Memories: A Husband to RememberNew Year's Daddy (Hqn)

by Lisa Jackson

  Closing her eyes, she gave herself to him, body and soul, telling herself to trust him as her thoughts spun out of control, her blood ran hot, her body gathered the momentum of a steaming freight train. She felt their worlds collide, rocking her to her very soul, catapulting her into a realm of dizzying heights she was certain no woman before had ever scaled.

  She heard a voice, realized it was hers and clung to him as he fell against her, breathless and covered in a sheen of sweat.

  “Nikki, sweet Nikki,” he murmured, crushing her to him. As afterglow claimed her, she snuggled against Trent, secure in the knowledge that for this night, this reckless, passionate night, nothing existed but Trent and the heart-stopping fact that she loved him.

  Trent held her close, but the demons in his mind would allow no sleep. He’d made mistakes in his life, too many to count. And he knew he’d made more than his share with Nikki, but he couldn’t help himself.

  If he had to, he’d lie, he’d steal, probably even kill for her. But he knew that no matter how many times he told her, she’d never believe him.

  He pulled her closer and kissed the hollow of her shoulder. She murmured his name and sighed softly, and the sound wrenched him to his very soul because he knew that, try though he might, he was destined to lose her.

  He’d gone too far, let himself get caught up in his own fantasy because he couldn’t imagine ever living without her. Yes, he’d lied, and someday surely she would condemn him to the very bowels of hell, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. She was a woman the like of which he’d never met before and though he’d wanted to resist her, the task had proved too difficult.

  “Oh, Nikki,” he said on a sigh as he kissed her temple. “If you only knew.”

  Chapter Nine

  HOT, CLOYING AIR burned in her lungs and covered her skin like a moist, invisible blanket. She kept running, vines clinging to her legs, her feet stumbling as leaves slapped her face. Sweat poured from her skin and the sound of footsteps, heavy, evil and moving with the quickness of a jungle cat, crashed after her.

  Help me!

  The sound of the sea drew her like a magnet, though she knew the ocean was no savior. But the malevolence breathing hot upon the back of neck propelled her unwilling legs steadily up the hill, chasing her. Fear drummed in her ears and she sent up prayer after prayer.

  Please, God, help me!

  “¡Pare!” a deep voice yelled. Oh, God, he was so close! In her peripheral vision, she saw his shadow looming big and black and moving swiftly.

  She ran harder, her lungs burning, her legs straining.

  “Nikki! Nikki!”

  Trent’s voice, somewhere in the distance.

  The shadow stretched out its arm, targeting a gun toward her back. Nikki tried to scream but her voice froze in her lungs.

  The gun cracked—

  “Nikki! Nikki! Wake up!”

  Shrieking, Nikki sat bolt upright in bed. Shaking, her voice raw from her own screams, she collapsed against Trent and lost a battle with hot, terrified tears.

  “You’re all right,” he whispered against her crown. She buried her face into the curve of his shoulder, her fingers digging into his flesh. “Nikki, shh. You’re safe now.” His arms, strong and possessive, wrapped around her, and he cradled her against his chest, slowly rocking her, kissing her crown of mussed hair, willing his strength into her trembling body.

  “It was so real,” she whispered, her insides quaking. Swiping back a tear with her fingertips, she felt like a fool. Her fears had crystallized in the dream, the same damned nightmare she’d had off and on for two weeks.

  “You were back on the island again,” he said, holding her.

  She nodded against him, her cheek rubbing his solid flesh. Over the sound of her breathing she could hear the steady beat of his heart. Squeezing back more tears, she leaned against him, her arms surrounding his naked torso, her sighs ruffling the dark swirling hairs of his chest.

  Trent held her until her breathing was regular, until she no longer trembled in his arms, until the guilt eating at him was too great to bear. He stared at the clock. 5:00 a.m. The fire was reduced to a few glowing coals in a bed of cool ashes, and the rain had stopped. Through the window he saw the first few lights winking from the homes of early risers who lived across the lake.

