The Long Fall

by Daniel Quentin Steele

  She waited while Cheryl went to get the information. When she came back, Debbie wrote it down and thanked Bill’s secretary. Then:

  “I don’t have any right to ask this, and I don’t really know why I am except I’m curious. Has -. Is he....seeing anybody? Socially?”

  “......Uh, Debbie, like I said, he’s been secret, private about his personal life. And nobody, I mean nobody, is trying to pry into his personal life. You remember that old comic strip character, the guy who went around with a storm cloud hanging over his head all the time. That’s kind of the way it has been with Bill, since...He’s been....a real asshole, to be honest...for months now and it’s gotten worse.

  “The only thing I know for sure is that just a month or so ago, maybe longer, he went out with Jessica Stephens. She’s an SA-“

  “I know who she is.”

  She had meet Stephens at a few State Attorney events. She was kind of plain, but...Bill was still a married man and he was hitting on women at his office or...

  “Did he-“

  “The story I heard was that she asked him out.”

  “And she knew he was a married man? She asked Bill out?”

  “Debbie, I know Bill isn’t—or wasn’t—the most physically appealing guy. No eye candy for sure. But he is a really nice guy.”

  Something about that sentence caught her attention for a moment and she almost had it when Cheryl added, “Of course, there’s that story about Myra Martinez. I’m sure it’s a joke, because you know she must have a ton of guys fighting for her, but the way I heard it, she asked Helen in personnel to let her know when your divorce became final.”

  That drove the other almost-question out of her mind.

  “Myra? The freak secretary of Edwards? The one that can barely stand up straight? She is interested in Bill?”

  “Yeah, that Myra.”

  Jesus Christ. The bitch had breasts from hell. And she was Edwards’ mistress, his private hunting preserve. Everybody knew that. Bill had told her stories many times about guys thinking about hitting on her only to drop back when they learned that Myra took care of ALL of Edwards’ personal needs. Shit. Debbie jumped as the pencil she held in her right hand snapped in two. The bitch was the only woman Debbie had ever met that made her feel unattractive, even boyish.

  She shook her head and laughed softly. There was no way in hell a woman who looked like that, who had to have any army of studs after her, would even think about Bill’s pasty, flabby body. Even if Bill was as big a man as Lew had said in that office, Myra wouldn’t have any interest in Bill. She couldn’t. It was ridiculous.

  “Thanks, Cheryl. I won’t tell Bill where I got this information. I’ll tell him the kids told me. Bye.”

  As she drove toward his downtown condo with the address punched into her Garmin GPS, she couldn’t help laughing. That bitch probably wouldn’t look at any man with less than 10 inches. And poor Bill probably couldn’t even lift one of those udders. The bitch was a cow. Sure, she was pretty, kind of, but what man would be interested in teats that ought to be hanging under a Jersey. It was ridiculous.

  She went by his condo first. It didn’t look too bad. Small. She rang the doorbell. Knocked. Rang the doorbell again. It was dark inside and there was no sign that he was around. His Escalade wasn’t there.

  So she went for the general purpose gym in Avondale first. Even hearing that Bill was hanging around a boxing gym, she couldn’t see it. She’d save that for last.

  The Garmin got her to a big warehouse looking building on the outskirts of Avondale. It was an older, wooded, 100 percent residential area except for a few streets leading into the area that boasted specialty shops for clothing, food, high-end restaurants. It was one of the more well-to-do sections of old Jacksonville.

  The warehouse-looking building was topped by a large sign reading, “Hurly’s”. There was a large, empty and well-lit parking lot. There were no cars there. As she drove into the parking lot she swung through and saw two vehicles parked toward the back in what looked like a loading area. One was an Escalade. The other some kind of SUV.

  Even though this was a nice neighborhood, she was a little nervous. She pulled up directly in front of the front plate glass windows, looked around to make sure no one was in the lot or near the building and then got out, holding her cell phone in her left hand. She walked over to the window and peered inside. The interior was well lit, even though it was deserted. It didn’t seem as if anybody was inside.

  Then she spotted movement toward the left side of the building. There was a row of weight training machines in front of what must have been the changing rooms and bathrooms, On the far left were weights and beyond them what looked like a fairly good sized swimming pool. With the experienced eye of someone who had spent a lot time in places like this, she decided it looked like a fairly well equipped workout center.

  Before she spotted a figure on the next to last weight machine further away from her a flash of anger ran through her. She had killed herself trying to get Bill to even come to places like this, and the fucking bastard started coming after she threw him out. What was the logic in that?

  The man was naked to the waist. Bald as a billiard ball. The lights gleamed on his skull and glistened on the sweat pouring off his back and arms. She watched him for a moment. The muscles in his back flexed as he pushed up on the arms of the machine and hoisted the weights on the machine up with the muscles of his arms, shoulders and back. God, he was soaked through. There was something very sexy about sweat on a male body.

  He was no muscleman. Slender. The muscles weren’t terribly defined, she decided as she studied him with experienced eyes. Probably some young guy in his 20s or 30s just getting out of shape and his girlfriend or wife had pushed him to get into better shape. Looking closer she could see a slight bulge running from his back and as he hoisted the weights she could see him from the side. He definitely would have to work that little pot but working out and sweating like that would probably take care of it.

