by Vixen Kane
“I’ve never done this before.” His eyes search mine for any sign that I understand what he’s saying. He doesn’t find it.
“You are no virgin, Seth.”
“No, no. I mean, I’ve never done this.” He thrusts a hand through his hair. “I’ve always just fucked to fuck, ya know? With you…”
“With me what?” I grasp his arm and halt his movement. “Seth, talk to me.”
“It’s different with you. I’m different with you. I care this time. And that scares the fucking shit out of me.” He rubs a hand across his chest. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
His words make no sense but I chalk it up to nervousness. “I care about you too. But Seth, I want this. I want you. And it’s not a bad thing that it matters. It’s supposed to matter.”
He stares at me for another moment before squaring his shoulders like he’s going off to battle. “Lie down.”
He’s so damn hot that I obey immediately. Goosebumps break out over my entire body as he steps over me, his feet on either side of my torso. He drops to his knees, boxing me in, before his spreads his entire body over mine and slides down. As he does, his tongue traces a path between my breasts, down to circle my belly button and stopping just above the spot that’s begging for him.
His hands are holding onto my sides with his thumbs rubbing my hip bones. He looks up at me and asks, “Are you sure? This is the last time I’m going to ask.”
I nod furiously. “Touch me, Seth. Fuck me.”
He grins and lowers his head, and the tip of his tongue teases my clit. My hips buck and I feel his lips curl against me. One hand slides up and he tweaks a nipple, increasing the tightly coiled need I’m feeling, while the other joins his mouth and dips inside of me. Moans pass my lips, but it only encourages him. While he tortures my clit, he curls a second finger inside of me and I explode.
The stars in the sky rain down over me as screams are torn from deep within. Seth doesn’t let up until my trembling slows and when it does, he sits up and straddles my hips. When I open my eyes they lock onto him and he licks his lips.
“So. Fucking. Sweet.”
He reaches over to his pants, grabs his wallet and pulls out a condom. I watch his every movement as he tears the foil packet open and rolls it over his very hard, very big cock. Satisfied that it’s in place, he bends down and kisses me. I can taste myself on him and it turns me on all over again.
My nails dig into his chest when he lines himself up at my opening and slides just the tip in and pulls back out. A mewling sound escapes me, begging him to keep going. Seth obliges and thrusts in, balls deep, and stops.
“P… please.”
“Please what, Val?” He whispers in my ear. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want you. Moving. Inside me. Now.” I’m panting, on the ragged edge of a second orgasm.
“I can do that.”
And he does. He thrusts in and out of me, fast at first, but slows down at the same time his body tenses up. I’m so close, and I don’t stop undulating, creating that friction that will drive me into oblivion. Seth reaches between our bodies, and the second his finger makes contact with my clit, he increases his speed again and I immediately soar. I can feel my muscles squeezing him, and after two more thrusts, he throws his head back and roars.
“Val…” He says my name over and over again and I revel in it.
When we both fall back down to Earth, he collapses on top of me, both of us sweaty, the smell of sex filling the air.
“Holy shit.” He lifts himself up and stares down at me. “That was…”
“Incredible?” I can’t tell what he’s thinking, his face a mask, and insecurity slams into me.
“No.” He shakes his head.
I try to shove him off of me, convinced now that he didn’t feel what I felt and scared as hell that it matters to me. He lets me push him off, and I sit up. When I reach for my dress, he grabs my hand and puts it up to his heart. I feel it beating and it matches the speed of my own.
“Val?”
I yank my hand back and turn away from him, tears threatening to spill. “It’s fine, Seth.” I can’t stop the sniffling and feel weak because of it.
“Val, stop.” Something in his tone forces me to look at him. “I didn’t mean that it wasn’t incredible. It definitely was incredible. It was… like nothing I’ve ever felt before. It was perfect.”
20
Valerie
“What the heck, Valerie?”
