Fling with Her Hot-Shot Consultant

by Kate Hardy

  ‘How did you live with that, though? Knowing Charlie wasn’t the man they all thought he was, and pretending that you agreed with them—when really you weren’t just mourning the man you married, you were hurt by his betrayal?’

  She spread her hands. ‘He wasn’t there to defend himself or explain himself. It wouldn’t have been fair to tell everyone the truth.’

  ‘It wasn’t fair to you, not telling the truth,’ Ryan pointed out.

  ‘That’s really why I wanted to get away from London. Not just because I was sick of the pity, but I was near to cracking and blurting it out, and then the pity would’ve been so much worse.’

  ‘And you didn’t tell anyone at all? Not even your best friend?’

  ‘I didn’t know how.’ She bit her lip. ‘I told my brother. But only because he was so upset that I was bailing out on him, so I thought I owed him the truth. He was so angry on my behalf. But I swore him to secrecy.’

  ‘I think you’re a nicer person than I am. I would’ve told people the truth.’

  ‘What was the point?’ Georgie asked again. ‘It wouldn’t have achieved anything except hurting people who were already hurting. His parents had suffered enough. And they’re nice people. They didn’t deserve to have their illusions shattered.’ She sat up and wrapped her arms round her knees. ‘I still wonder what would’ve happened if Charlie and Trish hadn’t been caught in that landslide. Would he have left me for her? Would they have brought up their child together?’

  ‘Don’t torture yourself,’ Ryan said. ‘You’ll never know and it didn’t happen.’

  ‘No, but I have to face that I wasn’t enough to keep Charlie happy. Otherwise he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere. There’s obviously something wrong with me.’

  Ryan was outraged on her behalf. How could she possibly think that she was the one at fault? ‘There’s nothing wrong with you.’

  * * *

  ‘No?’ But Georgie didn’t quite dare voice what was in her head. If there wasn’t something lacking in her, then she would’ve been enough for Charlie and she would be enough for Ryan—and she clearly wasn’t enough for him, or he wouldn’t be backing away from her right now at the speed of light.

  ‘There’s really nothing wrong with you,’ he confirmed. ‘Nothing at all. Any man would be lucky to have you in his life.’

  Did he include himself in that?

  She’d ducked the issue last night, because she’d really wanted to be held, to sleep in his arms. She’d wanted to make love with him. She had no regrets at all. But she wasn’t a coward. She knew the reckoning came now, and she was going to face it. ‘So where does that leave us?’

  He looked haunted. ‘I like you, Georgie. I like you a lot. I think we could be good together.’

  Hope leaped in her heart. Was he going to give them a chance?

  ‘But.’

  The hope came crashing back down again. Stupid. Of course there was a but.

  He took a deep breath. ‘This whole thing scares me spitless. You want children. I never thought that was where my life would take me. It’s so easy to get things wrong, to make a mistake. We’ve both been hurt. And taking a risk with you... I’m not sure I can do this.’

  She looked at him. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  He gave her a wary look. ‘What?’

  ‘I accept that you don’t want children. But can I ask why?’

  He raked a hand through his hair. ‘You know about my background. After my mum died, nobody wanted me. I don’t want to put a child through that.’

  ‘Understood,’ she said. ‘But if your mum hadn’t been knocked off her bike, she would’ve loved you. She might have met someone and you would’ve gained a ready-made family.’

  ‘But that didn’t happen.’

  ‘And,’ she said, ‘there’s another difference. If you had a child—if anything happened to you, that child would still have a mum and a family who loved him or her. Or if anything happened to your partner, your child would still have you.’

  ‘True,’ he said. ‘But I don’t remember what it’s like to be a son. I didn’t grow up with a male role model. How do I know I’d be any good as a dad?’

  ‘Because,’ she said, ‘I’ve seen you at work. You care for your patients as if they’re your own flesh and blood. I’ve seen you sit with a young child in your break and read stories, or just chat to one of the older ones.’

  ‘I’m merely keeping them from being bored, so they don’t disrupt the ward,’ he said.

  She thought there was more to it than that. She’d noticed he spent time with kids who didn’t have a family. That wasn’t the act of a man who didn’t like children. ‘And Truffle.’ His rescue dog. ‘You love her. You make sure she’s fed and exercised and feels loved.’

  ‘That’s different.’

  ‘It isn’t, Ryan. You treat her the way that other men would treat their child. You’ve told me yourself that she’s your family. So don’t try to kid yourself. You’re putting all these barriers in the way, but they’re not as big as you think they are. And you’re not going to be on your own if you try to get over them.’

  He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Georgie. But you need to know I’m really not good at relationships.’

  Pain lanced through her. He was giving up on them that easily? He didn’t think she was worth the effort? ‘So you’re saying we call it a halt?’

  ‘I think that’s the best thing.’

  ‘Because you’re too scared to take a chance.’

  His eyes widened. ‘So you think I’m a coward?’

  ‘No, I don’t think you’re a coward,’ she said. ‘I think you’re scared and you’re stubborn and you’ve decided that everything’s set in a certain way. But life isn’t like that, Ryan. It’s flexible. Things change. It’s not about being perfect and getting things right all the time. It’s about trying, about learning to compromise and realising it’s OK if something goes a different way from the way you’d planned it.’