  She rapped on the window. Bill didn’t appear to be anywhere in sight, although he might be in the pool. Or he was in the back showering. When the guy on the machine didn’t respond, she rapped harder. She hoped he didn’t have an Ipod stuck in his ears, which case she’d never be able to get his attention. It didn’t look like it, but it looked like he had a T-shirt wrapped around his neck and it might cover up an IPOD cord.

  He stopped in mid-thrust and let the weights down as he lowered his hands to his side. He must have heard because he started looking around. When he didn’t see anyone around him he finally turned and looked back toward the front of the gym. He must have seen her because he stared at the front for a moment.

  He got off the machine, stood up and stretched. God, Debbie thought watching him, she had to get hold of Doug. When you start getting heated up by young, out of shape, sweaty guys, it’s a sure sign you’re not getting enough. After a moment he started ambling toward the front. As he approached he took the tee-shirt and wiped his face and head. His chest and arms were still wet. Debbie took a deep breath. Either she was going to get hold of Doug or she was going to give Big John, her name for her 12-inch vibrator, an epic workout tonight.

  He was almost to the front door and she realized there was something....something oddly familiar about his walk. She wondered if he was one of the young guys who hung out near her whenever she went to work out, ogling her butt and breasts. Sometimes they were brave enough to flirt, which was flattering, but more often than not they just watched.

  He punched in a code on the alarm behind the front desk and then walked around and unlocked the door. He pushed it open and a rush of warm, almost hot air flew out to meet the slightly less warm night air. He was close enough for her to smell his sweat. Jesus, even that was....stimulating. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her.

  For a moment she felt self-conscious. She was wearing jeans and a top she had thrown on. It wasn’t particularly tight and didn’t have a low cut, but she
bulged out of it. She bulged out of anything she bought that wasn’t strictly for school work or professional engagements. And she was alone with a guy she didn’t know from Adam, a complete stranger. If he was working in the gym and he had the security codes, he was probably safe, but...

  She realized he hadn’t said a word. He was staring at her with an odd expression on his face. His face...

  “Bill?”

  She stepped backward involuntarily.

  She wondered what the psychiatrists would say, what name they’d attach to this condition. Seeing your middle-aged husband’s face on strangers’ sweating bodies? It couldn’t be Bill, but the resemblance—the eyes, the nose, the mouth—was uncanny. This guy had a thinner face, a younger looking face, but other than that....

  “Hello, Debbie. What are you doing here?”

  She was speechless. She stared at the sweaty, half naked stranger in front of her. Bill?

  “Lew already called me and told me what happened. Thank you for agreeing to my request. I—I’m sorry it had to go down this way.”

  The more she stared at him the more he became Bill. A younger Bill. A Bill who looked more like the man she had married. The shaved head was strange. It didn’t look anything like the Bill she knew, but somehow, it looked good. Why hadn’t he done that before?

  She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

  He looked at her strangely, then followed her gaze and looked down at his chest.

  He gave her a reassuring smile.

  “You haven’t gone crazy. I forgot we haven’t laid eyes on each other for more than three months. I—my appetite never really has come back. And a friend of mine arranged for me to starting working out here.”

  He gestured at his sweaty chest.

  “They let me come in after hours and use the facilities. But they turn the air off when they shut the building down and I don’t feel right using up their power. Besides, they tell me that sweating in this heat helps take the pounds off. So I usually work out in as little as possible. There’s nobody around to offend. Of course, I have a long way to go. But it’s helped.”

  She stared at rivulets of sweat running down his chest. The pectoral muscles were better defined than she remembered and he’d obviously built up his shoulders. The streams ran down past his nipples, his belly button and down beyond that to... For just a second she was 22 and he was standing over her in his off-campus apartment. His cock was glistening with her spit, hard and strong and delicious. She leaned forward and took it in, inch after inch and tried to look at his face and drink in the expression.

  She snapped back to the present. He was still talking.

  “........know where I was. I didn’t know the kids knew where the gym was, although I’ve talked to BJ and Kelly. But, why’d you come out here anyway?”

  “I—I...what in the hell did you do to your head?”

  He ran his hand over his shaved head. It came off slick with sweat. He was still panting slightly.

  “Well...you ever do anything just for the hell of it? I saw Kelly this afternoon when I picked her up after school. A friend made a comment about my looking older than you. They were surprised how old I was. Just another old guy with thinning hair. After I dropped her off I drove by a Great Cuts and had them shave it all off. Even polished it a little bit. I never knew they actually had cremes and oils for making naked heads gleam.

  “It still looks a little bit weird when I actually look at it. I don’t look like me anymore. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. Anyway, my shampooing costs are going to go way down.”

  She still didn’t say anything.

  “Are you alright, Debbie? What’s the matter?”

  “I’m sorry, Bill. It’s just that—this is—is a shock. Jesus Christ, you almost gave me a heart attack. It’s like you’re a....different person.”

  “And would that be a bad thing?”