Gemma sits at my desk while Lexie sits on the bottom bunk. Lexie is more than happy to have me recount my date with Seth but Gemma? Not so much.
“What?” I arch my brows at her, almost daring her to judge me. I’m already second guessing my decision. I don’t need her making it worse.
“I can’t believe you had sex with him. He humiliated you in high school.” Gemma picks up a pen and taps it on the desktop. “Not to mention at that party.”
“Girl, get over yourself.” Lexie stands and walks to stand in front of Gemma. “Val can sleep with whoever she wants to sleep with. Hello, it’s twenty nineteen. Ever heard of a woman’s right to choose?”
“I don’t think it was intended to give women the right to sleep around. But thanks for the civil rights lesson,” Gemma says sarcastically.
“Oh, shut up, both of you.” I snatch the pen out of Gemma’s hand before she can tap it again and then turn and glare at Lexie. “Stop antagonizing the situation.”
Lexie throws her hands up and whirls back to the bed where she flops down. “All I’m saying is you can fuck whoever you want.”
“Several times apparently,” Gemma mumbles.
The word ‘fuck’ doesn’t exactly describe what Seth and I did, but Lexie’s not wrong. Neither is Gemma. After Seth had declared it ‘perfect’, I was turned on all over again. It seems it doesn’t take much for him to set me on fire. After two more rounds, we sat at the pond and talked for a few hours. Not about anything important, but it felt like a major step in the right direction.
Sex with Seth was not a bad decision. I won’t let it be.
“Gemma, I appreciate your concern. I really do.” I pull a pale yellow shirt out of my closet and put it on. “But I’m a big girl. I know what I’m doing.”
“I just don’t get it, Valerie. When we started school, you were all about studying and getting good grades. Now it’s like none of that matters because a hot frat guy paid you a little attention.”
Ouch. That stings. Mostly because it shows me how she really sees me. As a nerd not capable of landing a guy of Seth’s status. But I’m used to people doubting me, so I let it go in one ear and out the other.
“All of that still matters, Gem. I just don’t want to sacrifice living anymore. I’m tired of not being happy. I’m tired of only having books and words in my life. I want real.” I look her in the eyes and hold my stare. “Seth’s real.”
“And I bet he’s fantastic in the sack,” Lexie interrupts.
“I don’t know about the sack, but he’s amazing on a blanket.”
Lexie erupts with laughter and even Gemma cracks a smile.
“Finally.” I sit on the edge of the bed next to Lexie so I can pull on my shoes. “Now, can we please move past my date?”
“Sure.” Lexie sits up and bumps my shoulder. “When’s your next date?”
“You’re impossible,” I laugh as the words come out.
“Eh, you love me and you know it.”
“The jury’s still out on that one.”
“If you don’t want to answer that question, I’ve got one for you.” Gemma is now standing in front of us, arms crossed over her chest. When I tilt my head, she asks the one question I don’t have an answer to. “Have you told him yet that you work with his sister?”
My chin drops to my chest, and a sigh breezes past my lips. “Not yet.”
“What’re you waiting for?” Lexie asks.
“Honestly?” I glance at both of them, and they look at m
e with a ‘duh’ expression. “I don’t know.”
“It’s a good thing. You already have an in with the fam. What girlfriend wouldn’t want that?”
My head whirls around and I glare at Lexie. “I’m not his girlfriend.”
“Then what are you? Just his fuck buddy?”
I cringe at her words. Not because I find them offensive but because, once again, it makes me question my choices. The truth is, I have no clue what I am to Seth. Even worse, I don’t know what I want to be to him.
Face it. You like him.
“Well, I can tell you one thing. Before you started going to parties, he had all kinds of girls hanging on him. But after that first party you were at? I haven’t seen any. It’s like he’s putting off these vibes that scream ‘I’m taken’.”