  Her arms tightened around him and he gritted his teeth against the deceit that tore at him like cat’s teeth. For two weeks he’d lied to her, and sooner or later he would have to own up to the truth. He’d planned to set the record straight the minute their plane had touched down at SeaTac, but he hadn’t, partly from fear, partly because he was so damned selfish. For the first time in five years he longed for a cigarette and a fifth of Jim Beam and wished the ache beginning to harden between his legs would go away.

  Time was running out and the lie was growing bigger.

  In a matter of hours, she would be able to check the records herself.

  He hated weakness and he was weak where she was concerned. Had been from the beginning. That much hadn’t been part of the lies. His lust for her had been overpowering and he’d given into carnal pleasure at the expense of her trust. Hell, what a mess.

  The time was right. There was no going back. Slowly he disentangled himself from her. “Maybe you should try and get a little more sleep,” he suggested, then mentally kicked himself for putting off the inevitable.

  Yawning, she stretched, her hands reaching upward, the bedcovers slipping down to reveal her breasts, round, dark-tipped mounds that begged for his attention. The little peaks were tight from the cold and he had no trouble imagining what they would feel like in his hands or how they would taste....

  “I can’t sleep,” she said, smiling a little.

  His insides turned to jelly. Didn’t she know how damned sexy she was with her gold-brown hair falling in sensual, tangled waves to her shoulders, and her eyes, still dark and slumberous, focused on him?

  The hardness in his crotch was becoming unbearable. He slid to the side of the bed, threw his legs over the edge of the mattress and struggled into his suddenly too-tight Levi’s. The room smelled of charred wood, perfume and fresh air, permeated with the heady aroma of sex.

  “I can’t sleep, either,” he admitted, conscious of her gaze on his back. If he’d only known a few weeks ago how painful this would be, the consequences of his actions, he might have done something different. Now, of course, it was too late. Much too late. “There’s something I’ve got to tell you.” He was facing the opposite direction, but he sensed her stiffen, knew that her calm had given way to wariness again.

  Hell, McKenzie, how could you have been such a fool? Turning, he rested his hips and hands against the edge of the bureau. “I don’t know how to tell you this,” he said, measuring his words and hating the brutal effect they would have on her. “But you were right. We aren’t married.”

  For a moment there was no sound. Nothing changed except the temperature in the room, which seemed to suddenly drop to freezing. Her big eyes stared up at him, nearly uncomprehending yet she was wounded to her soul. “I...I don’t think I heard you—”

  “I lied.”

  She sucked in her breath, as if he’d physically slapped her, then closed her eyes for a minute, gathering strength, like clouds roiling before the storm. “We’re not married,” she clarified, her eyelids flipping open to reveal a face ravaged by fury, a face as white as death. “And never have been.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Oh, God,” she wailed, her gaze turning toward the ceiling in abject misery. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why?”

  “I couldn’t.”

  Blinking hard, her lips flattening, her chin jutting in anger, she whispered, “I knew it. I just knew it and I let myself be fooled by you!”

  “Nikki—” He took a step toward her, but
she lowered her gaze and pinned him with all her righteous fury.

  “You bastard. You miserable, low-life, lying bastard. You let me believe—”

  “I had no choice.”

  “No choice?” she hurled back at him as she scrambled off the bed. For a second she hadn’t moved, had seemed caught in a freeze-frame of time, but now she was all motion, her feet landing on the floor and her hands skimming the ground for the clothes. “No choice!” She snorted out his feeble excuse.

  “They were going to kill you.”

  “They?” she repeated, her skepticism brassy.

  “The men who were chasing you.”

  “Oh, now the story’s changed. Lord, I’ve pulled some dumb ones in my life—well, at least, I think I have—but this must take the cake!”

  “Yes.”

  “Convenient,” she said, yanking on her jeans and her blouse before pulling a sweater over her head. She didn’t bother with underwear as she grabbed the handle of her suitcase and started for the door.