  She looked down at the sidewalk that run in front of the gym. It meant she wouldn’t have to keep staring at that sweaty body.

  “Bill, I...I keep saying I’m sorry. But I am. About—the—emails.”

  It was as if a curtain had descended over his eyes and the smile vanished.

  “What are you sorry about, Debbie? That you wrote them? That you were going out behind my back and enjoying a life without me? That you shaved your damned pussy to get your boyfriend hot? That I found them? That I used them to spoil your alimony bid? Remember I’m an attorney. Be specific. Oh, and by the way, Lew told me that damned story about you guys not making it until after Friday night. I don’t believe that and I never will.”

  She brought her eyes up until she was staring directly into his familiar, and yet strange eyes.

  “I deserve that. I read the emails from beginning to end for the first time tonight. And if I were in your shoes I’d feel the same way. I probably won’t ever be able to make you believe me, because I was cheating on you emotionally. I was making plans for how I’d leave you, how to break away, how to tell you I wanted a divorce. Maybe, probably, that was worse than actually having sex with Doug. So, if you don’t want to believe me, that’s okay. But I’m telling you the truth.”

  “Better late than never, right?”

  “No. But, to answer your questions. I’m not sorry I wrote them. Those were my feelings. I’m sorry they hurt you but they were the truth. I’m sorry that I didn’t have the courage to ask for a divorce or a separation before I started going out on you and lying to you. And again, I can never prove to you that I wasn’t having sex those times. But I wasn’t.

  “And about my shaved pussy. I was fantasizing about sex with Doug. I don’t feel guilty for doing it. I feel so damned guilty for lying to you and trying to make you believe I did it for you. I never really felt like a lying tramp until that night.

  “I hate that you found them, and more than that, I hate the way you found them. I don’t know if Lew told you, but when he told me, I lost it. I got physically sick. I hated you for letting our marriage go, for not caring for me more than that damned job, but I know you’ve always loved me in your own way. I thought about what you must have felt, what must have gone through your mind when you read what I’d written about you. I never understood why you left your ring and that bloody note. Not until that moment when I was trying to puke my guts out.”

  He just looked at her and she couldn’t tell if anything she said was sinking in.

  “Anyway, thank you for letting the alimony drop,” he said finally. “I know you don’t want to feel dependent on me. But you know that if anything happened, I’d be there for you. And it wouldn’t be charity. You’re the mother of my children. We’re not going to be—so angry—forever. We’re still raising our kids and you need to be financially able to take care of them. And we were married for most of our lives. I’ll always be here for you.”

  She thought for a second and made a quick decision.

  “Lew was very persuasive. I know now why you like him. He is a shark. When he—explained things to me - I just realized I couldn’t take the chance of losing my job right now. I might still go job hunting in the future, but not right now. Did he...tell you about our meeting?”

  Bill just shrugged.

  “Not in detail. He just said he convinced you it was smarter to drop the alimony. And everything else has been worked out. It’s just a matter of getting the documents in the right order, and it’s done.”

  Lew hadn’t told him everything. It would be so easy to say a few words. Lew had been right. Bill wouldn’t forgive him—for awhile. It would pay them both back for being assholes about the alimony. But...

  “It’s history now, Bill. We can move on. Even if there are still some—rough spots.”

  She stepped back from him and looked him up and down.

  “The only thing I’m really pissed off about is that you finally went and started getting back into shape. After our marriage went into the trash. But, I guess, at least, the future Mrs. Maitland will reap the benefits.”

 
“There won’t be any more Mrs. Maitlands.”

  She tried to smile.

  “You’re going to make me feel even guiltier. I don’t want to think that I put you off the idea of marital bliss forever. Just because we didn’t make it, doesn’t mean you won’t find someone who will be in it for the long haul. Eighteen years ago we both thought we were going to be in it for life.”

  He shook his head and she got the feeling that he was dismissing her.

  “I’d like to say it’s all your fault. That you’re just a cheating bitch. But I’ve had three months to think about what’s happened. Right after—you told me you wanted out—I ran into a cop who cleared my mind. He made me see something I’d always known but hadn’t wanted to admit. This prosecutor thing isn’t just a job. It never has been. It’s what I am.

  “And because it is, it always came ahead of you and our children. I chose to put it ahead of you. I told myself you were being unreasonable, but you weren’t. You only wanted what any wife wants—to be number one in her husband’s life. And you haven’t been for ten years.

  “I’m not going to do that again. Not going to put some other woman through that. I don’t need any more children to ignore. I know what I am now and I’m content with that. I’ll try to reconnect with the kids, but for the rest of it, I’m going to stick with what I do best. I guess some people just aren’t meant to be married.”

  “We had a good run,” she said.

  “Better than many, Debbie. And we got two good kids out of the deal.”

  She stepped toward him, then stopped. Her eyes glistened.

  “I feel like....I should say something.”

  He put his hand out and cupped her chin.

  “Just say goodbye, babe.”

  After a moment.

  “Goodbye.”

  He stepped back inside and closed the door. She watched him go back to the weight training machine and begin another set of reps. He never looked back at her.