Jealousy snakes in at the thought of him with other—
“That doesn’t mean he’s not sleeping around.” Gemma always has to be the voice of reason, and I was beginning to really dislike that. I have my own conscience, thank you very much. I don’t need hers running through my thoughts too. Besides, her words only make the jealousy more intense. Sharper.
“It doesn’t matter. Once the semester is over, he’ll lose interest.” I stand up and start putting my books into my bag. Usually Sarah has homework, and I’ve got a chance to work on my own while I’m there.
“Yet you chose to sleep with him?”
“But you’ll still be working for his family.”
Lexie and Gemma speak at the same time, each with valid, if not annoying, points.
“So? It’s not like he’s ever there. I’ve yet to see him at the house despite Sarah talking about how he comes for weekly dinners. Definitely not likely to run into him at work.” I say this to Lexie and then address Gemma. “And yes, I slept with him. And it was great. But it was just sex.”
It was perfect.
Seth’s words filter into my thoughts, reminding me that it was more than sex. Even he acknowledged that it was. There was a connection with him that I never had with Josh. Yes, I’ll be sad when it all comes to a screeching halt at the end of of the semester. No, I’m not going to let that stop me from enjoying every second I can, while I can.
“Well, ladies, it’s been fun.” I scoop my purse and keys up off the desk. “But I’ve gotta get to work.”
“See ya later,” Lexie calls as I head out the door.
I jog down the four flights of steps rather than take the elevator to give myself an extra minute to process my jumbled thoughts. I was not Seth Carnes’s girlfriend. But we slept together. I don’t regret sleeping with him. In fact, I’m hoping it happens again. And again. But what does he want? Is he banging other girls? Am I just another notch on his very worn bed post? Do I want to be more than a notch?
As I reach my car, I realize this is exactly why I haven’t told him I work with his sister. I need this job and in order to keep it, I have to maintain professionalism. I can’t do that as long as I’m worrying about this thing with Seth.
I glance in the rearview mirror and back out of the parking space.
Yes. Best to keep work and personal separate.
Seth
“Did you know beta fish have a special organ called the labyrinth organ that allows them to breathe air, so they can survive for a period outside water?”
I sigh and stare up toward Sarah’s ceiling, my hands threaded behind my head and my back flat on her bed. I’m always happy to see Sarah, and I’ve been overly absent lately, but I can’t seem to hold my interest on fish facts tonight. So much has been spinning through my mind, and I keep replaying my evening with Val over and over, searching for some meaning behind it. Some meaning as to how I could go years not understanding when a friend catches feelings for a girl, and all of a sudden, I get it.
Why her?
Why now?
Just why?
“Seth?”
“Do you ever think about having a boyfriend?”
I swing my legs over the bed and sit up, placing my palms on the edge and turning my gaze on Sarah.
“Huh?”
“Hypothetically, if Mom and Dad weren’t psychos and wouldn’t freak out if you dated, would you?”
Sarah shrugs and goes back to staring at the blue fish swimming in the aquarium. “I don’t know. Probably.”
I wait for more, but it quickly becomes obvious that the conversation has just come to a screeching halt. It’s never really bothered me that Sarah isn’t the best conversationalist. I understand her, she understands me, not a lot gets in the way of that. Call it a twin thing. Right now, though, I wish she was better at picking up on when I want to talk about something. Because I do want to talk about it. If I’m being completely honest with myself, it’s the main reason I came over here, but I feel like such a girl about it to admit that out loud. There’s not a single soul other than Sarah that I’d even think about talking about this to.
I rub the back of my neck and prepare what I want to say, all the while Sarah has no idea.
Fuck it, I’ll just spit it out.
“I think I want to start dating.”
She turns to me and tilts her head. “Haven’t you been on dates?”
“Yeah, but—
“So then you’ve dated.”
“I mean more steadily. With the same person.”
She nods to show she understands and steps away from the tank to sit next to me on the bed. “I know someone.”