  His fingers locked around her wrist. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Home,” she said succinctly. “The one I remember.”

  “You can’t.”

  “I can damn well do what I please.” She sneered down at the hand manacling her wrist. “Let go of me, McKenzie. Unless you want me to call the police and have you up on charges of kidnapping me and holding me hostage, as well as assault.”

  “I never hurt you.” She blanched and he swore under his breath. “Not physically.”

  “Just take your damned hands off me before I scream,” she warned, her eyes narrowing in pure hatred. A piece of his soul seemed to shred, but he held firm, his face tightening into a mask of impatience.

  “You could at least let me explain.”

  “You had your chance. Over and over again. I begged you to tell me the truth, pleaded with you to be honest, and how did you respond? With lies and promises and God only knows what else!” She was nearly shouting by this time, her breathing uneven, her anger seeming to crackle in the air.

  “So now you don’t have time for the truth.”

  “From you? Never. I wouldn’t know what to believe.”

  “For God’s sake—”

  She kicked him then. With the toe of her soft Reebok. She nailed him in the shin and jerked away, but he sprang on her like a cat and snarled, “Just a minute, darlin’.”

  “Go to hell.”

  “No thanks. I’ve already been there,” he shot back, his eyes snapping blue fury, his nostrils flared and his rugged face flushed.

  “So have I.” Glaring at him pointedly, she yanked herself free, ripped the ring from her finger and tossed it at him. “I think this is yours.”

  He snapped the ring out of the air and the muscle in his face stretched taut. “I was only protecting you. It was the only way I could admit you into the hospital without a thousand questions being asked, the only way I could stay in the room and make sure that no one got to you—”

  “Oh, is that what it was?” She cocked her head toward the bed. “You know, that’s the first time a man’s taken it upon himself to have sex with me to ‘protect’ me.”

  His teeth ground together. “You’re impossible.”

  “At least I don’t resort to lying to score.”

  “That’s enough!” Both his hands opened and clenched, and Nikki had the distinct impression he wanted to put them around her throat and strangle her. Well, she wanted to strangle him, too! And yet a part of her—a silly, irrational, very feminine part of her still loved him. Lord, she was a fool! Be strong, Nikki.

  “You’re right about that, McKenzie,” she said as she picked up her suitcase again and slid past him. “It’s way more than enough!”

  “For once, just listen.”

  “I’ve listened, Trent. Over and over again. And all I keep hearing are lies. Lies, lies and more lies! Thanks, anyway, I don’t need any more!”

  He didn’t bother to try and restrain her and she didn’t know whether to be grateful or sad. A part of her still longed for him to take her into his arms, but her realistic nature kicked that silly notion right out of her head. She didn’t love him. She couldn’t love him. She would never love him and never had. Anything she had felt for him was a wasted, empty emotion—a fantasy that made having sex with him convenient and guilt-free.

  Married to the man! Imagine! Even with the holes in her memory she should have known he wasn’t her type.

  She threw open the back door and walked into the gray light of dawn. Mist rose from the ground in ghostly spirals, and the lake, down a steep incline covered with fir trees still moist from the night’s rain, was calm and gray. The still water seemed to stretch for miles to the opposite shore where, tucked in a dark ridge of hills, house lights were beginning to glow.

  In a flash of memory, she saw herself on a sailboat, her father at the helm, her sisters, in fluorescent orange life jackets, scrambling over the deck. The mainsail had billowed, catching the wind, and the boat had dipped, skimming across a choppy surface of whitecaps.

  The wind had been winter-cold and raw, but Nikki hadn’t cared. Jan had complained about her hair losing its curl. Carole was sure she had frostbite, but Nikki had laughed in the wind, feeling the grip of frigid air tearing at her ponytail and stinging her cheeks.

  “Let’s go all the way to Alaska,” she’d cried, holding on to the boom for dear life.

  “Aye, aye, matey,” her father had replied and she’d loved him with all her young heart.

