh water,” I said, grasping at this excuse to get out of the room. I walked down the hall with my eyes on the floor, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Hannah was suffering. She knew she was dying. She didn’t need me to add to her distress, but with Cam out of commission, it was up to me to be Zackie’s escort to Hannah. I resolved to control my attraction to Lucas. I had to stop reacting to him. The heart wants what the heart wants, a small voice murmured in my mind. Shut up, I thought and I slammed my hand against the button to dispense ice and water into the Styrofoam cup.

  By the time I returned with the cup, Hannah had calmed down. Lucas and Zackie remained where they were, flanking her protectively. I set the cup down on the night table and tried to make myself inconspicuous, sitting in a chair against the wall. I chewed on my cuticles and waited until Zackie was ready to leave. Staring determinedly at anything except Lucas, I fought my own exhaustion as it crept over me, like waves lapping the shore. Definitely too much, too soon. My ribs ached dully and my eyes were starting to feel gritty. When I rubbed my eyes, it pulled on my stitches. But I had no right to complain. Some people had it much worse. Here’s a straw, suck it up, the little voice said. Shut up, I thought again.

  Hannah eventually began to doze and both Zackie and Lucas retreated gently from the bed. “I have to go back to work,” Lucas whispered as he made his way to the door. “Thanks for coming by.”

  I nodded silently, avoiding his eyes. After he left, I gave him a few minutes to get well ahead of me. The last thing I needed was to be trapped in an elevator with Lucas. I eventually got up from the chair, feeling stiff and weary. Looking at Zackie, I tilted my head towards the door and she joined me as I went through. I emerged alone and walked slowly to the elevators.

  # # #

  “What?” I said as Cam scrutinized me. I felt better after getting some sleep in my own bed, but my current mood reflected the weather. I had woken to pouring rain and skies that were gray as a corpse. Both employers were not expecting me back for another two days, so I ate, dressed and went to visit Cam at the hospital.

  Cam was alert and irritable, which I took as a sign that he was healing well. He gave me another once over and then said, “There’s something wrong. What’s changed?”

  “What’s changed is that I have broken ribs and stitches on my head,” I muttered.

  “No, that’s not the whole of it,” he said crossing and then uncrossing his arm over his chest when the cast interfered. He continued to give me a penetrating look and Zackie poked me with her nose, as if to prompt me to spew my innermost thoughts.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I forced out between gritted teeth. To change the topic, I said, “When do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?” The hospital was going to discharge Cam the next day, provided all went well and he showed no signs of infection after the surgery.

  “I should be processed before eleven,” he said. Sweeping his gaze around the small room, he rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Meanwhile, I’m bored out of my mind. The nurses said it would be good if I walked around a bit. Fetch me another gown to cover my bum and then let’s go visit Hannah.”

  Of course, I thought glumly to myself, but I did as he requested and found another blue gown that I draped around his shoulders. After helping him to put on some hospital socks with non-slip soles and adjusting the sling for his arm, Zackie burrowed behind Cam as he sat up and leveraged him out of bed and on to his feet. My ribs thanked her for this. While Zackie took her shortcut, we shuffled down the hall and to the elevators.

  Lucas was in the room when we arrived, so I went to the seat near the wall to keep my distance from him and ground my teeth. Cam sat near Hannah and Zackie took up her position in the bed. Hannah seemed to be in good spirits today and chatted amiably with everyone. I mumbled a few responses to her pleasantries, but otherwise chewed my cuticles and kept to myself. While Hannah and Cam laughed over some joke, Lucas came and kneeled in front of me. I felt that fluttering sensation in my chest again and I almost held my breath.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. I looked at him, but said nothing. He touched my face near the stitches and tried again. “You’re not in pain, are you?” Gazing into his face, my eyes were drawn to the mottled bruise on his cheek I had noticed before. Clasping my hands together, I resisted the urge to touch his cheek.

  I put on the best poker face I owned and said, “I’m fine. Really.” Cam caught my eye as he looked from me to Lucas and back again. He and Hannah h
ad stopped chatting and I felt her eyes on me as well. I got up and moved away from Lucas. “See? Legs work and everything,” I said as I went to the windows to gaze out.

  “All right,” Lucas said uncertainly as he stood again. “Let me know if I can do anything for you.”

  You could do a lot for me, I thought to myself, but you’re off limits. I nodded at him and forced a smile and then pretended interest in something outside.

  “So, I’m to be discharged tomorrow,” Cam said, drawing everyone’s attention. I sighed softly, grateful for his diversion. “You can all sign my cast. I’m even going to get a paw print from Zackie.”

  Resolving to try to deal better with this situation, I squared my shoulders and turned back to the group. In what I hoped was a normal tone, I chimed in, “Hey, cast signing was my idea.”

  “And you may have the privilege of signing first,” he said. After that, the conversation bounced around with ideas on how to better decorate the cast and the chances of coming up with a method to tie die it. After a while, Hannah began to tire, prompting Lucas to check his watch.

  “I better get back to work,” he said. He looked tired and wrung out. I don’t know how he kept up the constant schedule of work and hospital visits. Kissing Hannah on the forehead, Lucas moved toward the door. Before he left, he turned to thank Cam and me for bringing Zackie for a visit. We waited until we heard the soft ding of the elevator in the distance and then also said our goodbyes as Hannah drifted off to sleep.

  In the elevator, Cam said to me, “Do not ever play poker.”

  I scrubbed my face until the stitches pulled and said, “Is it that obvious?”

  “To everyone but him, I’d say,” Cam answered. He looked at me kindly and not without pity. “When I was a young man, I faced a similarly impossible situation.”