  Did she have to spell it out for him?

  Maybe. It was a risk. But, if she didn’t take it, she knew she’d always regret it. ‘All you have to do is reach out.’ Reach out, and she’d be there.

  * * *

  ‘All you have to do is reach out.’

  Did Georgie have any idea how hard that was?

  She’d clearly grown up being dearly loved. To the point where she was careful with other people—even though Charlie had hurt her badly with his affair and the baby, she’d still thought about his family and friends and protected their happy memories rather than tarnish them with the painful truth. Ryan wasn’t sure he could’ve been that noble, in her shoes.

  And he didn’t think he could reach out and grab what she was offering. Deep down, he didn’t think he deserved it. Otherwise someone would’ve tried to keep him before, wouldn’t they? His grandparents, his foster parents—all the people who hadn’t wanted him enough. Zoe had given up on him. Why would it be any different with Georgie?

  ‘I can’t,’ he said.

  She looked sad. ‘You’re not even going to try, are you?’

  ‘No,’ he said. He felt guilty and miserable, but he couldn’t change who he was. He knew he’d only disappoint Georgie. It was better to back off now and keep his heart intact than to let himself believe that someone could really love him, and then learn the hard way that he’d fooled himself again.

  ‘Thank you for being honest.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I’ll find somewhere else to live for the rest of the job swap.’

  ‘No. I’m the one causing the problem, so I ought to be the one to move out.’

  She shook her head. ‘As you told me, landlords don’t like renting places to someone with a dog, particularly a dog who chews. So it’ll be easier for me to be the one to go.’

  This was when he was supposed to agree. She was g
iving him what he’d asked for. He couldn’t give her what she wanted, so he should just let her go.

  So why did his mouth open and the words, ‘Don’t go,’ come out?

  She just stared at him.

  Maybe this was the best compromise. ‘Don’t go,’ he said again. ‘We can be adult about this. We can ignore the—’ Well, he had to admit to that much. ‘We can ignore the attraction between us, just as we do at work.’

  ‘Says the man who made love with me last night and even now is sitting in my bed,’ she said wryly.

  ‘I’m sorry. I wish I could be different, I really do. But I can’t. I’ve tried in the past and I’ve never really been able to let anyone close to me. If that’s what you want from me, all I’ll do is hurt you and I don’t want to do that.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I don’t regret last night, and I definitely don’t regret being with you. But I am what I am. I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, ‘for being honest.’

  So why did he feel like the biggest bastard in the universe?

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. And, because the emotional stuff was getting too much for him and he needed to escape, he added, ‘I’d better go and get Truffle.’

  * * *

  Georgie stayed curled in bed until she heard the front door close.

  Ryan McGregor was strong, silent, stubborn—and oh, so stupid.

  Why did he have to be so difficult about this?

  Why couldn’t he take that leap of faith and just try to see where things went between them?

  It seemed that friendship was the most he was going to offer. Take it or leave it.

  He’d been honest with her, unlike Charlie. Ryan hadn’t lied to her, and she knew he would never cheat. But she was also pretty sure he wouldn’t budge. He wasn’t going to give them a chance. And that hurt so, so much.

  What was so wrong with her that he didn’t feel comfortable taking a risk with her? Was she right about there being something lacking in her—the same thing Charlie had obviously picked up on when he’d turned to Trisha?

  And how were they going to deal with the rest of the job swap?

  He’d asked her to stay. But not because he wanted her: because, she thought, he felt guilty about letting Clara down.

  Perhaps she’d been right in the first place to think about finding somewhere else to stay. Though asking someone at the hospital where she could find somewhere else to live—that would make it obvious there were problems between herself and Ryan. And everyone would jump to conclusions and gossip, and once the truth was out everyone would start to pity her—the very thing she’d tried so hard to avoid in London.

  What an idiot she’d been.

  She should’ve said no last night. Gone to bed on her own, instead of giving in to the temptation to make love with him. It would still have been awkward between them for a while, but at least the situation would’ve been salvageable. Whereas now she knew what it felt like to make love with him and fall asleep in his arms. She’d lied to herself that it was just for comfort, just for fun, that her heart wasn’t involved.

  But her heart was involved. Somewhere along the way, she’d fallen in love with the dour Scot who was great with his colleagues and his patients, but who kept a huge barrier between himself and the rest of the world because he was too scared to let himself get close to someone again and be let down. A man who trusted his dog and his best friend, and steadfastly refused to open his heart to anyone else.

  If she’d been enough for him, then he would’ve taken the risk and let down his barriers.

  But she wasn’t.

  She hadn’t been enough for Charlie—the man she’d married but who’d made a baby with someone else, instead of her—and she wasn’t enough for Ryan.

  And the rest of the job swap was going to be the same nightmare she’d tried to leave behind in London: where she’d be lying to everyone, saying that everything was absolutely fine, when in reality her heart was a wreck.

  She’d get through it. There was no other choice.

  But she was never, ever going to let herself fall for anyone again.