  “I’m not going to Alaska,” Jan had yelled over the cry of the wind. “I’ve got a date.”

  Nikki hadn’t been impressed. “Big deal.”

  “It is a big deal! I have to get home in time to wash and blow-dry my hair!”

  “For Paul Jansen. Save me.” Nikki had laughed.

  “That’s not a date. It’s a death sentence,” Carole added with a wink to her youngest sister. “But Alaska’s too cold.” Carole’s teeth had begun to chatter loudly. Her words came out in choppy little puffs. “C-can’t we g-g-go to Hawaii or L.A. or...”

  At the mention of the City of Angels, Ted Carrothers’s grin had turned into a gritty scowl. Their mother had already moved to Southern California and had hinted to her daughters that there was another man in her life. “Just forget it,” he’d muttered to his would-be sailor daughters. Then, spying Jan, he added, “Don’t worry, you’ll be home in time for your date.”

  “Good.” She’d tossed her head and sniffed at her victory.

  “No way! Come on, Dad,” Nikki had pleaded, her dreams crumbling. She ached for adventure and she didn’t want to go back to the empty house their mother had vacated two years earlier. “Let’s sail into the Sound.”

  Her father had scanned the flinty sky, but even before he turned his eyes back on his youngest daughter, she’d known what he would say. The mood had been destroyed. “Ah, well, we’d better be heading back. I’ve got a lot of paperwork to catch up on if I’m going to be ready for the meeting in Seoul next week.”

  Now Nikki stood staring at the calm lake greeting the dawn. Steel gray and cold. She shivered and didn’t realize Trent was beside her until a twig snapped beneath his boot.

  “Second thoughts?” he asked. No longer was there any anger in his voice. Only regret.

  She shook her head. “But thoughts, just the same.” She was surprised how quickly they came now. All at once, in a jumble, sharp, vivid memories that last week had been lost to her.

  He touched her shoulder and she flinched.

  “I don’t have my car,” she said, as if in explanation. “Since I don’t know the bus schedule, and cabs don’t cruise by this section of town at daybreak—”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  “No way. I’ll call a cab.” />
  “Don’t be silly.”

  “Silly?” She laughed mirthlessly. “I’ve already been played for a fool. I’m not really concerned with silly.”

  “You know what I mean. Get in the Jeep.”

  He actually sounded concerned. But then, he was a consummate actor. Hadn’t he convinced her that they’d been married? That they’d loved each other? Her heart wrenched at his story. So simple. So deceptive. Despite the fact that no one she knew had known of their romance, they’d fallen in love, hightailed it to the nearest courthouse, tied the knot and flown off to a small, out-of-the-way island in the Lesser Antilles for a romantic honeymoon and while they were there she’d fallen off a cliff and nearly killed herself. Lucky for her he was around to snatch her from the jaws of death, carry her off to his bed and lie, lie, lie to her. Her fingers tightened around the strap of her purse.

  “Come on, Nikki.” His voice was a caress.

  “Not if your damned Jeep was the last vehicle on earth.” She hitched her bag on her shoulder and started for the main road. She’d stick out her thumb if she had to, though that might be a little risky.

  His fingers clamped around her arm. “Get in the Jeep.”

  “You can’t manhandle me.”

  “I’m doing you a favor.”

  She snorted. “Your kind of favors I can do without.”

  He propelled her toward the door of the rig, pulled on the handle, and with a groan of metal the interior was open to her. “Get in.”

  “I’m not going to—”

  “If I have to shove that beautiful butt of yours into the seat, I will,” he warned, and she believed him. Her pride still bleeding, she climbed into the damned Jeep and gritted her teeth as he slammed the door shut. This was crazy. Pure, dumb insanity.

  He slid into the driver’s seat and twisted the key in the ignition. He slammed the door shut and rammed the rig into Reverse. Within seconds they were driving along the rain-washed streets, joining the first few cars and trucks heading toward the skyscrapers swarming along the shores of Elliott Bay.