I sigh again and rub my temples, thankful Sarah can’t read my expressions for shit. “I actually already have someone in mind.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, she uh… she’s actually pretty great. I have this problem, though. I did something pretty messed up, and when she finds out about it, she’s going to hate me.”
“You should apologize. Mom says when you do something that makes someone upset, the first thing you do is apologize.”
“I don’t think that’s going to work this time.”
“Well, what did you do?”
I open my mouth to answer, grateful to finally get this off my chest, but a knock at the door stops me. I turn that way, expecting my mom, but that’s so far from what I get.
Valerie.
What the fuck?
Her jaw drops, and her gaze flicks between me and Sarah.
“Valerie,” Sarah says, no trace of surprise in her tone, which only confuses me further. “This is my brother, Seth.”
Valerie’s face goes red, and she steps into the room looking like she’s trying to decide if she should shake my hand or come clean about knowing who I am. As if it matters. Except, it does matter.
“How do you know each other?” I ask.
“We’re friends,” Sarah says.
“Friends?”
Valerie slowly lays her bag on the floor and crosses her arms over her chest. She’s smiling, but I don’t know if it’s for Sarah’s benefit or if it’s out of nervousness.
“Yeah.” Valerie’s gaze shifts to Sarah. “Seth and I are actually friends too. We go to school together.”
The way she says it makes the blood rush to my ears until they’re hot. It sounds too much like my mother. Too much like she’s speaking to a child or a patient in a hospital.
“That’s not how we know each other. We don’t have any of the same classes.”
“Well,” Valerie swallows and shifts on her feet. “That’s true, I guess, but—”
“We met each other at a party,” I say, turning to Sarah. “One that the fraternity threw. I told her to leave, and people dumped beer over her head. It was wild.”
“Really?” Sarah asks, her gaze moving to Valerie. “I didn’t know you liked to party.”
Valerie stands there, her lips parted like she doesn’t know what to say. “Seth, can I talk to you for a minute?” she finally manages.
I stand and follow her out of the room, ready to get some answers. Like why the fuck was she in my home, and why was she friends with my sister? Why she didn’t tell me s
he was friends with my sister.
She leads me to one of the guest rooms, and it only pisses me off more that she knows her way around my house, which means she’s been here before. Multiple times.
She shuts the door and spins to face me, her hands lifting in front of her defensively. “Look, I really need this job, okay? What you and I are doing is completely separate from—”
“Job? Valerie, what the hell are you talking about?”
She flinches like my calling her by her own name hurts her. Maybe it does. “Just calm down.”
“Calm down? You’re in my fucking home right now. I’m not calming down until you tell me what the hell you’re doing here and why my sister thinks you’re her friend.”
She takes a deep breath and lowers her hands. “I’m Sarah’s companion. Your parents hired me after she had an incident with—”
“I know about the incident,” I snap. My ears heat to the point I wonder if there’s steam coming off of them. It pisses me off that she thinks she has to tell me about shit in Sarah’s life. I’m her brother. Her fucking twin brother.
But I didn’t even know she’d gotten a ‘companion’, did I? Had Sarah mentioned a new friend?
“Look, you can’t work for my family. There’s too much history between us.”
I expect her to get defensive. Maybe pull the sad shit or even cry, but instead, her face lights up light Rudolf’s fucking nose and her jaw clenches.
“You don’t have the authority to say that, and even if you did, do you hear how selfish you’re being?”
“How am I—”
“Shut up!”
My teeth grind together as I wait for her to say whatever bullshit she’s about to spew at me. Her eyebrows are pinched together again. Her hands are in balls at her sides, and her green eyes are darker than normal.
“I’m good for Sarah. Really good for her. She trusts me, she’s friends with me, and you’re so damn selfish you’d toss me away without even asking her what she wants.” She takes a deep breath and flexes her fingers, forcing her hands to unclench. “Whatever this is that’s going on between us is completely separate and inconsequential to my relationship with Sarah. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Because it’s irrelevant.”