  CHAPTER NINE

  RYAN AND GEORGIE spent the next few days being super-polite to each other, careful to keep the topic of conversations to work and Truffle. At work, it was easy to focus on their patients and their colleagues, deflecting conversation away from their feelings, but at the cottage it was more and more awkward. Apart from sharing meals and chores, Georgie spent most of her time at the cottage curled on her bed with a book.

  And it was horrible.

  She missed the old easiness between them. She missed cuddling up on the sofa with Truffle. She missed the way Ryan teased her about trying everything Scottish.

  It was starting to be a struggle at work, too, and she was terrified that one of their colleagues would notice that things were strained between them. She was just glad that the situation with Truffle meant they’d already moved their shifts round so they were on opposites for as much as possible.

  But she was glad of Ryan’s arrival when she called for the crash team on the day when she was on an early and he was on a late.

  She was performing chest compressions on a ten-month-old who’d stopped breathing in the middle of tests, pushing down on the little girl’s breastbone with the tips of two fingers, then giving two breaths after fifteen compressions, her mouth sealing the infant’s nose and mouth.

  He grabbed a mask and bag. ‘I’ll compress, you bag,’ he said.

  After a minute, he asked, ‘Any cough or gag response?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘OK.’ He checked the brachial pulse. ‘Nothing. We’ll keep going.’

  It took them another ten minutes of chest compressions and breathing via the mask and bag, but finally the little girl responded.

  ‘Let’s get her on a ventilator,’ Ryan said. ‘And then we’ll talk to her parents. Run me through the case.’

  ‘Mollie’s ten months old. She had an unsettled night, and her mum took her to the family doctor, who said it was just mucus. Then she got hiccups and was struggling to breathe, and the doctor told her mum to bring her here. I’d put her on oxygen, inserted a cannula and taken a blood test, but then she crashed on me. The rest of it you know.’

  ‘OK. You did all the right things,’ he said.

  Once Mollie was on the ventilator, Georgie introduced Ryan to Mollie’s mum.

  ‘What’s happening?’ Mollie’s mum bit her lip. ‘Today’s been a nightmare. Mollie had that shocking cold and the doctor said it was just mucus, but then she started hiccupping and she couldn’t get her breath. I called the doctor...’ She shuddered. ‘Thank God my neighbour was home and could drive me here with her. And then the nurse asked me to come out of the room. Is Mollie going to—going to—?’ Her face crumpled as she clearly couldn’t bring herself to voice her worst fears.

  ‘That’s why we’re here to update you,’ Georgie said gently. ‘Mollie’s heart stopped, which was why the nurse asked you to come away—it’s really not very nice for parents to see, but please don’t worry because I’m glad to say we got her heart started again.’

  Mollie’s mum had a hand across her mouth in horror. ‘Her heart stopped? Oh, my God. Is she going to be all right?’

  ‘We hope so,’ Ryan said, ‘But at the moment we need to keep her sedated and cooled down, to make sure her brain doesn’t start swelling. We’ve got her on a ventilator, which makes sure she breathes properly, and we’re keeping a very close eye on her.’

  ‘A ventilator?’ Mollie’s mum gasped, her eyes widening in horror. ‘She’s sedated? So she—you’re keeping her asleep?’

  Georgie squeezed her hand. ‘It sounds scary, and it looks scary, but it’s the best way to keep her safe right now. In a couple of days, we’ll wake her up and see how she manages or if she needs fur
ther support.’

  ‘My baby.’ Mollie’s mum was clearly having trouble processing what had happened. ‘Can I see her?’

  ‘Of course,’ Ryan said. ‘Because we’ve sedated her, I need to warn you now that she won’t respond to you the way she normally does, but she’ll still be able to hear you if you sit and talk to her, and she’ll definitely know if you’re holding her hand.’

  ‘Can we call anyone for you?’ Georgie asked. ‘Mollie’s dad?’

  ‘I... He’s away working on the rigs. He’ll be devastated.’

  ‘We’re happy to talk to him if you need us to,’ Georgie said. ‘Is there another relative or friend who could come and be with you? Your neighbour?’

  ‘No—he had to go to work after he dropped us here.’ Mollie’s mum looked anguished. ‘I’ll call my husband but I don’t know when he’ll be able to get here.’ She shook her head as if to clear it. ‘Everyone’s at work or they’re miles away and won’t be able to get here for ages.’

  ‘I’m due off duty shortly,’ Georgie said, ‘so I’ll stay and sit with you until someone can join you.’

  ‘But you’ve been at work all day.’

  ‘I’ll sit with you. Come on. I’ll make you a cup of tea, and introduce you to the nurses in the intensive care unit, and keep you company for a bit. I’ll sit with Mollie while you call her dad and whoever else you need to call.’

  ‘That’s—that’s so good of you. You’re a kind lass,’ Mollie’s mum said.

  ‘And I’m due a break around tea-time,’ Ryan said, ‘so I’ll come and have my mug of coffee with you, too. And you can ask us anything you want and we’ll do our best to answer.’

  Mollie’s mum looked close to tears. ‘Mollie’s our only one, and we had three rounds of IVF to get her. If anything happens to her...’